Severus Snape and the Stone Heart
by Apprentice08
Summary: When Severus is given a task by Voldemort he has no clue how to proceed. The task seems insane and for the time being Dumbledore has no answers. But why would the Dark Lord want Severus, of all people, to be the one to try for the impossible, what dark plan is up his even darker sleeves. And what makes the Dark Lord think that Severus Snape could ever make the chosen one love him?
1. Snape's Memory

**A/N: So, this story is a stand alone, it follows the characters through Harry's sixth year and the happenings in HBP, I will obviously be taking artistic license as its only partial cannon in regards to relationships, situations that occur and the development of the war. It IS SLASH so if you don't like that you can still read this story and skip the MXM chapters as I will have chapter warnings when it will occur. Relatively slow burn but I already have several chapters written. I've done a little research on Snape's childhood home and background pulling from both movies and books as well as fan-made-dissections of Snape's passed, his home and his position in the war.**

 **I want this to be as realistic as possible and stay as true as possible to Rowling's work but as it's a fanfiction story you will obviously see changes in some of the things that happened in the books and movies and some things will or won't happen all together. Questions, comments, corrections or constructive criticism is welcome, no flames as I never learned to appreciate them.**

 **One last note, I do not have a computer and write most of my stories on a pad, my pad often makes REALLY stupid auto corrections and sometimes I don't catch them. I've tried my best to edit these chapters, going through them multiple times but sometimes my correction of the auto correction still doesn't turn out right because it auto corrects again. Please pardon any typos, misspellings or improper grammar as this this is pad is not near as clever as it should be and I often miss things.**

 **Please enjoy and R &R**

 **Much Love,**

 **Apprentice08**

 **Chapter One**

 **Snape's Memory**

 _He is sitting in the darkest most dirty corner he can find. He's hoping, though his hopes have been dashed before, that if he can just stay small enough, crunched up and head down then his father won't notice him._

 _It's been three hours now, he dares to raise his head and glance at the cracked face of the clock on the mantle, three and a half he realizes. His father's voice ringing through the house, his mother biting back but mostly just screaming and grunting as he beats her down, as he destroys her spirit._

 _Another crack of skin on skin and then a thump, more violent vulgar words fly from his father's lips and Severus hears a sob, the first one she has let out since this roe started. He can't help but feel proud of her despite his shame flaring in his chest due to his own inaction._

 _He jerks his head down as he hears the heavy footsteps approaching and his heart beat intensifies but as the shadow falls over him it doesn't even linger. It washes, like some sort of nightmarish phantom, over his balled up form before it slides away and his father is out the front._

 _The sound of a door opening and shutting, than an engine starting and as the tires squeal and the noise of the old motor fades off into the distance he still doesn't move though his anxiety has started to dissipate._

 _He remains frozen, still too scared to move, the tick of the_ _old abused clock is the only sound in the still house._

 _Suddenly a noise is heard, a sort of crawling noise, a clothed body on wood, and then a soft whisper, "Severus? Severus, come to mummy."_

 _In an instant the boy is scrambling up and peeking around the corner of the living room wall to look into the kitchen. His mother lays there on the floor, one arm stretched out above her head, the other palm pressed to the floor as she tries without success to get up._

" _Severus, come to mummy, please mummy needs you. My clever boy-" she pants out just above a whisper._

 _He moves without hesitation and comes to sit on his knees before her, his tiny hand gently brushing the red matted hair out of her face._

" _Did he- hurt…. Hurt you my love?" she asks as a tear rolls down her face and dark brown eyes try to search him over for any visible signs of violence._

 _He shakes his head no and relief washes over her face, "My darling, do you remember where mummy keeps her special box?"_

 _Severus thinks a moment, his eyes scanning his own young memory and he silently nods, "Oh! Good boy! Can you get- oh Gods, can you get it for mummy please?"_

 _Severus hesitates and she gives a weak smile, "I'll be okay, just go get my special box, that's my good boy, go on."_

 _The boy moves quickly, running back through the sitting room and tripping as he rushes up the stairs, they creak and groan under his light weight but it doesn't seem to deter him._

 _When Severus reaches his parents room he stops at the threshold, his father always gets so mad when he goes into their room. Yet, his mother had told him to and she needs him._

 _He ran forward and dropped to his belly before shimmying under the bed and pulling at the old dusty floor boards._

 _He was greeted by the site of an old oak chest, no bigger than a shoebox and he quickly pulled it out and hurried back downstairs. When he reached his mother he waited but no response came from her._

" _Mummy? I got the box." she didn't stir and Severus quickly shook her, a groan escaping her lips and his heart fluttered with relief._

" _Such a good boy-" she whispered, "So handsome…"_

" _I got the box mummy."_

" _Open it." her voice was fainter than before, more groggy and Severus grabbed her shoulder and shook her lightly again, "Blue, the blue bottle for mummy." she managed to mumble out._

 _Severus's hands were shaking now, tears in his eyes due to the bad feeling washing through his chest. His mother had never been this unresponsive before, she could always get the box herself, could always help herself, he didn't understand why she was so tired._

 _He opened the lid and pulled out a small blue bottle and desperately tried to remove the stopper. He ended up using his teeth and spit it out as a bitter taste greeted his mouth._

 _Not sure if it was what he needed to do but not knowing anything else he moved on his knees and lifted her head to lay on his lap, "Drink, mummy." He said as he moved more hair out of the way._

 _His hand was withdrawn quickly when he saw the state of her face and his breathing came in heavy pants, "Mummy! Mummy drink it!"_

 _He brought the bottle to her lips and used his other hand to open her mouth. Gently he poured, small amounts over several minutes._

 _When the bottle was empty he set it aside and stood, laying her head back on the ground. He rushed to the sink and found the least dirty rag he could, soaking it in cool water from the tap he returned and started to gently clean her face, "I'm here mummy. Wake up, please wake up."_

 _Another soft murmur from her lips and her eyes cracked open, his heart exploded with relief, "I'm here mummy." He kept repeating, continuing to remove as much blood, dirt and spit as he could._

 _A half hour passed and finally she began to stir, "Severus, my clever boy, is there a green bottle in the box?"_

 _He quickly looked, grabbing up the only green bottle he saw and held it before her swollen eyes "Yes. That's it. Open it."_

 _He repeated what he had done before, struggling a little less to uncork the bottle and slowly gave it to her. Little sips at a time until the bottle was empty, and then his mother gave a soft smile, "Thank you my darling. Such a good boy." she seemed more awake, seemed more alert and Severus noticed the bruises and swelling were fading._

 _Another half hour ticked by and soon her face was near normal save for the pale color of her skin and a few faint traces of the ring his father wore._

 _She pushed herself up on shaking arms, one wrapping around her ribs as she let out a little grunt of pain, "Put the box on the table for me, will you darling. I need to make more medicine." He helped her to stand though it did little good as he was still very small and managed to get her to the table, he picked up a toppled chair and when she sat she let out another wince and grunt, "Do you see the book in there Severus? Is my notebook still in the box?"_

 _Severus picked up another chair from the floor and on his knees, using his hands for balance peered over into the box and noticed for the first time the spine of a little brown book wedged between the remaining bottles and the back of the box._

 _He pulled it out and went to hand it to her, "Page eight my darling."_

 _He waited a moment, not sure if he should comply, father always got so mad when his mother did such things as this but when he eyed her with uncertainty she gave a soft reassuring smile, "Papa won't be home for awhile, it's okay, it's just you and me. I want to teach you, wouldn't you like that?"_

 _Slowly he nodded, still not sure how to feel about it but embracing the small amount of excitement working it's way through his chest._

" _Page eight my darling, you and I are going to make some potions."_

 _Several hours later Severus was bottling two different potions, his mother seemed to get better the longer he worked. He had been studious, following all her instructions and the recipe she had put into her little book, helping him as best she could and correcting any mistakes he made quickly but kindly._

 _They had just barely enough ingredients and had to improvise on more than one occasion with the measurements, his mother cursing so softly he almost didn't hear. He had forced a large amount of focus into this task, such an amount unheard of in most children his age, but as his mother often said he was a clever boy and the excitement of getting to make real potions had helped to streamline that youthful focus into something worthwhile._

 _As she helped him cork the bottle they heard a car pull into the drive and both their heads snapped to the door._

" _Quickly now, put it away!" she whispered hurriedly as she put the bottles back, replaced the book and snapped the lid shut. Severus shuffled quickly and his mother hobbled to the sink in an attempt to hide and wash the evidence._

 _Severus went up and back down quick as a flash, finding his mother in the kitchen where he left her. There they stood, waiting, but when no other sounds were heard the woman slowly made her way to the door and peeked out from behind the dusty lace._

" _Just someone turning about in the drive." she said softly as she looked at her son whose eyes calmed immediately._

 _He saw it then, some sort of realization behind her dark brown irises and her brow furrowed as she slowly approached him._

" _Severus. I need you to do one more thing for mummy, think you can do that?"_

 _The boy smiled softly and nodded, she gingerly got to her knees in front of him and took up his face in her hands, "I want you to go out today, and I want you to make a friend."_

 _His eyes grew wide, head leaning back and away from her hold but she didn't release him and instead used a thumb to move his hair from out of his eyes, "Listen my darling, listen, I want you to go to the park, find a child and walk right up to them. Introduce yourself, be charming and polite, share toys and laugh at their jokes and spend time with them alright? Can you do this for mummy?"_

" _But I want to stay with you." He said softly, his eyes staring into hers and the smile she gave in response was wonderful and Severus wished he could see it more._

" _You must go and find children your own age, I won't be here forever and I can't imagine you'd want to stay here with me forever anyway, no, you must have fun and be happy. So, you'll go today and when you get back you can tell me all about it, alright?"_

 _Reluctantly he nodded and soon she was walking him out the door and to the sidewalk, "Now, don't talk to strangers, only children and stay away from the road and be very careful. Back before sundown yes?"_

 _He nodded again and slowly started to walk towards the park, that late afternoon he would meet a girl named Lily Evans and one year later his mother would die._

 _PAGEBREAK_

Severus Snape made himself a drink from his decanter, the amber liquid swirling and bubbling as he poured into the small crystalline glass. The warm light from the fire reflected off the rim as he brought it to his lips.

He downed it quick before he poured himself another and then proceeded to sit in his wingback chair by the small hearth. His body felt cold, though the usual nip of chill in the air was absent.

He was in his rooms at Hogwarts, the school year having just ended last week. Yet, even with the time that had past he had not returned to his home at Spinner's End, he had done nothing to prepare for his departure.

Not even a day had passed when the students left before he had been summoned, called before the Dark Lord who was very eager to have a word with him.

After the incident at the Ministry all hell had broken loose in the media, and Voldemort was very eager to ask him many things, things regarding the boy. Things that he wasn't sure he could or should answer. He knew some of the truths, others he had no clue. He had referred to Dumbledore as the only man who really knew the deep truths about Potter. Yet, still, the dark Lord probed him, searched his mind seeing only what Severus would let him see and never brushing up against the walls that the potions master had constructed so painstakingly.

Voldemort had saw Severus's mild but often bias mistreatment of the boy, had seen him over the years try to cause Potter minor discomforts and annoyances, his hand never pushing further to cause any real suspicions from the headmaster or anyone else.

The darkly clad man had been slightly surprised at the Dark Lords mirth and approval of such catty and petty bullying. It seemed Severus, in Voldemort's mind, had placed himself in the perfect position for a secret mission and even now Severus couldn't fathom why _he_ had been pulled aside.

Severus had played his part well but had been left with a memory and in such a very strange position. So now, nearly a week after school was over he was still at Hogwarts, waiting for the headmaster to return, for he had to show him something that sat like a heavy burden upon his mind.

The headmaster had been gone this past week but had ordered Severus to wait for his return. Tonight was that night and for the life of him Severus did not know how the headmaster would handle the news or what plan of action the man would take.

Finally, after another hour of his thoughts circling the drain of his subconscious mind, and another two thumbs of whisky Severus heard shifting behind the grate of his fireplace, his head turning slowly to watch as the face of Albus Dumbledore appeared in the flames.

"Severus, good evening, I have returned and look forward to speaking with you. Shall we meet in my office in, say, fifteen minutes?"

"As you wish." Severus said softly, his voice carrying a stiffness to it that did not go unnoticed by Dumbledore, "I see we have much to talk about. Very good, fifteen minutes it is then- oh I should tell you, the new password is fudge dudders."

Severus sighed, his head leaning back slowly as his eyes closed and Albus's face disappeared.

"Lily, help me." He prayed, but as was often in his life, no one was around to hear.

PAGEBREAK

"Tell me Severus, what has the Dark Lord asked of you that has caused you so much discomfort. I can see it in your eyes and notice it in your posture. It's all so very telling, which is rare for you."

Severus stood before the headmaster's desk, arms at his side's and hands rolled into fists. His eyes were studying the floor intensely and his jaw set, as he spoke he still kept his eyes downcast, "I think, Albus, it would be better to simply show you."

Dumbledore studied him a moment before he simply nodded his head once and gracefully held out his arm to motion towards his pensive.

Severus slowly walked over, took out his wand and started the process of removing all the important memories. It took a total of ten minutes and a great deal of concentration from Severus as the memories weren't fresh but his mind was apparently still trying to process them.

Finally, taking a step back he motioned to the man that he was done and Dumbledore stepped up to the silvery liquid and leaned down.

PAGEBREAK

 _Severus stands before the Dark Lord, body and voice perfectly controlled. His mind hidden behind layers and layers of shields, fabricated and benign memories suspended for easy access at the forefront of his mind._

 _The room is empty save for the two of them and Severus is surprised, he had expected others._

" _Severus, my dear friend." comes the slithery whisper of the demon before him._

 _He kneels instantly when addressed by the dark lord with such a slow dignity, presenting a soft yet resolute loyalty and reverence towards the man before him._

" _My Lord." comes his soft reply._

" _You remain as ever my most composed servant, something I find I can't help but enjoy. There are many who think showing their respect is by showing their fear. But you have no such pretenses do you."_

 _Severus kept his head down and spoke as calmly as ever, "No my Lord, if you should choose to remove me from your service I can do nothing to stop it. I shall remain as ever your loyal servant, no amount of fear or graveling will keep you from doing what you deem the correct action."_

" _So why not die with dignity then, yes. If only half my servants held as much conviction as you. Rise my friend! We have much to speak of and I want you to be comfortable." He has approached his servant and places his hand upon the man's head, his long spider like fingers gently threading through the man's hair, what is meant to be a comforting gesture stirs a morbid anxiety that Severus quickly reigns in and replaces with a false warmth and excitement._

" _You are gracious my Lord." Severus offers up, his voice betraying nothing but a very muted relief._

 _As Voldemort walks away, leaving the Grand Hall behind, Severus walks next to him, keeping his pace even and his hands tightly gripped behind his back. They enter onto an exposed hallway made of large stone and lined with arches. The air is frightfully cold and the breeze is biting but Voldemort seems undeterred in his thin robes, still Severus is glad for his layers._

 _The view would be considered beautiful to most, the gorges and valleys below lined with a thick forest and far beyond there is a hint of snow capped mountains. The sky is gray and rain can be smelled on the air which is also laced with an electric current Severus cannot ignore._

" _We have reached a crossroads Severus, a point where I had never dreamed of reaching. A realization of truths that have been hidden from me. You can't imagine the information I have gleaned whilst inside the boy."_

" _My Lord?" Severus asks, keeping his shields tightly in place, the unimportant tendrils and bits of memories dangling in the forefront of his mind ready for Voldemort to grasp up._

" _The attack on the Ministry did not go according to plan, that inept old fool was ready for me, and I was too eager to finish the boy once and for all. I've sent several of your brethren in search of the traitor to whom our current loss is owed. When we find the person responsible their punishment shall be far worse than any seen before."_

 _Severus's hands leave their clenched position, one snaking into his robes to very gently skim over his wand but he dare not grab it._

 _Voldemort stops and comes to stand next to the stone railing, his snake like eyes and face looking out onto the vastness before them, but Severus can tell the man does not see the beauty, nor does he appreciate the splendor. He sees nothing, only space and raw materials, dead eyes scanning to the farthest mountain._

" _So many years of loyal service to me should be rewarded, the information you have given me over these past months has been crucial to our cause and the blind loyalties that Dumbledore thinks he illicites from you are quite strong. Still, I can't help but wonder- are you truly as loyal as you claim?"_

 _Severus felt his head slowly turn towards the demon next to him, his eyes locking onto those red slits and his brow gave the smallest of furrows up in confusion, "My devotion is absolute my Lord. You may probe my mind and see for yourself-"_

" _I've no use for such tactics!" the sudden outburst nearly made Severus jump but his years of practiced control held true and he remained rooted to the spot. Voldemort had turned away and in a quick stride was across the hall, standing opposite and slightly further down. The pale gray light making him appear even more otherworldly as red eyes gleamed at his servant._

" _You have never given me reason to doubt you, even Bellatrix cannot find those faults she so wishes to believe in. Yet, here I stand questioning you, why do you think that is?"_

 _Severus cannot tell if the question is rhetorical or if the creature before him expects an answer, he braves a guess and replies as composed as ever, "I do not have the right to make assumptions my Lord. Your questioning is always valid and absolute and I shan't stand against it. What you wish I shall do, bid me and I shall comply."_

 _The demon's face slowly falls from its twisted hate filled glare to one of complete neutrality. "Always willing, such a good servant to me, to our great and just cause."_

" _Yes, my Lord." and Severus bows his head in contrition though the act itself is for show. His hand still resides next to his wand but he remains relaxed in posture and makes no other motions to indicate discomfort._

 _Voldemort approaches then, slow and steady, his fingers coming to steeple before his face and as he moves before Severus the darkly clad servant feels those icy fingers take up his chin, face raised up to look into those devilish eyes, "I question you for your own good my dear friend. It is not so wrong of me to believe that my most hated enemy could pull you away from me. Dumbledore has such ways about him. And you must suffer through the man's lies and puzzles, continuing to portray the repentant fool, yet here you stand before me resolute in your decision. You stand on the winning side Severus, however, the old man can have quite a way with words and the very idea of him being able to worm his way into your heart and mind causes me tremendous concern."_

 _Those spider like fingers release their hold and the demon moves languidly to the side, Severus's eyes following but his head stays still as a statue._

" _I am loyal to you." is Severus's reply keeping his tone soft and compliant, no weakness about him as such a thing could end his life._

" _You are aren't you? No interest in anything Dumbledore has to offer? No... temptations?"_

" _None." He affirms though at this point he is feeling a little uneasy, for once he can't see where this conversation is going. He couldn't predict what the point of it all is and he feels a sort of longing now to be gone from here though he buries it quickly._

" _You must be the greatest actor in my collection of servants, able to pull the wool over Dumbledore's eyes, hide from his probing mind- he suspects nothing does he."_

" _No."_

" _This is the very reason I have chosen you, Severus. Now, answer me this, what do you know of Harry Potter?"_

 _Severus can't question Voldemort as he knows it will just anger him, his need for clarification will go unanswered and he tried his best to answer the loaded question, "I only know what Dumbledore allows me to know. I do not press in regards to the boy as I do not want to raise suspicion."_

 _Voldemort's face betrays a knowing smile, "Come now Severus, even if Dumbledore were to tell you nothing, you can make your own inferences. What do you make of young Harry?"_

 _Severus MUST play his hand carefully, must be smart and not give to much or too little, "He is brave but foolish, neglected by his relatives and disliked by them just as well, which has caused a certain thirst for attention and acceptance. He is the first to jump to the defense of those he deems innocent or worthy, and the last to take responsibility for his actions. He is cocky, arrogant and has a certain disregard for rules and regulations. Quick to temper, quick to trust and quick to shut down he is the epitome of a hormonal, abused and unloved child who found friends just soon enough to pull him out of his self-imposed punishments. He is harder on himself than anyone else and judges himself based on the expectations of society and those around him rather than his own beliefs, this causes him to falter as often his own beliefs clash with the beliefs of those around him and he wishes to make everyone happy, even if it crushes his own desires in the process."_

 _Voldemort's jagged-toothed smile leers at him when Severus has finished, those dead eyes locked onto his own and a dark chuckle escapes Voldemort's throat, "So, in your opinion the boy is weak willed in regards to those around him that he cares about, yes?"_

" _Among other things, unfortunately Dumbledore would be your best chance to truly understand the inner workings of the brat." Severus said as he cocked a brow to show his confusion._

" _I had a very short conversation with the boy whilst I held possession of him in the ministry. What he said to me was nothing but sentimental words laced through his mind by uneducated experience, no doubt the Headmaster played a role in his naive views. Filling his head with such a putrid thing as love."_

 _Voldemort turned away quickly, Severus could tell the man was thinking, sorting through the information given to him. He turned back just as quick came right into Severus's space, his bony, claw like fingers coming up gracefully to barely move the man's dark hair away from his cheek, "Before I give you your task I must be permitted to see a few… memories, I must know where you stand with the boy, how much damage there is between you."_

 _Severus knows that despite how Voldemort has worded it, 'must be permitted' is not a request, it is a command and the spy is aware of what the man is ordering him to do. He wants to see Severus's memories of Harry._

 _This is the first time the Dark Lord has ever even hinted at caring about the relationship between the two of them, still, Severus is glad he has prepared for such an instance._

" _As my Lord commands." Severus says and he instantly closes his eyes and prepares himself. He calms all remaining thoughts, shuts down every emotion and triple checks his shields. Inside his head is nothing but false blocks guarding memories that any normal person would guard, memories of parents, intimate events, moments of trauma, embarrassment or loved ones. Behind all the blocks that would be expected are more blocks which hide memories of even darker design, things people wouldn't want others to see, things of a demented and personal nature. Further behind those he has hidden the ones that the dark Lord should never see, in regards to his allegiance, the Order and more. In between each shield are false memories, dead end spaces, loops of thought, dreams and nightmares._

 _So when Voldemort rounds on him and pulls out his wand, a leer in his eye and a sort of perverse pleasure twisting across his lips Severus feels relatively confident if not entirely overwhelmed._

 _The wand is pointed at him, and then Severus feels the spell brush his mind and the Dark Lord is inside his head. The creature is quick, wasting no time in flashing through the memories that Severus carefully presents. The raw evil and twisted hate of the wraith like man before him caressing and clawing at his mind. Images of Severus's interactions with the boy playing like a film reel before his mind. Every single moment that the two have bumped heads, insulted each other, yelled or fought through the school years._

 _Severus's haute derision, his superior sneers and his dark skeptical eyes watching the boy in the halls, steaming hatred and intoxicating loathing swelling in his chest as he forces those emotions often saved for the boy's father forward._

" _ **Rude, lazy, sloppy, egocentric, selfish, spoiled, entitled little BRAT!"**_ _The words he has spoken over many years smashing against his ears and brain as he instinctively jerks his head at this violent intrusion._

 _The only words he can think to describe such a feeling are bluntly these, MIND RAPE._

" _ **Don't fight me, don't fight your master."**_ _He hears Voldemort whisper to his conscious mind as he tries to press deeper, and Severus feels a raw and sadistic pain continue to claw at his memories and press against blocks that Severus purposefully allow to shatter._

 _His father beating him, his mother screaming and a perverse and intense arousal at the prospect of mastering the dark arts in his youth and the things he could do to his father when he had._

 _A fight, him and James Potter punching, kicking and Severus still trying even when it becomes three on one. His anger and hate boiling and his raw aggression fueling his dark desires to rid the world of the entitled and savage people who think they own it, own him._

 _He forces an image forward of Harry's first day in potions, how he had berated and ostracized the boy in front of the class and drank in the child's humility and red cheeks like a fine wine._

 _The boy glaring at him and accusing him of being a servant of the Dark Lord and Dumbledore's subsequent defense of him. The incident with Weasley and the Whomping Willow, the late night detentions and Severus's cruel insults and petty bullying. Severus presents more memories and more emotions, all of which give the image of pure disdain for the boy and his righteous overzealous ways._

 _Voldemort doesn't push further, and finally he is receding and Severus can't retain his composure as the man rips free with purposeful intent to cause pain._

 _Severus's hands are on the icy stone rail of the balcony, sweat on his brow and teeth clenched when the demon is fully removed from his mind. His knees shake and his stomach feels nauseous and it takes most of his strength to stand yet he remains upright, forces calm back into his mind and keeps himself from showing any weakness._

 _His eyes are wide, staring down into the abyss below, a look of near trauma etched across his face and a fleeting thought came to him about how Potter must have felt last year when Severus had tried to teach him this very thing._

" _You may rest Severus, do not worry about showing such weaknesses in front of me. You'll find I would take more offense to such a thing as false strength than admitting when you're beaten." the pride and pleasure in the man's voice is repulsive but Severus does not shiver as he so wishes._

 _And at Voldemort's permission he sinks to his knees, his head bowed and his hands still gripping the rail. Soft pants escape from his mouth but he retains his guise and exudes softly, "Thank you my Lord." He is having trouble removing the feeling of insanity from his mind and it takes him an extra second to right himself._

 _When he is standing he inhales one last slow deep breath before he submissively squares himself and humbly looks to his master, "Did you find what you needed my Lord?"_

" _I am impressed Severus. There are few who can accept my presence in their mind so admirably. It took Lucious three hours to compose himself, and Bellatrix nearly one and a half. I dare say it only took you five."_

" _I am always ready to serve my Lord, it was an honor to share your essence." dark eyes depict true sincerity but his mind is rearing back in disgust._

" _Your relationship with the boy is strained, more damaged than I had hoped. But, I think you have the ability to persuade him otherwise."_

" _My Lord?" Severus questions in shock as he looks at Voldemort with true confusion._

" _I have a mission for you of the utmost importance, are you ready to do this for your master?"_

" _I am."_

" _Then walk with me, after all, it is a beautiful morning."_

 _PAGEBREAK_

Severus stood by the window in Dumbledore's office, his arms hanging limp at his sides and his eyes searching the grounds far below. He was still waiting for Dumbledore to come out of the Pensive, the many clocks and small trinkets in the man's office driving his nerves up the wall.

Another ten minutes passed and Severus realized the time was nearing his memories end. So he summoned an elf and requested tea and then turned and waited impatiently for the man to reemerge.

His eyes scanned the shelves behind the desk and they locked onto a tall thin bottle, he hesitated, his eyes glancing to the man peering into the bowl and then back, "Yes." He said softly as he strolled to the shelf, "Yes, you are just what I need."

PAGEBREAK

" _You understand Severus then, why I have selected you for this task?"_

 _Severus does understand, giving the circumstances Severus would be the ONLY option but still he wishes it was not he who the Dark Lord made such a request. His stomach nearly crawling at the thought and he can't stop his lips from a repulsive sneer, though he has turned his head to hide it._

" _Yes, my Lord."_

" _I need you to understand, I want that boy's heart so thoroughly attached to you that you could command him to perform the killing curse and he would comply. I want him bewitched and ensnared by you, totally at the mercy of his own heart and that filthy love that he invests so much in. You need to become his reason to live, and if necessary, his reason to die. You will do this for me, and I in turn will make sure that not a single ONE of your brethren attempt to touch him this summer. You win the boy over, and I will take care of the rest. I want him eating out of your palm by the end of the upcoming school year."_

 _Severus feels absolutely sick, lost for words and utterly confused but he keeps it all pressed down in his gut and looks at the Dark Lord with concern, "And if I fail to-"_

" _You will not fail. You've managed to hide your true loyalties from the old fool, how hard could it be for you to win the trust and admiration of a young boy who's just lost his only true family member."_

 _Severus turns to look at Voldemort with a raised brow and questioning eyes and the evil man chuckles in delight, "oh yes, Severus, use his suffering and sorrow against him, embrace him in such a way that he will replace his want for the mangy traitorous dog with a want of you and your approval. I will make sure any word of this getting back to our troops will be ignored, and when you have done as you've been instructed and the time is right, I shall inform you of the rest of the plan."_

" _And what will you have me say to Dumbledore? How am I to persuade him to allow me summer custody of the boy? The magical protection of his relatives house-"_

" _You will think of something Severus, I've had the pleasure of viewing some of your most licentious desires, tortures you wished to illicit upon your unwanted muggle father, know all that and more await you if you fail. I expect it to be done and you've not ever failed me before. Do you understand?"_

 _Severus bows his head, "Yes, as you command it so shall it be."_

" _Very good. Do not expect to hear from me for a time, I shall be burrowed away in my work. You just do as you're told and you shall finally have your reward."_

 _He bows again and knows in that instant he is being dismissed. He turns to walk away but is stopped by the soft call of the ghoul behind him, "And Severus, do be careful, love is a very dangerous and often contagious disease. It would not due to get caught up in something so- perverse and disgusting, your heart won't be able to bare it and I'd hate to have to put you out of your misery."_

 _Severus bows for the third time, the warning in Voldemort's words not lost on him, "Of course My Lord, you are wise."_

 _PAGEBREAK_

When Dumbledore finally emerged his face slowly peered up from the bowl and locked eyes with Severus, "Tea?" the darkly clad man offered with a bemused look.

"Something stronger-" Dumbledore muttered as he put the Pensive away and moved to sit at his desk.

"Indeed." Severus poured a shot of brandy into both cups.

"Dear boy, how many have you had?" the old man's eyes taking in the subtle red hue of color in the pale cheeks of his companion.

"Not enough."

"Mmm." Dumbledore took sip of the tea and made a satisfied if not slightly surprised face.

"Elvish brandy in tea?"

Severus only grunted in reply, Dumbledore nodded and leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh, a steady hand coming to his face.

"I am surprised at your thorough examination of Harry's inner traumas and habits. For someone so unimpressed with the boy, you have done well diagnosing his mental health."

"Don't bait me right now Albus, I told the Dark Lord what he wanted to hear, I guessed at most of it, just from seeing his interactions with others and his stupid antics he has gotten up to in recent years."

"You begrudge him so little faith. Still, you appear to be more invested in Harry than even I could perceive."

"You do not perceive much."

Dumbledore simply gave a knowing look and nodded leaving Severus to roll his eyes despite the immaturity of the act.

As the silence stretched on the younger man's patience grew thin until finally his reaction came sudden and quick as he leaned forward and slammed his cup down on the desk, "It IS urgent Albus! Why are you remaining silent when that sadistic madman wants me to- it's despicable, intolerable."

"I can't say I understand Voldemort's intentions clearly, this is after all very strange indeed."

Severus felt his temper flare "Very strange indeed my right eye! He wants me to take Potter to my home, get the little brat to trust me, he wants me to win the heart of a boy I have tried to humiliate and socially destroy for five years, he wants Potter to _love_ me."

Dumbledore thought a moment and then sighed, "I cannot give you answers until I have more information. I find this as unsettling as you and not at all what I would expect from him, but Voldemort must have something up his sleeve."

"He mentioned making a realization while he was possessing the boy in the Ministry, tell me, don't hold back, is there ANYTHING that Potter knows, anything in his subconscious that could give that demon of a man some sort of leverage?"

Dumbledore thought about it in earnest, his watery blue eyes staring at the dark orbs before his own, "I may have a possible motive, but before I can share it I need time to confirm my suspicions. I will need your help to do this." He finally stated and Severus leaned back in his chair with a thump as his hand came to pinch the bridge of his nose, "And how, exactly am I supposed to get a boy who hates me, utterly detests my very existence to care for me? Let alone love me!"

"I think you will be surprised at young Harry's capacity to love. Especially his ability to forgive."

"Oh yes, the brat who is so compassionate to those around him, understanding to a fault and completely ready to forget I have made his life a living hell since he came to this school. That was the plan remember? All those years ago when you asked me to take up the roll of his protector? Keep your distance Severus, protect and shield him but never show your true intentions for you musn't show your hand!"

"Severus-"

The man stood quickly and leaned forward, placing his hands on the edge of the desk before him, "I can't do this. You can't ask me to do this! It goes against everything you and I have tried to do! Everything we have successfully hidden, it goes against the very foundation I have spent the past five years trying to build!"

Dumbledore gave him a worried look, "I am not asking you to do this, Voldemort is, and unfortunately for the time being I see no way around it."

Severus's head jerked up to look at him, "We have no idea what the Dark Lord is planning Albus, we've no way to know he will actually tell his followers to stand down. For all we know, he may suspect me to be the one who leaked the attack at the ministry to the order. This could all be a set up to get Potter out in the open, to expose me and my true allegiance, killing two at once is no great feat for that psychopathic monster of a man."

"I understand your concern Severus, but we may have no choice. If this isn't a trap for you and Harry then we would show our hand anyway, at the very least he may kill you for not doing as you were told. We have found ourselves on the blade of a very sharp double-edge sword my dear friend, we would be best to get our balance now and take a chance then to slip and fall."

"No way will I... you are more a fool than I thought if you can't see... there are plenty of ways for us to do this without me being the one to do it." Severus finished and crossed his arms over his chest.

It was Dumbledore's turn to look bemused and he simply asked, "Such as?"

"Ask someone else, Polyjuice seems very popular this year. Minerva, Moody- Lupin for all I care, any of them could drink the damn potion and pretend to be me, only they will have the experience to worm their way into the brats heart! Order Weasley or Kingsley or Rubious! I'll brew Polyjuice every year for the next five if it means not having to comply with such a sadistic and cruel- better yet, just tell Potter what has happened, show him my memory, surely he can play nice and act the role just as well as myself until the dark Lord's plan is revealed!"

"Severus-"

" I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!" The man bellowed as he turned away shamefully.

The silence was heavy and Dumbledore seemed to ponder this statement a moment before he said gently, "How did you come to find yourself on the receiving end of Lilly's love?"

"That was different. She… was different. Potter, most assuredly is not."

"No one is asking you to love him, they are asking you to-"

"I don't even love myself Albus. Surely one must love themselves before they can get the love of another."

"Those are very wise words for someone who claims to have no clue how to win someone's heart."

Severus grunted and turned around to stare at the older wizard, his face twisted in near disgust, "We will kill each other Albus, the boy and I will never see eye to eye and there is no way in Heaven, Hell or the spaces in between that that could EVER change. I will not be made a fool of, especially Not. Like. This!"

"I will help you. At the very least, together, we should be able to accomplish some form of friendship."

"I don't want to be his friend! I don't want anything to do with him!"

"There is no longer a choice in the matter for you. You've been given a task, and considering who gave it to you I suggest you accept my help, and allow yourself to experience this new situation. I dare say, you may very well learn to enjoy his company."

Severus slung himself down in the chair that resided before the man's desk, "I'd be more likely to enjoy the slow death Voldemort has assured to me if I fail. Mark my words Albus, this will not end well."

"End well or not, we have no other options at this current moment. You will return to your home, prepare him a room and then you will go and fetch him from Privet drive. I will have order members standing by, both outside of Harry's relatives and at Spinner's End. However, once you are there, you will be on your own, so take precautions and prepare yourself. I have more business to attend to in the North, so I shan't be able to see the two of you off I'm afraid. Just take it a day at a time, be kind and compassionate, try to offer understanding and patience. I have no doubt you will come to see Harry's attributes as his own and not that of his father nor his mother. You will see who he is Severus, Mark my words you will."

Severus just stared at the ground, his utter hatred for this situation stewing beneath the surface. He had no doubt that he was about to see a side of the boy he had never wanted or planned to see before, Severus only hoped that when Harry saw his own demons the boy would be as understanding and patient as everyone seemed to think he was.

PAGEBREAK

Harry was lying in his bed and staring at the small ceiling of his equally small bedroom. His heart felt like lead and his skin was cold and clammy, the sticky sweat that dripped from his brow merged with the few tears that spilled from his eyes. Harry wished he could say he felt so horrible because his uncle had worked him mercilessly today, or because he had had a rather bad bought of food poisoning from eating some of the leftover scraps from the rubbish bin. But in all honestly, even though those previous statements were true, Harry could put the issues from the horrible incidents of the day on hold for the simple reason that he was in mourning.

Sirius had died less than two weeks ago and Harry's wounds were still fresh and raw. It seemed no matter how hard he was worked, starved, ignored or isolated from his friends, the pain Harry felt for the loss of his godfather Sirius beat any other pain or feelings of sickness that were present.

His summer had barely begun and he had already been overworked, underfed and locked in his room for the rest of the time. But the truth was he didn't notice anything other than the throbbing that twisted and mutilated his heart. Sirius was dead; his one chance to escape this place and have a real life, a real family and now his godfather had been murdered by that twisted witch of a woman Bellatrix Lestrange.

Harry only wished he had the type of personality that could wish her to suffer, but for now all he could do was lay in his room after a long day of ungodly chores and horrible stomach cramps and wish that he had jumped through the veil after his godfather.

"Boy! I say boy! Come down stairs!" Came a yell through his door as the locks twisted open and a knuckle brought loud banging noises on the old wood. Harry was tempted to ignore the command, as he wasn't sure he could make it down the stairs without hurling.

It didn't take a genius to know the chances of getting sick from eating out of the garbage were high, but he hadn't had a decent meal in days and he had been so hungry. Perhaps if he hadn't been forced to do so much work his hunger would have been lost to his depression but as he was using more energy than his body was making he finally gave in and stole something that he knew wouldn't be missed.

"Get up! Do you hear me boy, if you don't I'll come in there any make you. Now move!" Came the hissed call of his uncle again, punctuated by another sharp rap of knuckles on the door. Harry slowly stood on shaky legs, wincing as he felt the blisters from his sunburn stretch across his shirt. Tomorrow he didn't give a care of the repercussion; he was stealing some damn sunscreen from the bathroom.

Harry exited his bedroom and slowly made his way down stairs, only pausing a moment to try and keep his stomach down. If he threw up on the new carpet Harry realized the blisters wouldn't be a problem anymore. The belt would pop each one, most likely adding to the mess on the carpet and creating further misfortune for himself.

He finally crossed the threshold into the living room and put his hand on his stomach and wavered a little, "Yes, Uncle Vernon?" Harry asked.

Noticing that his aunt and cousin sat next to Harry's uncle staring off behind him the boy felt a shiver run up his spine and he turned to see who was settled opposite.

Professor Snape was sitting on the loveseat staring at him with a rather curious gaze. Harry felt his eyes go wide and his jaw drop and he quickly tried to straighten out his rather disgusting clothes (wearing his cousins old clothes while with his relatives protected his nice clothes for school) and flatten his hair to his head as his knees shook slightly.

"Prof-fessor…. I… what are you…" Harry couldn't finish and suddenly felt a fat hand take him by the scruff of his neck, "Sit down and be quiet." Uncle Vernon said with a little less force than he normally did, he pressed Harry down onto the floor and the boy blanched a little as his stomach shifted. He wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at his professor who was still eyeing him with an expression Harry had never seen before.

"Now, the boy is here. What is the meaning of this? Why are you here?" Uncle Vernon asked as he released Harry and placed his hand on his knee only a few inches from Harry's head.

If it had been Dumbledore the Dursleys surely wouldn't have laid a finger on Harry but they didn't know Snape. They didn't realize he could be more dangerous and far less forgiving than the Headmaster. Not that Harry expected Snape to run to his rescue or warn the Dursleys to lie off of him. He just hoped, that if he offered to scrub the man's cauldrons for the entirety of next term that the man wouldn't reveal anything embarrassing he might learn while here.

"I was sent by Professor Dumbledore to check on Mr. Potter. He hasn't been writing or keeping in contact with anyone from school and Dumbledore wanted to make sure that he was- _alive and well,_ considering the recent events that occurred." Snape's words were measured, each chosen carefully and only a hint of distaste seemed to carry over into his speech. Harry could see how stiff and tight the man sat, how completely uncomfortable he was with the situation and Harry couldn't imagine of all the people to send why send Snape.

"Recent events?" Uncle Vernon asked with a puckered face, the tinge of deep red turning to a slightly darker purple, "And what have you done? We better not be having to pay for another of your mistakes boy." his uncle had seized up his hair and was pulling Harry's face up to look at him.

Harry frantically shook his head no as he gritted his teeth and kept his words buried in his chest.

Snape stayed silent as he watched these events unfold and Harry knew he was going to vomit. When Vernon released him Harry wiped his forehead again and gave a very soft groan.

"Quiet." Vernon hissed and rather gently smacked the boy upside the back of the head. Harry felt a wave of dizzy nauseous heat rise in his chest and head.

"The boy has not informed you then?" Snape started in his icy voice, though it seemed more indifferent then surprised.

"Informed us of what Severus?" his aunt asked in a biting tone that begged very little politeness and Harry jerked his head to look at her.

How the bloody hell did she know his name?

"I see." Snape said tartly as his eyes left Harry's aunts and scrolled over to his own.

Harry's head quickly turned away from that dark gaze and his eyes glanced up to look at his uncle who was glaring at him.

"D-drinks!? Anyone want drinks." Harry asked and his voice cracked horribly as he stood. Dudley who had been silent until now gave a snort and murmured, "Faggot."

Harry, whose whole day had been bad enough as it was, felt anger rise in him and he turned to look at Dudley saying softly, "Sadist."

Dudley went to get up and Harry took a step back but his aunt grabbed the rather stocky boy and somehow managed to yank him back down.

"Enough!" cried Vernon, "One more word from you and you'll regret it boy, you hear me? Now, go get the bloody drinks you fool." Vernon said with a frustrated breath as he stood over Harry with a throbbing red face and clenched fists.

Harry jumped up and rushed from the room and into the kitchen. He took a moment and allowed his breathing to calm down. His anger swelled up after a moment when he realized what this meant.

Snape was in his living room, with his relatives. No doubt taking pleasure in his appearance and the threat he had just taken from his cousin. He would have to deal with this all year now, now doubt the man would take advantage of this. Harry kicked the garbage can and then instantly regretted it. He pulled it back close and lost the small amount of food he had in his stomach. Though he doubted the half eaten spoiled banana and small piece of leftover meat had been doing him any good in the first place. His legs gave out and he sat on the floor feeling the sickness take hold.

He only waited long enough for it to pass before he quickly set water to boil and managed, despite his shaky hands, to set a tray with the proper amount of teacups and a small plate of biscuits. When the water boiled he added the tea and then placed the teapot on the tray and slowly made his way back to the sitting room.

When Harry entered only Snape looked at him, though the man continued to talk, and he quickly served everyone excluding himself, he didn't think his stomach could handle it plus he never usually was allowed to partake anyway. Once everyone was served he crossed to the fireplace and sat with his back against the wall and winced. The blisters on his back were so sore. Harry thought he might be sick again and wanted a clear shot to the bathroom.

"As it remains, you are still the only legal guardians he has." Snape said a moment later.

"Not surprised, even if the man was still alive I couldn't see him being able to put up with the brat. Never does enough around here and he is rather cheeky." Vernon said not even glancing at Harry.

Normally he was used to being treated like he wasn't in the room during a conversation but with Snape here it felt bad, really bad, like he was suddenly not even a human. He was used to his relatives treating him like dirt but to have a professor do it, even one as cruel as Snape, Harry felt annoyance and frustration rise up in him.

"So, this Sirius Black, he knew the boy's mother?" Aunt Petunia asked.

"And Mr. Potter's father, he was a family friend." Severus said tightly, his face remaining stoic despite his obvious desire to be anywhere else.

"And he was a freak like the boy too?" Vernon asked finally nodding towards Harry.

Harry noticed his aunt stiffen and watched closely as Snape slowly set his teacup down next to him.

"Freak?" Snape asked glancing towards Harry's aunt, and the boy could hear the delicate way the man said the word, could hear the hidden fury and part of him wanted to laugh.

"You one of them too?" Dudley asked before aunt Petunia could reply. Harry felt his heart go cold; Dudley rarely ever spoke when someone from his school came around. Ever since Harry had met Hagrid and the whole incident with the pigtail, Harry's cousin usually held his tongue.

Considering this was Snape and not Hagrid it would be in his relatives best interest for him to intervene, "No." Harry said softly.

Everyone looked at him and Harry sighed, "He isn't a freak. Just different."

There was a moment of silence, as everyone seemed to realize that the tension was growing thicker.

"Look, Mr-" his uncle started.

"Snape." His professor said.

"Yes, right, Mr. Snape, the boy is fine. He seems a little more lethargic than normal but it's none of our concern. He is keeping up with his chores and mostly stays in his room. If there isn't anything else I should like you to leave my home."

Harry saw the look of utter fear on his aunt's face, could see Dudley make the connection that he as well may have crossed a few lines. His uncle looked mostly oblivious until Harry noticed the slight tremor in the man's fat hands.

Snape looked over to Harry and the boy very barely shook his head no and watched as the professor looked back at the three muggles before him.

"I will gladly take my leave, I have no more desire to stay than you have for me to be here, however, there is one other thing, I need to speak to Mr. Potter alone a moment."

Harry perked; did the man have a message from Dumbledore? Snape would have left at any chance given to him if he could so if he had to stay longer it must be a message from Dumbledore.

"Very well, take him up to his room, I am tired of looking at him anyway. When he's done with you come back down and clean up this mess."

Vernon stood and headed towards the kitchen and Harry's aunt followed. Harry stood on shaky legs and crossed to his professor as Dudley stood and shoved him. Harry went sideways into Snape who gently shoved him back and Dudley grabbed him by the front of his shirt, "So, the guys are meeting at the old construction site tonight, if you aren't there for a quick game of Harry Hunting we will just come and find you tomorrow while you're weeding the garden." The boy gave a crooked smile released him as he walked off towards the kitchen.

"Go suck an egg you bloody vulture." Harry murmured as he looked after his cousin.

"Harry Hunting? Sounds intriguing." Snape offered with an evil sneer. " It's nothing-" Harry said with a snap, "what's professor Dumbledore's message ?" his green eyes finally looking to snape's.

Snape simply motioned for him to lead the way and Harry sighed as he reluctantly headed for the stairs.

Once in his room Harry sat on the bed and tried to ignore how ill he felt. He removed his glasses to wipe his face and then replaced them to see Snape looking around with narrow scrutinizing eyes, those dark orbs lingering on doodles that Harry had done long ago in another time of his life.

"What?" Harry asked feeling his embarrassment rise to his face.

"You feel alright Potter?" Snape asked and Harry looked up at the man through foggy eyes, he seemed reluctant to ask in the first place and Harry was reluctant himself to engage his professor in such a personal conversation.

"Fine sir, what is the message from Dumbledore? Am I to be moved to the burrow?" He asked hopefully.

Snape's eyes stared at him, the awkward silence thick, he didn't say anything but after a moment he did pull out his wand and Harry anxiously stared at him.

"Relax Potter, as much as I long for the opportunity to hex you I can restrain my urges." Snape said as he gently waved the wand over Harry's head and then down the front of the boys dirty shirt.

A piece of parchment appeared out of thin air and Harry could see writing on the other side.

"Is that Dumbledore's message?" Harry asked anxiously as he continued to wait for a reply.

Once again Snape didn't say anything but Harry saw the man's brow furrow as his eyes scanned the paper. They continued to scan for a lengthy time until a second page seemed to emerge from the first and float just the same and still Snape's eyes continued to scan.

"Sir, what is-"

"Silence!" The man snapped.

Harry bit his tongue and felt his anger and frustration rise in his chest as heat flushed his cheeks.

After a few more moments of this deafening silence Snape looked away from the papers and to the younger man in the room, "Potter, take off your shirt."

Harry's frustration melted and he froze as his breath hitched in his throat and he slowly looked up at the man before him,

"Professor I…"

"Your. Shirt. Potter. Now, lest I should have to spell it off of you." The man said through gritted teeth.

Harry knew better than to disobey his feared potions professor when he gave that look, so, Harry slowly removed his shirt and felt some of the blister's puss stick to the fabric. He clenched his teeth and gave a soft hiss as he did so.

When he finally got it off Snape grabbed him by his upper arm and pulled him to stand, "Turn around." The man said with little patience.

Harry did and tensed a little waiting for a jab at him; instead he was greeted by silence. A moment longer and Harry felt a single finger gently touch his skin. He spun around and reached for his shirt on the bed, "Don't bother." Snape said reaching into his robes.

He pulled out a medium sized jar from his cloak and took hold of Harry's shoulder. Harry reluctantly allowed the man to spin him around and soon Harry felt a wonderful sensation on his back. Harry couldn't help himself and he sighed and relaxed into the touch. Several minutes later the blistering pain of his sunburn was almost completely gone.

Harry turned to see his Professor replacing the bottle in his robes. Harry was about to open his mouth to say thank you when his belly let out a rather disgusting noise and Harry grabbed his stomach and ran to the small trash bin in the corner of the room. His cold sweat had returned and a wave of sick hit him hard. He tossed up mostly liquids and phlegm now. There just wasn't anything in there to get rid of.

When he finally stopped he pushed himself away from the bin and leaned against his closet door, "Sorry." Harry said softly as he closed his eyes a moment to stop the room from spinning.

"You have food poisoning." Snape said, his voice void of all emotion.

Harry nodded and said almost with a smirk, "Brilliant, I kind of figured that out myself."

Snape snorted and then reached into his robes again and pulled out another vial, which contained a light blue liquid.

"Drink." Harry shook his head, "I'll toss it."

Snape's right eye twitched, a clear sign of his annoyance, "Drink you damned fool." and then he simply tilted the bottle to Harry's lips and the boy had no choice but to drink reluctantly.

His stomach gave one last grumble of protest but then settled and Harry instantly felt better. His fever seemed to break quickly while his stomach felt full and soothed.

"Thanks." Harry said not daring to look at his professor.

The man stood stiffly and walked back over to the pieces of floating parchment, "Excellent." Harry said standing and crossing back to his bed, it had been days since he had let Hedwig out for a fly and he finally felt good enough to do it. He opened the cage door and the bird took off so quick that Harry almost lost his balance.

"Sorry! Sorry! I haven't been feeling well Hedwig!" He cried as the bird flapped around him and pecked at his head, "It won't happen again, I promise!" With that the owl took off through the window and into the fading sky.

Harry turned to see Snape glancing to the window the bird had just exited before he looked back down to the floor. Harry couldn't help daring to stare and he realized the man was thinking. He had never seen the man think before, as weird as that sounds. Snape always seemed to have something to say to him, an insult or instructions from Dumbledore or even threats. The silence was heavy, seeing those dark black eyes look at the floor, face absolutely blank yet relatively relaxed with no sneer. Snape looked nearly normal without his trademark frown or downward brow, and Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what the man was thinking.

At this point, aside from his feelings about Sirius, which had not been on his mind since Snape arrived,Harry felt much better than he had earlier. He couldn't bring himself to be snippy with the man, despite his growing anxiety but he knew something was coming he wasn't going to like.

Suddenly, Snape spoke, his eyes only raising after the question had been asked, "You've have a sprain to your wrist this past week Mr. Potter, and a rather dark bruising around the back of your neck. Tell me, how did these injuries occur?"

Harry's own face must have shown surprise at the man's knowledge, he felt his eyes widen slight, his own face remaining relatively passive as pupils jumped back and forth studying the man.

"Dudley. Him and his friends, what does that have to do with anything?" Harry inquired, keeping his voice level.

"And the lacerations from last summer? Where those your cousins doing as well?" This made Harry falter as he knew he couldn't blame everything on Dudley, there were injuries he had sustained over the years that simply couldn't be blamed on the teenager, even if the boy was a spoiled rotten and hot tempered boxer.

"I... was climbing a tree to prune some… wait, how did you know about my back?" Harry asked with confusion, realization dawning that despite Snape's observational skills he had no way of knowing this without having been with Harry at the time.

Snape motioned with his wand and the pieces of floating parchment came to Harry who grabbed and read them quickly.

"A diagnostic Spell?" Harry asked as he scanned the rather long list of injuries.

"Very astute, Potter. There is something most interesting about yours-"

Harry looked up at the man from under his brow and realized he needed to tread carefully, "I don't see anything _interest_ Professor."

"Well then, let me explain it to you, diagnostic spells can cover most of a person's life history of serious injury on one or two pages, you only have about ten years here and it would take another two pieces of parchment to show the rest of your medical history."

Harry released the pages, which continued to hover in the air, and looked at the man with angry eyes, "So?" and there Harry felt his Gryffindor attitude suddenly rearing its mighty head.

"So it seems that you have a very large amount of injuries to go through and most of them do not coincide with you and your friends little romps with the dark lord."

Harry turned away from the man, who as of yet, had not raised his voice or spoken one word of negativity towards him. The man had been quiet, uncomfortable and annoyed by the inconvenience but he had yet to truly show any of his least charming features.

The silence changed from heavy to pressing but Harry didn't budge and to his relief Snape moved on quickly, "Very well. It bothers me little to not know the secrets of Dumbledore's precious little golden boy. I've no time for such drivel anyway. Now, pack up your things. We are leaving."

Harry's head spun so fast around he nearly lost his balance, "I'm sorry sir, did you just say-"

"Move you stupid child! Pack your things, cage your bloody bird and gather your school books. We are leaving. If you are not down stairs and ready in five minutes I will go without you." and just like that the man turned to exit the room, stopping only long enough to give a rather lackluster stare at the locks and bolts that hung from the boys door.

Harry couldn't process it at first, standing there absolutely dumbfounded until an image of him sitting at the burrow laughing with his friends entered his mind and he instantly jerked into action. He had no doubt the man would leave him if he lingered and so he quickly grabbed everything he needed, shoving the items haphazardly into his trunk.

As if some great force had called to her Hedwig flew in through the window and landed in her cage. Stripping off his cousins rags and putting on some of his newer clothes he quickly tidied his hair and then was heading out the door.

He stopped at the top of the stairs when he heard hushed whispering, "You can't take him, the wards! I've had enough of this magic business but I won't let you put Lily's son in danger, no matter how much I hate the little brat."

"How maternal of you Tuney. So glad to know the boy has been well looked after and loved unendingly by your good heart." the sarcasm was not only there, it dripped from his words like a toxic slime.

"You beast of a man, I remember you, I remember it all and I won't let the little freak fall into the same trap his mother did, stupid arrogant little woman she was."

Harry jumped a little when he saw Snape whip his wand out and press the tip against the bottom of his aunts chin, "You and I have very different ideas about who fell into what _trap_ Petunia. Let's not start off this transition on the wrong foot. The brat… is coming with me, you... can go about your pathetic little life, unimportant and in denial, while you waste away on your own bitterness."

"I don't think I am the only one wasting away on their bitterness Severus Snape." she hissed though Harry could see the fear in her eyes, Snape seemed to really be considering doing something and Harry felt his instincts kick in, he purposefully jarred his case on the corner of the wall and the two adults looked up the stairs, his aunt with concern and his professor with mounting annoyance.

Harry stopped next to his aunt and truly looked at her for the first time in a very long time, through the hate and anger, through the fear and resentment he saw a small twinkle of concern, a single drop of attachment and as Harry had no clue if or when he would be back he leaned forward slowly and gave the faintest peck of a kiss to her cheek, "Thank you, Aunt Petunia." though he didn't know why, because the woman did not deserve it, but something told him that this could be the last time he ever saw her.

The woman gave a very faint nod but said nothing nor did she return that one moment of love they had just shared, how ever small, weak and broken it was. Dread filled Harry as he walked passed his professor and headed out the front door.

He didn't see the look that passed between his aunt and Snape, black orbs of disgust meeting watery blue oceans of regret.

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Harry felt his potions professor next to him but wasn't prepared for his things to pop out of sight, Hedwig included. He normally let her find her own way to the burrow, instead she was going to be mad at him again.

"Take my arm, Potter." The man said as he looked straight ahead and Harry could see the man's teeth gritting in his mouth.

"Sir, about my aunt, how do you-"

"Take. My. Arm. You stupid fool." The man hissed still not looking at him.

Harry reluctantly did so and he felt the heat of the man's arm through his thick sleeves.

Suddenly it was as if his body had been pinched and folded in all different directions and he was being hurled through a tight space. Moments later they reappeared and Harry landed with a grunt on his knees.

He felt dizzy and his world was spinning, his stomach giving a great lurch but he swallowed it down and took a breath, "I just apparated didn't I." Harry said looking up to the darkly clad man next to him.

A small frown graced the man's face, "Brilliant deduction Potter, though I'm disappointed, most people vomit the first time." Snape said as his eyes glanced down to Harry's pale face.

Harry rolled his eyes and looked ahead of him, expecting to see the burrow, instead however he was greeted by a large block of dilapidated buildings, row after row, the air hung heavy with smoke and mist and the smell was less than desirable.

The windows were dirty, with no sign of life or warmth and the feeling of the place was stagnant, heavy and unloved.

"Professor, where are we?" Harry asked, unable to take his eyes off the terrible structure before him.

"Welcome to Spinner's End, Potter." and with that, the man strode forward up the walk and disappeared inside the house. Harry was left out in the cold, on his knees, mouth open and eyes wide.

 **A/N: hope you liked chapter one. R &R to let me know I'm editing chapter two now.**


	2. Spinner's End

Chapter Two

Spinner's End

Harry slowly approached the dark house, his head peeking inside as he waited for an inevitable bark of anger. When none came he dared to step further in.

As he finally managed to move passed the door it slowly closed behind him and he jumped a little at the noise. When his eyes caught light he scanned across and realized that this house, was very different then what he had expected.

To his right was a small closet and across the room directly was a narrow door that hung open revealing stairs. There was an old battered wingback chair, a threadbare rug and small coffee table and a rather comfy looking couch that had seen better days. The walls were filled from floor to ceiling with books and a small fire clung to life in a equally small fireplace. Two medium size wi does rested in the front wall of the house, before them was an old record player, some vinyl disks leaning against the chipped and scuffed legs. The long sheer curtains were stained and obviously old, but didn't hold any dust.

He noticed a open doorway leading to what appeared to be very tight and less than tidy kitchen with a dirty window and shredded lace curtains. Next to the wingback chair was a small table piled high with books, journals and newspapers and though the room seemed old and worn thin it was relatively clean and organized.

He stood there taking the space in, the smell of spices, brandy and the fire dancing around his nose. Was he to stay here on his own until he could be moved to the burrow? Was this a safe house, were his friends in trouble? Fear and anxiety plagued him and his eyes suddenly started to look for the man who brought him here to begin with.

"If you're done gawking your room is up here, so shut your mouth and follow me." came a snappy reply from the stairway. Harry's legs moved stiffly as he crossed to the door and peered up into the darkness. He saw Snape leaning over the banister with an old oil lamp in his hand, the soft glow barely lighting the hard edges of his features.

Harry moved up the steps slowly, using his hand to feel the wall and listening to the creeks and protests the old stairs made. When he reached the top he looked at the window and was again met with a dull faded light from the lamps outside, the glass smudged and cracked, the lace curtains looking haggard but dust and spider web free.

He turned then and looked at his professor whose face was cast in a combination of shadow and eerie yellow glow from the lamp, "Your room." The man said stiffly as he used his free hand to push the door open.

Shuffling forward Harry poked his head into the room and realized it was empty save for a desk, a bed and a tiny chest of drawers. It was small, the wood floor looking pitifully up at him with bowing twisted grain and the lone window which held no curtains but seemed the dirtiest of all those he had seen thus far.

His eyes looked back to his professor and the man pointed, "Bathroom." green eyes jumped to the door next to his own and he nodded slowly, his worried expression etched clearly across his face, "My room." Snape pointed to the door at the far end and then pointed his finger straight into the boy's face, "Stay. Out."

Harry nodded his head quickly this time when he caught sight of the look of warning in the man's eyes.

"Breakfast at seven, lunch at noon and dinner at six. Two showers or one bath per day as the hot water is limited and I prefer not to use magic to run my life like some sort of spoiled child. The books in the main room are at your disposal, though I doubt you'll appreciate the offer, treat them with absolute respect and you'll hear no word from me about it. There are no working lights up here at the moment so use the oil lamp on your desk, the matches are in the drawer, do NOT knock the lamp over and keep your matches on you at all times." this made Harry cock-a-brow but he remained silent. "You tell me when you leave, you tell me when your back and you stay out of my way."

Harry nodded quickly again and then looked up at the man with worried eyes and a small frown as he spoke softly "Then… I'm to stay with you."

His professor stared at him a moment before his face contorted into a rather morbid expression, "Is my home not good enough for the savior of the wizarding world? Can't handle roughing it a few months?"

Harry's eyes grew wide as he quickly looked around the small upper floor as the words sunk in, "Didn't expect me to live some place other than a dungeon? Well, the old bat does get out from time to time." the man snipped tartly.

The fact that Snape obviously had come to the wrong conclusion about Harry's line of questioning was tossed aside as Harry's anxiety didn't allow him an ounce of concern to clarify, instead he spoke slowly, his own words sinking in as he said them, "For the whole summer, you and I here… in the same house… together… just you and me … and Dumbledore… he thought this was a good idea? Doesn't he know you and I will kill-"

"We will do as the Headmaster has ordered, we will play nice and get along and pretend all is right in the world. If you can fathom in that stuffy little head how to keep out from under my feet, not talk back and keep from being an arrogant little-" Snape stopped and took a breath, his right hand coming to the bridge of his nose and Harry felt a strange moment of seeing someone he had never seen before. There was a very thin patience the man was trying to hold onto, something he had never tried to do before.

His eyes watching the face before him carefully to see what it was that Harry had never noticed but as soon as the man's hand came away from his face Harry's eyes stopped searching and his jaw set in defiance.

"Just don't think. All you have to do is exist for two and a half more months and we can both put this behind us." with that the man turned and disappeared into his room.

Harry was left to look around his dingy surroundings and feel like someone who had just fallen down into a pit of snakes. Carefully he went into his room and shut the door softly behind him. He made his way to the desk and reached for the drawer, pulling it out and removing the small pack of matches.

He studied the lamp a moment and slowly discerned how it worked, gently removing the glass, lighting the match and placing it next to the wick. As the fire took hold a soft warm glow filled the small room and he got a better look around. He replaced the glass top and noticed his trunk was under the small cot of a bed, his spirits lifting slightly when he realized the covers and sheets were new and looked warmer than what he had had at his relatives.

Next to the bed, rising no higher than his knee was a very old fireplace, simply meant for nothing more than keeping the chilly nights at bay. He turned to see Hedwig's cage on the floor under the window and he crossed to her, picking her cage up and placing it on the desk by the lamp.

He struggled with the window a few moments later but managed to shove it open wide enough so the owl could swoop out, Harry uttering soft commands for her to be careful as the area was new and he didn't know what she would be greeted with.

Soon enough he was left to sit on his bed, his hands between his knees and his eyes staring at the wall before him. He had taken a small pile of twigs from the mini fire rack and had started a tiny blaze in the equally tiny hearth. After awhile he had managed to get it going well enough to add several pieces of wood.

The chill and gloom of the room was slowly fading away and Harry realized it was late. As he had nothing to do, or more precisely, had nothing he wanted to do he simply removed his shoes and socks, changed out his jeans for his cottons and set his glasses on the pillow next to him.

Despite it all, the shock of what had just happened today didn't start to sink in until now. He was going to be spending his entire summer with Snape in some old house, in some dirty neighborhood surrounded by smog and filth. The fact that this still seemed better than his aunt and uncle's home truly unnerved him and yet as he lay there, a new form of dread started to move in.

For Harry Potter did not know if he could last two and a half months alone with Snape. He didn't know if he could go from neglect and trying to survive day to do, to complete isolation and utter silence.

He heard a door open in the hall and his eyes grew wide when he realized that Snape had just entered the bathroom. Pipes groaned and protested but soon enough he heard a shower running and Harry realized he had a very serious answer to a very serious question.

Professor Snape did, in fact, wash his hair.

Harry felt a small smile tug at his lips as he thought about telling Ron, who was dead set on the idea that the oily git, as he liked to refer to Snape, had never bathed a day in his life. His smile faded as Harry realized he didn't know if he would be allowed to write to Ron or to Hermione for that matter. Snape had told him very little so far and the idea that he had been brought here because the Burrow had been compromised set his nerves on fire.

Tomorrow, Harry would have to face Snape and figure out why this situation had come to pass, why he had been left in the care of the man who hated him most, had hated him first really. He needed to know if his friends were okay, if Voldemort had made a move and caused harm to his family. Then, if all was well he would write to Dumbledore and see why the HELL he had been put into a situation such as this. Harry rolled onto his side, ignoring the sharp ach of longing this place elicited for a certain godfather and his past residence at Grimmauld Place, and slowly fell asleep.

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"No!" he yelled horsley as he sat up in bed. The springs below creaked at the sudden movement and Harry looked around the space to see a slated gray room, empty of anything intimate or personal, a raw ruddy red glazing the floor from the fire that was almost out and the oil lamp dark with no flame to give him light.

A faint hint of morning sun was starting to come through, though it looked more gray and depressing than Harry wanted to admit. He didn't know the time but he had to guess it was early, as he didn't hear any signs of life or morning birds outside the window and Hedwig didn't appear to have returned from her nightly excursion.

"Day one, Harry." He said softly to himself as he rubbed at his tired eyes and felt the sweat on his shirt sticking to his skin. He tried to shake the dream from his mind, fading screams and burning flesh dancing and echoing across his mind. He quickly removed his clothes and changed into something fresh.

It was too early to shower as he didn't dare wake up the sleeping man two doors down. So, he decided to explore his temporary home-away-from-home before Snape woke for the day. He could use some coffee anyway and perhaps leaving this drab room would clear his mind.

Remembering Snape's orders he pocketed the matchbox and then peered out from behind his door. He was met with silence so Harry slowly made his way down the stairs, trying not to catch every single squeak they made and wincing when he was unsuccessful.

He pushed open the door at the bottom and found the sitting room deserted, the fire still going but the wall lamps extinguished. It was warmer down here and he felt the chill of the upstairs leave him with a shutter.

He silently crossed to the kitchen and gave another wince when he saw it. Pressed against the wall separating the sitting room from the kitchen was a small three seater table, just as worn and tired as the rest of the house. Beyond that set into the right wall was a door leading outside. Along the far wall under the window was a very tight counter space and to the left was a fridge and a rubbish bin with pale cabinets above.

His eyes scanned the counter and to his surprise they landed on an ancient looking percolator with enough dents and dings that one could assume the poor thing had met its fate by the swinging branches of the Whomping Willow.

Harry grabbed a chair and brought it to rest before the fridge, he stepped up to open the cabinets and was relieved to see no rotting food stuffs and in the very front a tin of coffee.

He grabbed it greedily and got to work.

Ten minutes later he had washed a mug that had been in the sink and was now sat at the kitchen table sipping on a piping hot cup of coffee. The silence of the house suddenly wasn't so oppressive as he realized at this time yesterday he would be woken up by several bangs on his door, some slanderous names and many demands for him to go work.

He heard a faint ticking of a clock somewhere in the house, most likely the next room over and took a deep breath as he registered the dusty morning light finally starting to spread into the kitchen.

In this moment, this singular moment he felt sleepy, safe and content. The pale yellows and off whites of the kitchen didn't seem so bland with the sun adding a little life, despite the dirty window and filthy shredded curtains. The smell of the coffee surrounded him and gave him a feeling of home, the magic elixir slowly flowing down his throat to pool like a warm blanket in his often starved and empty belly.

Despite his preconceived notions, despite Harry's utter dislike of this new situation or his current roommate he was determined to make this summer better than what it would have been at the Dursley's. Snape had honestly tried to hold his sharp tongue and uneven temper in check last night, much to Harry's shock, so maybe, if he tried really hard he could extend the man upstairs the same kindness.

Harry placed his elbows on the table and tried not to scoff at the feeling of doubt that washed through him. He had to try and stay positive, for he had nearly sunk into a comatose depression at his relatives. He couldn't do that here, couldn't let Snape see his weakness or the man would just pick him apart.

Sirius was dead, he was alone again and he wouldn't feel the same or any better until he got back to his friends, his only remaining family. He could survive this, if he could just keep his hot headed nature and his quick mouth under control.

There was a sense of anxiety and fear in his lower stomach, something he couldn't find a cause for. But it had ate at him since last night. The house was creepy but not very foreboding and nothing yet had been anything close to what he had expected from a man like Snape. He didn't have the puerile imagination of some idiot who would assume the man actually lived in some dungeon, but he hadn't expected Snape's home to be this normal. Still, Harry couldn't shake this new fear, whatever it was, from his stomach so all he could try to do was live with it.

And still, questions plagued his mind, questions he wanted answers too. Why did Dumbledore send Snape, why was he staying here with the very man who hated him more than Voldemort did. How did this come to pass and why, why was he not at his aunt's house where the wards could protect him, or at the burrow where he had stayed before?

The most astonishing and frustrating questions being how in the hell did Snape know his aunt, or perhaps he should ask how his aunt knew Snape. Did that mean Snape had known his mother? Or was their knowledge of each other something that had occurred after Harry was placed in his aunt's care? Was it safe for him here? Were his friends in danger? He needed answers but Harry had a sinking feeling Snape wasn't the one to give them. Perhaps he should write a letter to Dumbledore, there was a chance the man could and might explain.

Suddenly, a presence filled the small space and Harry's eyes slowly strayed up from his steaming cup to see the man in the door, a startling cold black contrast to the warmth of the kitchen. Harry didn't say a word at first, the two just staring at each other until finally he got up the nerve to swallow and point to the percolator, "There's Coffee."

The man's eyes strayed to Harry's cup and then to the counter before they came back to linger on the rising steam, the man opened his mouth to speak but then shut it and simply crossed to the sink, took out a mug without bothering to rinse and poured himself a cup.

Harry made no comment about the lack of hygiene for all he knew the cup was already washed and the space in this cramped little kitchen left no other options to the man.

He turned swiftly and left leaving Harry to sit there in confusion and worry. Harry gave a little jump when the man's head popped back in, "Eat. If you are hungry." The words were slow and even, those dark eyes betrayed nothing and Harry simply nodded.

The man disappeared again and Harry let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He sat there sipping on his coffee for another ten minutes or so before he poured himself some more and then went to stand before the sink. He grabbed a dirty rag from the edge and slowly wiped one of the window panes clean. Outside showed small traces of green, an alley and more dirty housing.

He sighed softly and turned away, leaving the rays of light that streamed in from his small window cleaning to fall onto the dishes in the sink.

His mind was far off as he entered the sitting room, his eyes finally able to see the colors though faded and hidden. It was another worn space, though bigger than the kitchen it felt colder, less comfortable and his eyes scanned the bookshelves. He walked to the farthest wall, near the front door and started to read the spines.

"Excellent!" he said as his excitement grew when he saw a book labeled, " _The Full Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_ " his greedy hand instantly reached for it as he smiled only to stop at the sound of papers shuffling.

He turned his head over his shoulder, arm still extended and hand still clamped onto the book.

Snape sat in the wingback chair, coffee on the small table before him, dark orbs peering at him from over the top. Harry instantly released the book, gently poking it back into place with a finger and hurried towards the stairs, keeping his head down and the red on his cheeks hidden.

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Any hour later his stomach was rumbling as he sat in his room and tried to work on his homework. He made the realization that with all the books at his disposal, though reading was not his favorite pass time, (despite his weakness for detective stories from the 1800's) he would actually have the opportunity to get his homework done before school started.

There was no way in hell Snape would keep him from it, in fact he had a feeling the man would most likely force it upon him at some point if he didn't do it.

He was now closing his Herbology textbook and knew if he didn't eat he would regret it later so he quickly put the rest of his things away and headed out of his room.

When he descended the stairs into the sitting room Snape was nowhere to be seen so he assumed the man was up in his room though he hadn't heard the man despite the proximity of their doors.

He entered the kitchen feeling far less stifled and allowed himself to take a deep breath

 _No Uncle, no aunt, no cousin, food for you, you're allowed to eat again, so what do you want to eat Harry?_

He rubbed his hands as he licked his lips and realized he was enjoying the prospect of food far too much considering where he was.

He opened the fridge and found more than expected but less than he would have liked. Among the items therein were milk, eggs, bread, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, broccoli, cheese, olives, pickles, a glass jar of what appeared to be dried oats, a smaller glass jar of some sort of cereal (to Harry's utter surprise) and several bags of ham, beef and chicken slices from a deli. A very small assortment of condiments rested in the tiny shelf on the door and Harry instantly knew what he was going to make.

 _Excellent, make an omelet._

He grabbed two eggs, the pitcher of milk, the bag of ham, several mushrooms and the block of cheese. With his arms full he swung around gently using his foot to shut the door only to reel back and slam into the fridge at the sight of Snape watching him from the entrance that led outside. The door hung open, Snape leaning against the doorframe with his arms cross and his dark eyes watching Harry calmly.

Harry's eyes scanned the ground and looked at the food in his arms before he glanced at Snape and then back at the food, guilt and shame washed over him though he had no reason to feel either, perhaps it was just years of living with his aunt who was such a penny pincher or perhaps because the black eyes watching him now seemed disgusted with his actions but he had promised himself to not get defensive, this wasn't his home it was Snape's so he tried to take the right path, "I- hungry… I'm hungry-" he started pitifully, he hugged the food tighter to his body and pressed further into the fridge despite himself, "may I please- can I- I can put it all back and just eat the eggs but- food? Do you want-" he trailed off and looked down again unsure what to do.

He took a deep breath and looked up again reluctantly making eye contact and Harry spoke as smoothly as he could, "May I please make an omelet? I'm hungry, if you would like I can make one for you… too?"

The man just stood there staring at him, the coffee cup held in his long fingers, arms still held tight across his chest. He finally turned away, continuing to lean in the door and sip at his coffee, "Eat. I am not hungry. Bacon's hidden in the back under the bread if you want it." was all he said and Harry instantly set his supplies on the table and went back for the bacon.

The man continued to stand in the doorway though he seemed to pay Harry very little attention and the boy went to work. Gathering all his cooking supplies and tools needed, he had to wash a couple but didn't mind as he was about to eat breakfast and the very idea excited him.

It took Harry a moment to ascertain the stove was actually under a small section of metal countertop that could be removed but once he had that sorted Harry realized it was a gas burner.

"Oh. Keep the matches on you-" he murmured as he pulled them from his pocket and went to light the stove. It took him several attempts and he nearly lost his eyebrows once but eventually he got it going and soon had the pan ready to go.

 _Uh, butter- was there butter? Go check for butter._

Harry was gratified to see a single stick of butter standing straight up in the door. He grabbed it and was dropping a pat into the hot pan.

 _No burns this time, keep the heat low._ He offered to himself in his head completely forgetting he was in the company of someone else.

He masterfully prepared the ingredients, mixing the eggs and milk with quick light whisks and then slicing the mushrooms, grating the cheese and chopping the ham. As he used an ingredient he put the rest back, keeping his space clean and organized. Whenever he needed a utensil he simply grabbed one from the pile that lay on a draining pad next to the sink. Finally his eyes turned to the bacon, his hand hovering over it before he turned to look at his professor whom he had nearly forgotten, the man was watching him again but his face remained impassive.

 _Maybe I shouldn't, it's expensive- save it…. for something better._

The man said nothing over his hesitancy so Harry put the bacon back in the fridge and felt satisfied it would serve as a wonderful treat later.

He dropped the ham in and waited patiently despite his watering mouth for it to gain that golden brown edge and then poured the egg over top.

 _30 seconds._ He said to himself and so he waited, adding the rest of the ingredients and flipping the omelette at the end of counting.

He waited again before he dug a plate from the sink, removed the pan from the heat and used a quick flick of his wrist to get the meal from the pan to the plate.

He set his plate on the table, finished cleaning up and then finally sat down to eat.

His eyes landed on a pair of shakers on the table against the wall and brought one to his nose and smelled, it was pepper so he added some and repeated the process again to verify the other was salt, Harry had learned sugar on eggs was disgusting a long time ago, that and his Uncle hated it as well.

He ate quickly, feeling the man's eyes on him the whole time. When he finished he sat there awkwardly not sure what to do. What did he do at his relatives house after eating? At school? At the burrow?

At Privet drive he would clean up after everyone, then begin chores, at school he would go to class, study or go to his dorm and at the burrow he would spend time with friends and play games. What was his place here? His duties? Should he ask, or just disappear upstairs? More homework?

He hesitated and then slowly turned to see the man was still staring at him and he stared right back a moment before he cleared his throat and asked, "Do I have chore- is there anything I should do before I go? Do you want me…. What should I do now Sir?" his face was aflame by the time he was done and an uneasy anger reared up in his chest at his own awkward and spineless questions.

The man didn't say anything at first, he stood from his leaning position and took up the boys empty plate, the rest of the kitchen already clean from the boy's cooking habits.

"You may do what you wish, but if you leave be back before dark." the reply was soft, near gentle in its sound but for some reason Harry felt a shiver run up his spine before his eyes grew wide and he sat there a moment dumbfounded, "You mean… I can- I can go out? I don't have to stay inside? Is it safe sir?"

Snape stood with his back to the boy and once again remained silent for longer than was necessary, he placed the plate in the sink before he said, "Do you realize what you just did Potter?"

Harry felt his stomach twist in anxiety and he instantly spoke, "No, sir."

"You dare try to lead me to believe you honestly don't?" his voice had gotten low and he glanced at the boy over his shoulder.

"No, sir. But I can fix it…. if I did something wrong?" Harry offered in a confused tone, he didn't know why he felt so much less himself here. Why he was so determined not to piss this man off and instantly cave under any scrutiny. It was like someone had stolen his backbone and he didn't understand this stagnant fear pooled in his gut, nor did he know how to get it to go away.

"You gathered ingredients, prepared them, measured them accordingly, waited for the proper amount of time, all while keeping your workspace clean and tidy and then finished it off without burning it, exploding the gas line or starting a fire."

Harry stared at him, his mind struck blank as he eyed this man who had now turned to face him, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.

"I made breakfast-" Harry started, unsure if this was the correct answer, "I have to make breakfast for my relatives all the time, dinner too. My aunt tells me what to do and I am expected to remember so I can do it again later-" and he stopped and stared up at Snape with wide eyes realizing what the man was truly trying to get at.

"The great Potter can cook a perfect breakfast without a single problem but he can't make a potion to save his life. Oh the irony. Did your aunt threaten you with more chores if you didn't comply?" the man hissed as he stood and approached the table, he towered over Harry and the boy's jaw clenched as his own brows furrowed, "No, just a frying pan sir, a very _hot_ frying pan."

And Harry stood and moved around the man before he exited the room, his eyes clenching shut as he tried to halt the words that wanted to lash from his tongue.

 _Temperance Harry, don't lash out._

Stupid, he was stupid for admitting such a thing though he doubted the man would believe a word. The sudden thought of the diagnostic spell the man had performed appeared in his mind and Harry realized what Snape had just done.

 _Slytherin cunning indeed!_

"Piss off!" Harry fumed as he slammed the door to the stairs behind him and made his way to his room. If he had his way he wouldn't come out for the rest of the day.

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By five that evening Harry was going stir crazy. He had elected to skip lunch and to his surprise Snape had not sought him out which was a relief. Harry had written a rather long and mildly frustrated letter to Dumbledore but had yet to receive a reply. The sun was still in the hazy sky so he decided to head down and see if he could get out.

At the bottom of the stairs he slowly opened the door and walked into the sitting room, Snape sat in his chair, this time with a book, a glass half full of an amber liquid on the coffee table.

When he reached the center of the room Harry stood there waiting silently and after several seconds managed to raise his eyes to see those black holes peering at him from over the book, "Yes?" came the man's soft voice and Harry was taken aback, he had expected anger from Snape, instead the man just seemed indifferent to his presence. Still, he didn't let it get to him as Harry cleared his throat, "Sorry… about earlier. I didn't mean to- to lose my temper with you. I just didn't want to talk about- can I go outside?"

Snape stared again, that long pause that was really starting to annoy Harry to no end.

"Back before-"

"Dark. Yeah, I know, I mean… I will be- back… before dark." Harry said nodding as his fingers dug into his palms.

"Go on then." Snape said with impatience and Harry nodded again and turned quickly for the door, "Right, thanks." He said without thinking and then he was out on the steps looking down the rows of houses that sat nestled in the hazy fog of this dejected little place.

He took a breath and then not knowing what to do sat down. He could walk and explore but honestly he might get lost. He did have a tendency to lose his focus and if he got lost he'd be late back.

Things were already getting tense, those damn long pauses, those dark intense eyes. He hated it but knew he should be more grateful, the man wasn't doing anything. It was nearly exasperating to not know how he was supposed to be. He always knew depending on where he was. But here, this was new, alone with Snape and the man keeping most of his scathing remarks to himself.

If they fought Harry knew how to fit in then, he could fight back. But if the man gave him nothing, simply watched him with those cold stern eyes he would begin to feel like he was at his relatives house, nervous and shifty, trying not to do anything wrong. Yet, this man hadn't asked anything of him but to follow a handful of rules.

Harry was beginning to feel uncomfortable and so he knew things were going to come to ahead, he just wished they wouldn't. Suddenly a ball rolled past his feet and he looked up. A small group of kids his age were trotting down to him, "Oy! Balls off field, can you toss it back?"

Harry looked between them and the ball and then back, unsure but not afraid. Was he allowed to spend time with other kids? Or did he need to keep his profile low? Were they muggles or magic folk? Harry suddenly realized that Snape had literally given him nothing to go off of. Considering the man's past classes were filled with endless notes and instructions so detailed Harry could hardly keep up, he was shocked the man had allowed him to be so uninformed in the matter of how he was supposed to be.

Harry stood and grabbed the ball, passing it back quick before he watched the boy kick it around.

"Ya play?" He asked.

Harry shook his head no and remained quiet, "You wanna learn?" the other teens waiting patiently with soft smiles and open posture.

Harry looked at the house behind him and rubbed the back of his head nervously, "It's okay if you suck, Benny sucks too, sucks real hard."

"Hey, fuck you Sam!" The boy said flipping him the finger.

Definitely muggles Harry thought and suddenly the idea of hanging with muggle teenagers seemed like a pretty normal thing to do. So, he slowly walked forward and one of the girls held out a hand, "I'm Stacy." she said with a smile, "Harry." He said softly as he shook it lightly.

"Well Harry, let's see if you can score a goal." and he smiled at her from behind his glasses.

PAGEBREAK

Harry tripped coming in the door and laughed a little at his own clumsiness, he was sweaty and breathing hard and felt better than he had in days. This was going to be the best summer ever.

"You're late." and Harry stopped, his face losing its color quick and his stomach churning with a sudden shot of anxiety. He tripped and landed with a thud on the floor before he realized who it was, Snape was standing from his chair, in the center of the room with arms crossed and hip jutting, eyes narrow and jaw set.

"Sorry- I… the game, made me- I lost track of time. I was playing football- there are kids… my age...kids." He said weakly and realized that wasn't even a coherent sentence.

Snape's arm stretched out to him, a single finger motioning for him to come and Harry swallowed as he slowly complied. This was his realizing moment, he suddenly understood why he had tried so hard from the start to not piss this man off.

He was alone with Snape, not at Hogwarts where his friends and the teachers could help fend the man off. Dumbledore wasn't here to keep the man from getting out of hand, and there were no witnesses if the man chose to act out his frustrations or anger.

Harry was ALONE with him, and he realized every weak spineless feeling he had been angry at himself for having had been only one thing, a habit of survival.

"Sit." the man snapped and Harry was instantly down on the couch with his hands holding his knees tight. Snape dragged the coffee table forward and sat down harshly before him.

A hand came to Harry's shoulder and gripped it hard and Harry closed his eyes and turned his head away, but the pain Harry was expecting wasn't there in that grip. Snape's other hand took up his chin and forced his face to look forward, still a firm grip but once again no pain, "I said, you were to be back before dark. What I expect from you is to be back before dark. It is not a hard concept, even for someone like you Potter, and I won't be so lenient next time. You have a certain amount of freedom here you have most likely not had during your previous summer holidays, so if I were you I'd not abuse it." He said the last part louder than the first and Harry could tell he was holding back, he couldn't retain the small flinch that came from him when Snape released his shoulder nor his hands painfully fisting his pants.

"Am I clear. You are here before dark, or you will regret it." Harry nodded ferociously quick and Snape released his chin, leaving Harry to pant furiously as he tried to calm his overactive expectations.

Snape continued to sit before him, hands joined together as his mouth rested on his thumbs. Harry was looking down at his lap breathing heavy still, eyes wide and worried yet he seemed to be calming down. Obviously the boy had expected much worse but was only greeted with a stern talking-to and mild physical contact.

"Now-" Snape began and Harry's eyes glanced up from under his brow, "Go shower. Then bring your studies down with you and you will eat dinner. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir." Harry said as he stood and jetted for the stairs. He didn't see the thoughtful look on the man's face or the eyes watching him leave.

PAGEBREAK

Harry showered quickly and only stopped for a second when he noticed all his bathroom items were in there. His toothbrush in its own glass cup, his mouthwash and deodorant and his favorite shampoo. He savoured the heat on his sore body and then dressed quick, unsure where to put his dirty clothes he took them back to his room and laid them out on the floor to dry and air out.

He grabbed his bag and a clean jumper before heading back downstairs. Once he entered the sitting room he saw Snape in his chair reading, the man didn't spare him a glance, "Bag on the couch, food in the kitchen." He said and Harry dropped his bag on the sofa and headed for his meal.

On the table was a plate with sauteed mushrooms, a hot ham and cheese sandwich and steamed vegetables. He sat quickly and ate, "Slow down, Potter." He heard Snape call irritability and the boy did his best to comply. The food was warm and tasted well enough so he slowed down and tried to eat more casually.

As he chewed stray thoughts came to his mind, such thoughts that he'd rather not know the answer to, such thoughts as why, how and where. Why was he here, how was this dissension made and where were his friends. These three questions simply led to more questions and his head was spinning with worry and confusion. He didn't want to ask Snape, the man thus far had been relatively decent and he'd hate to push him towards anything that could cause problems.

On top of all of that were questions about how Snape knew his aunt but Harry had already tried once and the man had cut off his line of questioning quickly. The letter he had sent to Dumbledore was sounding more and more like a great choice, given his options.

The incident that had just occurred not even twenty minutes ago was still in his mind as well. Snape's fingers taking up his chin, the firm grip on his shoulder and those dark eyes betraying nothing. Snape had simply watched him, as if to gage his reaction. There had been something in those eyes, a sort of giddy amusement but Harry was quick to dismiss that. He had never seen the man look amused, save for his snarky rather haughty smirks, which, seemed to always be saved for when Harry was in trouble and Snape got to exact his righteous punishments. Harry didn't even want to dwell on the idea that Snape had cooked his meal, let alone the fact the man was quite possibly trying to hold his temper back.

When Harry finished he took his plate to the sink, washed it and then wiped down the table, making sure to get the crumbs and tossed them into the bin. He re-entered the sitting room and went to the couch, hoping he was making the right assumption.

He sat down slowly, his eyes glancing to his professor as he gently took up his bag and pulled out one of his school books. He located a quill and his ink jar which he sat on the coffee table and pulled out his rather sloppy notes and parchment.

The silence that followed was tense though after a few minutes became relaxing and save for the crackle of the fire and the tick of the clock there was no noise and neither spoke a word. The soft sound of Snape turning a page every thirty seconds or so made Harry's eyes scan up and he watched, counting the time between page turns.

"Staring is rude." Snape said without looking up, his voice was soft but neutral in tone.

Harry looked away quickly and replied, "You read faster than Hermione."

Dark eyes glanced up and back down in a flash. "I would hope so as I've been reading a lot longer, you apparently work as slow as a snail and are easily distracted." The man replied.

Harry stared at him a moment before he shook his head and went back to work, an hour passed and he finally snapped his Herbology textbook closed.

"Done already?" Snape asked sarcastically and Harry had to bite back a scathing reply, maybe the man wasn't being as nice as Harry thought.

"I've finished Transfigurations, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts. All I have left is Charms and…" he trailed off and looked down before he let out a sigh, "This will be the first year I go back with all my homework and studying done, it will make Hermione happy, probably make Ron's brain explode."

Snape continued to scan his book, "I was unaware Mr. Weasley had a brain."

Harry should have gotten mad but he could only manage a soft glare and packing up his bag with slightly more force than was necessary. He hesitated a moment before he finally felt bold enough to try to get some answers, "Sir?"

The man did not look at him, instead he gave a soft acknowledgment and turned the page, "What is it, Potter?"

"I have… questions….about the situation, sir."

Snape continued to read, not bothering to look up from his book as his eyes continued to scan, "Obviously." came his slow reply.

"It's just that…. Well…. Normally, when I leave my relatives for the summer I go to the Burrow, or order headquarters… and I was just wondering why-"

"Why you've been placed with me?" the man finished for him.

Harry didn't hear any animosity in the man's words, didn't hear any anger, but Snape had always been hard to read so Harry proceeded carefully, "I'm not complaining sir, it's just… my friends. If I'm not there am I to assume the Burrow has been compromised? Are my friends-"

The word _dead_ would not pass his lips so he decided to finish with a less troublesome word, "Hurt?"

There was a very long pause from the man, near excruciating, and Harry waited with baited breath to know the truth that this man apparently knew, Harry was sure this man knew.

"Your friends are fine, Mr. Potter. Last I heard Mrs. Granger was with Mr. Weasley at the burrow."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and put the last of his supplies into his bag, "So, Professor Dumbledore just decided to… but your a double agent…. Won't me being here compromise your position or cause problems?"

Snape finally seemed to give up on reading and snapped his book shut, his dark eyes scanning up to look at him with a narrow intensity and Harry suddenly wished he had just taken the good news about his friends and walked away.

"Never you mind about that, leave it to the adults. The Headmaster would not have asked me to do this if he felt it would jeopardize my position in the order. The information I bring from the Dark Lords circle is too valuable to be placed second behind you. Stop asking stupid questions and just accept the fact that you are here with me and let it go."

The man stood then and made his way towards the stairs with his book in hand, "As for whatever questions you may still have, swallow them. I'm not here to entertain you nor am I going to answer to a child for the deeds of men."

Harry was left frozen in his spot on the couch, something inside him snapped a little and he felt a small trickle of anger start to flow. He would have to be careful now, the first blow had been struck.

As Snape reached the top of the stairs Harry heard him storm towards his room and when he entered he actually slammed the door behind him. Harry had no clue what he had said or why the man had suddenly gotten so upset out of nowhere but perhaps it was best to leave the questions for Dumbledore.

PAGEBREAK

As he lay in bed that night Harry couldn't fathom what was happening in his life. He was living with Snape, he was eating, sleeping and bathing with Snape in the same house. No matter how he worded it- he had just spent a relaxing if not slightly awkward hour enjoying the quiet and a crackling fire with Snape.

He had not snapped back at Snape's joke at the expense of his best friend…. He felt like a traitor, but not just for biting his tongue but for not putting up a fight or kicking and screaming or writing to Dumbledore sooner or trying to get away. He had simply accepted it like he was some young child unaware of how many rights he actually had. He should be questioning this, should be angry- but his heart just wasn't in it.

When had this lethargy started, when had he become so compliant? He never was before. Perhaps it had started when Sirius had died, or perhaps when Snape had healed his back or cured his food poisoning, or even when he kissed his aunt goodbye. Something had shifted and Harry didn't feel like himself anymore.

He felt tired and weak but he also felt like he didn't care, his insecurity about his place at this house was daunting yet he was doing okay so far. They hadn't really bashed heads, not truly and if he kept his tongue they wouldn't. Tomorrow was day two, he just had to keep his mind right and kept from getting too far ahead of himself.

PAGEBRRAK

Severus sat with a humph onto his bed. He let the book fall from his hand and tumble to his lap. His right hand came to grip the bridge of his nose as he let out a frustrated sigh.

He couldn't do this, he wasn't going to be able to do this. So far, he could barely utter two words to the boy let alone try to say something affectionate. The relationship just wasn't there, there was no baseline for this to even start. At least Black had the history of being the boy's father's friend. The dog had Remus to back up all his claims as well and the man, having been an extrovert, was far more persuasive and easy going then he himself was.

How was he even supposed to begin the process of making friends or bonding with the brat? He had insulted the boys studying habits, then insulted the boys friend only to snap on him for completely legitimate questioning.

The dark Lord had sent him on a fool's quest, and without more information Dumbledore was at loss for what to do besides allow it for now. He was living with the bratty son of his ex-tormentor and he could do nothing but try his very best to keep his sharp tongue and uneven temper under control.

He had wanted to verbally accost the boy multiple times throughout the day, make comments on his timid and spineless behavior, it was a sign of weakness and a scream for pity. Where the boys dignity went was beyond Severus and it disgusted him to see it.

Yet, despite so many years of his own raging thoughts that the boy was spoiled, lazy and entitled Potter showed all the signs of being nothing but an abused and extremely neglected youth. His social skills were poor, his nerves always on fire and his mind constantly trying to find exactly where he belonged within a given hierarchy.

He was borderline OCD now that he was in a new and unknown environment, going the extra few miles to not give Severus any excuse to come at him. Without the support of his fellow Gryffindors, or the teachers who favored him, not to mention Dumbledore, the boy was far less likely to mouth back, far less likely to want to defend himself. He was pliant and much easier to control, command and dominate.

The sheer fear and anxiety when Harry had come home late to find Snape waiting for him was something Severus couldn't help but savour as he had never seen it before. His interest was peaked and he couldn't resist bridging that space and pushing those boundaries of fear. To actually see those constantly defiant eyes finally submit and fill with an anxiety that could rival that of Longbottom.

Severus would be lying if he said to anyone else he had never tried to elicit such a response from the boy in class. He couldn't help but study the boys face with intense eyes as he sat before him, joined hands hiding his small smirk as he watched those fear filled eyes wait for some harsh blow to his face or chest. He almost felt that dark perverse nature of his win out but he had simply instructed the boy to shower, study and eat. How he had wanted to drink in that fear, play with that anxiety, but Severus had quickly shut down such dark thoughts knowing that was the exact opposite of what needed to happen.

Tomorrow would be the second day and Severus realized he would have to be very careful, he needed the boy to trust him, if the Dark Lord had his way, Potter would even love him before this summer was over, but having this much control over any one person could be very tempting. It could become debilitating to the boy if this were to come to pass and feed into Severus's now mostly dormant want of power.

Still, all he could do was wait, hope Voldemort would summon him again and tell him more of the plans he was trying to lay. Dumbledore could come up with some answer if he just had a little more information.

Severus had the ability to act, lie, manipulate and deceive any person he needed to get information, build trust or gain favor but this wasn't just any person. It was Potter, and if he wasn't careful he would fail this task and not only have to face his own failure but the wrath of Voldemort and Dumbledore. He would have to make a plan of his own and he had a feeling he just might know how to start.

This plan of his had sat in the back of his mind all day, his clever brain trying to work it out and make sure that if and when he enacted it the timing would be right.

Black may have been friends with Harry's father, but Severus had been friends with the boy's mother, a fact that Severus would bet for anytime to be the more tantalizing of the two parents. Potter would want to know everything, and knowing that he was close by to his mother's childhood home would drive him mad, leaving Severus the perfect opportunity to play the man of the hour.

This type of manipulation was low, down right near cruel, but it was a means to an end and at the very least it would help Potter play into his hands. The trick remained of when to drop such prolific information on the boy's lap…

There was an obvious option, one that used the boy's natural curiosity against him but that also meant that Severus would have to allow the brat access to his quarters. He would also have to give the brat more information then he was prepared to, yet here was his answer. Severus needed a way to get the boy into his court, the obvious option was his friendship with Lily, but having the boy find out other truths wasn't an option so he would have to play this particular game very very carefully.

Now, the only question that remained was when should this little gamble of his be put into play.

PAGEBREAK

Another dream shattered his conscious and pulled harshly at the sheets of his sleep. He was sweaty again but unlike yesterday morning today it seemed the dream was to follow him. Tired red eyes simply stared at his breakfast which consisted of toast and butter, and he knew he just wasn't hungry for it.

He sat there from five in the morning until the sun started coming in through the window, until his coffee was blistering cold and his toast soggy. His mind far away in the dream he had just had were voices echoed and Sirius was screaming with blood pooling on the floor. His mother and father hanging from a tree, suspended by toxic green light and their eyes glowing as they reached for him.

He didn't feel the tear roll down his cheek, nor did he sense the presence of the dark figure standing in the doorway. The voice of his potions professor seemed far away at first, a faint ripple in his conscious mind, barely rising above the din of haunting memories or the eerie blank ink of nothingness he was feeling in his chest.

"Potter! Look at me-" and Harry felt his hollow and exhausted eyes scan up but he didn't actually see the man standing there, he nearly looked through him, his responses to outside stimuli more reflex than actual cognitive thought.

The man stared back at him, his dark eyes taking in the image before him of a boy who appeared to be traumatized by some unknown force, haunted and lost in some horror he couldn't see.

Snape crossed to him and pressed a reluctant hand to his forehead, "You've got a fever, Potter."

Harry seemed to come to and actually looked at the man for a moment, still he didn't respond, "How long have you been awake?" Snape asked irritably.

"What time is it?" came a raspy reply from the boy's throat.

"Half past seven."

"Two and a half hours." Harry said softly as he looked back down at his toast, "So, for the past two hours and thirty minutes you've been sitting here ignoring your body's obvious ailment and contemplating eating soggy toast and drinking cold coffee." it was a statement and Harry simply looked back up at him before he nodded and said, "I couldn't sleep."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Snape snapped.

"If I could do you think I'd be down here?" Harry snapped right back.

"Watch your tone." Snape warned and Harry looked away irritably before he sighed and said, "The fever will go away on its own. It always happens when I dream about Vol…." and he stopped because he didn't want to say the name. Didn't want to acknowledge the only true link between himself and Snape.

Voldemort.

Harry closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, "Get out of my head-" he muttered as he felt that damn twitch in his neck, felt his head turn just slightly as if he was trying to get a flee out of his ear or get someone to release his head from their grasp. A shaking hand came up to his eyes, thumb and middle fingers rubbing at them despite how dry and sore they were.

"Shower." Harry said, he stood quickly, teetered on the edge of falling but caught himself on the table, "Em fine." he murmured to Snape who seemed just as surprised as the boy that his arm was out stretched with intent to steady him. Standing up straighter, Harry left his toast and coffee on the table, left Snape to stand there and watch him slowly transition through the space of the sitting room and go upstairs to try and wash away some of the muck.

Snape watched the boy go and felt something small and slithery roll in the pit of his stomach. Something he hadn't felt in near two decades. His own eyes closed as he realized what the tiny pitch in his gut was.

Pity.

Clenching his teeth Severus pushed the small inkling of humanity away and slowly turned and then stopped. He decided against following and went to pour himself some coffee, only to slam the mug down, spread his palms onto the counter and lean forward. His eyes scanned nothing as he waited and fought with himself, he was supposed to care, or at least act like he cared.

Severus was supposed to get the lad to trust him, to like him…. But every chance he had to step up and start forming some sort of bond he dashed it, it was in his nature. How was he supposed to win the boys trust when he himself trusted no one?

"Shite." The man muttered and he turned towards the sitting room with a stiff back and clenched hands. He silently climbed the stairs, a trick that had taken him years to learn. He heard the shower running but didn't hear any movement. The door had not been closed all the way so he pushed it open and saw the boy standing before the mirror sans any clothes or his glasses.

Severus did not show any outward signs of humility or surprise, his face remaining neutral as Potter seemed to realize he wasn't alone and slowly turned around. It was like slow motion then, Potter's face twisting in anxiety and shock as he jerked back at the sight of the man watching him. He landed on the toilet with a harsh smack and reached for a towel which he pulled over his private area.

The boy looked up at him with wide eyes before he glanced down to his chest, green eyes bouncing over bare flesh before he repositioned the towel and then looked back up in a state of utter anxiety, "Professor, what… is there something… what are you... " he seemed in such a state of shock he couldn't finish his sentence but Severus forced himself to remain absolutely neutral, not allowing his surprise, however small, to trickle onto his features nor giving any signs that what he saw was cause for alarm.

"I am going to bring you a potion and I want you to take it." Severus glanced over the boy's body again quickly before he gave a soft sneer, "Stop acting like such a prude, anything you have I've seen. Now, get in your bloody shower and wake yourself up."

He shut the door with a loud bang and walked into his room and shut that door as well before he strode to his cabinet and yanked open a door, he was digging furiously for several bottles before he stopped, closed his eyes and let out a faint little growl.

Severus tried to push the images he had just seen out of his mind, tried NOT to care, tried to be completely indifferent about it. But as he tried to center his normally calm and controlled mind the image of Potter naked, covered from neck to feet in scars, burn marks, old wounds and nearly faded bruising was pushing his limits.

If Severus had ever had any doubt in his mind about the signs and signals he was picking up from Potter he had just gotten the full serving of truth. Between the diagnostic spell, the utter change in the boy's demeanor from confident to anxiety ridden and now the image of the boy's body utterly sliced, beat, cut, burned and scared… some of those scars looked to be older than six years… he would have had to be around eight for the scar on his left shoulder blade to look like that….

 _It looked like a belt buckle Severus…._

"Damn it! I don't care!" the man hissed and he grabbed two bottles from his cabinet and slammed that door shut too, "I don't WANT to care! I don't know how to do this!" for some reason repeating the same words that he had said to Albus earlier in the week made him feel mildly better, as if he was somehow justifying his inexperience, his near lack of empathy.

Yet, he hesitated, opened the cabinet door one more time and grabbed another bottle, he shut it again and then turned to head back to the bathroom. He knocked and Harry bid him to enter, this time the boy was in the shower, curtain securely shut.

"Take all three of these and then come down stairs. I wish to speak with you. Don't keep me waiting." and then he was out the door and heading to the sitting room. It was only eight o'clock in the morning but Severus already wanted a stiff drink.

A/N: R&R MUCH LOVE APPRENTICE 08! THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!


	3. The Trust Game

A/N: **thank you to everyone for the reviews so far, and thanks to Lady Kazi for the offer of betaing this story, Lord knows I could use the extra set of eyes. Keep you posted Kazi. Now, if any of you have read any of my other stories, you know I progress relatively quickly through events in chapters, I'm kind of attention deficit like that, so if there are any areas I've written you'd like me to go back to and elaborate on and repost I can and will be happy to do so. Please forgive my lack of inner reflection from characters, I've still not quite got the hang of the whole inner thoughts and prospective thing.**

 **Chapter Three**

 **The Trust Game**

When Harry stepped out of the shower he dried off quickly before he wrapped the towel around his waist and slowly approached the three potions on the counter. One was in a green bottle, one in a blue and another in a purple. He wasn't sure what they were for but he figured if he didn't take them he would surely regret it as Snape was not a man to be disobeyed.

Taking the blue bottle up he uncorked it and drank quick, the taste was bitter and he nearly choked. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed the most recent scars on his chest and arms started to fade. Harry's heart sped up when he realized what the other two potions must be for. He took the green bottle and repeated the process, the bitterness not near as bad as the blue one and he saw the bruising around his ribs fading. They had come from his uncle, two days prior to Snape coming to fetch him. They had been on the mend when Snape had come to see him at his relatives and by this point were near faded but thanks to Snape's potion had now vanished, all tenderness completely gone.

The third bottle was smaller than the first two but Harry's now shaking hand took it up and removed the cork. It tasted like peppermint and green tea and the young man felt the heat and pressure in his head slowly start to dissipate.

So the blue bottle was for cuts and scars, the green for swelling and bruising and the purple was a fever reducer. At least as far as Harry could guess anyway, and the fact that Snape had grabbed them for him… Harry shook his head. It was the man's responsibility to keep him safe… to protect him. But neither the bruising nor the scars had been life threatening, more so cosmetic than anything, so Snape had done it to be… considerate? Harry didn't want to dwell, once again he found himself surprised by the man and his actions but it was only day two and they had a very long road ahead of them.

Harry realized it was stupid to hold out hope for any long term comradery between them so as he got dressed he pushed all thoughts of friendship and belonging far from his mind. The most important thing right now was to go downstairs and convince Snape, however futile it seemed, to not tell anyone what he had witnessed. As far as Harry could tell, when Snape had given him aid for his sunburn the man had not noticed the other marks, either because he had not been looking for them or his subconscious had elected to block them out. But whatever the case, Harry did not want to focus on the truths he was about to ask the man to hide. Snape owed him no favors so this could end up putting Harry under the man's proverbial thumb.

The boy swallowed thickly at that thought but continued to dress and when he was ready he left the bathroom and headed, albeit reluctantly, downstairs.

PAGEBREAK

Severus could not even begin to think of where or how to start this conversation, he had never been in the same position. At least, not with an adult, adults never listened or cared, half the time they didn't believe you. Severus knew all about the lack of empathy adults could have towards those young who suffered through such trials. Now here he was, one of the said adults with the ability to do something and it turned out to be for the boy who most thought had everything.

How was he supposed to deal with this? When Lily had found out how bad his homelife was, she had been so ready to march into her parents and tell them. She had wanted to ask them for help on his behalf and like a scared little idiot… or maybe it had been his pride… he had made her promise not to tell. He had said many things in order to persuade her, but it wasn't until she had agreed to it that he had felt a certain degree of trust start to grow-

There it was, like a cold bucket of water or a smack to the face, ironically, Lily had given him the answer. This could be the first step he needed to gain the boy's trust. Severus couldn't blatantly agree not to tell, he had to put up a fight, but if he approached this situation correctly he know from his own experiences exactly what he needed to do.

PAGEBREAK

When Harry got to the top of the stairs he hesitated, there wasn't enough time to come up with a game plan so he would have to play this by ear, do his best to read a man who spent his days being unreadable. As a spy, Harry could only imagine what Snape's "poker face" must look like, but he had to try, had to stop this from going down a road it didn't need to go down. Harry was one year away from being able to live on his own, he didn't want to deal with the hassle of people worrying or trying to fix a problem that was near over.

He had spent his life with the Dursley's and no one had seemed to care before, so why would anyone, especially Snape, care now? This should be an easy task, but for some reason the dread in his stomach wouldn't leave.

Taking the plunge Harry descended slowly and when he got to the bottom of the stairs he pushed the door open and poked his head around the side. Snape was sitting in his chair, head resting on the tall back with eyes closed, palms on the armrests with fingers spread wide.

"You wanted to see me sir?" Harry asked softly.

"Sit down Potter, I'm not going to speak to you from round that door." the man said, his voice sounded slightly irritated but otherwise unemotional.

Harry shuffled slowly before he sat down, placing his hands on his knees, the silence that followed was telling but neither said anything for a moment. Harry couldn't manage it for long so decided to brave the first words, "Sir, about what you just saw-"

"I'm not going to pretend like I truly care Potter. I don't have the ability to feed into such matters, nor am I any good at offering false comfort or soothing words of reassurance. What is going to happen is I am going to ask you questions, you will answer them...truthfully. If you lie I will know and rest assured I, unlike some, will not hesitate to use other means to find the truth. Do you understand?"

The man's eyes were still closed and his head still back, his fingers seemed to grip the chair a little firmer as he waited for Harry's response, "Yes, sir." Harry said.

"Very well, let's begin. How long has the abuse from your relatives been going on?"

It was a simple question so Harry gave a simple answer, "As long as I can remember."

"And you've told no one because?"

"I didn't see a need to sir." Harry answered automatically.

Snape still didn't look at him, but he seemed to be thinking over Harry's last statement carefully, "So your own well being wasn't a concern of yours?"

Harry had to think about this a moment, had to seriously consider what the man was asking him. Did Harry think his own well being wasn't worth bothering others with his problem? Or was it something else, why had he never told Dumbledore why he didn't want to go home for the summer? Why did he never tell Ron or Hermione the truth, or Mrs. Weasley or even Sirius?

Snape wanted the truth and Harry only had one answer, "I didn't think anyone would care…. I tried to tell Professor Dumbledore at the end of my first year… I asked him if I could stay at the school…"

"That is never an option for any student, abused or otherwise, however you have always managed to be a special case haven't you?"

The tone Snape gave set Harry on edge and his anger bristled as he snapped out, "I'm no special case sir, surely I'm not the only student who has to deal with annoying relatives. And I never asked for special treatment."

"Remaining at school over the summer holiday would be considered special treatment, not to mention you'd be running away from your problems like a coward. You should have told the Headmaster directly instead of beating around the bush and trying to hide such things from him."

Harry's teeth clenched and his hands balled into fists, "You really think Professor Dumbledore doesn't know?"

Snape finally opened his eyes and looked at him, raising his head and tapping a finger on the armrest, "You assume the Headmaster would leave you there if he did?"

"I'm not assuming anything, but Professor Dumbledore usually seems to know everything else. How could he not have known?"

"The Headmaster is a very powerful wizard, and I will admit his powers of observation are uncanny, but he cannot see everything, which leads me to wonder-"

Harry glared at him carefully, turning his head to the side slightly as he waited for the question that was surely to come, "Why would you expect no one to care?"

It was not the question Harry had been expecting, not from Snape at least, it seemed almost stupid….not something the man would ask, considering who he was and their relationship in the past. Snape wanted the truth but Harry wasn't sure he had an answer, if he had told his friends they would have urged him to tell Dumbledore. If he had told Dumbledore the man either would or wouldn't have done something, what would have been worse, making the man worry and try to find another place for him to stay? Or to hear the man dismiss his claims and say there was nothing he could do.

Harry had tried to tell his teachers back when he had been going to the muggle schools but it never seemed to do any good, he was always the liar and his relatives were the poor people who had to deal with him. Harry was troubled, Harry was unstable and Harry just wanted attention…. No one wanted to deal with the truth or put the time and effort into finding it. Harry had given up, one of the few times in his life that he had and suddenly he felt ashamed.

More anger flared in his chest and he looked away bitterly, "Because no one _does_ care."

"That's a very large assumption to make, considering how your friends seem to worry about you so readily." Snape offered with a resentful tone

"Look Professor, I don't tell people because I don't want people to know. It's my problem and I'll deal with it." Harry snapped back.

"Funny, it doesn't look like you've been dealing with it, in fact, I'd say you've been doing nothing at all considering the state in which I found you."

Harry redoubled his glare as his hands fisted tighter, "I didn't see you caring much, you saw my history, saw my back and dealt with my food poisoning. You didn't even question-"

"You didn't seem to want to answer." The man said quickly cutting him off.

"Because it's none of your business, it's no ones business but mine. Whatever happens to me in that house isn't anyone's problem but my own and I will handle it!" Harry very nearly shouted.

Snape stared at him a moment before he stood quickly and said, "I'm afraid not."

"What? What are you doing?" Harry asked standing as well.

"I'm going to inform the Headmaster of the situation. He will come here, we will discuss it and then figure out where to go after-"

"No." Harry said as he shook his head quickly.

"You've no say in the matter." Snape countered.

"I've every say in the matter, it's my life!"

"What right do you have to your life if you choose to treat it so poorly? You've given up the right to your life as soon as you let yourself be beaten down by people who, even by wizarding standards, are unfit guardians."

Snape turned to go and Harry felt his breathing come in fast uneven puffs, anxiety ripped through him and he felt a white hot anger spill through his core, "NO!" Harry yelled as he moved quick to grab Snape's forearm.

As he yanked the man back Snape jerked away and rounded on him, shoving Harry back down onto the couch and pointing a finger right into the boy's face, "You little brat, don't think a temper tantrum is going to stop the inevitable. You are just a child and don't know what's good for you! Now, stop acting like the world will end as I am most satisfied to tell you the world doesn't revolve around you and will continue to function even when the truth comes out."

Snape instantly shoved away from him and started to walk towards the stairs and Harry didn't know what else to do, so he did the one thing he swore he would never do in his life. Lunging up from the couch he rushed after Snape and fell to his knees, his hands gripping onto the hem of the man's robes, "Please!" he urged and the man instantly stopped to slowly look down at him, "I'll serve detention every Saturday for the next year, I'll- I'll double my efforts in class… I'll scrub every cauldron you have just don't tell Dumbledore, don't tell anyone. Please!"

Snape was silent for a moment, his dark cold eyes studying the desperate face before him as the boy rested on his knees fisting tightly to the hem, the black fabric seemed to make the boys face even more pale causing the dark red scare on his forehead to jump to attention.

"You are acting ridiculous." Snape said as he twisted away violently and came to stand before the boy whose head had looked away in humiliation and bitter shame.

"Please, don't say anything… no one needs to know. I'm fine, really I am, and by next year I'll be seventeen anyway, it won't matter. It's just wasted effort and I'm not worth it."

Snape said nothing for a moment, just standing there before him with arms crossed and face blank of any emotion. Finally the man stiffly knelt down before him and Harry's eyes grew wide, they didn't look up to meet the man but the surprise in his actions showed none the less. Snape took up his chin and Harry quickly tried to jerk away but Snape wouldn't have it, "You will look at me." He hissed through clenched teeth and he tighten his hold on the boys face.

Green eyes reluctantly jerked up to stare into Snape's black ones and the boy nearly winced, "You may not value your own life, but others do. It's more selfish to allow yourself to be hurt in order to spare them then it is to tell them the truth when it is too late. I guarantee they will be more upset to know how long you've kept it from them then the fact of you bothering them with it. As for your pathetic attempt to bribe me into silence… you could have done better."

Harry's brow furrowed in confusion and Snape gave a very faint smirk, "Then again, you're a Gryffindor, I wouldn't expect you to know something more often associated with my own house of Slytherin. Now, you'll get up, stop sniveling and offer me something worth while or I'll go to the Headmaster right now."

He released Harry's face and stood up, placing his hands behind his back and waited stiffly for the boy to stand. Harry slowly got to his feet and thought about it, having no clue what the man could possibly want or what he could give him.

"What would you want?" Harry asked softly as his eyes stared at the floor and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Snape sighed and cocked his head to the side, "How unimaginative. Very well, I will keep your secret and will not share it with anyone, in return I want you to allow me to perform a full diagnostic spell on you. We will then have a very lengthy discussion about how each injury occurred and you will allow me to write it down."

Harry just stared at him, brow raised in confusion. What other choice did he have? It was either this, or let him tell Dumbledore, something that seemed rather pointless now considering his age and the circumstances he was currently in.

"I also expect you to finish the rest of your homework… ALL of it, you will allow me to check it and you will correct said work until I am satisfied, this does include straightening out those rather atrocious notes I saw you pull out last night."

Harry nodded slowly, unsure if this was more for Snape's benefit or his own but the man didn't seem to be finished, "And lastly, you will inform me any and every time you have a dream regarding the Dark Lord."

"Sir,"

"No exceptions… am I clear? Or I call Dumbledore and tell him everything."

Harry nodded again but kept his eyes down, he could handle the diagnostic spell, and he could handle the extra effort in regards to his homework and notes… but those dreams… they were so personal, so terrible and just wrong. The man hadn't asked him to explain them simply inform him so perhaps he wouldn't have to dwell on them but he never really told anyone when it happened, save for last year when Mr. Weasley had been in trouble.

His friends just always seemed to know, that's what made them such good friends, maybe this situation would turn out okay, maybe it wouldn't, but at the moment it was his only option so he simply had to comply.

"You agree to my terms then?" Snape asked and Harry spoke softly, "Yes sir."

"All of them?"

"Yes."

Snape stared at him and slowly held out his hand, Harry eyed it carefully, as if it was some sort of trick. He felt strange shaking on such an agreement but regardless took up the larger man's hand and they shook.

The movement of their two hands up and down was quick and stiff, but in the split second between joining hands and releasing Harry felt a small tingle run up his arm. The man's hand was dry and warm, nothing like Harry had expected and a slither of something rolled in his stomach. It was the first time their skin had ever connected as neither Snape nor Harry had ever had a reason to touch skin before but as their hands dropped Snape seemed to have noticed the same thing. His dark eyes just barely glancing down towards their hands before he seemed to shake his head and turn away, "You will follow me." He said softly.

"What? Now?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Did I stutter? Hurry up!" and Harry quickly moved after his professor as they headed for the stairs.

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To Severus's surprise the entire ordeal had gone relatively well, not quite as smoothly as he had hoped, nor with the exact same result as when he had been young, but adding the addendums to their agreement had taken the boy by surprise. So, not only had Severus agreed to keep the boy's secrets hidden, he had also shown a certain amount of care for the boy's physical welfare, his schooling and his mental state of mind.

Severus had no doubt the boy would eventually put it together as some sort of hidden agenda, a way for the man to care without showing it. The boy was inept at the best of times but seemed to have a rather large amount of empathy. No doubt Potter would pick apart the entire situation later tonight and hopefully the boy would come to the same conclusion and a small spark of trust would ignite.

For now, they were on their way to Severus's room, the next part of his plan meant to win the boy over. As reluctant as he was to let the boy into his personal and private space, he needed to get over it and allow the boy in. This would give Harry the opportunity to view him as more than a teacher. Harry would see him as a person, though Severus really hated the idea more than he wanted to admit.

PAGEBREAK

When Harry saw Snape bypass his bedroom and head for the door at the end of the hall he felt his stomach lurch. They were going into Snape's room, why were they going into snape's room?

As the man reached for the door handle, a round black metal knob whose gloss had faded years ago, he stopped and glanced over his shoulder, "This is required for part of our deal, you will not abuse this privilege or touch anything unless I say so, understand?"

Harry simply nodded and the man opened the door.

Once inside Harry looked around and found the space quite welcoming despite whatever preconceived notions he may have had. The floor was a dark stained wood and so was the trim on the ceiling and floor. The walls were a slate green and a intricate rug rested under the bed, peeking out at the edge to show colors of dark red, gold and blue. The bed itself was a canopy with black silk curtain and gold lining.

All the furniture matched the dark stain of the floor and the curtains which hung around the window held a pearlescent shine. To the right stood a makeshift potions lab with cabinets above and below and in the far back right corner there was another little fireplace with two small sitting chairs and an equally small coffee table.

The smell was the most noticeable though, a hint of rosemary, firewood and a sharp but faint aftershave.

"Remove your pants, shirt and socks and then stand right here." Snape said pointing to the center of the room.

Harry didn't move a muscle to comply and Snape gave him a rather quizzical eye, "I've not brought you here to accost you, we made a deal and I expect you to follow through with it. Now, strip."

Snape turned away and went over to his lab, pulling from a drawer a leather bound journal, a quill, ink and his wand. Harry let out a small sigh and slowly complied with the rather uncomfortable request. Harry had always done his best to hide his marks, hide anything that would be telling of his rather brutal summers but this type of exposure made him feel utterly sick. Yet, it was nothing more than a means to an end, let Snape make his notes, perform his spells, it wouldn't change anything, Harry just had to bare it.

He stood there for several minutes as the man wrote something down and Harry couldn't stop the shivers that started to erupt over his body. When Snape finally turned to him he stopped his progress and eyed the boy up and down. Taking out his wand Snape gave a quick flick of his wrist and the fireplace erupted into life.

"Thanks." Harry shivered out.

Snape didn't respond he simply finished his walk to Harry and came to stop right before him, looking down into those green eyes with indifference.

"Hold out your arms and move your ankles knee width apart." The man said softly and Harry complied, "This is an in-depth diagnostic spell, it will tell me every accident or purposeful injury that has occurred in your life as well as any deficiencies or ailments you may have. You need to remain very still so the reading is accurate."

Snape didn't wait for Harry to nod, he raised his wand and softly started to murmur words. As he did this Harry noticed some of his scars started to glow. It was a warm feeling that expanded out from each blemish and at one point the glow seemed to encompass his whole body. It was like standing from head to toe in warm water but nothing kept him from breathing. The heat seemed to move inwards and resonate throughout his core and bones.

Snape gently continued to chant as his wand moved very subtly to certain points of Harry's body and when Harry was sure he was lit up like a Christmas tree he saw Snape's wand barely move to point at the scar that resided like a mark of horror on his forehead.

Instantly Harry wanted to protest but the man seemed to predict the boy's words and he held up a finger for the boy to wait. Harry complied but was terrified to feel the gentle warmth starting to burn in his forehead. He gritted his teeth and tried to bare through but only seconds later the pain exploded and he jerked back violently with a grunt and then fell down to his knees letting out a growl as his hands clamped over his forehead protectively.

"Stop!" he yelled as he tried to turn away and instantly the glow about his skin faded away and the pain dulled. He was breathing heavily when he looked to his professor whose face for once held a certain amount of confusion. Snape's wand was still extended before him but he had gently flicked his wrist so that the tip pointed to the ceiling. He continued to stare at the boy on the floor before he cocked his head to the side and then gave a hum, "Interesting."

"What is sir?" Harry asked through a wince, his question coming out in an irritated bark.

Snape seemed to debate telling him, a habit that often lead to Harry knowing nothing and trying to solve for the answer himself. However, this time, Snape surprised him, "Apparently the scar on your forehead is not an injury…. It is a result."

"A what?"

"A result of something happening, no need to say what as it has become redundant, but it would seem there is more to your mark than the Headmaster previously thought."

Harry wanted to ask more but suddenly he felt sick and he lurched forward to grab the small bin next to Snape's bedroom door.

An all too familiar scene began to play out again, with Snape standing above him, while Harry wretched into a bin, only this time there wasn't any food poisoning involved. He emptied his stomach and his hand went back up to cover his scar as it had begun to throb, "Ow, stop….please stop." Harry whispered into the bin softly as he felt tears line his eyes, "Stopstopstop!" he hissed as the ache seemed to intensify.

"Come here Potter." Snape said and the gentle tone instantly made Harry's head turn to look at him, the man stood before the window silhouetted in light with a hand outstretched towards him, face neutral and voice soft. Harry felt his insides flip again but it wasn't due to a need to empty his stomach. He reached out a hand and Snape helped him to stand, the man guided him to a chair and knelt on the ground before him.

His large hands cupped the boy's jaw in order to raise his face towards the light of the window, dark eyes observing the now ruddy red scar and the tinge of pink around its edges. Harry felt the man's thumb gently stroke over the inflamed skin and to his relief a cool sensation seemed to linger.

"What's that?" Harry asked as he locked eyes with the man, "What's what?" Snape questioned as he looked back, "Whatever you just rubbed over my scar… it feels better."

"I didn't-" and Snape stopped abruptly, releasing his hold and stiffly moving away before he turned and gazed at the boy with narrow eyes, "We need to move on. Now-" Snape flicked his wand and six sheets of paper appeared out of thin air.

"I'm going to start at the beginning, I will read a date and the injury, you will point out the mark if there is one and I will write it down, understood?"

Harry nodded and they began.

PAGEBREAK

It took three hours for the pair to get through the entire list, three bloody hours of Potter sitting in the chair in his skivvies and awkwardly pointing out each mark when applicable. At first, it hadn't been uncomfortable, most of the boy's scars and marks could be pointed out by Potter himself, it was when they got to his back that things had grown tense.

His back seemed to have taken the worst of it over the years, something Severus hadn't noticed when he had first picked the boy up because they had been hidden by a rather blistered sunburn. But as Severus had come to stand behind, he realized it was going to take some time. It grew even more uncomfortable when Severus realized he would have to help the brat by touching the tormented skin to specify which scar went with what notation on the diagnostic parchment.

If anyone were to ask him he'd say the "in-depth" diagnostic spell needed more work, such as knowing which injury went with which mark. When it was all over Severus had dismissed the boy and told him the rest of the day was his but he was to return in time to eat a late lunch at one and dinner at seven.

Injuries aside, the boy was malnourished, deficient in multiple vitamins and needed some serious nutrients as well a more sleep. It's no wonder he was so short for his age, or that he was so thin. Granted, Severus realized that spending time at School had helped the boy put on weight, but it was all for not as the few months he spent with his relatives over the summer seemed to completely destroy any progress he made. This summer he was lucky, in the two weeks he spent there he had only lost five pounds, the food poisoning no doubt playing a key role.

Severus remembered how it was after his mother had passed away, days without food, injuries that made it hard to want to even get out of bed, the verbal and physical abuse on top of starvation was hard to cope with. Severus was lucky, as his genetics seemed to continue to push him to his current height despite his lack of care. Potter hadn't been so lucky, more than likely because he had been denied enough food from the beginning, Severus had already grown quite a bit before he started truly losing out on his nutrition.

The marks though, Potter had so many, most from his family, some from his fights with the Dark Lord, and others yet that the boy couldn't even recall how they had gotten there. The only thing Severus could think was that the boy at a young age had unknowingly used his magical ability to get them to fade.

There was a particularly nasty bite mark on his leg from a dog, Severus remembered the incident as he had witnessed Harry scurrying up the tree when they had been attempting to work on the boy's Occlumency. He shivered at the thought, remembering what intimate and humiliating memories the boy had glimpsed from him.

A lucky shot as Severus had been stupid enough not to shield himself properly, he hadn't thought the boy capable, but apparently when Potter was pushed hard enough he could do many things. Still, Severus wished Albus would return from his excursion as he could use the man's advice.

So far, things had been relatively civil, the boy not pushing or fighting him near as hard as Severus thought he might. In return, Severus had been able to hold his own temper in check, a strange occurrence in regards to Potter for sure. He was grateful none the less as the two of them bashing heads over the summer would have resulted in a failure he couldn't afford.

It was nearing one, Severus had best get lunch ready.

PAGEBREAK

Severus could cook, in fact he was relatively good at it, but the very idea of cooking for someone else- let alone it being Potter, made him cringe. So he had elected to use magic, spelling the food and utensils into preparing themselves. It was a very basic lunch: fish, chips and some fresh cut fruit.

Normally he would eat in his room, working on potions, grading end of term papers and preparing his lesson plans for the new year, however, if he was going to progress in his endeavour he needed to be more sociable, a thought that nauseated him but was required nonetheless.

So, the food was sitting on the kitchen table, a place for Potter and one for himself. At five minutes past Harry came bounding into the room only to stop cold at the sight of him.

"Oh, uh… sorry I'm late." He offered.

Severus simply continued to eat without a word, a task which he found extremely difficult. Potter sat slowly and looked between the plates for a moment before he slowly reached out a hand and began to eat.

It was whole-heartedly awkward so despite his complete discomfort Severus tried to extend an olive branch, anything to make the tense air come to some sort of end, "What were you doing?" he asked stiffly and he saw the boy tense a little before green eyes peered at him from under a confused brow, "Homework." The boy offered by no means making this moment any easier on either of them.

"Which class?" the man tried hoping desperately he would be able to get some form of conversation going.

Harry suddenly seemed even more reluctant to speak, looking down and away as he brought a piece of fish to his lips and murmured, "Potions."

Thank the gods that be, Severus could do this, he just absolutely _could not_ allow this to turn into a lecture, "Working on my end of term assignment then?"

Harry nodded slowly as he nervously took up a piece of fruit, "The Silencing Potion and The Clotting Potion."

"Both very useful." Severus said, "Especially when one must deal with first years." Severus paused mid bite, his fingers holding a piece of fruit just before his lips as his eyes scanned up to Harry who seemed to be in the same predicament, "I…" Severus started and then said, "My humor often borders on morbid and I don't usually have an eating companion." The words left his lips before he could stop them and he wanted to kick himself for even bothering.

The silence stretched a moment before Harry suddenly let out a soft chuckle and small smirk, "I don't remember you using a silencing potion on any of us my first year, and I don't recall ever needing a blood clotting potion any time I left."

Severus felt a strange sort of relief flood his stomach, "Yes, well… there was always a bit of wishful thinking on my part." he said slowly.

Potter chuckled again and Severus felt something akin to satisfaction fill his chest, "You know Professor, you're secretly funny."

Severus didn't know what to say to that so he retorted with a sarcastic remark as that was his safe zone, "It's easier to jest then to act on such impulses, too much paper work." and that was the truth but Potter laughed anyway, a slightly louder more genuine laugh.

Turning his head away he allowed his hair, his best feature he thought and perfect for hiding his discomfort, to fall over the side of his face.

"I could actually use some help with…" Potter stopped quick and it was his turn to look away, choosing to stare at his nearly empty plate instead and closing his mouth tight.

"I will assist you if you need it, though, all of the answers to your questions most assuredly lay on page two hundred and fifty six."

Harry nodded slowly as he went to pick up a piece of fruit, as he lifted it he seemed to hesitate, his mind suddenly far gone and Severus felt a small amount of irritation rise at the boy's lack of attention span, "Potter-" the boy jumped, his fingers pinching and the fruit was catapulted forward directly into Severus's forehead.

The two sat there in silence, a tense tight little ball of frozen shock, Potter's mouth hanging open and Severus's eyes narrow and his jaw set.

He counted backwards from five, quelling the verbal abuse sure to spout from his mouth if he didn't, he pinched the bridge of his nose and looked away as he gritted his teeth, "When you've finished go grab your studies and bring them down, I will assist you, however futile it may seem."

The boy nodded quickly and stood up, taking his plate to the sink, rinsing, washing and setting it try dry in record time before he scurried out the door and disappeared.

Dark eyes glared after him for only a moment, for as they glanced down to the piece of abandoned fruit on the table Severus felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips, one he very quickly squashed.

PAGEBREAK

Harry stared at his workbook on his desk, the foot and a half of parchment laying there waiting to be edited, and the multiple questions he had written down in order to find the answers to so he could incorporate them into his essay. That lunch had been brutal, but not at all bad. It had been awkward and quiet but Snape had been relatively decent and had not exploded on Harry for accidentally launching a piece of melon at his head.

It didn't surprise Harry to see how much effort the man put into keeping his frustration and anger under control, especially given how quick he was to anger at school.

Harry hadn't even dealt with his feelings or thoughts from earlier in the morning, the two of them in the man's bedroom was strange enough without the added fact he had been in his underwear. Letting the man see him like that, totally exposed and vulnerable, while they counted tally on his scars. Telling someone for the first time in his life how each and every one of them had occurred, knowing that the person believe him, even if he was reluctant to do so.

The moment where Snape had been before the window, haloed in light like some dark angel come to take his misery away, touching his aching scar only to have the pain ebb away as if Snape's touch was magic.

It made Harry's stomach roll and he felt more anxious than before. And Snape was being nice...ish, trying to anyway, and they had just had a regular conversation, Harry had _laughed_ at the man's words as if it was the easiest thing to simply go from mortal enemies to basic acquaintances.

Now, the man had offered assistance with his potions homework, regardless if the man had made a deal with Harry to look over his work he had not originally offered to help him finish, only correct his work when done. It was surreal and for a moment, just a second at that table he had felt like he was happy. Something he had been desperately craving since the incident in the ministry.

He shook himself out of those thoughts, as that was a particularly nasty place that always led him towards self-pity and depression. He needed to ignore it, force it to go away. He didn't want to think about what had happened, about who he had lost….

 _Sirius._

And just like that Harry was on the floor, leaning his back against the bed with elbows resting on his knees. His head hung down as he stared at the floor and a single tear fell from his eye to soak into the dried up old wood beneath him.

PAGEBREAK

Severus stood at the kitchen window, looking through the lace curtain to the ugly world beyond. He had never taken the time to clean the windows as he had never had a desire to see the filth outside. Inside his home was just the way he wanted it, save for a few changes to accommodate the boy.

Potter's room had been his potions lab prior to this week, his liquor cabinet had been replaced by his mother's old record player and the single large shower stall had been given a tub instead of two shower heads. Severus was currently waiting for the boy to come down with his work and he was getting rather impatient, the rudeness aside he did have other things to do today.

In this moment as Severus stared out through a small circle of clean window, no doubt put there by the boy and his righteous anxiety, he realized this change was unacceptable. He would now have to wait several years for the dust and dirt to build back up enough to truly spare him the memories and ache of looking out into this truly depressive neighborhood.

He wouldn't stand for such incidental or rude behavior and for some reason this small unimportant thing seemed to have a devastating effect on his self control. The positive lunch that had just occurred twenty minutes earlier be damned, this breach of his bubble was unacceptable.

He turned on his heel, marched through the house and stalked up the stairs. Upon reaching the boy's room he pounded on the door and waited for a reply. Several seconds of silence passed before he tried the handle and the door gave quickly.

Severus strode in with purpose, with anger in his chest and indignation across his face but stopped short at the sight of the boy curled up on his bed, eyes staring blankly at the wall across from him, face completely blank and eyes unmoving.

Potter looked to be in a trance but Severus saw the nearly imperceptible tensing in the boy's shoulder, saw the pupils grow minutely and so he came to stand before the bed and looked down on the brat with crossed arms and a scowl, "Mr. Potter, to what do we owe the honor of this small pity party I've so unceremoniously walked in on?"

Those thin lips said nothing as he continued to stare, a small sigh escaping his mouth, "Don't you dare disrespect me, not in my house. Now, tell me what's wrong or I will find out myself."

Harry seemed to come back around then, his body slowly sitting up in some faux impersonation of possession as his head tilted down to face the floor.

"Just… can't seem to keep it together." He said softly and Severus found, once again, he did not have a proper response.

Snape's eyes slowly glanced around the room looking for any clue as to what could have caused the boy to so suddenly fall into this pit of depressive lethargy but could find nothing. His school work was scattered across his desk, books open and ink pot ready. His owl was roosting quietly in her cage, his dirty clothes were in a small pile in the corner and the rest of the room was clean but bare.

He didn't have the knowledge or desire to be a caring thoughtful individual, yet this was a moment given to him on a silver platter to draw the boy closer, to make him see Severus as someone to hold onto, so although he didn't have a single sense on how to care he did have the very strong ability to use logic, and suddenly he had an idea.

Moving to the chair he grabbed it painfully tight by the top of the wooden backrest and swung it around, he straddled it and laid his arms across the top just as he had done so many years before to this very same boy, "Talk." Severus said.

Harry seemed confused a moment, totally struck, "What?" he asked breathlessly as he looked up at the man sitting before him.

"You heard me Potter, while I don't care for the sentimental drivel of others and find I have little natural talent for empathy and understanding, I can help… so talk to me about what is bothering you or I shall leave you to your weepy and rather pathetic display of reticence.

Harry sighed and looked away, "You don't want to hear it."

"That IS what I just said, however, that does not mean you don't need to tell me, so talk now, challenge me into finding you a solution and I promise you won't regret it."

Harry gave him a long look, green eyes darting about the older man's posture and face before he slumped forward putting his head in his hands and crunching his eyes shut, "I can't- I can't get passed what's happened. I've tried, really hard… but the more I try to push away my thoughts and feelings, try to control my emotions… The more they spiral out of control. I'm so angry all the time, and if I'm not angry my chest aches so bad I can barely breath. I want to cry and scream but there isn't a point, it won't bring him back, it won't bring Siri- and I hate myself for doing what I did. For getting him killed, for KILLING him. Everyone tried to tell me to leave well enough alone but I just couldn't… because no one would tell me anything! My life has always been at the hands of others, telling me what to do, how to act and behave, when to be quiet and sit still or when to shut up and just accept whatever is going on! If they had just TOLD ME THE TRUTH!" Harry screamed the last part as he shot up from his bed.

"Why couldn't they just tell me, I've been near death enough times to know that I'd rather know then not know and acting like I am some CHILD, after everything I have been through and seen is just plain gullibility. I'm not a child, I don't think I ever was and I don't ever want to be kept in the dark again, not when I know it will always make a difference. You can't make an informed decision unless you know everything that is available, balance of probability dictates that no matter what, you never have full control, but I'm not asking for full control… I just don't want to be treated like a god damned puppet. And I want to undo what I've done, I want to stop myself from being such a total and utter lunatic all the time and thinking I can help people… I can't even help myself-"

He seemed to phase out for a moment, staring at the fireplace that was black and empty of life, his back rising and falling as he gulped down air. Severus waited, for surely there was more, "I just don't want to be alone anymore… I want to be able to let my friend's in instead of always pushing them away to keep them safe, I want to think about MYSELF for a change instead of thinking of everyone else. I just want… to be… normal."

And Harry slumped to the ground again, his back smacking against the brick of the fireplace, his knees rising up and his arms falling limply at his side's before his head lulled back and he closed his eyes.

"Mr. Nobody." He murmured so softly Severus almost couldn't hear it, but he did and so he studied the boy for several minutes, the silence resounding thick in the small space before Severus finally knew what to say and how to logically solve Potter's problem.

"You don't offer a very hard problem but I shall give you my solution regardless," those green eyes slowly opened to stare at him but he made no move to dispel Severus's offer so the man continued, "First off, normal is overrated, it always has been and always will be so if I were you I'd revel in the fact that your life is exciting if not entirely doomed to cause you continued suffering. Second, if you wish to put your own well being before others you simply need to do it and stop sniveling about how unfair it is that you put others well-being in front of your own, it's your choice Potter. If you can't stop, which I've been told by several is not within your character to do so, then you might as well do it _right_ andmake sure those closest to you are happy, in return hold them to the same standard. I've never put faith in others, I watch my own hide, but at the cost of sounding like an optimist if you are going to make them happy you better make sure they return the bloody favor. Third, I am more than happy to inform you that you are a child, both mentally and physically, until your body stops developing and your hormones have leveled out you will always feel crazy, hyper-active, anxious and out of place, this little depressive temper tantrum is the perfect example. So it seems logical that if those around you think of you as young it is because you are despite anything that has happened previously in your life, so take advantage of it. Real adults, those who have fully matured, do not have the luxury of the constant concern and the parental guidance of those around them to aid them in their day to day lives. For the time being you do, a rather large group of teachers, order members, Mr. Weasley's parents, your elder friends and the Headmaster, don't disrespect their concern or care for you by belittling it like some irritating fly. Lastly, in response to your overwhelming emotional baggage, you are an exceedingly emotional boy, a true Gryffindor wearing your heart on your sleeves like it's something to be proud of. Controlling your emotions and pushing down your feelings is not something you can do, so, don't bother to try. Embrace them, all of them, the good, bad and ugly. Logic dictates that when you can't beat someone, you should join them… It furthers your chance of survival and increases your ability to adapt, the same goes for your emotions… treat them as a blessing and not a burden and instead of drowning you will find you can swim."

Harry stared at him, the look of shock on his face priceless, "All that being said, you might as well learn now to simply accept death for what it is. The end of something. You may think your friends are fighting for you, but they are actually fighting for their own future as well, you better start realizing that regardless of what you do, during this war, against the Dark Lord people are going to die, whether by the direct hand of God or some dark wizard with a power complex, so brace yourself Potter, because dying…. That's just what people do."

Severus stood then, put the chair back by the desk and headed for the door, as he went to exit the brat called to him and asked the most unnerving question Severus had ever been asked, "Are you one of them too?"

"One of what?" Severus groaned out as he looked back at the boy, "That guiding hand that I'm so lucky to have."

They stared each other down and then Severus sneered, "I highly doubt the Headmaster's golden boy would consider me among his friends, however, I shall always live to serve, as I too have never gotten to live for myself."

Severus slammed the door shut behind him and came to stop at the top of the steps, his eyes lingering on the door with the utterly devastated boy curled up just beyond, a muffled word came from the otherside,"Fuck!"

And in that moment Severus knew he had won.

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It was late when the boy came down, well past ten. Severus was reading a book and sipping on his brandy, not bothering to look towards the creaking stairs or squeaking door.

Potter poked his head around the door and then shuffled into the room with his bag on his shoulder. He stood next to the couch looking at the man who had yet to raise his eyes, "Are you hungry?" Severus asked.

"Yes, sir." The young teen answered softly, "Go eat, foods on the table."

Harry went to walk by but Severus stopped him, "Leave the bag, we will work on your potions assignment when your done."

Harry went back to the couch, dropped his bag and then disappeared into the kitchen, Severus never once looking up.

 **A/n: Sorry this one is a little shorter but the next chapter is coming so keep an eye out. R &R please, I do love feed back. **


	4. Nightmares and Daydreams

**A/N: Thank you for the wonderful reviews! And thank you for taking the time to read and let me know what you thought! Chapter four is long, which is why it took me so long to post. Please Enjoy.**

 **CHAPTER WARNING: SOME SCENES OF A MXM NATURE ABOUT HALFWAY DOWN, UNREQUITED, SORT OF…. AS HARRY HAS YET TO TRULY DEVELOP REAL FEELINGS! NO LEMON JUST KISSING AND VERY LIGHT PETTING. Keep Calm and SNARRY on!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, this is a non-profit work of fan art and receives no royalties or benefits, all rights belong to J.k. Rowling… I just like playing in her world and crossing relationship boundaries…. Mwhahahah!**

 **ONE MORE NOTE, PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED BY MY POOR ATTEMPT AT WRITING JIM'S ACCENT, I'M STILL LEARNING THE PROPER WAY AND HAVE NOT EVER REALLY TRIED TO DO THIS BEFORE. I MEAN** **ABSOLUTLY** **NO OFFENSE AND WOULD REALLY LIKE HELP SO IF YOU CAN HELP BY CORRECTING MISTAKES OR OFFERING ADVICE I WOULD BE VERY GRATEFUL! SUBMIT THEM WITH YOUR REVIEWS!**

 **AND FOR THOSE WHO MAYBE WORRIED AFTER READING THIS CHAPTER, JOHNNY'S CHARACTER, WHILE AWESOME, IS ONLY A MEANS TO AN END FOR HARRY'S DEVELOPMENT. HE IS NOT A MAIN LOVE INTEREST.**

 **Chapter Four**

 **Nightmares and Daydreams**

Day three of his two and a half months at Snape's started out with Harry waking up groggy, disoriented and slightly uneasy. He had woke up late because he had stayed up with Snape to work on his end of term assignment. As he hadn't come down until well after ten it had been near two by the time he had completely finished and went upstairs, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep as the sequence of events that had occurred last night had kept his mind running.

At first Harry had started on the couch but after a brief ink pot spill, which led to twenty seconds of Snape pinching the bridge of his nose and obviously counting backwards, the man had been good enough to transfigure the couch into a small desk and chair. The professor had been patient if not entirely irritable, trying to keep his tongue from snapping every time Harry would ask questions.

The man simply stood in various spots around the room waiting for Harry to ask him, Snape's arms lazily crossed, the fingertips of his right hand gripping the square rim of the crystal glass. Whenever Harry would have his head down writing the man would take a small sip, then return to his pose, he strolled lazily about the room, glancing at his books or straightening something almost absentmindedly with his fingers.

At one point Harry asked the man where the information on Lilac root was and Snape simply grunted and pointed at his book, Harry smirked, rolled his eyes and clarified, knowing the man was just being smart about it for whatever reason.

When he asked which page the man snapped at him to use the index and Harry had complained saying it wasn't in the index, to which Snape simply replied, "Radix Lilac, the plant's Latin name, silly boy."

It had continued on this way for two hours until he had finished, at which point Snape had come over to check his work, the man had leaned over him, hands resting behind his back.

Snape was silent as his eyes scanned but Harry could feel the man's heat, his tall presence leaning over behind him. Harry's hand writing was average in legibility but he had written smaller near the end as he had been running out of room. This in turn had caused Snape to lean in closer bringing his head down next to Harry's, one of his hands coming to rest very close to his own while the other strayed to the back of the chair.

A shiver ran up his spin at the man's proximity but neither said a word and when Snape finished he picked up the paper and moved away, leaving Harry to feel woefully confused and slightly anxious. The man slowly walked about the room as he re-read it again, gracefully picking up his glass of brandy along the way.

At one point he had stopped to lean against a section of bookcase, one arm crossing under other and tucking the brandy back, his left foot raising to prop against the lower section of books.

His posture was entirely relaxed, his face at ease and dark eyes flying over the words, he sipped from his glass halfway down the page before he tucked his arm under the other again and Harry couldn't for the life of him stop staring.

It was a strange moment to see the man so relaxed, so… un-stiff and open and in those moments of silence while the man was absorbed in Harry's paper he felt something stir in his lower stomach. His face bent down, eyes anxiously studying the desk, hands in his lap folded but twisting with nerves.

"Impressively astute Mr. Potter." The man said looking up from the page, his eyes finding their way over to Harry who felt the blood drain from his face, "I'd expect something like this from Miss. Granger, but certainly not from you."

Harry didn't really know what to say so he simply said thank you, "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Snape slowly approached the table, setting his brandy aside and the page before Harry, he leaned in, his palms resting flat on the desk as his narrow eyes scanned the boy before him, "Congratulations, you've raised the bar, if I don't receive papers like this from you during the rest of your school year you'll find my leniency to be rather unforgiving. I don't like to waste potential, even if it is from one such as yourself."

He gave a small snarky smirk and Harry could only nod, for in this moment Snape had just given him two compliments, as backhanded and dickish as they were the compliments made Harry feel a certain amount of pride and so he accepted such a rare moment with no complaint.

The darkly clad man before him seemed to notice the boy's lackluster rebellion at such a notion and his small smirk faded into something a little more serious, "You've given me a puzzle to solve though, haven't you."

"Sir?" Harry asked in a hazy state as he continued to study the man's eyes and face.

"I've begun to wonder why all your work isn't so clever and clear cut, normally it's average at best, so why in this moment could it suddenly seem so much more adept towards a study you've never shown any true talent or interest in?"

Harry studied the man's back not sure if he was actually expected to answer, it wasn't until Snape turned around to glare at him that the boy spoke up, "Usually during the school year I've no time to work… I have too much to worry about and a big class load. Right now there's no one around to bother me… I can focus."

Snape seemed to think about this a moment, his eyes moving from the boy to the floor before his face seemed to scrunch a little and then disappear behind his hair, "So, am I correct to assume if you had a few hours to yourself everyday the chances of you repeating this type of work in all your classes might increase."

Harry thought about it, momentarily distracted by the shine of the man's hair and how well it hid Snape's face, a trait he had never noticed the man having until now, "Yes, sir. Between, classes, Quidditch and friends a few hours every night allocated to my work would be very useful but the time I have in my dorm is often loud and I have to stay up late to get any real quiet-"

"So, two hours… every night… right after supper….with a stress free environment you would in fact perform better?"

Harry didn't understand why the man was trying to beat the question to death, what type of clarification he was looking for, still the brunette simply sighed and offered with a small chuckle, "Wouldn't every student?"

More silence and then Snape glanced up at him from behind his hair, Harry froze at the expression just barely managing to seep through the often firmly planted mask the man wore over his features. Perhaps Snape was unaware that from this angle Harry could see his face but in those dark black orbs were a very faint trace of insecurity and fear, a mixed expression that took years off his face and gave such a human look to him Harry felt his eyes grow wide, "I will make to you then, a small offering, when school resumes, upon finishing dinner in the evenings, if you wish to come down to my classroom and take a few hours to study and do homework in peace I shall make it available to you."

The offer wasn't what shocked or surprised him, it was the fact that Severus Snape had just offered him special treatment, something this very man often firmly believed Harry received far too much of, something he often stormed and raged about at school.

Harry wasn't one to throw away such a gift but he couldn't believe there wasn't a hidden motive, so rather than do guess work he simply asked, "What's the catch?" his tone was soft, no hints of sarcasm or suspicion, a simple question to a simple offer, "No catch, other than you wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone, not even your friends. If I hadn't seen the change in your work myself I wouldn't believe it, but seeing as this doesn't even read as a paper you would write… it stands to reason for your own benefit you need extra hours to study and work on principle."

Harry nodded slowly as he nervously took up his quill and doodled on the edge of a spare bit of parchment, his eyes watching a never ending swirl as his wrist moved slowly, "If it's a secret, what would I tell my friends?"

Snape seemed to think on this a moment, "Detention. As I do doubt you will in fact be down every night, it stands to reason it will be random enough to not rouse suspicion."

"Why does it need to be a secret anyway?" Snape's entire body stiffened a little and Harry saw the normally narrow eyes grow a little before his head turned sharply away and Harry saw the man's fists clench.

Harry gulped down his anxiety and went to assure the man it could most definitely be a secret and he wouldn't tell a soul when the man spun quick and slammed his hands down on the desk, "Just take the offer or leave it, don't play twenty questions with me and don't take my kindness for granted, yes or no?"

Harry instantly nodded, "Yes, Sir! Thank you, sir!"

Snape gave a single succinct nod before he pulled away harshly, "It's late, go to bed."

Harry didn't have to be told twice and rushed upstairs quickly. Now, after all that and a rather disturbing set of dreams last night Harry sat in his bed trying to clear his mind. The man must be playing with him, must be being nice to try and keep him under control. It was making Harry angry, making him uncomfortable.

Harry and Snape had always been enemies and Harry just couldn't wrap his mind around it turning into something else.

There he went again, assuming Snape wanted to change the dynamic of their relationship, a relationship they hadn't had to begin with. This entire situation was so messed up, and the dream he had last night….

Harry had been dangling from the edge of a precipice, a dark bottomless hole below and rising, jutting burnt mountains all around him. The wind was deafening and the icy air bit at his skin and then he was falling and Voldemort was below in the dark cackling like a jackal. Then a hand, from out of thin air held his wrist and he looked up, away from the dark hole and haloed in light was Snape. He was screaming something but Harry couldn't hear, but it didn't matter because the man was pulling him up and away from the darkness, from death and blood and carnage and then Harry was in his arms and the man was hugging him tight and rocking him, on his knees and Harry was SURE it was Sirius. He was confident that he had simply thought he saw Snape but that his godfather had saved him, the murmurs of love and fear for his safety sounded like Sirius, but when Harry pulled away it was Snape, tears falling down his face, a palm coming to caress his cheek and up into his hair where it gripped gently and brought his face closer….

Harry had woken up in a sweat, his privates aching and his mind utterly disoriented. After spending a light and mildly shocking night with the man in the sitting room, it wasn't a surprise to have a dream about Snape, but the contents of the dream unsettled him and Harry knew he needed a shower before he went downstairs.

He could write this off as a strange event, it wouldn't even bother him to go down and continue on with this strange summer sojourn into a very awkward territory of truce with the man. But Harry knew if he had more dreams like this he would begin to have problems…. A lot of problems… so all he could do was hope that the dream he had just had was the last.

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Severus was roused from his sleep by a whisper. He nuzzled down more firmly into his bedding, pulling the pillows down into his warm cave like creation.

"Severus! Severus, do be a good lad and wake up won't you. I fear I don't have much time at all."

"Away with you old man… I've just fallen asleep…"

"Oh my, it's nearing noon… you never sleep this late, what has keep you from your habits my boy?"

"You dare ask me such a question when the brat is only two doors down, it's obvious and your questions are redundant and patronistic."

Severus heard a chuckle and he burrowed deeper, "Damn sadist." He murmured.

"Severus, my dear boy, I really need to speak with you. I was hoping for an update regarding Harry's progress."

Severus let out a heavy sigh before he wiggled to the edge of the bed and peeked out from his cover cave, his eyes locking onto the face of Albus Dumbledore in his small fire place.

"Since his arrival three days ago our existence together has been amicable if not tense, he is polite, clean and does as he is told with little to no back sass and has only suffered minor irritability."

"That's wonderful news, how is the other half of our mission going." Severus instantly regretted giving in to this man's urging and slunk a little further over the edge of the bed, "As I predicted it would. Slow and tedious. Ive managed to keep my sharp tongue subdued and my thoughts to myself in regards to his often inept thoughts…. But he is obviously troubled by the entire situation and suffers some form of post traumatic stress as he has dreams…. I hear him all night long and into the morning tossing and turning like a fish out of water. I've taken to taking sleeping draught to make sure I am able to stay asleep, which means you have five minutes before I'm out cold again."

"I understand, perhaps you could offer him a dreamless sleep potion my dear boy, surely the aid would be appreciated and further our goal…"

Severus sneered and retracted back onto his bed, "First off Headmaster, this goal is not our own, it is the Dark Lord's, pray remember that I am not now nor have I ever been on board with this fiasco, second…." Severus wanted to bite at the man, truly tell him off, but knew he couldn't and even if he could there was no point, so he gave a tired sigh and said in defeat, "I plan to offer him one the next time he has a nightmare, no doubt the offer of salvation will be greatly appreciated if it comes at the right moment."

"Indeed it shall. And make no mistakes on the matter, I have not forgotten whose idea this was, but I can't help press upon you something that might turn out for the best…"

Severus gave a shocked grunt as he sat up stiffly in bed, "Turn out for the-" but Dumbledore's face was gone and Severus felt cheated out of answers. He hadn't even gotten to ask Dumbledore's opinion on why the boy seemed so distant. Or how he was supposed to progress from here as everything was coming to a stand still and it was only day three.

Now he was left to get up and not only face the day but face the boy blunder himself. Severus eyed his bed and then the door, his hand running up his bare chest to message an aching shoulder muscle before he gave one last glance to the door and violently jerked down towards his bed, curling up into a ball under his mountain of pillows and blankets, "One more hour."

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Harry looked at the small clock on the wall in the sitting room, it was nearing one o'clock and there was still no sign of Snape. Harry had been up at ten due to his dream and had showered and rushed down stairs only to find the man nowhere to be found.

Deciding Snape must have gone out Harry made some breakfast and coffee and then sat in the sitting room reading the news and sipping on his warm drink. The dream had faded from his mind, nothing but a small hiccup in his subconscious and readily pressed aside. It wasn't until he heard an alarm clock from upstairs and then a grunt and bang that he realized Snape was still in the house, he was just in his room.

For reasons unknown to him Harry felt compelled to investigate and soon enough found himself traversing the stairs, he had learned while secretly watching Snape and observing the ruts in the wood the correct path to travel in order to create little to no noise.

Once at the top Harry turned and slowly approached Snape's bedroom door, it was cracked just enough for Harry to see a small metal alarm clock had been shattered against the bedroom wall near the door, a shard of glass sitting precariously between the crack of the door and the door jam.

The room was dim as the curtains had been drawn and Harry heard aggravated murmurs coming from the darkness. He didn't know what made him do it, but he gently pushed the door open wider and poked his head in, the small fire place cast a dim glow into the room of soft amber and orange, just enough to see a small pile of blankets and pillows on the bed shifting uneasily.

"No… no don't kill me." and suddenly Harry's curiosity truly won out, not even thinking of the consequences he opened the door further and entered. He treaded softly to the side of the bed and peeked over the pile of fabric and pillows only to be greeted by a bare chested Snape jerking around weakly in the bed.

"Please, spare her… hide them...all of them... I beg of you… Don't let him kill her...please." his cries were soft, sleep infested and groggy. Harry moved closer and realized that his good intentions to wake his professor up from this bad dream had turned into his eyes scanning over the sad features etched across the man's sleeping face, then down to his bare chest and tense stomach.

Something akin to heat resonated in his belly as Harry watched the man's body tense and relax several times before Snape's hands fisted the bed sheets and he jerked violently to the side, "Where is she Albus, where is…. My… lil… lil- no God no please let her live." He near cried out and Harry suddenly realized the line he had crossed and that even if his intentions had been good the instant Snape caught him here his life would be over. He would be dead and buried in some empty field or chained in the man's dungeon by his thumbs or toes.

As he made to leave he turned into the canopy fabric and the shock of it hitting his face made him stumble back, he fell onto the bed and before he could move felt an arm scoop him up and pull him close, "Please, don't go… my flower…."

Harry nearly cried out in utter agony, this had just become the most traumatic and utterly dangerous moment in his life. Snape was in the middle of some horrible dream, some nightmare of loss and tragedy while Harry had gotten himself trapped. He was in a situation, laying in his potion professors bed, with the half naked professor still in it, unable to move and being mistaken through his professor's dream filled eyes for the poor mystery woman who had obviously been killed.

"Please don't leave me, I love you-" Snape said and Harry's eyes bulged as he felt the man's hand cup his cheek, the image he was facing, the sound of the man's voice resembled nothing of the mighty and dreaded potions professor of Hogwarts. Instead, this moment did nothing but recall to his mind the dream Harry had woken from only hours earlier. It was so similar, so close that Harry panicked and tried to sit up, "Don't! Please don't, I love you-" and then Snape's hands gripped his wrists, pulled Harry close and Snape leaned in.

When Snape's lips pressed over his Harry opened his mouth to yell but it was muffled and his mouth consumed and filled with Snape's tongue. Harry thought his brain might short circuit, the man gave a humming noise and deepened the kiss still. Harry tried to squirm and extract himself from the entangled mess he had found himself in but the man was bigger, stronger and was unaware he was molesting the mouth of his student and not the mystery woman.

When Snape pulled away he lingered close, his lips grazing Harry's and the boy felt his pants grow tight, much to his own humiliation and utter fear, "Kiss me, please kiss me-" Snape's words were smeared together, the evidence of his unconscious state. Harry had never seen such a lucid dreamer in his life, and he shared a dorm with Ron who talked more in his sleep than he did while awake.

Harry did not know why he had climbed the stairs, why he had entered this room or found himself in this situation, but he did know why he did what he did next. Snape was a logical man, reason suggested if he gave Snape what he wanted the man may let Harry go.

So despite the tightness of his jeans, the dread in the pit of his stomach and the fear alight in his veins he raised a hand to the man's cheek, Snape nuzzled into it near desperately, and Harry leaned in. He kissed him gently, trying to give Snape what his dream was telling him he wanted but let out a fearful hum when the man reciprocated and his tongue forced it's way into his mouth.

Harry tried to keep up, to go with the flow and meet the man kiss for kiss but Snape was apparently far more involved with this dream woman than Harry had ever been with anyone else, even his kiss with Cho last year had not been like this. Harry's hands moved to the man's shoulder and as his fingers gently moved across the skin he felt something that made him freeze.

It was a familiar feeling, something he had felt before on his own body. It couldn't be mistaken for anything else. Harry felt scars. In the dim light of the room with Snape on his back he had not seen them, but now as his fingers explored he realized that Snape's shoulders and back were littered with them. Long thin ones, one that reminded him of similar ones on his own back and arms, ones only received from that of a belt and buckle.

His efforts to extract himself from under his professor were redoubled and as the man seemed to end the kiss he gave a hum and inquired again, his lips caressing Harry's as he whispered softly, "Thank you my flower."

He laid down then, one arm resting across Harry's belly and the other under the boys neck. Harry lay there, still as stone, eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at the canopy top and took in the shadows and dim fire light. Questions burned through his mind, the feeling of the scars searing into his brain and the idea of some mysterious woman that Snape had once loved so desperately….that was now dead….Snape had been asking someone to hide her…. Hide her and others….from what or who? Harry only had one guess.

He couldn't stay here though, the ach in his groin and the fear in his gut wouldn't let him so he tried, once again, to remove himself and this time he was successful. He creeped to the door and then was out of it in a flash, leaving it as it had been before he went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Leaning into the sink Harry closed his eyes tightly and rocked forward a little trying to get his lower regions to calm down, as they continued to ach images of Snape's hands holding his wrists, the man's mouth kissing him started to flood before his mind's eye and as Harry finally looked up at his reflection in the bathroom mirror his brow shot up.

His lips were swollen, cheeks flushed and pupils dilated, it was official, Harry now had a very serious problem.

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Severus opened his eyes and realized it was late in the day, very late. He rolled out of bed and trudged over to his wardrobe, he grabbed his clothes and walked towards the hall. Images of his dreams flooding his mind, soft pink lips, glowing green eyes and hands caressing his shoulders, touching his marks and seemingly having no fear of them.

 _Lily, God Lily why…._

Snape glanced out the crack in his door and saw the hall empty so he made his way to the bathroom and entered.

He hadn't felt this rested in a long time, his sleeping drafts always did that for him, though they also gave him such a lethargic morning and made him sleep much longer than he normally would, late night aside. The side effects included, for him anyway, intense and seemingly realistic dreams. He had yet to start working on a mix of his sleep draft with the dreamless sleep potion, something he might only use on himself depending on the side effects. Snape had wanted to work on it this summer but the Dark Lord had had other plans.

Looking at the tiny clock hidden on the back of one of the shelves he realized it was one fifteen in the afternoon, if Potter wasn't awake his would be shortly. He doubted the boy, with all his anxiety, would be able to sleep long, especially given his pension for nightmares.

When Snape looked in the mirror he noticed something odd, his lips looked a little swollen, nothing serious but enough for him to cock a brow. Perhaps he had bitten his lip while he was sleeping, images of the dream once more flashing before his eyes as he shared the sweetest of kisses with his long gone beloved.

This time it had felt different, as this time Lily actually allowed him to kiss her. Any time he had this dream prior she would always escape his grasp, never getting close enough for him to take hold of her. This time though, he had managed to catch her playfully around the waist, his excitement growing at the realization that she would be his if only for a moment. She had tried to squirm away, giggling and crying out in her contagious laughter, the laugh that he remembered so clear to this day.

She had nearly escaped him, nearly got away but he had grabbed her wrists, pulling her closer and finally, after subduing her squirming and giggling form had managed to capture the ever elusive lips of his childhood friend. So sweet and tender and when he had pulled away he had wanted more, not just to kiss her again, but to receive a kiss from her. He had asked, near begged and this time his subconscious had been kind, had granted him a kiss from the woman who had always been so far out of his reach.

Snape shivered before he shook his head and looked away in shame, his groin was aching and he knew he shouldn't… but… as Severus clenched his teeth he reached a hand down and pulled at the string of his pants.

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Harry sat rigid on the couch, trying to read a book but his eyes weren't taking in the words, he felt traumatized but not because he had been assaulted. No, he felt traumatized because in less than five minutes his entire view of himself had changed.

He should have just woken the man up and taken whatever beating had been waiting for him. Instead he had tried to be clever, his logic paying off, but now he was in a suspended animation, unable to focus on anything save for what had just happened only ten minutes earlier.

Harry Potter had just made out with an unconscious Severus Snape, a half naked Severus Snape. Not only was he terrified by the incident and the possibility of Snape finding out, but he was terrified by his own bodies subsequent betrayal and reaction. He could write off the dream as some strange subconscious error, caught in the adrenaline and possibly, if he dived deep enough into denial, a metaphor for his loneliness and the empty hole in his heart where Sirius once was. Dreams were funny that way, one minute you're flying the next you're a tiger and then you're in outer space without oxygen but somehow perfectly fine.

Yes, he could have dismissed his bodies intimate reaction to some perverse dream, but having actually just been put into a position like that, to have his body react like that to a real experience… he now had to question his entire view of his own sexual preference and why someone like Snape was able to arouse him at all.

If he had questions before, like how Snape knew his aunt, why he had been placed here instead of the burrow or why he had yet to receive a letter from Dumbledore, they were now put on hold as insignificant compared to this huge question of his own self.

Either Harry was a very hormonal and indecisive youth, or he had never even questioned his sexuality and had just assumed he liked women.

Harry sighed heavily and slammed the book on his lap shut as he took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, he didn't want to work on his own self-discovery right now damn it! There were too many other things to deal with, namely Voldemort.

His head slowly turned towards the stairs as he heard the shower upstairs turn on. He swallowed as his eyes then slowly fell back to his book. If Harry knew what was good for him he would put this whole event out of his mind and pretend like it never happened. But if you were to ask anyone who really knew him, they would admit that was a very unlikely possibility.

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When Severus came it was to the image of Lily, gently sucking on his neck, her nails digging into his scarred shoulders. He felt ashamed after, leaning forward as his palms were used to balance himself against the old tiled walls of the stall. His head was down, hair creating a perfectly smooth shield as water cascaded over his skull.

He clenched his teeth and eyes shut hard, breathing heavy and feeling the shame swell in his chest. It felt disgusting, soiling Lily's memory in such a way, he had never done it before and would probably never do it again. No, he swore to himself, he would never do it again. But that dream, it had been so real and potent, leaving his skin burning and his groin in such a swollen and painful state.

Severus was not one to indulge in such perverse activities, in fact he had been celibate all his life. He had only ever wanted Lily and when that ship sailed he had never found anyone else. So his needs had been put on hold, never really taking hold or pushing him to achieve an end. He had no interest in street walkers, and had never met anyone to whom he felt any attraction.

The times he had pleasured himself he could count on two hands, and he was thirty-five. It just wasn't an option for him, not with being a spy, a teacher and a bitter angry young man. Not to mention Severus wasn't one to lie to himself, he had no doubt he would be a possessive and jealous lover as he had spent so many years of his life with nothing and no one. The very idea of having someone who loved him would drive him mad if he thought they were unfaithful or had abandoned him for another.

His nature was to control and dominate, to have power and with that came greed. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he would have destroyed Lily and made her life miserable if she had chosen him. Even if he wanted to tell himself he could change, be nothing like his father and love with a true pure heart that was open and kind…. It was just a false hope and a bitter pathetic lie.

He finished his shower quickly and then dressed at lightning speed, surely Potter was going stir crazy wondering why he was still alone at this hour. Unattended, Snape hated to think what damage the boy could cause if he chose to dig around. He hung up his towel, spelled his hair dry and headed out of the bathroom towards the stairs, trying to put Lily and his miserably filthy thoughts out of his mind.

PAGEBREAK

When he reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped at the sight of Potter reading quietly on the couch. The boy didn't look up or acknowledge him and for that Severus was grateful. He strode passed and went straight for the coffee which he noticed had already been made, one of the few perks of having the brat around was he no longer seemed to have to make his own coffee.

Severus poured himself a mug, then proceeded to sit in his chair and take up the paper. For the next thirty minutes it was a relaxed silence. Though he couldn't help feeling as though the boy kept glancing up at him so he cleared his throat and irritably turned the page, "What have I told you about staring, Mr. potter."

"Sorry, sir." The boy said softly and Severus glanced over his paper to see the boy looking away, his eyes locked onto the window and book unread in his lap.

"Is something on your mind this afternoon, you seem distracted, more so than usual at the very least." Severus offered, figuring he might as well work on building some of those bridges that were apparently so important.

Harry didn't seem to have heard him and Severus sighed as he dropped his paper sharply to his lap, "Potter, wake up!"

The boys head jerked to him and he opened his mouth to respond but was halted when a knock sounded on the door.

Both of them stood instantly, Snape pulling out his wand faster than Harry could probably follow. They locked eyes and Snape brought his finger to his lips and then motioned for the boy to stand next to the stairs. Harry nodded and complied quietly.

Snape approached the door slowly as another knock sounded and he took the handle and opened the door with a quick snap only to be greeted by a motley crew of youths, the foremost holding a football under his arm, "Excuse me sir, can 'Arry come out and _play…"_ the group all laughed at the boy's obvious joke though it was lost on Severus and he sighed, quickly putting his wand away out of their line of sight, "Potter, get over here, now."

He heard Harry shuffle forward and when he saw who was waiting his eyes lit up, and he smiled and waved, "Hello."

"We're gonna play a few then walk the tracks and look for bottles to get some... soda… wanna come on the hunt with us?"

Harry looked to Severus who felt something hot coil in his lower stomach, he ignored it wholeheartedly and rolled his eyes, before motioning with his hand out the door, "Back before-"

"Dark. Yes, sir. Thanks!" and then the brat was gone.

Severus strode back over to his chair, straightened out his paper with much more force than needed and started to read where he had left off. Several minutes later he found his eyes straying over the top of the pages to where the boy had just been reading quietly. Catching himself he cleared his throat, snapped his paper into its rigid form and continued to scan.

When he found himself peeking over the edge again he violently tossed the paper away and stood, taking his coffee and striding to the back door. He opened it, seeing the obscenely small fenced in backyard. He leaned against the door frame and sipped at his mug until he heard a large amount of laughter passing by the back fence.

"So, 'Arry…. Whose tha'' guy your stayin' wit. He's too young ta be your da, to old ta be ya brother and most definitely not a flat mate...I can only assume e's a relative or some'en?" came the voice of the brazen young man who had just knocked on his door ten minutes earlier.

"Oh… uh… he's… he's my… guardian."

"Guardian? What, you an orphan or some shite?" another kid asked.

 _How tactful..._ Severus thought as he gave an unimpressed glance at the retreating voices.

"Yeah… but they died when I was little. So I don't really know them… Professor Snape is a... family friend."

"Whoa whoa whoa, that bloke? A Professor? A professor of what?"

Severus heard Harry pause before he gave a confused reply, "Chemistry?"

"No shite… smart one."

"Yeah, very." Harry offered. There voices were getting much fainter now.

"I think he's kinda handsome." came a female voice and Snape found himself rolling his eyes again, "I wouldn't know." Harry replied with a soft chuckle and then their voices were gone.

Severus rubbed his hand down his face and turned to go in, slamming the door behind him.

PAGEBREAK

They had played two short games of football before they had headed to the tracks, the other boys running ahead while Harry stayed back with Stacy.

"So, how'd you come to Spinner's End? I've neva seen you before this summer, but if the professa is ya guardian I'd think you'd come to visit more."

Harry gave a soft smile as he glanced at her, her dark skin and honey brown eyes glowing in the hazy sun, "The truth of the matter is… he's only just started being my guardian. Up until three days ago I was staying with my aunt and uncle over the summers when I wasn't away at school."

Stacy nodded and gave her own soft smile, "Wha' happened?"

Harry didn't want to give too much information, she was a new friend and first impressions were important, but he also didn't want to lie, he he elected to go with a vaugery instead, "Let's just say, they aren't very nice."

"Ah. Yeah, you get a lot of that down here in The End. I live with me mum cause me da drinks. Jimmy sleeps at his olda brothers cause his folks are constantly going at it, and the other three, Johnny, Jessie and Lee usually couch surf throughout the week cause their folks are just plain bonkers."

Harry nodded but didn't respond, "You're among friends Arry, not much of a group but we stick round, it's nice to have something when there's nothing, you know?"

"Definitely." He agreed with a real smile.

"Your smiles nice. You should do it more often."

Harry blushed and went to respond but was cut off by a call from Jim, "Move it along you toss pots, we've got bottles ta find!"

Stacy laughed and Harry gave her a narrow eyed smile, "Race you."

"Yeah, okay."

"Go!" Harry barked and they were off. If the boy with glasses and an unusual scar had known what was about to take place he very well may not have gone.

PAGEBREAK.

Harry wasn't sure how long he had been laying next to the tracks, it was very near dark but he hadn't headed back yet. After they had scoured the area they had come up with enough bottles and cans to get some drinks. Harry had expected soda or some kind of sweet juice, but when Jim went into the small broken down store he came out with a handle of rum.

At first Harry had been weary, he'd never drank before really and had not planned on doing it anytime soon. But all the others had been excited and of course, as teens often do, had encouraged him.

He had tried a sip and found it utterly disgusting but at Stacy and Jim's friendly, non-aggressive jabs he had continued to take sips as the bottle was passed around.

At this point Harry was pretty tipsy, everything seemed funny and his world was spinning like a top. The others were around, sitting or laying on large rocks off to the side.

"Jimmy is a wanker!" Johnny yelled, only to have his voice echo off the surrounding surfaces, "Johnny is a poof!" Jimmy yelled back, "Stacy is crazy!" Lee added, "Lee's a duster!"

"Harry's soft in the head!" Jessie yelled with a smile.

Harry instantly reacted though he didn't know why or even what to say, "Jesse's demented!"

The others continued and Harry sat up to look at Stacy who was sitting near his feet, one knee pulled to her chest while she sucked on the bottle.

"Hey… Stacy…" the girl looked at her with a mischievous smile, "Yes Arry?"

"Am… I… drunk?" his eyes felt heavy and his body felt like it was leaning to the left despite the fact he was stationary, "No Harry, you're knackered." and they both started to laugh incessantly.

Finally, Jimmy seemed to drop down next to them out of nowhere and cocked his head to the side, "Be'ave Stacy, wouldn't want Minnie ta get jealous."

"Minnie?" Harry asked with a small hiccup.

Stacy smiled at him and leaned forward, "Me girlfriend, drives Jimmy mad it does… but he won't let on."

"Does not." The boy slurred as he snatched the bottle away from her and took a chug.

Harry's eyes grew wide and he sat up quickly, making both Stacy and Jim jump in surprise, "You're- you… like girls?" Stacy eyed him slowly and with a nervous expression, "Ya, that a problem?"

"Ah, he's tha jealous one in'net he." Jim teased.

Harry shook his head quick but then regretted it and winced to try and stop the spin, Jim passed him the bottle and Harry took a drink without even thinking, "How'd you know you were…. Ya know."

Stacy smiled at him as if he was the cutest thing on the planet and Jim burst out laughing, "Oh na, 'Arry too? Now Imma be surrounded by poofs. Was hopin' you was more along me, Jessie and Lee's preference."

Harry gave him a questioning look and Jim seemed surprised for the need to clarify, "Johnny is actually a poof, he just ain't scared to admit it, he owns it. Like a real man."

Harry stared between the two and then swallowed, "So how'd you know?"

Stacy's smile faded and she gave him a very understanding look, "I've just always known. Took Johnny awhile though, he didn't even realize until he tried to snog Jimmy."

Jim shivered and spit, "Still got the taste in me mouth too, punched 'im for it but after he made right about it we been chums since. I don't care, me old man would skin me alive if 'e found out I were friends with one though."

Harry looked down in shame and he didn't see Stacy and Jimmy glance at each other.

Jimmy started to nod his head as an idea came to him and he sighed, "Alright, we can help ya. OYE, JOHNNY! COME HERE!"

The tall thin boy walked over and Lee and Jessie followed, all of them joining the three on the ground.

"Yes?" he asked with a smile as he batted his eyes mockingly at Jim, the boy pushed him playful and cursed, "Get out of it you tosser, look Arry's got a problem and he needs you and Stacy's help."

"Sure, what's going?" the boy shrugged as he eyed Harry with interest.

"Arry isn't sure if he likes men or women, figure you could help 'im out. You game Stacy?"

"Yeah, but no one better say word to Minnie." everyone in the group agreed and Harry suddenly felt very confused.

"So Harry, you find Stacy attractive?" Jim asked. Harry looked at her, tall and thin, with dark skin, honey brown eyes, a beautiful smile and a gypsy bandana around her afro. He nodded and blushed before looking away.

"What bout Johnny?"

Harry looked at the boy. He had dark curly hair, icy blue eyes, high cheekbones and a strong nose with pale skin and light pink lips. To Harry's surprise he realized he did and reluctantly nodded his head.

"Blimey, that's rough." Lee said as he looked between them all.

Jimmy sighed, "Alright you two, take him to the rock."

Stacy and Johnny smiled as the rest of the group made teasing mocking noises. Harry was hauled to his feet and led by both via his wrists down the tracks.

After a ways they turned off and ended up in a rather tall alcove of piled stones and brush. Harry was still drunk but he suddenly realized what was about to happen when Stacy looked at him and sighed, "Look, I'm happy to help ya Arry but I do have a girlfriend so no touching okay, just a kiss."

Harry nodded and nervously said, "Yeah, of course." she smiled kindly and closed her eyes, Harry slowly walked forward and looked to see Johnny had lit up a smoke and turned away.

Harry took a breath and leaned in, their lips meeting tentatively before she opened up to him and he proceeded, much to his own chagrin, to kiss her as Snape had kissed him. She suddenly hummed out a pleasant tone and leaned in, returning the gesture suddenly and with fever. Harry felt heat pool in his belly and his pants grew tight while his heart started to hammer in his chest. He might be able to blame the alcohol for such a quick response, but Stacy was a very attractive woman so he simply enjoyed the moment.

After a second Stacy pulled away and stared at him, before her eyes darted down to his pants and then she bit her lip and turned away, "Well, he likes girls for sure… at the very least he likes me." and then Stacy gave him a wink and walked away.

Johnny turned to look at him and smirked as he flicked his burnt out smoke away, "We'll see. Give me five minutes with him." and Harry swallowed.

The boy, who was taller than him was lean and broad in the chest. He held an air of confidence that Harry did not, he walked over and cocked his head to the side, "You dating anyone Harry?"

"No." He offered with a shake of his head, "Good. No guilt then." and before Harry could try and talk the boy out of it Johnny pressed him into the pile of stone and caught his lips quick. Fire erupted in Harry's groin as Johnny's tongue pressed into his mouth, the boy's hands were holding his hips but snuck down to grip his bum and he jerked Harry's groin into his.

The older boy was near overpowering and gently started to rut against Harry as he let out a gentle moan into his mouth before moving his lips away just long enough to speak, "Sorry Harry, I've not got a chance to explore my preference either, you're handsome and shorter than me so I may take a small bit of advantage right now, yeah?"

Harry only nodded before he fisted Johnny's shirt and pulled him back down. This time Harry knew he could blame his uncharacteristic actions on the booze, because his head was swimming and his judgment was obviously impaired.

Johnny, who seemed to delight in the acceptance, moaned and his hand strayed down to cup Harry's groin.

Thus far Harry was drunk and curious enough to keep kissing the boy, but at the contact to his privates he jerked and Johnny chuckled, "Easy Harry, I won't bite… least not there." and his mouth left Harry's and ventured to the boy's neck, Harry's head falling back as his eyes closed and he allowed his hips to jerk against the other boy's despite his embarrassment.

Several seconds later Harry felt his groin twitch and he started to push at Johnny who whined out a desperate and soft protest.

"Please, Harry, I'm lonely, we don't have to stop... the others don't care. Lee shagged a girl back here once while the others played a game of cards. Just let me-"

"I need to stop… I'm about to…" and Johnny froze as he felt Harry's groin twitch again.

"Oh….right… well, what about tonight?" Johnny asked as he ran a hand up Harry's cheek to lace into his hair.

"What?" Harry asked in shock.

"Meet me tonight… we can figure it out together. Please, there is no one else around here like me, and the people here are so ignorant...it's dangerous ya know... and I want to…" he kissed Harry again gently on the lips, and then the throat and then his jaw, "I want to know-"

Harry grabbed the boy by his shoulders and gently pushed him back, "I understand, trust me, but I don't even know for sure if I am… I'm only confused because of a few dreams and… other things. I never even realized I found men attractive until five minutes ago when I actually looked at you and thought about it."

"You almost creamed your pants, I think it's safe to say at the very least you go either way. So who cares, let's just…" Johnny tried to lean forward again but once more Harry halted his progress.

"I don't even really know you, and you just said you were taking advantage of it…." Harry cut him off, as while the offer was tempting he knew he'd never be able to get out of the house.

"Come on, summer fun… please… we don't have to do anything crazy, just let me kiss you… for longer than five minutes. It will be good for both of us, we won't have to figure it out alone…"

"Look-" Harry started as he gently tried to press Johnny back for the third time, the older boy seemed to cling to him though and Harry gave a frustrated grunt as his head lulled back in exasperation. Johnny leaned in and started to lick up the front of his throat and Harry took the boy forcibly by the jaw to raise his eyes up, "I said I understand and I mean it, but it isn't possible for me to get out at night, so-"

"Then skip out with me tomorrow. Meet me at the tracks at one, we will find some place quiet and-" Johnny leaned forward and caught his lips despite Harry's hand gripping his jaw. Johnny's hand came up and locked onto Harry's wrist tugging it away so he had more ease of motion and once again pressed Harry into the rocks behind him. He started to move his hips slowly and Harry groaned softly into his mouth, feeling the heat start to build again and despite his prior protests he kissed the boy back.

After a moment Johnny pulled his lips away but continued to rut against him and Harry knew what would come if the boy didn't stop, "Meet me tomorrow, as soon as Jimmy called me over I knew…"

"What a minute, let me think…." Harry said thickly as the taller boy picked up his pace and Harry gasped, "Meet me or I will make you cum and you'll walk out there embarrassed and sticky."

"Bloody hell, alright! Alright, tomorrow at one… on the tracks."

Johnny smiled and stopped, leaving Harry horny but not sticky and the older boy leaned in near his ear, "Promise." He whispered, "Or I'll just come find you."

Harry gave a small chuckle but shook his head in disbelief, "Promise."

Johnny finally moved away and Harry very quickly straightened his clothes and adjusted his jeans. As he walked by Johnny squeezed his arse and Harry spun and punched him so hard in the chest he boy winced and stumbled back.

As Harry climbed up the side of the easement to the tracks he stumbled but Johnny was quick to catch him and help him the rest of the way, "I mean it, if you don't come I'll just wait outside your house, your guardian won't be to please about it either, I can tell he's strict."

Harry sighed and stopped him again, they were still a ways off from the others though the group paid them no mind, "Look, what do you think is going to happen? I'm not in a position to start some random fling nor a real relationship. I'm confused and not at all certain and can't promise you anything. I can be your friend… anything beyond that… I'm just not mentally able."

Johnny digested Harry's words and swallowed thickly before he looked away and then pulled his pack of smokes from out his back pocket, he still didn't make eye contact as he lit and when he offered one to Harry the boy declined with a shake of his head.

"Maybe… I just want someone to talk to about it… Stacy's great and all...but she isn't… she doesn't … I'm not ashamed, and I don't want to hide it… Jimmy told ya I don't. But to know there is even a chance of someone being able to understand and… help me figure it out… maybe all I need is a friend, Harry. Would you...please...be my… friend?"

Through his tipsy haze Harry looked at the sincerity in the older boy's eyes and realized that even though Johnny knew his sexual preference, he still was curious, confused and scared. Harry couldn't imagine the feeling of knowing for sure and being utterly alone with it, as right now Harry, who could only guess what his body and mind were really trying to tell him, felt terrified but resolute in figuring it out.

He gave the boy a soft smile and rubbed the side of his face and then nodded, "Yeah, alright, tomorrow at one… we will meet at the tracks but let's find a better place than a rock pile yeah?"

Johnny gave a genuine smile back and flicked his butt, "Sure thing."

The two walked off to rejoin the group and upon reaching them Harry took the bottle from Lee and realized it was near gone. "Rest ish yours." Lee slurred and Harry tried to hand it off to Johnny who declined.

"Come on ya boy, drink it up, you're the new guy...you get last shot." Jimmy said with a smirk.

Harry eyed the large bottle and knew for a fact that there was more than just a shot left, still, as the group started to slowly chant the word chug over and over he looked to Johnny who smiled and nodded.

Harry sighed and knew he was going to regret this.

PAGEBREAK

"So what did'ja figure out?" Jimmy asked him as Harry leaned onto him and Johnny for more support, "Bout wha?" Harry asked.

"Your preference, ya great lump."

The other three youths were ahead of them laughing and shoving each other playfully but Harry wasn't sure he knew where he was. There was still light in the sky but it was fading too fast and he worried about getting home, his brain was only able to come up with one word, "Both."

"Yeah? Well you're the first I know, so congratulations." Jimmy said with a fond smile.

"No more booze for Harry, he can't hold it at all." Johnny said with worry.

"Oh, stop ya nagging, he's just a little sleepy, yeah? He'll be fine, besides he ain't your worry righ'?"

Johnny looked away begrudgingly as they continued to help the highly inebriated boy stumble home.

PAGEBREAK

Severus was going over more student papers as he sat in his chair by the fire, he glanced to the window and realized Harry had about ten minutes before he would be considered late. He sighed as he set his papers aside and rubbed at his tired eyes. All day he had had the boy on his mind, for many reason but the main one being how to progress their relationship forward. True, he had time, plenty of it but he was impatient as he wanted to move forward.

Severus knew that just by keeping his temper with the highly emotional youth he was doing well, but he also knew that the faster this false friendship progressed the faster he could be done with it all and figure out the Dark Lord's plan.

He was about to take his position in the center of the room and wait for the boy's late arrival and subsequent excuse when a knock came on the door, leaving Harry to be five minutes early and Snape sighed with relief. His punishment had been rather awful and he had not wanted to take the time to enact it.

He walked to the door and opened it only to find two of the boy's from the earlier group holding Harry up as the boy lazily rolled his head back and forth, "Sorry, Professor, but we didn't realize Harry couldn't hold his… soda. He may need some help gettin' ta bed ta-night." the boxy boy said as he smirked.

"What- you stupid… I…" but Severus simply sighed in the end and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yes, alright bring the little idiot in."

The boys chuckled as they followed him to the sitting room, glancing around as they dropped Harry onto the couch, Johnny kneeling down before him to help him sit up he murmured to him softly as Severus grabbed Jimmy up by the scruff of his neck and dragged him back towards the door, "Don't give me lip or try to fight me as you'll find I'm not one to be trifled with, now what idiotic thought came into your head that told you giving booze to a sixteen year old boy was a good idea?" Snape hissed.

The youth's eyes narrowed a little before he sighed, "That kid needs ta live a little, he's too high strung considering how nice he is."

"You don't know any better, but that boy also suffers from depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, high anxiety, severe neglect and mild mental instability. None of those can be overcome with booze or becoming an extrovert. He is _fine_ just the way he is and I'd appreciate you not feeding into his insecurities by filling his head with childish nonsense and false highs."

"He's right, I kept a good eye on 'im, maybe doing something different will be good for the little _idiot_ … doesn't seem like you care much anyway."

Severus sneered and quickly shoved the boy into the door harshly, Johnny's head snapping up to watch but otherwise he didn't move, "The _child,_ is _my_ charge, under my protection, I don't need to like him, only keep him safe and away from anyone who dare hurt him. His recovery and safety are my top concern, if I think for even one minute you or your little gang of street rats will put his life in danger or deteriorate the only stable environment he has had in his entire life you are dead wrong and I will see to it you never come near him again. Am I clear?"

The boy nodded reluctantly, Severus released his hold and stiffly moved aside as he turned to look at the other boy who was holding Harry's face in his hands and smiling, Severus felt his chest near explode when the boy leaned in and kissed Harry on the forehead.

Severus jolted forward quickly and yanked the boy away, "Out! Now! If I see you around again I will contact the authorities." and just like that Johnny and Jimmy were out the door with shocked looks on their face and swear words rushing passed their lips.

Severus locked the door and flicked his wand, drawing all the curtains closed tight and then he proceeded to kneel before the swaying boy and took Harry's face up in his hands, "Potter…. Are you-"

"Johnny kissed me…" he slurred out as he gave a rather goofy and unbecoming smile.

Severus sneered and looked away before he pressed a palm to the boy's forehead.

"Wretched youth, I should have hexed him." He murmured bitterly to himself.

Harry instantly took the man's hand from his forehead and held it in his own, pulling it to his chest and shaking his head harshly, "No! He was helping… he kissed me so I could know!"

Severus went to yank his hand away but Harry held on tightly, "What on earth could you possibly gain in knowledge from kissing a bo-" Severus stopped and stared at the boy before him as Harry started to look his hand over like it was something new.

"You mean to say… you're-"

"I like both!" Harry slurred happily as he started to tilt sideways and his eyes clenched closed.

Severus grabbed his shoulder with his free hand and set Harry right again, "Disgusting little-" and Harry instantly jerked up from his seat and tried to shove him away before he lost his balance and tripped over the coffee table, face planting like a fish out of water onto the floor.

Severus jerked around to see the magnificently stupid fall but before he could assist Harry was up and stumbling around, "No is not! You… you're a homophone… you're disgusting for your ignoramus!"

Severus nearly couldn't hide the smirk but he cleared his throat and slowly stood, "I believe you mean homophobe and ignorance, contrary to whatever belief you may have I was referring to that boy and his obvious abuse of your confusion."

"I'm not confused no more." Harry said proudly as he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to look away with a rather awkward dignity.

"How lucky for you." Severus said quizzically.

"Don't judge people based on their preference, so's I like both, who cares it's the new centry."

"Right." Snape said shutting his eyes tightly as he sighed and made to move towards Harry.

"Time for bed, we will deal with your punishment in the morning."

"Punishment, I was on time!" he argued with injustice.

"On time but completely inebriated and your under age." Severus countered.

"I'm always under age." Harry murmured angrily as his red eyes looked at the floor and he wobbled. The two stood in silence a moment before Harry moaned and grabbed his stomach, he twirled around and headed for the sink and Severus felt his shoulders drop in defeat, "Good God, Lily help me."

Harry vomited for a good ten minutes before he finally stopped and slid to the floor in agony, "Stupid liqueur, stupid day, stupid dreams...stupid Harry." He lamented as his hand came up to hit his face.

Severus knelt down and grabbed the boy's wrist and Harry's eyes bulge, "While I enjoy self-deprecation as much as the next manic depressive, you've already pushed my patience to the limit, now will you go to bed or shall I drag you."

Harry kept his eyes closed but nodded and slowly stood on his rubberized legs. Severus reluctantly helped the boy climb the stairs and the man couldn't help but resent how lucky the boy was. If Severus wasn't trying to win him over and gain the boy's trust he would have tanned that pale hide of his and locked him in his room to wallow in misery for such stupid and unthinking behavior.

As it was Severus could not and so he continued to aid the boy and when he got Harry into his room he not so gently removed the boys shoes and shirt and then summed a bucket, "If I were you I'd not miss, as you will be the one to clean it up in the morning." Harry nodded and managed out a thank you before Severus turned to go.

He was halted by a call from the boy who sat up and held out his hand as if to stop him, "Wait!"

"What is it you insufferable- what is it Potter." Snape said through clenched teeth.

"Did you mean it earlier… I mean about not caring that I like both….that you thought it was wrong Johnny was trying to… use me?"

Severus eyed him carefully before he looked away and cursed, this was one of those bonding moments, just his luck the boy was plastered, he might not even remember this come tomorrow. Still, Snape couldn't pass up any opportunity given so he turned himself back around and went to stiffly sit next to Harry on the bed.

"No, I honestly don't care about your sexual preference," the word on his tongue felt intimate yet awkward but he continued on despite it, "and yes, _Johnny_ is a wastrel for offering such help if he was aware at all that you might be confused or uncertain. His _help_ , may have made matters worse for you if he didn't take into account… your current mental state."

Harry nodded stiffly as he looked up to the man's face next to him, Severus saw the boy smile, saw his eyes dilate but he did not think anything of the fact Harry was leaning in. Severus was taken completely off guard as the boy lunged and took hold of his face, plowing his weight, however light he was, into Severus's chest and knocking the man back.

Severus gripped Harry's arms far too tight but the boy had managed to get his arms around Severus's neck. He held on like he was hit with a body bind curse and the older man could do nothing when Harry's tongue forced passed his lips and started to undulate inside his mouth.

Harry was moaning greedily as he started to gently grind his hips against Snape's and the man yelled out into the boy's mouth. Harry must have misinterpreted his cry as he seemed to gain momentum and gave a hum in agreement.

Soft thin lips and an over active tongue continued to melt against his and Severus felt a panic unlike anything he had ever know, save for the night he had lost Lily, his heart felt like it might explode. Finally, in a fit of panic he swung a fist and it collided with the boy's head.

Harry's body went limp, his mouth still pressed against his but in a much less erotic state, quickly Severus shoved the boy off and Harry's body didn't move after.

Suddenly Severus felt a different type of panic set in and he quickly checked the boy for signs of life. When he felt the shallow breaths of air from Harry's nose hit the back of his hand he relaxed only slightly. He quickly moved the boy onto his back and then checked the area he had hit. No sign of broken skin, the skull felt intact and swelling had yet to occur.

He needed to go quickly and be back to check on him, but for now he had a man to see and was he about to get an ear full.

 **A/N: Hope you liked chapter four. Editing was rough cause I wrote it quick and didn't have time to really get in on it. R &R and I will go start chapter five now. **


	5. Denial

**A/N: thank you for more reviews, I love the feedback.**

 **WARNING: Scenes of a sexual nature, still no lemon, just kissing… MxM you've been warned.**

 **Chapter Five**

 **Denial isn't just a River in Egypt**

Severus slammed the door behind him and cast a rather quick silencing spell around his room. He then proceeded to rush to his fireplace, drop to his knees and throw a handful of blue dust into the crackling fire which gave a small hiss and then Severus stuck his face in.

He peered around the office of Albus Dumbledore and watched for signs of life. When he saw the man's Phoenix sitting on it's perch he felt rage build in his chest and he started to yell, "ALBUS! IF YOU ARE THERE COME OUT NOW!"

Waiting only seconds he yelled for the man again and was gratified if not slightly annoyed to hear the even yet slow footsteps approach.

"Severus! My dear boy, I've just returned not five minutes ago, I planned to call you shortly, if I could beg five minutes to refresh myself and I will join you shortly."

"Make it five seconds or I swear I will floo to you right now and leave this house unprotected." Severus barked violently.

Dumbledore was taken by surprise but nodded, "As you wish. I shall be there shortly… is everything-"

"It's bloody FINE!" and Snape pulled his head back and reemerged in his bedroom. Snape used his wand quickly to transfigure the wall and make the fireplace bigger and less than thirty seconds later Dumbledore stepped through.

"My dear boy, what is it?" the old wizard asked as he sat down in the chair closest the fire and looked up at the darkly clad man tentatively.

"What's wrong? What's WRONG!" Severus came forward and smacked his hands on the armrests forcing Dumbledore to lean back to avoid a head on collision with the man's face.

"That… that brat is what's wrong! He… he.. just…"

"Calm down my friend, sit and tell me… whatever it is don't let it weigh on you so heavily, surely we can put it right."

Severus stared at him a moment with sharp eyes and then slowly pulled away before he sat down across from him with such poise and stiff grace and straight as a board as he looked at the man with such fury, "That stupid little brat came home drunk tonight…"

This seemed to shock Dumbledore, the first time he had ever looked so surprised in years, "Harry?"

"Who else! Do you think I just keep young children about my home like some kind of hoarder!"

Dumbledore sat back a moment, his eyes staring off as he contemplated the situation. Finally he looked at Severus and asked, "Was it due to anxiety?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, "No, apparently when I allowed him to go spend time with the local street urchins they decided to give him a first hand look at their own future. Collecting bottles for liquor. He came home so inebriated he could not even stand, couldn't even sit without help!"

Severus's head snapped to the man before him when he heard a small chuckle escape passed his lips, "Severus, you can't blame the boy for trying to live a little. He is just sixteen after all, I know for a fact you drank your first bottle at the tender age of twelve."

Severus reeled back, "Only because my father forced it down my throat! But don't you try to distract me, the drinking isn't my main issue, I could have easily let it go and given a simple but fair punishment that wouldn't have deterred my progress with him."

"Then what ever are you so upset about?" Dumbledore asked with a smile to his voice.

"Potter, in his drunken stupor decided that he wanted to do some soul searching… he not only found himself at the mercy of one of those delinquents the boy took physical advantage of him! Then, not only does the brat boast about figuring out his sexual preference, which his uneducated brain decided to label as simply "BOTH", as I put him to bed he… he-"

"What, what did he do Severus?" Albus asked with utter curiosity, "That putrid brat kissed me! HE KISSED ME ALBUS! STRAIGHT ON THE MOUTH WHILE HE MADE A RATHER PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE ME VIA HUMPING MY LEG LIKE A DOG!"

Severus stared at Dumbledore for a moment, the silence thick and heavy, but the old wizard looked away and his shoulders started to shake.

Before Severus knew what was going on the Headmaster was bursting into laughter and leaning back in his seat, his old head gently rocking from side to side as his aged hand came to rest on his chest.

"I… what… no- don't you dare… this is serious Albus!" Severus hissed.

"My dear boy, you've just had the good misfortune of helping Harry come into his own, but it seems you handled it gracefully if not a little over the top. I assume the boy came out unharmed?"

"I punched him in the head." Severus said looking down and putting his face in his hands, this statement seemed to sober Dumbledore up quickly and he leaned forward, "Is he alright Severus?"

"He will be fine though after tonight I doubt the brat will ever touch the stuff again, and his head will be near unforgiving tomorrow."

Dumbledore nodded as his eyes jumped to the floor, he then gave Severus a pat on the shoulder and stood, "Where are you going!" Severus said following the man's movements towards the fireplace.

"Well, as I said earlier I've just returned and am rather tired, I think I shall have a nice cup of tea and go to bed."

"Albus, please… I cannot do this anymore… what happened tonight… I struck him. I'm not better than the beast who raised me and it isn't safe for him here anymore! We have got to find another way."

Dumbledore turned to him with all serious and said softly, "There isn't another way, I do feel it is safe to say that Harry will have learned his lesson, if not from the enormous hang over then from your bump to his head. Have faith, I have hope that this could be the turning point."

"I don't see how me beating the boy is a turning point…" Severus said with exasperation.

"I do believe what you did is a far cry away from beating him, any fear you have of becoming the monster that was your father has long since passed. You are free of that demon. May I suggest that tomorrow, act as of the event tonight never occurred. Punish him accordingly as you see fit for coming home inebriated but then… do the thing he will surely doubt you'll do."

Severus looked at him with confusion, "And what, pray tell, is that?"

"Care for him."

And just like that Dumbledore was through the fireplace leaving Severus along to collapse back into his chair.

PAGEBREAK

When Harry opened his eyes light was streaming in through the window and he hissed in pain and covered his head with the blanket.

"Bloody hell." He murmured weakly, "Jimmy, you arse hole." He winced bitterly as his eyes watered from the sudden intrusion of pain and light.

"You will want to drink this." and Harry froze under his covers, his brain registering the owner to which the voice belonged.

He felt his heart speed up, heat wash across his face and the ache in his head intensify. Harry remembered everything. He let out a groan and said from under his blanket, "Professor… I am SO sorry."

There was silence a moment and then he heard Snape speak, "You can fear no punishment from me at the moment as I am sure you are already under a rather serious amount of pain and the humility has surely already turned your face three different shades of red."

"Four." Harry corrected as he braved a peek from out his cover, Snape was sitting on a chair next to the bed holding out a potion vial. Harry reached for it and then ducked back beneath his covers. He drank the potion quickly and was relieved it held no taste.

"I suggest you spend the day relaxing and recovering, then we will work on some of that unedited homework of yours. I will bring you some food and I expect you to eat it. Then you will come down stairs and rest on the couch… we need to have a short discussion on your judgment and your current choice of friends."

Harry handed the vial back and said in agreement, "Yes, sir." before he gave a small sigh of relief, the potion was doing it's job and helping to ease the nausea, stiffness and his blistering headache.

"Very good. I shall return momentarily."

Harry heard the man leave and then brought his hands to his face and groaned. This was going to be a very long day, and Harry couldn't even imagine how the conversation was going to go. He felt relief the man wasn't infuriated with him or slowly cutting him into tiny pieces to add to a potion but the boy knew Snape had knocked him in the head. He remembered seeing the fist coming at his head in slow motion. He even remembered thinking about why he had decided to attack the man with his mouth.

Being drunk was no excuse and yet that's the only obvious reason he could think. Between that dream he had, the pressures from the group to explore his curiosity and coming home drunk to feel Snape's hands on his face and the man defending his virtue, it seemed like what should have happened at the time. But Harry felt the guilt swell as he knew he had not taken Snape's feelings into account, not that Harry ever believed the man felt anything but anger and resentment, the entire thing had been on impulse and he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Sure, Harry was level headed enough to accept his own sexual preference… he'd never had a problem with the idea of homosexuality. And realizing he could go either way seemed to make sense given his attraction to Cho last year and his response to Johnny last night.

But why Snape, why was he suddenly having this weird thing about a man who had never in Harry's entire time knowing him ever cut him a break? Why did it have to be a man who held a rather domineering controlling personality who was never happy or nice and loved to make his life miserable.

Perhaps he wasn't attracted to Snape, maybe he was attracted to the niceties the man had shown him. After losing Sirius it might make some sense to want to reach out for another person to take his place, denial could make you do funny things. Maybe Harry didn't want to be alone and since Snape had been there…

His train of thought stopped when he heard the door open and the man in question enter. Harry finally braved the day and emerged, wincing only slightly at the bright light that greeted him. His professor sat the tray down before him and Harry noticed the smell of soup as soon as he sat up.

Harry waited for the man to put the tray down before him and then nodded his thanks and slowly began to eat, "The potion I gave you should help you keep it down but I recommend an exorbitant amount of water today. Eat the bloody crackers too."

Harry nodded again and noticed Snape wasn't leaving so he looked to the man with a confused face and waited, "I don't expect you to understand what I am about to offer but you will listen anyway, if you have any desire to press charges against that boy-"

"Who? Jimmy?" Harry asked with perplexity as his eyes grew wide.

"I refer to the boy who... Johnny, I believe was his name," Snape said, obviously not wanting to clarify why and assuming Harry would put two and two together, "If you wish to press charges for his misconduct regarding you I will look into it on your behalf."

To say Harry was shocked was an understatement, so shocked he had to take a moment to get his bearings, "Why would I want to-"

"You may think nothing of it, and perhaps it was all just fun and games at the time…. But that street rat is older than you by several years… you were also drunk and your judgment and ability to defend yourself and what you might or might not have wanted at the time was impaired. Before you come down stairs for the day I want you to think about it, make sure you understand what I'm offering and how you feel about it before you say yes or no."

Still in shock all Harry could do was nod and then Snape was gone. Apparently things were just going to get weirder and weirder the longer the day went.

PAGEBREAK

Severus was reading when Harry came down, blanket, pillow and school bag in tow, he also managed to carry the tray and Severus stood as the boy entered the sitting room. He was walking over to help via taking the tray to the kitchen when Harry inadvertently stepped on the blanket.

His reflexes triggered and Severus moved forward, hands coming to rest over Harry's to help steady him, he kept his voice soft and level when he said, "Foolish boy, it was unwise to try and move so much at once, you could have left the tray upstairs."

Harry didn't look up but murmured a small apology and it was all Severus could do when he noticed the small tremor in the boy's hands, the red on his cheeks and his failure to make eye contact to dismiss it as a sign of embarrassment.

He took the tray to the kitchen and then returned to his chair to find Harry had set up on the couch, blanket across his lap and pillow on the armrest while his bag lay next to his feet.

The silence wasn't awkward but it was thick and heavy with a sort of strained unwillingness, but Severus knew it was better to get this all out of the way then to let it set.

"Very well, are you settled?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then let's begin. I do not feel the need to scold you as I can only hope you've learned your lesson in regards to drinking copious amounts of alcohol in one setting. However, considering you did do the act, you will be punished. We shall wait until tomorrow as any work right now could make you sick and I've no desire to clean up the mess, understood."

"Yes."

"Good. Have you given any thoughts to my offer?"

"I have."

"And?"

Harry seemed to hesitate, whether he was unsure the man would like his answer or because he still wasn't sure what he wanted to do, Severus didn't know, but he leaned back in his chair and waited.

"I don't think it's necessary to press charges. When Johnny… when what happened happened I wasn't as drunk as I was when I came home. I didn't get stupid drunk until after… I just mean… I was coherent enough when he… I willingly put myself in that situation for reasons I'd rather not discuss."

Severus digested Harry's words, thinking it through and taking in the boy's demeanor. As far as he could tell Potter wasn't lying so he had no cause for concern.

"Very well, if that is how you wish to proceed then that is what we shall do. In regards to the rest of that group… I do not think it is wise for you to spend anymore time with them."

Harry couldn't stop his outburst, "But, sir!"

"This is a decision I won't back down on. They are a bad influence as seen by the events of last night, if I catch you with them again I will be forced to respond and I assure you it will be harsh. Understand?"

Severus could see how the boy wanted to fight harder, wanted to cry out injustices about how Snape wasn't his father and didn't control him or the choices or friends he made but Harry miraculously bit his tongue, a major improvement to his usual pig-headed nature.

Snape nodded when Harry simply jerked his head up and down and looked away , "Now, your homework, let's start with…"

"What?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Is there something else you wish to speak with me about?" Severus asked, he had followed Dumbledore's instructions and was going to pretend that the whole event in the boy's room had never happened, but apparently this surprised the boy, he was an idiot if he really wanted to go there with him. But Severus wouldn't stop him, he would simply put the ball in the boy's court.

"I… well... I just wanted to…. Whatever else may have happened last night sir, it won't… it won't happen again."

Severus didn't say anything at first, he was giving thought how best to respond. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to put the boy out of his misery considering how well this had been going so far. But… for some reason….he felt a sudden overpowering need to comment and he did so with a sharp smirk upon his lips, "Whatever else happened last night is between you, me and God. It would be best to keep it that way."

Harry continued to wear his look of surprise for the next several minutes but pulled out his Herbology textbook when told to and handed over his homework.

Snape scanned through it and was once again impressed, his only offer of correction was to explain more on the properties of nightshade root and it's discovery by Bertille Bloodvane in the 18th century. For the next two hours Harry re-wrote his paper, not changing much save for what Snape suggested.

Snape sat in his chair, sipping coffee and watching the boy over the edge of his paper. Snape wasn't one to second guess himself but he was having serious seconds thoughts on banning the boy from his friends. It was the first time since Potter had come here that he had put up any fight at all in regards to the man's rules. Snape had a feeling that this was going to have a negative effect on his plans. Yet, the idea of Harry once again falling under the spell of that young rogue…

 _Spell of that what?_ That wording was improper for the situation, he should say, he didn't' want Potter to be put in a compromising situation. The boy had enough problems to worry about without dealing with some older brat seducing him and taking advantage of the boy's gentle nature.

 _Gentle nature?_ Now he was making excuses for the boy, Potter could in fact take care of himself, he had proven that via being alive right now considering what he'd been through. Potter was stubborn, self-righteous and rather uncaring about his own life, yet, he was caring to a fault for others, even with his relatives harsh words and actions, even after being nearly killed multiple times, even when those he once thought were friends turned their back on him. He never failed to be a good person…

 _Why are you thinking such uncharacteristic thoughts of the brat, you know he is nothing but a mirror image of his father, nothing but a lazy, sloppy, rude….gentle, kind, friendly non judgmental-_

Severus snapped his paper down and brought a hand to his face before he clenched his teeth and tried to clear his mind.

"Sir, is everything alright?" Severus looked up to see Harry looking over at him, a small trace of, dare Severus even say it, concern etched in his brow and eyes. He felt an anger rise in his chest, a bitter hateful need to snap on the boy and tell him to mind to his own affairs but once again the image of both the Headmaster and the Dark Lord came to mind and he knew instantly he needed to come up with some excuse, "I am fine, though I do have reservations about your ability to respect my boundaries in regards to those street rats…"

Harry looked at him indignantly and spoke softly but with moxy, "They aren't street rats sir, they have homes and families like anyone else… they just don't get on… Stacy's dad is a drunk and Jimmy's parents are constantly fighting… they just want to get out… away from the abuse...just like I did. I'm just lucky sir, I have Dumbledore and the order...I have a school to go to and friends from stable homes… I have you. They have no one but each other."

 _I have you…_ echoed through his head like a gentle wave and resonated into his core but Severus resisted and felt his teeth clamp down on his tongue and he swallowed before he said slowly, "Yes, well be that as it may, I know you well enough to know your habits. If you are told not to do something you usually find a way to do it in excess… so I propose a compromise."

Harry had been about to snap back at Snape's comment but hesitated at the offer and Severus said something he instantly knew he would regret, "If you make me a promise to avoid those street- children... and manage to keep it, I see no reason why you could not write to your two comrades in arms at Mr. Weasley's and have them come to see you at some time in the future."

Severus saw the boy's eyes light up, saw a massive smile break across his face and the older man felt a small pinch of something in his chest that vibrated something akin to jealousy, he dismissed it and pressed it down to the back of his mind and refused to acknowledge it.

"Seriously? You'd let them come here?"

Severus locked eyes with the boy to reiterate the seriousness of his words, "It is something I will considered if you promise me not to go looking for that group of miscreants."

"So, I can write them?" he asked with excitement.

"I see no reason why not, and if you keep your promise to me I will see about having them come to visit."

"Thank you, sir." Harry said with another genuine smile, "I promise." and then his nose was back in his paper and working quickly to finish.

Severus pulled his paper back up and for only a split second, he felt rather pleased with himself.

PAGEBREAK.

The two had sat down to eat at one, Severus spelling the food to cook itself and they ate salads and a sandwich with chips. The lunch was quiet but comfortable and Severus thought it might remain that way until Harry cleared his throat and sat down his drink, "Sir… can I- I need to tell you something."

Severus took up his napkin, wiped his mouth and then tossed it aside as he leaned back in his chair and nodded once, "Yesterday at the tracks… that's where Johnny… he asked me to meet him again today, around this time in the same spot."

"And in your infinite wisdom you agreed." Severus finished for him.

Harry gave him an annoyed glance but then continued, "Yes, sir. He said if I didn't show he would come looking for me. At the time I figured I could meet him, but now… considering the promise I made you… I want to ask your permission to speak with him if he comes round."

Severus gave him a very long look, before he cocked his head to the side, "Did we not just have a conversation about-"

"I know, sir. That is why I am asking to make an exception to our deal, just this once. If he comes round I'd like to tell him myself that- I just don't want him to be hurt. He's lonely and confused just like I am… he's ready to- he wants to be able to- he needs a friend, sir. I want to keep my promise to you, but I also want to explain why I can't see him anymore…"

"You just met that wastrel yesterday, I do not think he will be crushed at having lost you so quickly. You're not that interesting Potter."

Harry's face erupted with heat and he looked away with a very aggravated expression before he snapped out, "I don't think it's me he will be upset over losing, it's the ability to have someone else to talk to that is like him, to have the chance to finally explore his….preference without feeling like he has to hide it. If he comes… I just want to… say good-bye… he deserves that much."

"In my opinion that sexual predator deserves nothing…. But if it will keep the young roughen from protesting at my front door I suppose I better allow it. You will remain inside, I will go to my rooms to allow you the privacy but if he even tries to- you will call me, understand?" Harry nodded, "Thank you, sir."

They both went back to eating and this time the silence was tense.

PAGEBREAK

At one-thirty there was a knock on the front door and Harry locked eyes with Snape and the man stood, a sneer on his face as he went to the door. Harry could only hear a small portion of the conversation but he could tell Snape wasn't very welcoming.

Seconds later Snape passed him quickly and disappeared upstairs and Harry looked to see Johnny standing near the door, his eye intensely looking at him and his fists clenched tight.

"I was worried… when you didn't show. I mean, I understood given what happened last night and how nasty your guardian can be...but I had to make sure you were alright."

Harry stood and turned to walk over to Johnny with a small smirk on his face, "Been better, I've decided alcohol isn't really my thing."

"Damn straight, you can't hold a spoon of it you tosser. If I were you I'd never touch the stuff again." Johnny said as he leaned in and brought his hands to rest on Harry's waist.

"Johnny, I-"

But Harry didn't finish as he felt the boy move quick and take up his lips. The kiss was long and slow and Johnny didn't hesitate to deepen it when Harry opened his mouth. The boy's hands reached around and gripped his backside and Harry felt his lower regions stir though it wasn't near as strong as it had been last night.

When the older boy turned away he was breathing just as heavy as Harry and the look of confusion on his face when the young boy pulled away and walked to stand by the arm chair was near gut wrenching.

"Johnny… I can't, we can't do this. I told you yesterday that I didn't have time for such things, so before this even begins I want you… I need you to put it… put me out of your mind."

The young man looked shocked and took a step towards him, "But, Harry… I… I know we just met, I told you I just want… I need to… I don't want to be alone with this...this… stupid… I can't face this alone. You're the first person I met who hasn't judged me… who shows any interest at all...who understands-"

"I don't know if I do understand… I've just discovered this for myself, you've known for awhile now. Besides, there will be others."

"What others, The End is just what it says, the end of everything. No one who lives here has an open mind, everyone is angry and bigoted in their houses and I see them hurting each other and their children and just wallowing in their own self hate. I don't want to become like that, I don't want to be… if I am alone I know it will happen."

"So leave." Harry said.

"What?" This seemed to catch Johnny off guard so Harry continued quickly, "Leave. Spinner's End isn't the only town in the world, there are cities full of people who don't give two shites who you want to get off with. Go to London, go anywhere, you don't have to stay."

"But- my friends…"

"They would understand, and besides it isn't like you couldn't come back. If you aren't happy here you need to go find your happiness, make it for yourself. Don't wait for others to make it for you because you will just be disappointed."

"You're here." Johnny nearly pouted, "Trust me, I'm no catch… I've got my own issues and I'd just end up getting you killed… I mean… killing your heart… I don't have time or the consistency to be anything for you. And I'm only here for the summer anyway, after that… I'm at school and then who knows, I never know where I will end up… always being handed off to someone else as their problem… no home base so to speak."

Johnny digested this and then swallowed before he crossed the space and took Harry's hands, he pulled him and Harry planted his feet, "Come with me then."

It was Harry's turn to look shocked, "What?"

"Come with me, let's make our own way, our own happiness. No more adults or beatings, no abuse or neglect… let's just run off… we don't even have to be together we could just be friends and go explore the world. We'd be free of all of them… no more hurting or being put down or torture or pain or loss."

Johnny pulled him forward again and this time Harry felt his feet move, Johnny's smile got wider, "Come on Harry." he whispered with excitement, "We could disappear, no more-"

"No more pain?" Harry asked looking up to the boy in question, "No more pain… just us…" Johnny confirmed.

"No more responsibility...or doubt…" Johnny nodded and took up the boys face in his hands, "No more anger." Harry said and he looked into those icy blue eyes and for a moment felt sorely tempted, "No more anything." Johnny agreed.

He was leaning in and as their lips met Harry pulled away, "Harry, what's wrong?"

"You need to leave." the boy bit out.

"Harry, please talk to me… What did I say wrong?"

"Nothing, you said nothing wrong and everything right but I just can't go."

"Harry, Harry don't do this to yourself… I can see it, God damn it, right there in your eyes how desperately you just want to disappear, don't fight it-"

"You don't understand, you can't understand who I am, what I have to do…. Who I have to be."

Johnny looked at him with hard eyes and then slowly reached up under his shirt, he pulled out a long thin piece of wood and Harry's heart stopped.

"You're… You're a wizard?"

"I am."

"I don't understand…."

"Not everyone goes to school at Hogwarts Harry." the boy said gently with a kind smile.

"But… why didn't you tell me, do the other knows, are they-"

"No, Jimmy and the others are just muggles, good people but ordinary, it's just me. I didn't tell you because I wanted to… I didn't want to make you feel like you had to project someone other than who you really were. I wanted to meet the real Harry Potter. And I think you understand now what I really mean. I'm the only wizard in Spinner's End, the only gay wizard in the area, trust me I've looked. So imagine my surprise when not only does someone else who might share my preference show up, but it's Harry Potter, not just any wizard but… the wizard. I played it off, instantly knew I wanted to get to know you, the real you and I didn't want you to think you had to… be the savior that everyone thinks you are. You could just be… Harry."

Harry felt his breath catch in his throat, felt his eyes water as anger swelled, "If you know who I am you know why I can't leave. I have responsibilities, I have work to do, monsters to slay."

"You're just a kid, you don't have to take this on alone, you don't have to take it on at all. Voldemort… let him be someone else's white whale, why does it have to be you?"

"It's always been me!" Harry yelled, "Since before I even knew of magic, sleeping in the cupboard under my relatives staircase, unloved and unwanted it was written in the history books that I would be some great and mighty dark wizard slayer. Like I'm someone special, but I'm not, I don't know what I'm doing half of it, most of the time I almost always have help! I'm already just Harry, but everyone else thinks I'm something more, they believe in me for some foolish reason and I can't do anything about it. Running off would only hurt those closest to me, condemn them to some belief that I'm a coward and that I'm afraid, that there isn't hope, that they can't win, it's selfish. I don't even think I can win and yet I still try because everyone has painted me as their fearless leader, well let me tell you something Johnny, I am afraid! I am so afraid I can't sleep, I have nightmares, half the time I can't even eat… and I'm miserable and I just want to be someone else. I don't want eternal glory or fame, I don't want to be in the spotlight, I don't want others to look up to me. I just want to be…" and Harry stopped then because he had said too much, he had shown his weakness.

"I'm tired Johnny. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep one night without any dreams, without Voldemort's face carving itself into my mind… I'm just so bloody tired." and Harry slid down the bookcase onto the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and burying his face in his arms, "How am I supposed to save and protect everyone else when I can't even save or protect myself?"

Johnny slowly approached, knelt down before him and put his hands on the boy's shoulders, "You don't have to be anyone's martyr, you can walk away… it's your right to be able to walk away… it's your life."

"It stopped being my life when Voldemort killed my parents, I just wish I had died with them." and Harry shoved Johnny away and bolted for the door. He thought he'd make it but felt a pair of thin arms wrap around him, "Harry, wait, calm down, I'm sorry… please just listen!"

"Get off me, let go!" he yelled as he thrashed about, "Just leave. Me. Alone!" he gave a jerk and twisted and Johnny lost his footing, the two tumbled to the floor with Johnny trying to hold on to the panicking and angry boy while Harry tried to scramble, "I can't breath! I need out! LET ME OUT!" Harry bellowed and he managed to land a kick to Johnny's face but still the boy wouldn't let go and just as Harry thought Johnny was going to successfully pin him down Harry saw movement and the next thing he knew Johnny was pulled off and flung towards the front door.

The bang made Harry stop and he rolled over onto his arse to see Johnny sitting there wide-eyed looking up at Snape like he was some creature sent to kill him. Harry scrambled to his feet and was quick to see Snape simply pick the boy up and toss him out the door.

The resounding silence was solid, blending together in an agreed upon mutual decision, Johnny needed to leave, he couldn't be apart of this even if he was a wizard… it was too dangerous… Johnny was a liability.

Despite this unspoken agreement Harry was shaking his head no and he felt air sucking in passed his lips, in and out in sporadic heaves of anxiety, "How much did you hear?"

Snape didn't respond at first, then he asked softly, "Truth?"

"Yes." Harry said assuredly.

"All of it."

Harry looked away and then let out an aggravated breath of air, "Damn." he strode to the couch and grabbed his bag and pillow, "I'm going to my room."

"Potter, you're having a panic attack." Snape said with annoyance as he stepped toward the boy.

Harry continued to gulp air as he turned to head upstairs, "It happens all the time, I'll manage." he bit as he stomped up the stairs. He slammed the door as he got to his room, tossing his pillow and bag on the bed. He found an empty corner, dropped into it, pulled himself into a small ball and began the long process of calming himself down.

PAGEBREAK

Severus knocked on the door softly, it was ten minutes later, he held in his hand a vile of calming draught on the off chance the boy wanted some aid. He stepped closer to the door when he heard no reply and to his own chagrin heard the soft sound of panted breaths and a slight wheezing, high throated sob.

"Potter, I'm coming in." Severus said as he tried the handle. The knob gave and Severus could not believe the boy had yet to lock his door since his arrival, did he feel no right to privacy? Or was he so not used to having it he didn't even think about it?

When Severus entered he came to see Potter in the corner on the floor, wrapped up in a tight ball and trying to calm his breathing. Severus's first thought was to drag him to his feet, tell him to get over it and grow up. But given his desire to befriend the boy, his automatic response wasn't good enough, in fact, that response would be more relevant if he was trying to reenact a scene between himself and his father.

He could not approach this situation as he would any other person… he needed to be… _gentle._ His stomach twisted in disgust and dread. He didn't know how to be gentle, harsh and stiff was his life… unforgiving and cruel and mean… gentle and kind wasn't in anything he was. Not his childhood, nor his teens or even his adulthood.

He could not pull this ability from experience or by watching others, only from his own panic attacks in his youth….unless of course he didn't forget the one person in his life who had been kind to him.

 _Lily, I need you now, give me strength to do this correctly… I don't know how…_

Severus approached slowly and came to rest on his knees in the center of the room, leaving the boy plenty of space and a way out if he was unable to calm down.

"Potter… calm down… can you look at me? Look at me silly boy." he kept his voice even, soft and gentle though the kindness aspect was lacking, he would have to work on that. Slowly the boy looked up from his arms and Severus near started at the red face and sweaty brow that looked back, wide swollen eyes laced with red and fists cal ching sleeves so tight they were snow white.

"Pro-professor… I will be….f-fine… I just need to… calm….down. an hour…..then we can t-talk…" he started to cough and his inability to breath worsened.

"I'm not here to talk you stupid boy, I'm here to help." still his voice remained even and soft, insults aside he kept his face calm and devoid of all emotions, eyes locked on to the boy but not near venomous so much as focused.

"Help? I can handle...handle it… I just have to...breath and… wait…"

Severus couldn't help the smirk that came to his lips, "If all you've ever done to deal with these attacks is breathing and waiting it's no wonder you haven't gotten better."

Harry looked away and then his eyes locked onto the window as rain started to fall and pelt against the glass. His breathing intensified as lighting flashed and thunder struck.

"Don't tell me you are afraid of storms… how much childish nonsense do you abide by in your life, Potter?"

"Not s-storm… you…."

"I know that is a lie, I do not scare you so don't act-"

"No…. You… seeing m-me...like….weakness…" Harry managed and his fist came down on the floor so hard the desk next to him actually jolted, "You see me… as… weak...I'm… not….w-weak." his breathing intensified and he grabbed his head, fingers digging into his hair and scalp, "I-m not… weak...not weak… just can't control...I'm NOT WEAK!" He yelled then through the turbulence of his attack, now he was heaving so hard his face looked more pale than red and the sweat now rolled in large drops from his temples.

Severus couldn't help the indigent look that crossed his face, "I do not believe you are weak, I believe you are… Potter, will you allow me to help you or not?"

Harry didn't even think about it he simply nodded and Severus took a better hold of his vial, "I am going to approach and I want you to allow it, do not allow your brain to panic any more, alright?"

Harry nodded quickly and Severus started to move forward, "Alright, nice and slow, Potter."

Severus made it to the boy and slid down next to him, he pulled the boy onto his lap and took the corner spot, his back feeling the heat left by the boy's presence. Harry started to jerk a little instinctively but Severus would have none of it, he spread his legs so the boy could sit between them and he pulled Harry's back to rest against his chest, "Now, focus on nothing but trying to breath with me, use the rise and fall of my chest as guidance to slow your breathing. In...out…..in…..out."

After about ten minutes Harry's breathing had calmed enough for Severus to hand hi the vial, "Drink." Harry complied and three seconds later he was near limp in the man's lap.

"Stupid…" Severus said to himself as he managed to maneuver the boy so he could get up. He helped Harry to his bed and covered him with the sheet, the boy's comforter having been left downstairs.

"That calming draught will wear off in a few hours. Come down for dinner when you feel better and we will talk about what happened. Until then, rest and allow the potion to do it's job."

Harry's eyes were barely open but he managed a nod and seconds later was out cold. Severus stared a moment longer before he disappeared downstairs.

PAGEBREAK

Four hours had passed since the boy had drank the potion, it was nearing five, the sun sinking low slowly, soon the boy would emerge looking for dinner, and Severus was most urgent to make his way downstairs and prepare it. But Severus, it seemed, was to be stuck in this frustrating conversation for a second hour as Dumbledore continued to ask questions and impart onto him information that for right now was useless to him. His current mission did not let him utilize such things anyway.

"No, today was a very bad day indeed." Severus answered back to another question posed by the Headmaster.

"The brat has made friends with the wrong sort, and that Don Juan of a boy caused Potter to have a momentary break down, though after hearing the conversation I no longer fear Potter will run from this. He has been well wrapped hasn't he?" Severus's words were bitter, his inflection challenging.

"I've no idea what you are trying to implying but I assure you…"

"You can fool a lot of people Albus, but I am not among them. However, your half-truths will suit me for now and we can move on to something more current. I wish to know if I am allowed to extend an invitation to Potter's duo of pig-headed Gryffindor comrades."

"Miss. Granger? Mr. Weasley? At Spinner's End?" Albus asked in confusion.

Snape sighed and instantly clarified, "Obviously, it's for the boy. He needs children who will pose a good influence… at the very least a better influence. Now, can potter owl for them or not?"

Dumbledore thought a moment and then nodded, "Yes. I think it will be good for him to have a short visit. That was very thoughtful of you Severus."

"Do not think anything of it, I simply do not want the boy in my hair every single day. This will be a nice reprieve for the both of us."

"Of course. Now, I do need to speak with you about-"

A shrieked ripped through the house and Severus was up and down to the boy's room in a flash, not a word spoken to Dumbledore in his fast-paced jump to the door. He yanked the door open and saw Potter jerking about in his bed, one hand scratching down the wall as the other tried to cover his head.

The room was vibrating, the glass window shattered and the fireplace erupted in random bursts of flame just as Severus managed to reach the bed. The desk lurched to the side as Harry's head jerked to the side, the oil lamp teetering dangerously. The owl's cage went flying but thankfully the beast was gone at the moment. The air in the room swirled violently and it was near deafening as everything seemed to be cracking, jerking or condensing.

Severus reached down and took the boy's face in his hands, "Potter! Potter, wake up! Wake up you bloody-" he ducked just as the chair rushed over his head and slammed into the door behind him.

"No! Mum! Sirius! Please come back! Don't hurt them please! Stop please you're hurting them!"

Severus redoubled his efforts, "POTTER! WAKE UP! WAKE... HARRY! HARRY WAKE UP!"

As soon as those green eyes met his the boy sat up and pressed himself into Severus's arms. The man was shocked, his own arms were still extended down as if holding someone, but he felt the boy's face nuzzling deeply into his chest, the hair atop his head tickling under his chin, arms squeezing his ribs and fingers digging through the fabric of his robes to his skin.

Black eyes were wide, face completely void of all emotion as he felt like he was being held by a constrictor snake, unsure how to respond to this moment.

"I don't want to do this… please… please tell me I don't have to do this… that I don't have to face him." Harry almost sobbed, but he kept his dignity and managed it out with only anxiety lacing his voice.

Severus's brain seemed to catch up with the situation and slowly, near mechanically his arms folded around the boy, one taking up his head, the other rubbing slow awkward circles on his back. He remembered his mother used to rub his back, and rock back and forth, he could try that right? It might...help?

Slowly he started to rock, continuing the gentle circles and cupping the back of the boy's head, his thumb gently stroking down through the soft brown of Harry's hair over and over.

"That would be a lie." Severus managed softly, so softly he almost swore he felt that gentleness take hold of him. He was getting into deep water now, this was dangerous…

"Lie to me then, let me pretend for just a moment that I have a choice-"

"You don't."

"Please, Professor, please just-"

"Denying the inevitable will not make it go away...you will just be disappointed in the morning Potter." he spoke caringly into the boy's ear as he continued his soft ministrations, something tight in his chest becoming less so and suddenly his entire body managed to relax and holding the brat felt like second nature to him. His ability to be stern and hard adapting to fit another kind of man, a type of man that he was not, yet here he was.

A feeling erupted in his chest and he had a sudden urge, one he didn't even understand until he was already doing it, affectionately nuzzling the side of his face into the boy's hair and speaking softly, "It's better to face it, face it and accept it because you can't change fate… and yours is sealed."

"Please...just say it for me...please." Harry whispered as his nails dug tighter and his face turned in to rest next to the man's own, their cheeks now touching and Severus felt his heart speed up.

Severus scrunched his eyes closed at such stubborn persistence but his annoyance was over ruled and he opened his eyes to lock onto the chair leg sticking out of the wall, "I promise, you will never have to face him, you don't have to suffer anymore and tomorrow everything will be different….I will protect you Potter… and I will make sure you never have to dream of that demon again."

Harry pulled back so he could make eye contact and the two stared at each other a moment, but Severus ended that seconds later when he brought his forehead down to meet Harry's and he whispered softly, "I'll protect you, I swear it."

Then it was Harry's turn to do something to alter the moment and he tilted his head back and brought his lips up to meet the older man's delicately. Severus felt his heart stop and a heat pool in his belly, his hand instinctively tightening in the boy's hair as he opened his mouth and then his brain snapped back to reality and he yanked back, tearing his body away and stumbling back slamming into the door which then jerked shut under his weight.

This time the heated stare between the two was charged with something different and Severus was well aware of what it was. His face contorted into something akin to shock and fear, then to anger and finally rage.

"What in blazes do you think-" but he stopped when Harry stood, undeterred by the man's sudden spike in temper, "Sit back down… NOW, POTTER!"

But Harry slowly progressed towards him and when he was in reach, placed a hand on the man's chest, the top of his head only coming to the man's nose. "Don't-" Severus warned as he took the boy by both of his wrists and tried to hold him at bay.

But Harry's deep green eyes held a heady intoxicated look and Severus knew at this moment the boy could not be reached, before he could say more those thin lips pressed again to his and Severus found himself opening his mouth with a soft moan, the sound traversing from his mouth to Harry's and he released a wrist to slide a hand down to wrap about the boy's waist. Harry was kissing him in earnest seconds later and Severus went to turn his face away but his grip on the boy's wrist faltered and Harry's hand came up to cup his face so quick he found himself momentarily obeying the strong push back towards those soft lips, Severus's now free hand gripping tightly into the boy's hair.

The boy's kiss was so familiar, it was as if they had kissed before and Severus found it was near impossible to resist it despite his pride in having such controls over his body to never have to worry about such things as this. It was a preposterous idea, but somehow, he swore he had kissed Potter before...yesterday not being considered.

And then something occurred to him, something he should have guessed when he had learned of Potter's confusion but hadn't even been willing to consider… he kissed just like Lily, or if he was being honest with himself, his dream version of Lily kissed just like the seductive little brat before him. And suddenly Severus's rage doubled and in one swift motion he gripped onto the boy's arms so harshly Harry let out a yell as their lips broke contact.

Severus thrust him down harshly, near violently and Harry flipped over so quick to look up at the man who stood over him, "It was you… you… you were in my bedroom… you kissed me when I was dreaming of...her."

Harry's eyes grew wide and Severus sneered, "Yes, it was you… and now you will be most assuredly punished you disrespectful…" but once again the man stopped as an image came to his mind.

The image of himself in the shower… cuming to an image of Lily, only just as she was there she was replaced with Harry as the man realized what had happened, the brat biting into his neck as Severus came and the older man felt his stomach give a massive lurch and he quickly turned and ran to his room.

Shutting and locking the door behind him, Severus grabbed up his bin and heaved for the first time in nearly fifteen years.

"Severus! You've returned, is everything alright, is Harry-"

"Go away."

"Severus-"

"GET OUT!" he screamed as he chucked the bin at the fireplace and Dumbledore's face disappeared. He sank into a chair and put his face in his hands. Suddenly, he had a very big problem and all he had done to earn it was try to learn to care.

A/N: **R &R let me know what you think as I was really nervous to post this one up… it's moving a little faster than I had originally planned, so this might have to become a re-write in the future as I am speeding through this… so much for slow burn…. Anyway, let me know!**


	6. The Roads we Travel

**A/N: THIS chapter is an exercise in introspective musingings. There will not be too much talk in the beginning, more thoughts, feelings and trying to cope. Consider this a gateway chapter to the future SNARRY that is about to unfold. I'm not satisfied with how this story has progressed, it's run away with me… and it's not turning in the direction I wanted it to. I'm not going to stop posting but I may be reworking chapters soon because I can't stand rereading this only to find I left important stuff out….like detail and character development and depth….BLARG! Enjoy chapter five and thank you for all the wonderful reviews.**

 **WARNING: SCENES OF MINOR MOLESTATION BETWEEN A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL AND OLDER MAN, NOTHING SERIOUS OR VULGAR, BUT IT'S NEAR THE BOTTOM IF YOU WISH TO SKIP. JUST A STANDARD TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOSE WHO MAY NEED ONE. MUCH LOVE, APPRENTICE08**

 **Chapter Six**

 **The Roads we Travel**

 **The Choices we Make**

It took a moment for Harry to realize what had just happened. Standing there staring at the door that Snape had just disappeared through. The professor had slammed it when the sudden urge to vomit had come, the man rushing away in shock. Apparently, Harry was not who Snape had wanted to kiss. Yet, that moment they had just shared had been tender, so utterly meaningful and gentle. The very idea that his feared potions professor could talk like that, could comfort him and promise such wanted and prolific things…

Harry was not a person to hide from his problems, but the loss of his godfather had devastated him, not wanting to think about more losses, more people being hurt in their attempt to aid him in this near unattainable goal….

There were things worth fighting for, friendship and love was among them….but also freedom from tyranny, hate and suffering. The needless suffering was near too much, so Harry would always fight, always try to stand up for what he felt was right and decent, but doing it alone was daunting and pulling in his friends and companions because he didn't want to stand alone was selfish.

Though Snape had made a very good point, they would have fought without him, if Harry had never been born, if someone else had been the chosen one all these people still would have fought for their freedom, love and their very life.

So this brief moment of tempting fate, pretending it didn't have to be so, was a refreshing pace for Harry, he wanted to bask in it, savour the idea of not having to be this person. But part of him, the part he had been denying recently, wouldn't change his life for the world. He was lucky, all things considered to be who he was with such great friends and comrades in arms. Yet, that brief reprieve Snape had just given him...it tasted like a different kind of freedom, one he would eat every day if he could.

If that moment had been false then Harry had just come to realize that Snape was the world's best actor, if it had been true then that man was in utter denial. Harry wasn't so sure he had the courage to figure out which it was. The signs Snape had given indicated, at the very least, a basic interest to form and share some kind of affection, or even a minor friendship.

Yet, had the man not simply done what Harry had asked of him? It was a bitter pill to swallow as reality came crashing down and he gave a frustrated sigh as he instantly realized what had happened. Harry had asked that man to lie about his future, to tell him he didn't have to surrender to the hands of fate. To promise that Harry wouldn't have to lay down and die for some "just" cause on the battlefield and bare such weights upon his shoulders.

Snape had done nothing but comply with Harry's wishes, complied so completely that Harry had believed the man's soft murmured whispers of protection, of being a shield for him in the dark times ahead. It had been unfair of Harry to ask him to do such a thing, or pretend to be such a thing.

Snape had effectively done what he was trained to do, lie, and make all others believe it. The man WAS a spy after all and it was second nature to him, his first and best line of defense against Voldemort.

All that aside, Harry now had to worry about Snape's retribution, the man had somehow realized it was Harry whom he had kissed while he slept, had figured out that Harry had kissed him back. This was the thought that seemed to make the man sick, whether it was due to realizing he had laid with a student in his bed, or because Snape genuinely was nauseated by the idea of kissing him Harry didn't know.

So now, not only had Harry misread the signs and the situation only minutes ago but his dirty little secrets had been pulled up from the depths of the man's subconscious mind. Surely Snape would want to get back at him, take revenge or make his life miserable for the rest of the summer. He could even sue Harry for sexual assault, not that Snape would consider that route, his reputation as a cold, hard and immovable person would be ruined.

In the three days since Harry had been here he had kissed Snape three times, the first time had been near traumatizing, the second had been due to his drunken stupor and today… well today was just turning into a very bad day.

Harry felt his heart sink as he realized what this meant, what ever ground the two had managed to make together over the last few days was now suddenly destroyed. It had felt good, for a brief moment, to have an adult in his life that was consistent and relatively nice.

Too good, almost like a dream.

Now, just has he had lost Sirius so too would he lose Snape….but if Harry was honest with himself… he probably never really had the man to begin with.

PAGEBREAK

Severus was halfway through his second bottle of brandy, sitting in a chair in the dark of his room. The day was gone, night had set in and he had not heard a single sound from the boy down the hall. His thoughts at first were crazed, rage filled and out of order. His inner calm shattering like a teacup on the hardwood floors of his mind.

When he had left the boy in his room Severus had emptied his stomach and dismissed Albus with such anger and shame he could hardly hold himself together. The very idea that it was Potter to whom he had touched himself to nearly driving him to flee. Guilt, shame disgust and confusion swelling up inside of him like an over-aired balloon, ready to pop at any moment.

It had driven him to grab a bottle from his liquor cabinet and start to drink it down like water. Slowly, over a period of several hours his pace slowed, his screaming mind faded to the background and a blissful numb settled over his being. His mind replayed the dream over and over, trying to recall through his bleary haze if there had been any signs in his dream that he actually been reacting to true stimuli in the waking world. But everything in the dream had seemed like just that, a dream, one where he could actually feel Lily and smell her, taste her and-

Had he been awake? Had he been partially awake? Was his subconscious aware that he had been holding a real life person, his own brain covering the truth with a facsimile of his beloved. Was his body so attention starved, so hungry for physical contact of any kind that his brain would construct some faux impersonation of Lily just so he would give in and share a brief moment of passion with someone, anyone?

Severus never felt truly lonely, he didn't have the luxury to do so, he never felt attention starved or desperate for physical contact….in fact the idea often nauseated him… the amount of soul searching this would actually require was near impossible… not right now anyway, not with the situation he was in, with the Dark Lord breathing down his throat and waiting in the wings so to speak.

But why, why had he- Severus had never touched himself before to any dream of Lily, even when they had been teenagers, even when she was still alive. To so blatantly soil her memory just didn't make sense… could it be that he had known… deep down… that this arousal had been different, had been meant for someone different, someone else entirely?

A shiver ran down his spin, fingers tingling and tongue running against the backside of his teeth over and over. His brow furrowed down and his eyes clenched shut as he stewed and lamented over this strange perversion that had taken hold of him.

Potter had been here less than a week, had already created a chaotic mess of the situation and left Severus to feel utterly disoriented and angry. He sat in this chair, taking drinks straight from the bottle as he contemplated what to do now.

He had options, plenty of options. He could refuse to take part in this sick and twisted mission, simply walk away and disappear. The result would be unthinkable and surely he would die by someone's hand, be it Dumbledore or Voldemort, he had no choice but to stay. Plus, Severus Snape did not run from anything, he always faced his problems, always found a solution.

So, going through the rest of the options was his only choice. The first choice was to go into the boy's room, drag him out and punish him to such an extreme that this would never happen again, though his foresight told him it would ruin any possibility of completing his mission and gaining the boy's trust. However bad Severus wanted to beat the boy to a pulp he would have to refrain.

Second choice would be to seek the boy out, tell him it was never to happen again, deliver a very light punishment and move on in hopes of trying to continue with his mission.

Third, pretend it never happened, move on and ignore any questions the boy may have.

Fourth would be his least favorable option, it involved playing to Potter's new found weakness, winning the boy over through seduction and affection… playing the game that Potter seemed to have started without even realizing it.

But that would only create more problems as eventually the boy would want to go further than just kissing, he would want to explore and feel… develop more ardent and strong emotions….Severus wasn't sure how long he could act the part given how big of a line he would need to cross just to start such a thing. It shocked him to realize that he also did not trust his body at the current moment, as the great lump of a thing seemed relatively quick to betray him these days.

Suddenly the idea of… _having needs…_ was prominent in his mind and it was all he could do to push it away and refrain from even going there.

The final option, which Severus feared maybe his best bet, would be to allow himself to show affection and kindness, hinting at a possibility for more but never truly crossing the line. It would pull Potter in, make the boy pursue a friendship in full instead of making Severus work harder for it and possibly allow the boy to develop and then get over this ridiculous crush that had apparently formed.

The Dark Lord had been right to tell Severus to use the hole created from Black's death to his advantage, Harry was actively looking for a filler even if he wasn't aware of it. His body and mind reaching out to help ease the pain and fear he felt from the man's absence. It could have been anyone, any teacher or student or random acquaintance, and the boy would have found a way to become emotionally attached. The sneer that etched across Severus's face at the thought of Black having such a destructive effect on the boy, was put down to his own dislike of the man and nothing near as petty as jealousy or envy.

Severus had no doubt the only reason the boy had attached to him in such a way was because of the incident with the first kiss and their subsequent isolation blending together. All he would have to do is verify that Potter hadn't even considered a relationship with a man until after that moment. Then Severus's theory would be verified. Harry was only attracted to him because the situation had presented itself for him to be so. He wanted a mentor and friend, a stable rock to lean on during hard times of turbulence…. That first kiss while Severus had been dreaming had started this into becoming something it wouldn't have otherwise.

His tense shoulders eased when he made this realization and he suddenly knew he could make it through this, for Potter was no closer to falling in love with Severus then he was the boy, it had been a chance encounter and once this was over and their isolation together ended, Potter would shake free of such inclinations and he would go back to being a relatively normal youth.

He downed the last shot from the bottle and stood, the effects of the alcohol working it's magic and helping him to relax and submerge his anger and frustration beneath blankets of indifference.

He opened his door and moved slowly down the hall, his hand on the wall to steady himself. He hadn't even selected a choice from the options he gave himself… his body had simply stood at the realizations he had made and moved to seek out the boy.

He didn't bother to knock and walked right in, his face looking around in muted surprise when he realized the room had been cleaned and set to right. The only remaining problem was the broken window and the multiple holes in the walls.

The boy sat on his bed, face raised in question, a hand holding open the pages of a book. He looked tired, mildly depressed and slightly terrified. Snape sighed and continued to scan the room, "You picked up I see."

Potter seemed even more confused and he nodded in response. Severus pulled out his wand and mended the window, the holes and the bent bars of the owl's cage. He gave an extra flourish to rebuild the chair and then the room was righted fully.

When he had put his wand away he turned to gaze upon the boy and they looked at each other in a strange and tense silence.

"You can fear no punishment from me, but I must stress the severity of the line you have crossed. It will take time to rebuild any trust we may have gained over the last few days."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied softly as he looked down to his lap. Severus felt his feet moving but didn't understand why, as this was not part of his plan, though at this particular moment he didn't even know he had had a plan.

He sat down on the bed, Harry pulling his feet up to make room, "I understand you are suffering from the loss of your godfather, as well as your own personal desire to figure out what you really….want… out of your life. Who you want to be and whom you wish to base your life around. As it were, I am not a role model nor am I… compatible with any ideas that may come into that ridiculous head of yours." the boy looked down at this, a massive blush lighting up his face as his jaw set.

"I am not one to stroke my own ego or read into things that aren't there so I shall not assume this strange obsession you've developed towards my lips is anything more than just a young and confused boy trying to figure out his own proclivities. I myself, have never had time for such things, though I doubt that comes as much of a surprise to you."

Severus felt a small flicker of heat in his chest when the boy gave a soft, albeit hidden, laugh at the admission.

"So, all I can offer is an ear to listen and and open mind. If you wish to discuss anything I am here….if not then you have the right to privacy. You may even lock your door should you so choose. For now, let's put this behind us and try to move forward….agreed?"

"Yes, sir."

The next action he performed would haunt him over the next couple of days as it was out of place in this fragile and tentative relationship they were suddenly starting to form, but foresight was not always so forthcoming when a person is drunk and Severus did it before he could stop himself.

His hand rose up to glide through the boy's hair, coming to rest at the back of Harry's head. Severus pulled gently and Harry leaned, then the older man gave a faint caress of his lips atop of the boy's head before he ruffled that mess of hair very subtly.

As he pulled back the boy simply stared with wide eyes and swallowed thickly and Severus didn't have time to ponder before he stood and headed out, "I've no appetite, but feel free to eat if you wish. Be downstairs for breakfast at eight, and bring that book you're reading with you. Also, we did have an agreement, I need to hear about your dream, so if you wish to prepare youself do so however you see fit. " He left and shut the door behind him, unaware of what longings he had just created.

PAGEBREAK

Harry felt the man's hand run through his hair, leaned forward when the man pulled and realized Snape was affectionately running his lips briefly over the crown of his head, long slender fingers barely ruffling his hair in mock playfulness . In that moment Harry's heart fluttered, his cheeks blushed and his mouth went dry.

Prior to this moment Harry had no real feelings about the man save for wanting to keep their often brutal arguments at bay. Even after the three kisses he had shared with the man, both hidden and exposed he had managed to remain neutral. He pushed the fact this this was Snape out of his mind, pushed the fact that the man was a teacher out if his mind, pushed it all out of his mind. He had quickly turned the man into someone he had only just met in order to cope with the lines he had indeed crossed.

But something about this simple action of physical and boldly sentimental contact had stirred something inside and Harry felt a shooting jolt he could only label as excitement and desire flare in his chest. Even after the man left Harry stared at the door and tried to figure out why such a basic indication of caring and sentiment would send his heart hammering and his chest tightening.

It didn't make sense, not really, for Sirius had done that very thing before. There was just something different about Snape doing it, something seemingly forbidden and yet completely compelling. Harry wanted to experience these intense feelings again…. But how… as the man had just made it plainly clear he was off the table.

It was as if nothing the boy did could warrant punishment, the man still hadn't punished him for the incident with the alcohol, his meal schedule was rarely followed and Harry was near getting away with everything the man would often go out of his way to terrorize him for.

Why was Snape suddenly so different, and why was Harry responding so quickly to it? In this moment the boy shut his book with a snap and made a promise to himself. No matter what happened, or how he felt or what his own feelings may become, he was absolutely NOT going to pursue this. It was far to complicated and did not make ANY sense.

Often when Harry tried to solve a puzzle it revolved around one of two things, those closest to him or Voldemort… in this case Snape was not that close to him despite how he was acting and Harry very much doubted the man's change of heart had been at the behest of the Dark Lord.

 _Oh yes Severus, please, while you're at it and spying for me, befriend and gain the trust and love of Harry Potter, because that will further my dastardly plans when he dies of a broken heart, pining over you for being my right hand man…..plus… I'd very much like to see him fall head over heels for you only to snatch you away, it would make my day._

Harry couldn't help the snort that escaped his mouth, if there was no point to solving this puzzle Harry would not waste his time. He would just have to learn to live with whatever strange hormonal shift he was going through, ignore all the signs he was thinking he saw which weren't actually there and move on with his life. He had letters to write, one each to Ron and Hermione and one very aggravated one to Dumbledore, who had yet to respond to his first.

Harry could do this, he simply had to knuckle down and realize that Severus Snape was off the table, why would he want the greasy git from the dungeons anyway, the man was a phase and Harry was sure he would outgrow it.

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When Harry sat up in his bed the sun was just barely casting light in the sky, as so many nights before he was sweaty and breathing heavy, his hands clutching at his sheets and his muscles tense. But this morning was different, Harry knew it and he was sure if anyone could see the color in his cheeks they would know it as well.

He gave a small jerk when he felt his privates twitch and he brought a shaky hand to his forehead, his eyes pressing shut against this new brand of perverse dreams invading his mind.

The normal darkness was there, swirling around him, but instead of grotesque images of murder and homicidal mania he had been greeted with lips on his shoulder, fingers playing across his chest and belly and pressure that dug rather persistently into his backside. Words swimming through the air gently like koy fish in a pond. Whispers of feverish and highly erotic things, things he had never even thought of before. The hands sliding down slowly over his stomach, the smell of brandy and rosemary and… aftershave.

"Shite!" Harry cursed under his breath as he felt his member twitch again and realized that while he had been thinking of the dream his hand had strayed down under his covers.

"Oh, bloody hell, no! No way would I ever-" he whispered as if he was talking to someone who was trying to fool him into playing some sort of dangerous game.

 _Would you like to play a game with me Mr. Potter?_

The boy stood up quickly at that thought, the voice sounding all too similar to the man just down the hall only there was a rather seductive tone to said voice that didn't help Harry's problem depreciate. Moving like a stiff piece of wood towards his clean clothes, he was out the door and into a cold shower in record time.

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Severus opened his eyes to the protest of the pipes groaning, it was the first time Potter had elected to shower in the morning hours upon his often early rise so Severus was not accustomed to the noise it often made.

He wasn't angry, in fact he was rather grateful as his dreams had been hard to escape and not at all what he had wanted to experience. His hangover was drowned out by the tactile memories that laced his semi-awake mind. A pair of youthful groping hands running across his chest and stomach, fingers threading through his hair and pulling him down towards a soft silky mess of red and gold sheets.

His skin erupted in goosebumps and his stomach clenched lightly, he couldn't recall the image of his lover in the dream, but the voice was evidence enough.

 _Will you teach me a lesson Professor?_

Severus suddenly recalled the feel of the boy's hair between his fingers, the smell of that same hair caressing his nose and assaulting his senses with the smell of shampoo and heat. The soft strands flowing over his lips

Severus rubbed at his tired eyes as his mouth drew down in a frown and he cursed at the world. Today, Potter would get punished for his drinking, then he would get punished for causing this disgusting and highly inappropriate mess and then he would get punished for being in this house and for being so much more different than Severus had thought he would be and then he would be punished for being born.

The man rolled over onto his stomach and let out a heavy sigh, of course he could only actually punish the boy for drinking, but all those other reasons did seemed fair to him. He had planned to make the boy clean, but truthfully Potter had done that daily while at his relatives from what Severus could tell so that was not really going to achieve much.

Yet, his mind couldn't seem to think of anything that would be sufficient, it was much easier at Hogwarts to give out detentions, there were notes that could be rewritten one hundred times, or cauldrons that could be scrubbed or random chores to perform with Hagrid. At his home the punishments were few and far between unless he wanted to do something a little less moral.

That's when the idea came to him, a punishment his father used to provide unto Severus weekly. One his knees still had scars from, though in Potter's case it would be far less gruesome and afterwords Severus would heal the boy and of course, to mend the relations, give the boy something to prove there were no hard feelings. If he did it right, it would work perfectly without causing any serious damage to his long term goal.

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At eight O'clock Severus strode into the kitchen, fully dressed, completely in control of his emotions and ready to do what had to be done. Harry was already at the table with a cup of coffee and the book Severus had asked him to bring down.

Pouring a cup of coffee Severus noticed the tension but couldn't figure out if it was from the events of yesterday or because the boy knew that his punishment would be enacted today. He sat at the table and pulled from under his arm a newspaper which he had retrieved o my moments ago from the front steps.

"Have you eaten yet?"

Harry looked up from his book and shook his head, "No sir."

"Very good, this morning we will deal with getting your punishment out of the way, I realize you are used to serving detentions with me while at school and know how I prefer to punish those who have broken the rules. As I realize I did not inform you more fully of what I expect from you while you are here you can only be held partially accountable, still, common sense should have dictated you away from such improper behavior. Do you agree?"

"Yes, sir." Harry said assuredly as he closed his book and set it aside.

"As we are not at school my means of punishing you are limited, sending you off to clean or perform other menial chores seems rather redundant given your history so you will be punished in accordance to what I have available to me." Severus hesitated here a moment, though to the boy it probably appeared more like a long pause to allow his words to sink in.

Finally, he cleared his throat and stood up, moving over to the sink and opening the cupboard underneath, he pulled out a box of dried soap powder and then turned, the box showing pale white against his black clothes.

"When I was very young, far younger than you are now, my father was rather unforgiving and didn't have time for children or their often unintentional tendency to get into mischief. What I am about to have you do I often had to do on a whim, sometimes for no reason at all and for hours on end. It is a rather cruel punishment and should be a part of the history books you young teens read and not something done today. However, as I said before, my means of punishment are limited. All that being said… I will not make you do this for more than an hour… I think as an adult you can handle that, yes?"

Harry nodded but his face had grown slightly pale and he looked unsure at the box Severus held in his hands.

"Roll up your pants past your knees and then retrieve the clock from the mantel." Severus ordered softly, he had to do this right or it would turn into something quite horrible. It was actually the nicest of the punishments Severus could give him from the box that was his father's hate, it might even help strengthen their bond given that Severus had tried to approach it so reasonably.

When Harry returned Severus bid him to set the clock on the edge of the table with the clock facing the center of the kitchen. He then moved to the center of the room and poured a medium sized pile of soap flakes on the floor. He used his foot and with one swipe spread the flakes into a thick line.

"Alright, one hour, and you will tell me if and when it starts to hurt, yes?"

Harry looked really confused now but he nodded anyway and Severus simply sighed as he locked eyes with the boy, "Kneel." Severus said as he pointed to the grainy mess on the floor and Harry's eyes went wide. Still, he slowly crossed and turned to face the table before he knelt onto the grains. A small wince etching its way across his face.

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Harry felt the little granules start to dig into his skin, noticed how they almost felt like they were cutting into his flesh anytime he moved an inch. At first he had thought he was supposed to scrub the floor, or maybe pick up the pieces of grain one at a time or count them… but this… this was a whole different monster and even though Harry might have normally been angry about this, felt it was unfair or cruel… All he could see in his mind was a very young Severus Snape, maybe around five or six, being forced to do this for hours.

His relatives had never done anything like this to him before and part of him wondered if he would rather face the lash of the belt. At least that wasn't on bare skin, his clothes offered some reprieve, but this was skin and grain and as Harry eyed the clock he realized he had only been doing this for five minutes, he had fifty-five to go and the pain was already brutal.

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Severus sat behind his paper, every five minutes or so glancing up to see how the boy was fairing, not well now, after thirty minutes of this Harry's face was red, with a very thin sheen of sweat to his forehead and soft shallow breaths panting from in between his lips. Harry had elected to screw his eyes shut and was trying to focus, so far at Severus could tell, on not crying.

He slowly lowered the paper and watched the boy manage through with curiosity. Not surprisingly the boy had a very high pain tolerance. By now Severus was usually crying and trying to stifle his sobs. Of course, Severus had been only five years old the first time he had had to do this, he had not eaten that day, his mother had been bed ridden from the flu and he had had to pee rather ardently.

Still, Potter was managing well, remaining quiet and stoic, no double his years of neglect and subtle abuses helping him to build a resistance to such things as prolonged pain. Severus had planned to end the punishment after forty-five minutes instead of waiting the hour, so he set his paper aside and cleared his throat, "Alright, Potter?"

The boy seemed to come back from some place as green eyes emerged from under scrunched lids and he took a breath, "F-fine, sir."

"I assume the pain of it hit you within the first five minutes, yet you've neglected to say anything despite me telling you to tell me. What level are you at now, scale of one to ten, ten being the worst."

"Bout nine…" Harry managed out and Severus chuckled, "This is why I wanted you to keep me informed, you may stand, sit on the chair and leave your knees exposed."

At first Harry hesitated, Severus having to give him a look of warning for disobedience, but then he managed to get up, using more hand strength than anything and hobbled over to his chair. Severus spelled up the mess, and then pulled from his pocket a very small vile of salve.

Taking up a clean rag from the sink he got it damp and then knelt down before the boy, "We will also be laying down more ground rules so we don't have to go through this again, despite what opinions you have of me, I do not approve of corporal punishment, especially on children, I am sorry this was the only option available to me, but you seem to have used up every other punishment I could give."

"It's fine sir, really." Harry said and Severus felt that turn in his stomach at such a kind offer of forgiveness given he had just punished the boy rather harshly, could this boy truly hate no one?

Severus noticed the boy's eyes grow wide when he leaned down to look at his knees, bloody red scratches and obvious sores erupted like a patch of raw meat over his knee caps. Harry glanced to where he had just been kneeling and quickly looked away, "Your dad used to make you do that...for hours?"

Severus was in the process of gently wiping the boy's knees clean of any remaining grains, Harry wincing every once and awhile when Severus found a particularly deep one.

"Yes." was all Severus could say as his back stiffened and his fingers squeezed a little too hard, Harry started at the tight grip and Severus looked up at him with a hard stare, "Hold still."

"He made you do that often?" the boy asked curiously.

Severus sighed and closed his eyes a moment, his hands stilling as he reasoned with himself what harm it could do to speak of such things, he needed the boy to trust him, but how could you trust someone you hardly knew. Still, he didn't want pity from anyone, let alone Potter, so he spoke firmly but kept his voice even, "I'm not wanting your pity, in fact it repels me, but since you're so very curious to know, my father was an alcoholic steel mill worker with a temper far worse than my own and a very skewed sense of justice. His great joys in life were liquor, cigars and terrorizing my mother. When she died his attentions assuredly turned to me...as you saw when you so rudely watched my memories in the pensive last year."

Harry looked away in shame and his hands gripped hard onto the edge of his seat, "Professor, about that night… I am sorry, and I do feel awful… I just wanted to know why you hated me so much… what I had done to warrant your spite and anger. My curiosity got the better of me, but that's no excuse, I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that."

The salve was going onto the wounds now, in a few minutes they would be gone, not even a scar would remain. When Severus stood he looked down upon the boy before him and while his natural temperament was trying to take over and urge him to pull away, to tell the brat off and remind him of how very stupid and entitled he thought he was, his mission dictated he do everything in his power to win the boy over, so he simply placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder and swallowed his bitterness, "I accept your apology and forgive your actions. Now, let's not speak of it again, you may roll down your pants and we will eat breakfast."

Severus flicked his wand and the kitchen came to life, ten minutes later Harry had before him, a prop English breakfast, the largest meal he had had while staying with Severus and his eyes lit up in near joy.

They ate in silence, Severus not near as hungry as the teen who was eating with much gusto, his mind focusing on the peculiar feeling he was having.

As soon as he had spoken the words, forgiven the boy and accepted the apology his chest had felt...lighter...his shoulders less cramped. It was a strange reaction to say the least as Severus had only said it to further his bond with the boy, apparently though somewhere inside he had meant it and the bitter unrest it had neatly evaporated was not missed by him.

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Harry felt good, really good, as while the punishment had been awful, Snape had been fair about it as strange as that sounded, he had not even made Harry stay on the ground the full hour. His knees didn't even hurt and the breakfast had lifted his mood considerably.

The two where now in the sitting room, Snape sipping his coffee as he was about to lay down some ground rules, for which, Harry was grateful albeit nervous.

"First, let's just say this for the sake of consistency, no drinking unless you ask and it is in my presence. You know the policy about going out, and you know the basic time table I set for eating. The remaining list is short but do pay attention as I'd hate to have to repeat this morning in the future. Your room is kept clean, your homework gets finished before summer's end, letters only to those we agree upon and you need to tell me when you send them. I shall trust that you can be discreet enough to not warrant concern from me about the letters contents. No one in the house unless I give you leave to do so, and no snooping about. If you are curious just ask, if it is relevant I will answer whatever questions you may have. I've never had a child in my home, nor have I raised one so it had not occurred to me the level of clarity you would need to remain… out of mischief."

Harry noticed the man smirk and gave a soft smile back, "Do you have any questions?"

Harry thought a moment and then nodded, "Sir, have you had contact with Professor Dumbledore?"

This seemed to catch the man off guard though he responded quickly, "The Headmaster has been gone over the last several weeks, including the days you've been here with me, I've only received a few fire calls, and they have been...brief. why do you ask?"

"It's just… I wrote him a letter...he usually responds within a day or two...I've heard nothing back. I'm worried..."

"You've nothing to fear, the Headmaster can take care of himself… I am sure he will respond when he has the time to do so."

Harry could only nod and feel a small bit of relief settle in his belly, for now that would have to do, the boy saw Severus reach for his paper but Harry didn't want the conversation to end so he blurted out quickly, "How old were you when your mum died?"

The question had been meant to illicit a conversation, but as Harry watched the man freeze mid reach for his paper, those black eyes staring at the words blankly before scanning up to look at him, Harry regretted asking, "I'm… sorry sir, I… shouldn't have… i dont have the right to ask such a thing."

"You don't, but that makes me wonder why you did." Snape asked as his hand suddenly started to move again and it landed on his coffee instead, "I- well… when I first got here I thought it was a sort of safe house… a place to hide me away because my friends… the burrow had been compromised. But now that I know… it's your childhood home… I realize what it must have been like to grow up in such a sad… I… nevermind sir."

"Speak your mind now or forever hold that wagging tongue of yours." Snape warned him, and Harry realized this might be his only chance to have a real conversation with the man, "As far as I know… I am the only student in my house at school who… who has been...abused." The word came out like a bad taste and Harry clenched his eyes closed and looked away in embarrassment, that word just seemed so not appropriate, he didn't feel abused, he just felt unwanted… it seemed so much more intense than what had actually happened in his life.

"If there are others, I've never met them. When I came here… met Jimmy and the others… I started to feel like I belonged here. There were others like me who came from… less than desirable homes… I want to… for the first time in my entire life I want to be able to talk to someone about it… I _want_ to share and not feel so...alone with it. I don't have to hide it anymore, act like I am fine when I am not. They can understand that part of my life better then even Ron or Hermione could, in fact I am sure Ron and Hermione could never really understand. But, I've agreed not to see Jimmy or the group anymore … so… I've not anyone else to talk to about it. No one but you, because I know now you'd understand. You'd not think I'm looking for pity or false condolences or even comfort… just the ability to speak my truths and know I'm not… not being judged or treated like some pariah, I'm just Harry….who came from a bad place and ended up in a good one."

He wasn't sure if the man understood, Snape was just staring at him, his eyes laced with a strange curiosity and an intensity Harry had only seen once before, in his bedroom… last night.

Swallowing he raised a hand to adjust his glasses, his middle finger pressing the connecting bar between the two lenses back up his nose as he felt his teeth clench and his mouth smear down into consternation. When his eyes glanced back up the look was gone and Snape's face was back behind that neutral mask of stone.

Still, after another few seconds the man simply stood and walked into the kitchen, returning with the percolator and refreshing both their cups, depositing the dented metal pot onto the small table between them and then leaning back in his chair, "I was nine I believe, you'll have to excuse me as much of that time was an anxious blurr to me. Days often blended together through long nights of fear and terror. Up until I was about twelve my memories are cloudy and muted."

Harry nodded, picking up his coffee and looking at the brown liquid with acceptance, "I can't remember much before I turned ten. Just bits and pieces, trying to see out from my cupboard, through the slits in the metal plate they handed me food through. They'd let me out if they needed things done, chores and the like, making food or being company for Dudley...more so a punching bag… I shouldn't, but part of me wishes I could remember more."

Snape snorted, "Whatever for? Appreciate the clouds, Potter. They make it easier to exist in the here and now."

Harry licked his lips, "I don't know, sometimes I think it's because… if I could recall more memories… maybe I would be able to hate them more… but I don't hate them… I just feel sorry for them. I wish I could hate them, but it's just not there."

"You are lucky." Harry looked up at that, questions lingering on his face, "Hate can turn you into many things, least of which being a bitter old prick."

Snape offered up and Harry knew the man was talking about himself, he dared to be bold and added teasingly, "With a fondness for black?"

Snape looked at him out of the corner of his eye before the barest traces of a smirk tried to grab onto the corner of his mouth, "With a _preference_ for black, in regards to hate and it's effects you're never _fond_ of anything."

Harry couldn't believe the man had just played into his joke, the smile that tore across his face was unstoppable and the small amount of chuckles that escaped him he tried to stiffly with his hand, "Forgive me, you wear it so often…"

"It was originally out of respect for my mother, when I was old enough to understand the concept of black clothes for mourning it was all I wore… and I simply never changed."

This sobered Harry quickly and looked away in remorse, "Black is also quite slimming." and Harry's head jerked up to see that hidden smirk again and seconds later he we smiling too.

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This boy was far too easy to please… say anything you want, even hint at a bit of humour and he was smiling like a child at the zoo. It unnerved Severus but also made him feel far more charming than he actually was. He had never been social, never been one to make jokes or be clever in that sense. He was clever in other ways and rarely found the need to try and be some boisterous and witty life of the party. No, his quick wit was reserved for insults and matters of fact.

Yet, the ego stroking he was receiving from this boy made him feel like a bird preening his feathers. He couldn't seem to stop at this point, every time he made a joke, however small or menial the boy was smiling, chuckling or outright laughing, his smile reminding him of both James and Lily. The size and shape of it was that of James, the kindness and genuineness of it reminded him of Lily.

The conversation had ranged thus far from Severus's clothes, to the unfathomable amount of times Potter had broken his glasses, to Severus's first original potions he had worked on in his youth and the dire results of his mistakes via trial and error and then to Harry's first attempt time riding a Hippogriff.

It had been two hours now and they both were sitting there quietly, the humour having died off and Severus, although he was feeling relatively light for the first time in years, knew something was coming. He could tell by the way the boy looked away, how the light in his eyes faded and his smile simply disappeared, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever feel… responsible for your mother's death?" It was a doozy of a question, one he had asked himself for years prior to becoming who he was now, and after many sleepless nights, bottles upon bottles of brandy and several mental breakdowns, he could answer this without a second thought, "No."

This seemed to surprise the boy so Severus aimed to clarify, "It was not my hand which pushed her down the stairs."

Harry reeled back at this, shock and understanding twisting its way into his bright green eyes, "You mean-"

"My father was terribly drunk, probably the most inebriated he had ever been that I can recall, he was trying to come after me and she stepped in his way. The entire story is better left to the past, but I can tell you that the people around here at the time held my mother under enough skepticism that it wasn't very hard for my father to put it down to a alcohol related accident…. Do you feel that you are responsible for your mother's death?" the question was redundant as it was obvious in some way the boy did, yet Harry surprised him by saying, "Voldemort killed my parents… the only blame that lays on me is being born in the wrong month." The bitter tone in his voice sent a shiver up his spine as Severus had never heard such a sound come from this boy, even when he was in detention for something as minor as being five minutes late to class.

"As morbid as it may sound, sir. My only regret is not going with them. I think… it would have been easier...but I know how selfish that is… still… easy sounds awfully good to someone like me… someone in my situation I mean."

"Often the road less traveled is not easy to cross, yet the benefits often outweigh the cost." Severus mused, "I suppose so, sir. I'd never change my life, I just wish it wasn't mine. It's a confusing feeling to have, loving your life and hating it all at the same time. I'd do it again if I had the chance, so I could know Ron and Hermione, go to Hogwarts and have the adventures I've had… I just wish death wasn't so prominent a companion. I feel like I am a bringer of death… just more tripe in my head I suppose."

Severus wasn't sure how to respond, so he simply tried to find a way to relate, "If I have one regret in my life, in regards to my mother at least, it would be that I did not tell the authorities the truth. My father elected to threaten and scare me into silence, I should have ignored it and acted sooner, told them the truth so they would take him away, all the evidence was there but it was my proof they needed to make a real case… most don't care about some poverty stricken family… just the end result...I could have changed that."

"You were young, scared...what would have ever led you to believe things could be different than how they were. It isn't like you had a large amount of different experiences. You couldn't have known people would listen, that people would care… most of the time I didn't believe people would listen… some didn't when I tried to tell them.. the one person who did ended up being lead to believe I invented it all...so how were you supposed to know anything different than what you'd been taught?" Harry questioned in Severus's defense.

Severus knew the boy had a good point even if he couldn't articulate it very well, he also had a feeling that the boy wasn't just talking about him, Potter no doubt had similar experiences and feelings on the matter. His next words came out and he knew they shouldn't have, "By that point I had a friend, someone who had urged me to come forward, yet I didn't. That should have been my saving grace, her friendship… instead I continued to lie, thinking in my head I wasn't just protecting myself, but that I was protecting her as well. I had nightmares… dreams where my father would come and take my friend away, bury her in some shallow grave in retribution for me telling. Do not think I didn't know better, that is why it's one of my few regrets."

"You had a friend?"

Severus gave him a quizzical look and Harry quickly corrected, "I didn't mean that in the way it sounded, I just meant… you know what I meant professor." Harry snipped that last part out in irritation as his cheeks grew a light shade of pink.

Severus smirked and then nodded, "Yes, my mother insisted, to this day I swear she urged me to go out and make friends because she knew my father would eventually kill her. That I would be left alone with him and that I would need someone… she only stayed because of me… she knew she couldn't beat him or protect me once he'd done her in. So I made a friend upon her request, we remained so through most of school."

"Most of school, what happened sir?"

Severus bit his tongue at the sudden admission and then cursed himself, it was too soon for this, he wasn't ready to reveal that to Potter just yet, "Somethings are better left unsaid, out of respect please set the topic rest." and the boy nodded respectfully.

"On a different note, we need to speak about your dream last night." and Severus saw the color drain from the boy's face, green eyes wincing and thin lips setting in a hard line.

"I realize you may not wish to, but these dreams of yours are dangerous, your reactions in the real world are unpredictable and co spidering what happened last year…. I would like to monitor them, it may help you in the long run to share it so that you don't get confused on what is real and what could be just a dream."

Harry looked bitterly to the ground, his next comment was tight and laced with an anger that had long been restrained, "I won't make that same mistake again."

Severus knew to tread carefully here, as the boy's reaction that night and the subsequent sojourn to the ministry had been partially due to Snape's dismissive nature when Potter had told him a clue to what was going on.

" _He's got Padfoot, He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden."_

" _Hidden? Where what's Hidden? What's he talking about Severus?"_

" _No idea."_

If he wasn't such a damn good liar… or had been able to let the boy know he planned to look into it, that night could have been very different, as it was, Umbridge had made it impossible to signal anything other than a negative.

"Still, it would be best to share it with me, if for nothing more than your sanity."

Harry seemed to nod reluctantly and he let out a puff of air before he started to explain his dream.

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Harry had never gone in depth about his dreams before, he always only gave bits and pieces, either unable to describe it or simply not wanting to relive it. In this instance however, he was being ordered to share, and he was expected to share it all. The dream itself wasn't anything directly from Voldemort, Harry had learned by now how to tell the dreams from the reality. He couldn't explain, but somehow he just knew…

So when he opened his mouth to try and share he felt an instinctive desire to hold back, "My dreams always start out the same, just black, a thick black, the kind that feels like a wet blanket on your skin, that makes you feel like you can't breath and it just gets tighter, sinking into my skin and down my throat. There's always voices, people I know and people I don't… but his voice….his voice rises above the others...always echoing but I almost never see him...physically. The times I do, I wish I didn't, because it's just this wisp of a creature, near like a Dementor but with a dirty green glow, like something toxic. And then this septic smell… burning flesh and maybe rotting meat just coats me like oil, fire and blood are all over the floor, sometimes it's an ocean of blood just stretching out into more black. This is where the dream usually changes, the other night it… Sirius was there and my mum, in the ocean of blood...trying to swim to shore, trying to reach me...but he just keeps flicking his wand, dunking them, drowning them in it. Im wading out to them, but he keeps pulling me back, telling me to wait and watch, like something is going to happen. He makes it sound so grand and glorious, like this is some sacrificial ceremony to be respected and admired. I just keep fighting to get to them… begging him to stop, he is hurting them...drowning them… they can't catch their breath and yet still they keep trying to get to shore. Sirius goes under first….then mum, they don't come back up and I start to scream...I'm just screaming and screaming into the dark and he's laughing, his hand on my shoulder and offering words of condolence and apology… like it wasn't his fault, like it was beyond anyone's control...you woke me up right as I turned to...to try to...I wanted to kill him."

Harry looked away then, not wanting to remember how real it had been, how utterly hopeless and angry and twisted his mind felt after.

"When I woke up….I just needed to feel grounded again, I needed something or someone to just...hold on to me...I thought I was still there, even with my eyes open and I couldn't shake it. It was the same feeling my second day, when you came down and I wasn't quite here with you. Sometimes I wake up from these dreams and my brain just feels….gone. My body feels hollow, like I'm not even really here. It helped to have you there, to bring me back."

Harry was being honest, his emotions right now were under control and he felt his sincerity and intent were clear. He needed to have someone who could bring him back from that edge, from the un-reality he faced nightly. He didn't know how to make it any clearer, "I feel insane sometimes after, like I'm not me anymore, but just a cut off part of him, a discarded piece of his warped mind."

He fell silent after that, not sure what else to say and Snape had sat quietly and simply listened, his dark eyes never wavering nor his face giving off any emotions. Still, when the man finally spoke what he shared surprised Harry to say the least.

"I have had…..the misfortune of having the Dark Lord in my mind, on several occasions, I often feel the same way after. It is disorienting and near caustic to feel things as he does, it's a miracle to walk away without becoming unhinged and a testament to your spirit if you live through it."

Harry could only nod before he asked, "How do you regain balance after he...does it?"

Snape seemed to think on the question a moment before he simply looked Harry in the eyes and said, "I am not sure I ever really do."

To that comment, Harry had nothing he could say.

PAGEBREAK

They ate dinner in silence, the mood not necessarily being heavy, but the amount of conversation held today had been exhausting. Harry had given Snape his Transfigurations homework to look over and edit and now that they were eating the silence was relaxing.

Finally, Snape wiped his mouth and looked at him, "I have a possible solution to your problem."

Harry looked up at this, fork midway to his mouth and he blinked, "Which problem, sir?"

"You're dreams."

Harry set down his fork and wiped his mouth as well as he grew slightly excited and very curious, "What is it?"

"It's a combination of things, namely dreamless sleep and the skill of meditation. I've found both, in small amounts at the same time can do wonders to keep less than desirable dreams at bay."

"Meditation, sir? You meditate?"

"On occasion, even my mind can have trouble focusing in times such as these, as a spy keeping my mind clear and focused is one of my greatest advantages. It may help, and if you wish I can teach you."

Harry was unsure, as the last time Snape tried to help him clear his mind and focus it ended disastrously. Yet, things between them were different now, perhaps this could turn into something that could help. He would love to be able to sleep through the night again and he honestly had nothing to lose.

As he was about to answer a hurried and loud knock came to the door, both Snape and Harry standing and moving through the house silently. Snape reached it first and Harry stood a little ways behind, "Johnny?" Harry asked in shock, "Professor, we need your help." He said in a rush.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, grabbing the edge of the door before Snape could slam it in the boy's face.

"It's Stacy, her dad came round, he took her. Harry, he's drunk...really drunk and he was talking like… like the devil is in him. He's assaulted her before...that's why he doesn't live with them… He's going to hurt her Harry. We need the Professor's help."

Harry looked to Snape and the man's eyes narrowed, "Why me?" Snape asked though his eyes didn't leave Harry's, his fingers tightened around the edge of the door and the boy's did the same, neither wanting the other to win.

"He's a big guy… bigger than me or Jimmy, we can't take him… but you could."

Snape's head jerked towards the boy then, the incredulous look upon his brow near comical, "What makes you think-"

"I heard what you said to Jimmy that night, threatening him over Harry… they were real threats, only someone who could back them up would make them. You may not like us, but Stacy isn't a bad kid, she's a really good kid who's had bad things happen to her….and she needs our help." Harry's jaw dropped at this statement as his mind was pulled back in time momentarily.

"The police-" Snape started.

"Won't do shite, he's been molesting her for years...why would they stop it now?"

This time Harry and Snape looked at each other, their eyes meeting and they both knew the hypocrisy of what was about to happen. Not even four hours ago they were having this same conversation, yet both of them knew they were going to walk out that door and take matters into their own hands.

"Grab your wand Potter, do you have yours?" he asked looking to the boy on the steps, Johnny nodded and once Harry had returned back down stairs they looked to him, "You both will listen and understand this, none of us will use our wands unless it is absolutely necessary… I don't care if there is a knife to someone's throat or a gun to someone's head, unless you hear me give the order your wands stay out of sight, understand?"

The boys nodded and Snape sighed, "Now, have you even the slightest of clues as to where he has taken her?"

PAGEBREAK

They had met up with the rest of the boy's down an alley that Harry noticed was called Trotter's Lane. All hushed voices coming to a stop on their approach.

"Where's Lee?" Harry asked.

"He's with Stacy's mum, taking her to hospital." Jessie said as he glanced to Jimmy who looked rather bent up.

The silence fell thick and no pleasantries were exchanged as the sudden realization of the situation set in, so Severus took up the lead, "Where is she? Where would her father take her?"

Jimmy looked pale, and Harry saw the swelling under his right eyes, "Stacy told me once, there was this ol' church, out in the sticks...passed Grandfather's Oak. He took 'er there anytime he wanted ta…. Tha's the only place I know of."

"I know the place, it's secluded and condemned, only rotters go there." Johnny offered.

"Rotters?" Harry asked.

"Ya know, shooters, coke-heads...druggies." Jessie offered as he swiped his hands across his forehead.

"I know it as well, but if we are going to do this then we shall do it right. You two will go to the front and create a distraction," Snape said as he motioned to Johnny and Jessie, "James and Harry will come with me round the back. We may have to play this by ear as I do not remember the layout of the area so you must all listen for my instructions. Don't hesitate or you may end up injured or dead. I don't know this man either, I want you to tell me about him on the way. So let's move."

Severus strode off and the group followed, Jimmy lagging to talk to Harry, "Blimey, he a strategist or what?"

"You could say that, he has experience in the...military…. covert operations." Harry half lied, "What happens to your eye?"

"Ya kiddin'? Stacy's da got me when I tried to get 'im off her. Nasty bloke, I'm steaming just thinking about what he's doin' ta her. If we don't find her, she'll be-"

"James, up front and center, I need your head in the game. Harry, fall to the back and watch our rear, anything strange and I want to be signaled."

The two boy's instantly complied, Harry keeping his eyes peeled knowing that Snape was most likely referring to more than just Stacy's father.

PAGEBREAK

When the group approached the church they stayed low and in the bushes, the area being heavily overgrown and covered in thick trees. The silence was deafening and Severus motioned for the boy's to keep quiet. It was a few seconds before they heard some shuffling in the building and then some murmured talking.

"We need closer, I'll not barge into a group of smack heads, where is the closest window?" Severus asked Johnny, the boy pointed and Severus started to move before he turned back, "James, you keep them out of sight, I will be back in a moment. Not one of you moves from this spot, Harry, I want you with me, I may need someone small."

The boy gave him a look of annoyance at the comment but nodded and moved forward regardless. Together they moved silently, something that almost surprised Severus given Potter's penchant for clumsiness.

When they finally got to the building Severus could hear faint crying and the deep base of a man murmuring softly. He motioned one last time for Harry to remain quiet and they slowly peeked up over the edge of the window sill.

Inside they say Stacy on the floor, clad in only her knickers and a tank top, her legs curled up under her as a hand came up to her mouth and she tried to stifle her sobs.

Finally the man's voice became clear and it was laced with a sorrow that was thick and slurred, "Ah, baby girl, daddies sorry, but ya gotta understand… your my daughter, I don't want anything to happen to ya. Ya belong with me, I love you. I love you so bloody much, and that bitch- that mother of yours keeps tryin ta take ya from me." He had been standing away from her, looking at a large bottle of some sort of liquor. He drained the last of it and then tossed it away, the noise making Stacy jump and give a small gasp before she looked up, "I never want to hurt ya, I don't, but you get me temper going and then it just happens. Ya know I love ya, yeah?"

When the girl didn't respond right away he approached quick, his features hidden by heavy shadow and hanging bits of garbage and fabric. Severus realized the group of teens had not been lying about the man's stature, he had several well made inches on Severus who by most standards was tall, it was suddenly very clear where the young girl Stacy had gotten her long and slender body.

Severus felt Harry nearly jerk to stand when Stacy's dad grabbed her by the hair and yanked her to him, he had to half restrain him by taking his arm forcefully, "Ya know it yeah?" her father repeated.

"Yes!" Stacy near screamed, "Yes, daddy, you love me I know!"

"Ya my girl, my little girl and I love ya, and that bitch doesn't get ta keep ya from me any more!" he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her, something that would appear like a devastatingly loving hug between father and daughter. Near heartbreaking as he sobbed into her neck and rocked her a little.

Stacy's shaky, and Severus noticed, bloody hand came up to barely cup the back of her father's head, her eyes wide and terrified as she looked unblinking at the ceiling.

"Oh god, my girl I love ya." He sobbed out and that's when the moment started to go wrong, Severus saw the man's hand leave her waist and slowly start to glide down her bare leg, "I love ya my darlin' girl, and no one's going to keep us apart."

Stacy started to struggle and then started to sob, "Daddy, daddy stop!"

Severus touched Harry's shoulder and those green eyes looked to him, filled with such a heated rage Severus felt like he could only admire it, "Go back to the boy's, tell them to go round the back, there is a set of doors, count to 30 and if you don't hear the signal I want you all to come in and aim for the girl. If any of you get hold of her, you run, you go straight back to my house, and you bloody stay there or you'll be next on my list, got it Potter?"

"Yes, sir. What signal?"

"You'll know it…" he hesitated, his eyes studying the boy's face and Harry's anger just barely slipped away as a small strand of surprise took over his face. Severus didn't know why he did it, but he gently reached out and took the boy's chin, "You better be at that house...or so help me you'll regret it."

Harry nodded quickly and Severus nodded in return, "Good...now move!"

A scream reached through the air, several curses rang out and then the sound of a hand smacking against skin before a thud was heard and another sob, that's when Severus stood, he moved quick, and was up and through the broken window before Potter could say anything else.

 **A/N: So, I hope you liked this chapter. I didn't have time to really edit so I hope it wasn't too off. Look for seven coming in a few days….hopefully, R &R or it may take longer. I'm just kidding, much love Apprentice08. **


	7. Savage Dance

**A/N: Thank you everyone who has reviewed, read and enjoyed this story so far. I apologize that I do not have the time to write back to each of you with z more sincere thank you. I hope this chapter is thanks enough. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.**

 **WARNING: EXPLICIT SCENE OF A SEXUAL NATURE BETWEEN TWO MALES, NO SEX BUT HEAVY PETTING. MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND ASSULT, FOWL LANGUAGE AND SNARRY! IT'S NEAR THE BOTTOM OF YOU NEED TO SKIP AND TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR ASSUALT AND MOLESTING ARE NEAR THE BEGINNING AND MIDDLE**

 **Much Love to you all and I hope you enjoy.**

 **Chapter Seven**

 **Savage Dance**

Harry made his way quickly back to the bushes, the rage that nestled in his brain and ensnared his senses pushed that strange moment between him and Snape to the back of his mind.

"What the bloody hell is happening, we heard Stacy crying!" Johnny asked in a hushed voice.

"Snape wants us to go round back. We count to thirty, if we don't hear his signal we bust in, all of us are to aim for Stacy. If any one of us gets hold of her we go straight back to Snape's place, bolt the door and wait for him. Don't hesitate."

"Got it." Jimmy said and the group headed quietly for the back.

PAGEBREAK

Severus didn't know why he had given in, didn't know why he hadn't put up more of a fight about this. But something told him if he had refused Potter would have never forgiven him. It wasn't that he didn't care, or that he approved of incest or molestation, but he had so much on his plate already and this situation blatantly put Potter and himself in unnecessary danger.

They should have phoned the police, should have said no and walked away from the mess. But here he was, hidden just on the other side of a tattered and moldy tapestry of some religious scene depicting the virgin birth trying to decide the best way to approach.

The boy's would charge in any moment, he had to think quickly.

Severud moved silent as a ghost round the room and then with equal measure came up behind the man, the few inches difference wouldn't matter now as the drunken bastard was still kneeling on the floor, muttering soft and rather disgusting things to his daughter.

His arm was around the man's throat instantly, and he braced the man's hips between his thighs and pulled back hard. The man gave a loud yell and Severus gripped onto his own wrist to secure his hold, as his legs wrapped around the man's thighs and he clenched his torso tightly.

"The fuck-" the man managed to gasp out between choked heaves for air, "Now!" Severus bellowed out and the man jerked as it was next to his ear.

The back door smashed open and the small group of boy's rushed in, "Get her up and to the house, now!" Severus ordered as the bear of a man he held started to struggle. Severus flexed his arm, the muscles constricting the man's breathing further, "I will snap your neck if you move one more inch." Severus warned between clenched teeth.

Harry and the others rushed by, helping Stacy to stand, though Jimmy ended up scooping her into his arms before he turned and stomped rather harshly on the man's stomach, Severus grunting at the impact.

"You ever touch her again and I'll kill you myself, ya god damned pervert." then Jimmy, Johnny and Jessie were out the door, Harry standing there staring.

"I told you to go Potter, now move it!" Severus snapped as he felt his arm weakening.

"But sir!"

"You stupid child, I said-" but Stacy's dad gave a mighty jerk, his elbow coming down harshly on Severus's ribs. He grunted at the impact and the man shot up and lumbered away, near stumbling either due to alcohol or the lack of oxygen he had received while under Severus's hold.

Harry backed up and then fell in shock as the man jerked towards him and the instant Harry was down the drunken deviant had his hands on him. They were both on their knees and as Severus got up he froze, "Tut tut Mister, I got ya boy. Can't be too bright can ya, bringing a boy to a man's fight."

"I'd hardly call you a man-" Harry bit out and Stacy's dad tightened his grip on the boy's neck and scalp.

"Got a bit of a mouth on him doesn't he? I could fix that for you, if you like...put it to good use…"

Severus felt his eyes narrow dangerously and his hands clench, "If you touch him, if you even think about laying your filthy hands on him I will slice your throat and let you drown in your own blood." He spat out, the sudden rage corrupting his mind and making him act out in ways he normally never would. Keeping calm during moments of duress was the only way to survive them and Severus was master of doing just that.

His emotions could be storming inside his mind but his demeanor always remained calm, no matter the situation, it was how you stay alive. For some reason his normally masked emotions were on his sleeve at the moment and he was unable to reel them back in.

"Names Gregory, Bruce Gregory, what's your name friend?" The man said as he brought his chin to rest atop Harry's head.

"Severus Snape, and I highly suggest you release him if you want any chance of walking out of here alive." Severus growled out as his hand ever so slowly reached up under his tunic.

"Hang on a minute, Snape….you're Toby's boy, I remember you, small little thing… I was living down the street, my da knew yours."

Severus swallowed, this was not good, "Funny, I don't recall you" Severus offered as his hand reached in a little further.

"You wouldn't, I was older and preoccupied with others things… but I remember he used to tan your hide every night...heard your screams from out your window, made it all the way up the street. I fell asleep to it most times, like a lullaby." and the man cackled like a banshee at the memory.

"God you've grown, you as mean as your old man?"

"Meaner." Severus threatened.

"Who's the kid then? Can't imagine a weakling like you got his dick wet." the man said laughing and Severus felt his anger multiple, felt his knuckles pop as his fists tightened, why was he having such a bloody hard time keeping his anger under control, "That boy is my charge, if you hurt him…"

"I'd love to see it. Hey boy, how bout you and me goes for a walk, yeah? You can take me to my daughter and when she is in me hands I'll let ya walk. Deal?"

"No deal you disgusting pig!" Harry wheezed out and the man laughed, "You sure you don't want ta have a go at this one, sure got a pair of pretty eyes, nice little mouth too, I could hold him down for ya if ya like." The man jested and Severus locked eyes with Harry and in that split second made the most subtle of facial gestures. The boy gave a nod back just as subtle in understanding and Severus instantly changed his face into something of curiosity, it was time to do what he did best and lie. He only hoped that Potter was fully away of what was about to happen, if not, this was about to get really really bad.

"I've never been one to molest children, not my area."

The man noticed Severus's change in demeanour and seemed to relax, but only just slightly, "Nothing quite like it… the younger the better. My girls special, cause she's mine, but normally...I like 'em real young. Ya boy's a bit older, but I bet he'd do alright. If you don't mind the screams." the smiling leer the man gave made Severus feel sick but he kept his mask in place and gave a small smirk which he purposely tried to hide, "Young tongues wag." Severus said.

"Oh, they can do more than that. But his won't, they always keep quiet, most of the time you don't even have to threaten, and if they do talk it's your word against theirs. Being an adult has its perks….this small an area, most people turn their heads."

"Like with your daughter." Severus offered as his eyes started to scan over Harry in a faux impression of consideration and interest.

"Professor, don't!" Harry let out and Severus could only praise the boy in his mind for feeding into such a disgusting lie.

"Professor huh? You did alright for yourself then all things considered, how bout we teach him a lesson. Then we can go get my girl… she'd love a good round with ya… though she does tend to bite."

"Your daughter is lovely… but I am not interested in-"

"Only like the boy's? Funny I didn't figure your for a-"

"I mean I am not interested in this…" Severus allowed his to voice to falter and sound unsure, made it seem like he was only resisting do to fear of being caught, his curiosity still lacing his eyes as his hand finally made it to his wand, he held his hand there as if he was holding the ribs that Bruce had elbowed.

"Come on Severus, didn't ya ever wonder what it would be like to do it? Have someone so young and clean… so tight and untouched and pure. It's like making love to an angel, intoxicating and utterly dangerous but the best there is to offer. Come over, just touch him…"

That was his door, his foot was in it, now he just had to get the rest of his body through, and so slowly, as Bruce forced Harry up and continued to hold the boy tight Severus gave an air of reluctance as he slowly moved forward.

"Hold on mate, gotta make sure the little tot don't move." Bruce let go of Harry's hair long enough to reach into his pocket, he pulled out a small switchblade and opened it.

Severus stopped cold, this was a game changer. He would have to tread very carefully now.

"Come on then, he don't know how this is supposed to work like my girl does… the knife is just ta make sure he stays good fo' ya."

Severus continued until he stood before Harry and looked down upon him, he looked so tiny caught between himself and Bruce and Severus got the full picture of the man's height. Bruce only had three inches on him, he could still make this work.

But as he locked eyes again with Harry he saw those green pools set in determination, _anything you have to do just do it,_ was what they said. And in that moment his admiration for the boy grew again. Though he still felt sick about what was going to happen next.

"Go on, touch him...just skim down the lad's stomach." Bruce said and he held Harry's head back then, making his chest stick out and his stomach tighten. Severus raised his hand and placed it under the shirt and on the boys skin, it was hot and soft, pulled tight over small muscles and jutting hip bones.

"That's it, now skim down… it ain't good till they squirm." and Severus looked at Harry with apologetic eyes as his hand slid down slowly just to his waist line, fingers barely diving under, "This lads brave, go down further, trust me, once you touch it he'll panic." Bruce said with utter excitement.

Severus finally saw the man letting his guard down, he was getting caught up in the moment and if Severus just pushed him a little more… he pressed his fingers down Harry's pants and took a gentle hand to the boy's privates, Harry jerked and squirmed instantly, and Bruce laughed and got even more excited, "Don't like that much do you… but you'll like it in the end, they always do...kiss him… then bite his neck and claim him as yours."

Severus knew the sick twisted pleasures of people like Bruce, he'd seen it well enough among Voldemort's death eaters. Sharing their perversions and experiences with others was just as exciting as the act itself. Severus knew he could get the knife away from him, but he had to know he could get the man down. So he continued realizing he wouldn't be able to live with himself come morning.

He leaned in, Harry's eyes urging him to continue despite his false struggles, they both knew Bruce wasn't quite ready to trust him, to let his guard down enough for Severus to end this perverse and disgusting little game.

Leaning in Severus froze when Bruce brought the knife up right under Harry's jaw, "You bite 'em I slice ya, got it?" Harry nodded, "Good lad."

Finally he brought the boys lips to his own and kissed him softly, "Get in there, yeah, take his mouth like that… add some tongue, they always get so squirmy when ya do that."

And Severus complied, Harry play fighting against him the whole time. When he pulled away his hand came up and fisted into Harry's hair, his other hand still on his wand and Severus felt Bruce nearly let go, they were close.

"Now mark 'em, make 'em yours so's no one else can touch him." Bruce said in a euphoric and near completed arousal.

Severus swallowed and he yanked the boy's head to the side, Harry grunted for real at the small pain severus was sure he felt. His mouth came down and he started to bite and suck at Harry's neck and Severus, to his horror, heard Harry give out a gasp of pleasure.

"Told ya they like it, always do in the end….always." Bruce said in a husky voice.

It was finally time to act but just as Severus was sure he would be able to pull Harry from the man's hands Bruce yanked the boy away and dragged him over to a dusty table, shoving the knife back into his pocket. He threw Harry down over the edge of it and yanked at his pants, "Come on, it's time… to.. get these off! I want to watch you...watch you fuck the little-" he started as Harry struggled and Bruce laughed in a near craze.

Severus couldn't believe his luck, he simply strode up behind Bruce, picking up the empty bottle that lay discarded on the floor and then smashed it down over the man's head as hard as he could. Bruce stood frozen for a moment behind Harry's bent form and then fell over, out cold with a bloody gash on his head.

Silence rang and Severus eyed the man with the lowest regard possible before he spit on him and turned to look at Harry. He thought, perhaps, the boy might be a upset, given how far they had had to go to get Bruce to let his guard down.

However, upon seeing flushed cheeks and big round eyes peering at him from behind those thin glasses he knew the boy was far from upset.

Tilting his head to the side and exposing his neck, Harry touched where Severus had just bitten and asked softly, near excitedly, "Is there a mark?"

Severus stepped closer though he knew he shouldn't, just by looking at the boy before him, pants undone and the neck of his shirt stretched to expose the flesh of his shoulder they were still in some form of dangerous game.

He licked his lips and looked, there was a mark, faint but obvious and Severus felt heat pool in his stomach.

"There is, but it will be gone in a few hours, I did not want to….I was gentle." Severus said softly as he took up the boy's chin again and felt something forbidden come over him and curl up in his mind, it was like a impregnated weather cloud, ready to break at any minute and cover the far hills in a downpour of warm wet rain.

"Are you alright?" he asked tentatively and Harry nodded, neither breaking eye contact.

"I told you to go, you did not… you will have to be made to atone."

"Yes, sir." Harry agreed softly before he licked his own lips and cocked his head just a little more, "Are you sure the mark is fading?"

"Positive." Severus said as he leaned in closer still, alarm bells going off somewhere in the far back of his mind.

"Do you want to make it darker?" Harry whispered.

"What did you say?" Severus asked half-mindedly as his eyes remained fixated on the pale flesh of where Harry's neck met his shoulder.

"Darker, I want it dark." and Harry reached up and took the back of his head, pulling Severus down and pressing the older man's lips to his skin.

"Make it darker." Harry panted out and Severus, so lost in this moment, felt his mouth open to comply and as soon as the salty flesh hit his tongue his eyes rolled closed and he hummed out a near desperate groan. He started to suck in earnest and each pulse he took Harry gave a gentle and weak breath of noise.

"Harder, do it harder." Harry whispered as his fingers threaded through Severus's hair and his fist closed tight around the black locks.

"Touch me, like before, touch my stomach." Harry panted and Severus felt his hand rotate, palm coming to rest on the boys belly, fingers splaying out and the tips just barely touching the undone V of his pants.

"I liked that, when you touched me there...it felt good despite the circumstances, go lower...please Professor, go lower again."

Severus felt his hand slowly slide down, under the belt line, the undone zipper scraping the back of his hand as he felt soft hair run between his fingers and then the erect heat of Harry's member was pressing against his palm.

"So good." Harry breathed out as his head turned and the boy used his face to nuzzle Severus away from his now darkened flesh. Their eyes met and Harry leaned in, taking up the man's lips quickly and Severus opened to him willingly, their tongues messing and fighting for dominance as Severus felt his hand start to move back and forth.

Harry groaned into his mouth and Severus reacted instantly as he wrapped his free arm around Harry's waist and hoisted him up to sit on the edge of the table. His hand was moving in earnest now and that is when it happened. A groan sounded, but it was from neither of them. In a flash Severus was away from Harry and gave a swift kick to the man's head. Bruce was out again and the two were left panting.

Looking to Harry his eyes grew wide, the boys member stiff and free from his undone pants, a hickey near purple on his neck and such a face of desire smeared like fire across his features. Harry reached for him and Severus sucked in a breath through his teeth and moved back.

What the HELL had he just been doing, "Straighten yourself out, pull yourself together. We will be dropping this filth off at the station and then we need to check on your friend….or is her well-being no longer a concern of yours?"

This seemed to pull Harry from his lustful thoughts and he suddenly nodded and went about putting himself back to rights. Severus looking away and cringing at the sound of the boys zip going up. He couldn't let this happen, couldn't let his baser desires take control. Not like this, not with Potter, a mere child and obviously very confused. His own desire instantly ebbed away and soon enough they had Bruce balanced between them and were on their way.

PAGEBREAK

Once they had deposited Bruce safely behind bars and Snape had informed the authorities of what the man had done, as well as inform them that Stacy's mother was in the hospital and Stacy was with them at their house the pair returned to Snape's home.

The entire time the only thing on Harry's mind was what had happened the moment Bruce was on the ground and incapacitated. Harry had not had to work hard to persuade Snape to touch him, to mark him and explore his body. This led Harry to believe that his musings from the day before were correct. The concept that Snape wasn't interested or he was in denial quickly turned into one thing…. That being the man was interested, but completely denying himself and Harry the experience for very obvious and depressing reasons.

One of those reasons being their teacher student relationship, another being their age gap and the third probably having to do with some notion Snape had of Harry's interest being nothing but a crush that would pass with time.

Well, Harry Potter may have been a lot of things… quiet, shy maybe even a little awkward….but he knew one thing for sure about himself, if he knew what he wanted….if he wasn't stuck between two choices and knew for sure the route he wanted to go, he always found a way to make it happen.

He was sure, this was the route he wanted to go and so, decided to take matters into his own hands. He just had to be clever...had to plan ahead...Harry Potter had to think like a Slytherin.

PAGEBREAK

When they arrived home the reception was excited, cheers greeted them and Jimmy had started a group chant, everyone joyfully shouting pro-fess-or over and over until Snape raised his hands to silence them. Harry had laughed at it as Snape had probably never had such a thing occur in his whole life.

The man sat down on the couch quietly next to Stacy who had smiled upon his return but unlike the others remained seated. She looked at him, her honey-brown eyes soft and admiring as she said with appreciation, "Thank you, for giving a damn bout me and mine. We don't deserve it but-"

Snape had stopped her mid-sentence and started to appraise her injuries, as he did he spoke with that stiff tone that barred all argument, "Do not think so little of yourself. Men like your father find pleasure in other people's pain. His loss is your gain considering I can near smell the kindness and sincerity of your heart seeping from you like a freshly bloomed flower, take pride in your ability to recover, as you will have to recover from many things throughout the rest of your life."

Stacy had smiled and leaned forward to gently kiss his cheek, before she blushed and asked if she might borrow a pair of pants.

"I will retrieve them, if you will come with me I have some medicine for that cut in the bathroom." she followed him upstairs and the group turned to Harry.

Lee had rejoined them, having taken care of Stacy's mom who by Jimmy's story put up one hell of a fight when Bruce had come for his daughter.

"What happened to your neck?" Johnny asked, pointing out the mark with narrowed eyes.

Harry had forgotten all about it considering they had been greeted by a group of cheering kids and brought his fingers to it in shock, "Oh...after you guys left I hesitated and Stacy's dad...uh...well… he tried-" Harry lied quick, he felt awful about it but couldn't bring himself to be honest considering who it had actually come from and because the situation they had all just been in had involved another adult and teen in a far less acceptable situation.

"Blimey, he tagged ya. Better be careful then, if that bastard makes bail he'll be doggin' fo' ya." Jimmy said in all seriousness.

Harry nodded and thanked all Gods that it hadn't actually been Bruce to mark him, "Fuckers right twisted he is." Jimmy said under his breath.

Jessie, Lee and Jimmy continued to talk about it, making plans to take shifts watching the house while Johnny dragged Harry to the side and gave him a tense glare, "I know Stacy's dad didn't do that, you aren't his type...Stacy Told me he doesn't mess around with boys, he only likes girls."

Harry looked away and felt heat come to his cheeks, "Look mate, if that bastard is the same you need to tell me, I can get ya out of here." Harry looked at him in alarm and shook his head quickly, "No, it's not like that...it's…me...actually...I-" Harry had never spoken this out loud, not since the first dream...it had always been in his mind and saying it out loud seemed like a taboo but he had to make absolutely sure Johnny understood, "I like the Professor alright….and I think he likes me too, but the bloody bastard is...I don't know...playing hard to get or something."

"Hard to get? You see that mark on your neck? Not likely…."

"No...that's not...what I mean his, I think he is interested in me too...but every time I manage to get him to show it he backs off, acts like it's wrong and some big deal."

"It is wrong, bloody hell, he's like twice your age and your his student...I mean… I've heard of him. I know who professor Snape is."

This took Harry by surprise and Johnny glanced to the other boys to make sure they were still unaware of their conversation, Johnny took Harry's hand and pulled him closer to the front door.

"Look, the school I go to isn't near as big a deal as Hogwarts alright? That being said, at my school...there are far more people sympathetic to his side then to ours."

Harry stepped back, "His side?"

"Yeah, you know, the Death Eaters, the Dark Lord's side. They talk about him at school, say things… he isn't who you think he is...he hasn't changed sides… it's all rubbish. He's a loyal follower and I think you are a fool for putting so much faith in his words."

Harry could feel the anger rise to his face, literally taste the disgust but he refrained from losing his temper, "Look Johnny, I really appreciate your concern, but you are an outsider to the situation. Despite Snape's and my history he has saved my life multiple times and I'm not just talking about tonight. I've known him since I was eleven years old, he's been one of the few consistencies in my life and I can always count on him to be who he is and nothing more or less… I trust him because Headmaster Dumbledore trusts him and he has proven himself loyal to OUR cause, to me and mine. Honestly, between him and you, I'd choose him any day."

That last sentence came out in a way Harry hadn't planned and he instantly regretted it, instantly knew he had said something with the intention of proving a point but had only injured the boy instead.

Johnny gave a look of reproach and Harry tried to stutter out an apology but the older boy wouldn't have it, "Fine, you want to risk your hide and heart on some born-again good-guy wizard, that's your problem...I'm not going to try to talk you out of it, but you remember my words...he's going to be your downfall in the end… you just wait and see. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater, you can't change that, no matter how much you may like him."

Then Johnny turned and stormed off to join the group of boys who were now digging through Snape's record collection on the floor. Harry's eyes caught movement and he looked to see Stacy moving away from Snape who was standing at the end of the couch, no doubt he had heard some of that and Harry looked away in shame.

"Oy! Who's got the celebratory drinks round here?" Jimmy called as he flipped a record haphazardly between his fingers and then set it to play on the record table. Dean Martin blared to life with his classic, ' _Ain't Life a Kick in the Head'_ and Harry could only smirk as he glanced to Snape who rolled his eyes.

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In the four hours that had ensued the group had drank four shots worth of brandy to Snape, two to Harry and three to Stacy. They were on Jimmy now for taking a blow to the eye, then they toasted to Lee who took care of Stacy's mom and got her to hospital.

The music continued to play, different people flipping or changing out the record as needed, Severus had only drank a few shots, one for Stacy, one to Harry and one to himself though the man would deny it if asked.

At first Snape had been completely against the idea of feeding the group of "street rats" anything besides water and sleep inducing medicine but after several puppy faces, another kiss from Stacy and a promise from Harry to not let them get out of hand he finally caved and retrieved enough shot glasses for everyone and a single bottle of Brandy, which eventually turned into a second bottle and now they were on their third, Harry wasn't going to dare ask the man where his supply came from or how many bottles he had hidden away, but he appreciated the gesture of sharing all the same.

It was late when a knock sounded on the door and Snape had motioned for Jimmy to cut the music, the man approached the door warily and when he opened it he revealed a woman in her late twenties, one side of her head shaved while the rest was combed over to the other side and hung just passed her ear. She had a nose ring, tattoos and was dressed as if she had just come out from military duty with heavy boots, camo pants and a paint covered olive green tank-top. Her makeup was light save for her lips which were a dark red.

"I believe you have the wrong-" Snape started as Stacy stood from the couch in shock, "Minnie!" she said as she rushed forward.

"Oh! My darling I was so worried!" Minnie cooed gently as they embraced. Stacy smiled and closed her eyes, she placed her head on the woman's chest and Harry didn't miss Jimmy looking away with a wince.

"I thought you were at the station... did you miss your train?" Stacy asked.

"Of course I did you silly girl, Lee came by on his way here, I would have come with him but I had to take care of Tony first. I wasn't about to go after I heard what had happened. I'm just sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay, Tony comes first...I know how busy ya are-"

"Never too busy for you, and that damned monster will be put away if I've got any say in the matter."

"No worries there, the Professor and Harry took care of it." Stacy smiled as she pulled away and led the woman over to Harry and Snape who stood by the door, both with surprised looks plastered on their faces, "Harry, Professor, this is Minnie, my girlfr- I mean… my life partner." Stacy emended quickly and blushed.

"No need for clarification, all things considered, girlfriend works fine in present company." Harry offered up awkwardly, trying to lighten up the tense air he could feel coming off of the man next to him. Apparently tonight was the night for moral rule breaking as it was very obvious Minnie had quite a few years on Stacy, Harry guessed they were at least twelve years apart in age, which by today's standards wouldn't be an issue save for the fact Stacy was only sixteen.

"Thank you, for looking after her, she's a tough one but can't always pick her fights." Minnie piped up quick, "It wasn't any trouble at all." Snape said crossing his arms and continuing to stare the woman down.

Minnie raised her brow but smiled and simply took hold of Stacy's hand and gently led her over to Johnny and Lee, who both greeted her with hugs and acceptance.

"Is there a problem, sir?" Harry asked carefully.

"None at all, Pray tell me, should I expect anyone else in my home tonight or is that all the London underbelly has to offer?"

Harry gave him a quizzical look before he simply shook his head and walked over to have a better conversation with Minnie. His interest in the two girls situation was peeked, he only wished he knew how they did it.

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Another hour had passed and it was nearing two in the morning. Jimmy had challenged Snape to a game of chess, Jimmy had lost but to Harry's surprise, not by much.

The music was still going and something soft had come on, Harry hadn't drank near enough to really feel it but he did have a slight gush of bravery and walked up to Stacy, who was looking sad and stressed as she talked to Minnie about what had happened.

Harry bowed playfully to show his friendly intent and asked softly, "May I have this dance your highness?"

Stacy looked to Minnie who nodded and the tall girl stood, taking Harry's hand with a small laugh. Harry's intentions were pure, he wanted the girl to be happy, but if he happened to ask some questions as they trampled out a slow waltz so be it.

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Severus was turning down a second offer to arm wrestle when his eyes glanced up and then locked onto Harry who was starting a rather sad attempt at a waltz with Stacy. His eyes ran up and down the boy's body as Harry chuckled and clumsily led the girl around the floor. The other boys called and hollered at them, which only seemed to make them laugh more.

Seeing such a smile on the boy's face stirred an excited buzz in his brain, he suddenly regretted that fourth shot. He had only allowed this chaos into his home for the sake of furthering his relationship with the boy. He was well on the road now, could feel the boy's trust growing and a true bond starting. If he played his cards right this could all be over soon… any temptations he might be feeling ending with it.

"You like him, yeah?" and Severus looked over to see Minnie holding an identical tumbler to his own, half filled with brandy as she eyed Stacy and Harry together.

"I've no idea what you're referring to."

"Sure you don't." She said with a small smile.

Severus gave her a look of reproach and sneered at her, "What are you implying Miss…."

"Sanders. They'd make a cute couple if they were together." Minnie said softly nodding her head towards the two teens who were trying to spin each other rather unsuccessfully, "By society's standards they should be together."

Severus took a small swig of his drink and eyed the two bitterly though he was not aware of his stare as he spoke to the woman next to him, "By societies standards you should be in jail for cradle robbing….as should I."

Minnie gave him a knowing look and sighed, "I was wondering about you two….how long have you been-"

"We aren't." Severus snapped with disgust as he spun the brandy in his glass and took another sharp sip, "I am his acting guardian over the summer as his actual family is too unfit to care for him."

"Ah, so strictly platonic." Minnie said nodding in understanding.

"Not hardly," Severus snorted out, "That boy is a fool for it but has apparently taken an interest in me that I do not understand. I've no other recourse but to deny him his fancy and stop this game of cat and mouse before it has truly begun."

"Who's the cat?" Minnie asked with a suggestive smile.

"Who do you think? I can barely keep the little brat off me, any chance to take advantage and press his luck I've had to bar quite quickly."

"On what grounds?" Minnie asked curiously.

"On what- on the grounds that I'm thirty-three and he is only 17...or at least he will be by the end of the summer. I'm his teacher, he attends my classes during the school year...among other things he is emotionally unstable and has been mentally and physically abused most of his life. I'm mean, nasty, inconsiderate and don't give a damn about people….I'd just make him miserable even if I were to aqueous to his desires. He is just….a child." and the shame and guilt in Severus's voice wasn't lost on the woman next to him.

"But… you are interested too?"

Severus glanced to her out of the corner of his eye warily before he looked back to the boy who had passed Stacy off to Jimmy and was currently trying to beat Lee at a game of knuckles.

"I've no clue…" he said softly to himself, his eyes taking in the gleeful smile on the boys face and the way his arm strained to gain back some ground as Lee pressed his knuckles harder against Harry's.

"Can I share something with you Professor?" Minnie asked, pulling his attention away from the boy who was suddenly looking more and more interesting as he spent time away from him and with other people. In fact the man suddenly wanted everyone to leave, he wanted his quiet evenings back with Harry sitting near by studying or reading or asking him annoying questions.

Still, Severus managed to look away from the youth and rolled his eyes and looked down in frustration, "If you must."

Minnie laughed gently and took another sip, "When I first met Stacy, she was living on the streets. She thought she could keep her mother and herself safe from her father by not being around. I allowed her into my home, she slept on my couch for two weeks. By the end of the first week I didn't see a child...I started to see the woman she had been forced to become due to the situation a bastard of a man had put her into. She had been forced to grow up, to survive in such a cruel world… had learned and adapted to the roll that life gave her. By the second week I was smitten and by week three she was in my bed. We've been together a year now, and I can't imagine my life without her. She isn't a child, can't ever be a child again ...her body may look sixteen but her mind is closer to twenty-three. Her childhood was stolen from her but her life as a young adult is just beginning and I intend to make it a happy one."

Severus stared at her in mild shock before he found himself moving closer and he leaned in a bit as he met her dark blue eyes, "and you don't find being intimate with someone so...young…. disturbing… you don't feel...as if it's wrong… that there is something wrong with you for wanting it?"

This time Minnie's look was stern and she put her hand on his arm to make sure she held his attention, "There are some lines me and Stacy haven't crossed yet, but to answer your question...no. I love her, she loves me and when she is ready to cross that line we will and we will do it together at her pace."

"You mean, you two haven't-"

"No. Given her history of sexual abuse she still gets uncomfortable if we go too far. It's just foreplay and kissing right now...and honestly I'm fine with it. I've got a little brother who is a handle full, a full time job at the university and I volunteer at the local Boys and Girls Club. So, taking things slow has actually been a benefit. But when she is ready I know I will be able to guide her… and I think… that is why she chose me."

Severus instantly wanted clarification and finally turned to her fully, his body language loosening up and his head gently cocking to the side, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, it's hard to explain but as far as I can tell….Stacy needs something more in her life than just another teenager who has things in common. She wants… no...prefers someone older who has been through the things she hasn't and hasn't been through the things she has. She wants a lover who is mature and filled with experience because she grew up faster than she could gain it. She wants a guide and mentor but also someone who will love her. Ever since she was little her life has been at the whim and control of a psychopath, as much as it fucked her up...she is so used to giving the control to someone else she can't take control of her own self. She wants someone in her life who is consistent and will look out for her, give her confidence and the feeling of being in control while she knows that she isn't. She simply wouldn't be happy with someone her own age, she couldn't relate or expect them to understand what she's been through, she's just too mature for it. Sometimes I see her with Jimmy and the others, she just watches them...doesn't join in or get up to mischief because she just isn't one of them…she wakes up and remembers everything...she can't be one of them… She is one of us."

"I'm not sure I understand." Severus said and his eyes followed Minnie as she subtly pointed, "There look, your boys retreated… they do that sometimes...when they have a moment and wake up. It's like a flash of clarity for them… there… see his eyes… so distant and dissociated...there...Stacy just did it too...for a half hour or so both of them were carefree kids...but it jumps back at them… comes back to the front and they remember everything and they know they don't belong...it suddenly seems so immature to them and a waste of time to enjoy the pointless revelry of their youth...he's an adult...so is she."

And Severus did see it, Stacy and Harry stood next to each other, their eyes dull and their faces barely smiling, and the emotions betrayed a soft regret that made them seem wise beyond their years. They were dissociating, denying their inner child as Severus watched them retreat into themselves and wish that they could remain inside the fantasy.

"I don't think either of them were ever really kids….was Harry sexually abused?"

Severus looked at her quickly and then cleared his throat, "Not that it is any of your concern but as far as I can tell it never went beyond physical and mental abuse, with copious amounts of neglect poured on top. He has always seemed well adjusted, at least up until the last few years."

Minnie nodded, "It doesn't get easier with age to live with it, it's actually easier when they are younger...but I can tell you this, if Harry wasn't sexually abused he will be ready to go further a lot sooner than Stacy will. So, if you decide to be his anchor, decide to take up the mantel of mentor, friend, lover and his emergency control button, be ready to receive more affection than you've probably gotten in all your life. It's the ones who have been neglected that grab on the hardest. If they find someone with whom they can connect emotionally and those feelings are returned it is a very hard matter to get them to let it go. You'll do greater harm than good if you pursue this and then back out."

"What exactly do you do at the university Miss. Sanders?"

This time Minnie's smile was massive as a twinkle lit up her eye, "I'm a professor, I teach child development and psychology as well as mental regression in regards to trauma and abuse."

"So…" Severus started as he stared at her in shock.

"I'm not just spitting bullshite, yeah. Not what you expected I know…. I'm too young to be a professor….not enough experience I haven't read a library of books or published papers...blah blah, screw em, I'm better then half the other professors, and smarter too. I've worked hard and I sure as shit care about my students...all of them." She giggled and the sound seemed odd coming from her.

Just then Jimmy started to head their way and Minnie smirked, "Look out, my number one case-study is on the way over, he's got a bone to pick with you."

"Pardon?"

"Oy, Professor…."

Yes." Severus and Minnie said at the same time before they looked at each other, Minnie with a smile and Severus with annoyance, "You've turned down Lee and Jessie for a tumble, but you and I got unfinished business. You beat me at chess but you can't beat me at the arm. Come on, give it a go with me."

"This persistence is tedious and I don't appreciate the assumptions that'd I'd take part in such a banal display of testosterone."

"Wha?" he asked, "I think he means no." Minnie answered for him.

Jimmy thought a moment and then said with a smirk, "Make ya a deal, if ya win we'll clear out for the night."

"Done." Severus said instantly as he started to unbutton his tunic, Jimmy clapped his hands together excitedly and gave a cheer, "Alright!"

Everyone gathered around and the two men knelt at the coffee table which had been cleared by several grabbing hands. Murmurs and bets were going around as the two prepared to do battle.

"I got ten on Jimmy." Lee whispered, "Bet." Jessie confirmed.

Severus noticed Johnny standing next to Harry, his arms crossed and his face sour, he was apparently not very fond of him at the moment and a smirk tried to fill his lips. When Severus locked eyes with Harry he noticed the boy staring at him intensely, the only thing he could think was that Potter had never seen him without his long black tunic. His white undershirt was a light cotton, the sleeves now rolled up and the tight white collar undone to expose his neck and collarbone. Maybe removing his top had been inadvisable but he wanted these little street urchins out of his home, it was going on three in the morning and he was ready for the blissful silence of rest.

The thoughts of finally being alone with the boy being pressed as far away from his conscious mind as possible, "Alright, settle down, we are playing by street rules here...so the only rule is no cheating." Minnie called over the noise.

"So very much appreciated ." Severus mused sarcastically as he looked to the boy before him, his hazel eyes, light brown hair and square jaw giving him the look of a young beach bum, though Severus knew this boy would make a better boxer judging by his thick upper body and rounded muscles.

Still, he was not deterred and as Minnie sounded for them to begin all he could think about was Harry watching him and as he was an educated man he couldn't help compare this match to something akin to two alpha males fighting over the group of following primates. Who would become the first and who would become the second.

Severus, by his very nature refused to step down from the lead, he was going to win so that he could start to build some form of respect with this scraggly band of mutts, maybe then he could allow Potter to spend time with them again...that would make the boy happy.

"Hey! You playing or what?" Jessie called and Severus looked to their joined hands and realized he had simply set his arm and had been keeping it from moving, he hadn't actually tried to push back. So, he took a slow deep breath and tensed his core before he started to press hard against Jimmy.

Instantly he took the dominant position and as he continued to breath evenly he kept his face composed. His arm was starting to weaken given he was sure he had pulled a muscle earlier in the night when he had tried to choke out Bruce. Still, he continued to breath deep and even, allow the oxygen to flow and give his blood the much needed energy to win.

Slowly, over several minutes Severus got Jimmy's hand two inches away from the table, they locked eyes and the boys red face and sweaty brow told Severus that Jimmy was about spent, which meant all he had to do was….

He allowed his arm to give and in that split second took Jimmy by surprise, the boys core strength slipped at the sudden lack of resistance and Severus powered back through slamming the boy's hand on the table.

There was a stunned silence before Severus slowly extended his hand and Jimmy, who at first looked angry, gave a narrow eyed smirk and reached across to shake his hand.

"I do believe it is time for you and yours to depart."

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Harry had said goodbye to everyone, Johnny included though the hug and handshake was tense, both boy's feeling regret about earlier in the evening but both also being too stubborn to take any of it back.

Once they were all gone Harry collapsed on the couch at the same time Snape collapsed into his chair and they both let out a relieved sigh, "I'm all one for celebrating but that went on far too long." Harry said as he yawned.

"Agreed." Snape said as he slouched in his chair and rubbed his forehead with long slender fingers, the man's fatigue evident.

"Though, I never thought I'd see this house so full of life, it was a rather large change, but not unwelcome." Snape added.

"Really?" Harry asked as he looked the man over. Snape had yet to replace his black tunic and the white undershirt was just as medieval looking, light cotton, long and tight, showing his tall slender physique and giving Harry a better look at the man's actual size. The boy doubted anyone had ever seen him in such a relaxed position let alone without his trademark black top.

Harry had always expected the man to be rail thin, like a skeleton or even worse, but it must be true that black was slimming because the man was not near as thin as he look.

Snape was tall, his torso long and his shoulders and chest broad but he was proportioned correctly for his height. His stomach wasn't chiseled, but it didn't hold any extra weight, if anything it appeared soft but sturdy.

His thighs, which were no longer hidden by the tunics long draping bottom, were thick and strong, his lower legs thinner but equally long. Snape's current position reminded Harry of a painting he once saw, during one of the very few excursions he had been allowed to go on with the Dursley's. He had been relatively young, it was before he had gone to Hogwarts, he remembered staring at the painting for hours as the rest of his family perused the gallery.

Snape now sat in the same pose, with one leg stretched out, the other sitting tucked back with the ankle bent awkwardly. He was slouched with an elbow propped up on the armrest, folded fingers supporting his head and brow with eyes closed. His left forearm rested on the other arm of the chair, hand and wrist bent and dangling off in a relaxed manner.

For the next half hour Harry studied the man, his relaxed face and posture, observing the man's form and curves, his muscles and size. Seeing him so unreserved, so open and exposed with that white shirt revealing a smooth chest and long neck, made Harry suddenly feel bold, a heady arousal lacing through his mind and his stomach bubbling with a slow burning desire.

He wanted this man, for no reason that he could think of, as Snape had never been kind to him until now. He had kept his temper, softened his natural tendencies and welcomed Harry into his home… seemingly of his own volition and Harry decided it was time to thank the man properly.

A small snore escaped Snape and Harry smiled, he was about to cross that line, so he had better be ready for the explosion that waited on the other side.

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Severus had dozed off, he hadn't meant to but as he sat in his comfortable chair, in the warm silence of his home knowing Potter was near by and safe he felt his guards start to slip. He waded in and out of consciousness, enjoying the ethereal feel of nothingness. The first time in years that he was met by a black empty space that held no negative traces of mistakes long since passed.

Perhaps, he had been so exhausted that his brain could not even fathom the idea of creating some dreamscape to process the emotional triggers of the day, but whatever the case as he let out a content sigh he noticed a warm heat start to ebb from his lower stomach. He shifted a little and allowed that small pulsing vibration to fill his body and he savoured this small dull throb of relaxing pleasure.

He had never felt it before, the new feeling starting to build as he shifted again, stretching his legs a little more as they began to tingle. His mind was being pulled slowly from his half-formed rest, the pulsing heat growing and the tingles in his legs and lower abdomen increasing.

He took a deep breath, trying to shake this feeling that was beginning to consume his core, heat was taking over his brow and cheeks as his hand gripped onto the arm rest. And suddenly his eyes opened and looked down to see what was causing such a stir.

Black orbs swelled wide open when he was greeted by the sight of a head bobbing and the sounds of a slick mouth sucking on rigid skin met his ears. "P-POTTER!" He gasped out as his hips shifted and his member jerked violently, the length of muscle going further into the boys mouth and hitting the back of his throat.

Severus felt fingernails digging into his pants and thigh muscles, heard the boy cough and then groan in pleasure as he picked up where he had stopped momentarily to readjust after Severus's unintentional thrust.

"P-POTTER, STOP WHAT YOU ARE….GOD'S THAT BE….STOP! YOU HAVE….TO...STOOOOP!" but the boy didn't and Severus felt his hand jolt forward and wrap into the boy's hair harshly, yanking his head up and the popping noise as his length fell free made Severus's lower abdomen erupt.

The two stared at each other, Severus's brow furrowed up in shock and confusion, his mouth parted and his eyes wide as heavy breaths spilled over his lips. Harry was in no better condition as his cheeks were flushed, his lips were swollen and his heaving breaths made his shoulders shake. The boys hands stayed fisted to his pants, intermittent trembles adding to Severus's arousal as he saw the determination mix with fear and desire.

"Please, let me finish… I want to...I want to do this to you...for you...I want to so bad and I don't know why but I want you to...want it too…"

"I'm going to tan your hide-" Severus started as anger laced his voice but Harry cut him off, "I know you want to… I can see it… you want me to finish…" Harry protested softly and Severus felt his anger dissipate just as fast as it had come, he spoke softly and tried to keep his voice calm and reasonable, "Potter, this is wrong...this is incalculable in its inappropriateness….I am your teacher, you are my student….our relationship must remain-"

"Teach me then." Harry said looking into the man's eyes with such a want Severus felt his breath hitch, "What?" he asked through clenched teeth as he felt his arm start to shake and lower just barely, "If you are my teacher, then teach me… I want to learn professor and I want you to be the one to teach me."

"Good God." the man said heavily as he gazed at Harry's lips which were just inches away from his member, he was still hard, still burning for completion and considering he had been celibate his whole life the desire was pulling him hard towards that line. A line that should be thick and he should have been very far away from, yet he found his toe was right next to it, trying to slide across and as his grip lessened he swore under his breath.

"Professor? Will you teach me? Please?" Harry asked in all seriousness and slowly, so slowly his hand unclenched its death like grip on those soft brown locks, his breathing increased and as he shut his eyes his shaky arm gave and he pressed the boys head back down.

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Severus had never had someone perform oral sex on him. His reasons varied and up until this point he had no regrets. But right now, he was beginning to understand the value of such an act. His hand was guiding the boy below, slow and steady, murmuring soft orders between small gasps, Potter managing each demand quickly and with great enthusiasm. They were both experiencing and exploring this sexual act for the first time and neither seemed ready to end it. Yet, when the boy released his hold over the man's length he took a soft breath and panted out, "My jaw hurts."

"Does it?" Severus asked without opening his eyes as the pleasure was still there but fading, "I shall finish quickly then." and he pressed the boys head back down, holding the base of his length long enough to guide it back to Potter mouth.

Then, he gripped the boy's head with both hands and started to pick up the pace, "Use your tongue Potter." He said breathlessly as he felt pressure building and the boy complied brilliantly.

"Gods…" Severus gasped out and as his climax approached he tightened his hold further, pressing deeper and letting out a rather licentious moan as he came.

"Swallow." He whispered desperately, "Gods, swallow it all."

And as he felt the boy's throat clench in the swallowing motion it rippled through him and he shivered as he felt his whole body tighten and then release. The pleasure blinding him as his spine relaxed and he flopped back into his chair.

His eyes remained closed as his breathing evened out, his hand remaining in the boy's hair even as Harry sat back on his haunches and stared at him. Severus felt Harry's thumb rubbing small circles on his thigh, the intimacy of it driving him slightly over the edge of reason as the reality of the situation started to sink in.

Emotions swelled in his chest and Severus knew he had to speak with him, had to make the boy understand why this couldn't happen again, why it shouldn't happen again.

His glazed eyes cracked open and he saw Harry staring at him with such great warmth and affection and his heart clenched in remorse, still, he needed to do this right...step outside of his comfort zone as he still had a role to play, a mission to complete. He replaced his member into his pants and zipped up as he sighed.

"Come here." Severus said softly and he stood, holding out a hand, and the boy's face lit up in surprise and excitement as he climbed to his feet and took the man's hand.

Severus moved to the couch, sitting down and pulling the boy to him, Minnie's words from earlier in the night echoing like terror in his mind. As Harry settled in next to him, their thighs touching and his green eyes still watching Severus with a gentle reverence, the man swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.

"Potter, what just happened...it can't happen again...I am sorry that I let it go so far… I shouldn't have...but you put me in a position I was hard pressed to refuse."

"Do you regret it?" Harry asked softly leaning closer to his face and Severus found himself refusing to retreat.

"Do I regret that I just allowed one of my students to perform oral sex on me...I have to say... yes."

Harry leaned closer and smiled softly, "Would you regret it if I wasn't your student?"

"You ARE one of my student, and you're under age…" Severus said quietly as he felt his head fill with a soft kind of hazy warmth, "Even so, do you regret letting me go down on you?" and Harry leaned forward and gently kissed his neck. Severus felt his fists take hold of the boy's wrists, pulling the limbs up between them to try and create space. However, Harry was persistent and scooted closer, continuing his ministrations via starting to suck gently on the man's neck.

"Potter...don't… You need to listen to..." and Severus groaned out just under his breath as he felt the boy's hand on his chest pushing him back slowly.

Harry ever so gently whispered in his ear, "Do you?" and the boy's hand ran up under his shirt, fingers running over hot skin until they landed on a nipple and gently pinched it.

Severus felt something snap inside of him, a wall that he had built so painstakingly over the years cracked violently and a hand came up to grab the boy's jaw tightly. He looked into those green eyes and then glanced down to those thin yet swollen lips and finally admitted defeat, "No." and then he leaned forward and took up the boys mouth with such a hunger, he swore he heard his heart growl with need.

PAGEBREAK

Harry felt intoxicated. He felt lightheaded and excited, aroused and hungry. As soon as Snape had given into his questioning the man was on him. Pressing him back down onto the couch and covering Harry's body with his own.

Now he was pressed down under the man's weight, trapped between Snape and the couch, loving every minute of. Somehow, he felt safe, he felt completely at ease between this man and his sofa. Like nothing in the world could reach him and he could disappear into this monumental contact.

It felt good to be touched, to feel wanted and to have the man's attention solely on him. Not even Sirius had given him this much attention and he wanted more of it. The man's lips grazed hot over his throat, palms flushing out over his ribs, stomach and chest.

Every once and awhile Snape would return to his lips, holding Harry's jaw between firm fingers while he ravaged his mouth, moaning and licking into it before he would move away again to find his throat, neck, shoulder, collarbone or chest.

Those long slender fingers had found Harry's nipple such a long time ago and they seemed to delight in surprise pinches and flicks that made Harry gasp and his back arch and Snape would groan when he reacted in such a way.

Now, Harry was suffering from a rather hard and aching problem in his pants and he tried to shift so he could rub up against the man's hip. As he gave a gentle and experimental thrust he felt his professor stiffen and the man's hand left his shirt to smack onto the place where Harry's arse met the back of his thigh.

"I really wouldn't do that if I were you." the man warned and Harry felt heat pour into his lower abdomen at such a tone, his little problem suddenly becoming a lot bigger, "But sir, I-"

"I will help you with your problem, but moving about as you were is far to tempting and currently you really shouldn't tempt me further...I've already crossed lines and I'd hate to have to flip you over and rut you into the couch, it would be far more enjoyable for me than it would you, I promise you that." He whispered softly,

A sharp spike of anxiety and lust filled his chest and stomach and Harry instantly stilled, "Good boy…" Snape murmured against Harry's throat right before his tongue licked from the base up to his jaw line.

Harry gritted his teeth and grunt in pain at the building pressure in his pants, "You know, for all the shite you have dragged me through in the days since your arrival, I have every right to make you suffer through it." the man near purred and Harry felt his eyes roll back into his head as the sound of it. So unlike the man he knew from school, so unlike Professor Snape, that he nearly came in his pants.

Suddenly the man took up Harry's wrists in his left hand, pinning them above his head as he shifted to expose the boy's body and his right hand came to draw a single feather light touch from his stomach to the edge of his pants.

"In fact, I wonder if I need to touch you there at all…."

"Please touch me there...it's starting to really hurt." Harry barked out as he gently tugged at his hands and tried to twist his hips back towards the friction that was Snape's thigh.

Snape, however, seemed to have other plans as he gave a little jerk and a very light and harmless smack to the boys stomach.

"No, don't you move. You will lay still for me or I will get up and walk away." and the threat in the man's voice was real. Harry let out a frustrated grunt and rolled back and lay still.

"Good. Now, let us see how far we can push you." and all Harry could do was swallow.

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If Severus had been crossing lines before, he was jumping them now. As soon as he had surrendered to the boys advances he knew he was lost in this. But somehow, the longer they kissed, the more intimate their touches became, the more he just didn't care.

He had never touched anyone like this, had never been touched by anyone like this and if he was honest with himself he was already addicted to it. The feeling of pulling such sweet noises out of him, the way Potter jerked and hissed and moaned at Severus's touch… it made him feel...dominant, in control and all too powerful. He wanted to consume this person, keep him wrapped up and in his pocket so that he could take the boy out at a moment's notice just to watch him squirm.

It was Severus's dark side, the side he had sworn off, the side that wanted to embrace depravity and perversion and...yet...still he wanted to hold this person...he wanted to kiss Harry gently and look into those eyes and emerge from this with something other than sex….as of yet...he didn't know what it was.

But Severus had been protecting this insolent brat since he was eleven years old….watching him break rules and fly by the seat of his pants into danger, dragging all those around him with. He knew, somehow he just knew this boy...this soon to be young man would be able to give him this mysterious thing he was craving...and Severus knew soon enough the boy would deny him nothing.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Harry thrust against his thigh, the friction causing his own arousal to spike and he had to subdue this flare before things went much too far. He was hanging on by a thread...if it had been anyone else…not his student...not his underage student they would already be on their stomach, allowing him to thruxt against them and into them in the most undignified manner.

But that was not an option here, so instead, he had elected to do an experiment, and see just how much Potter adored his touch.

"Good, let us see how far we can push you." and Severus couldn't stop the leer that came to his face as Harry bit his lip and whined when Severus ran his finger along the boy's pant line.

"Silence," Severus whispered softly against the boy's mouth, "Absolute silence, not a wine, whimper or moan or I will leave...understand?" he asked so tenderly, wanting desperately to push Harry so far over the edge he would even beg if prompted to.

When Harry managed a nod Severus kissed his lips and whispered into his ear, "That's my boy, now, let your professor teach you a lesson in patience."

Severus ran his finger back and forth along the waistline of Harry's pants, he could feel Harry's body straining to remain still and quiet as his eyes squeezed shut harder, his teeth near to drawing blood from his lips as sweat formed on his brow.

Severus's couldn't keep his eyes from the display, even when his nimble fingers popped the button and slowly pulled at the boy's zipper. Harry's breathing increased, but still he remained quiet, "You are doing very well Potter, I am impressed." and he gently licked the boy's neck, leaving a few kisses on his shoulder before he carefully bit into the tender flesh of Harry's nipple.

This time the boy jerked and Severus had to restrain him as Harry's hips started to thrust involuntarily, "Please please, God please Professor…"

"Shh shh shhhh...relax Potter." Severus whispered against his lips with a soft smirk. This time he left his mouth close, their lips touching but no kisses were given, "You want me to touch you? Yes?"

Harry nodded frantically and his lips grazed against Severus's before falling back to meet them, "Pleaseplease...just a little." Harry nearly cried.

"I'll make you a deal… I'll touch you everywhere but where you want me too….and if you can cum...I''ll let you sleep in my bed tonight."

This seemed to catch Potter's attention and intoxicated green eyes looked at him with near dreamy want, "If you fail to come, if I have to touch you down here…" and Severus cupped the boy's manhood quick and Harry jerked so violently he nearly fell off the couch, "You will sleep in your room. Deal?" Severus finished as his eyes took in every single dread filled and terrified glance the boy gave, sucking it up and consuming it like it was a fine wine.

Harry nodded, his mouth coming up to meet the man's throat as he licked around the side and up to his ear where he murmured, "Deal, but if I win I want to sleep with you naked."

"You are not in the position to make demands….now, let's start your lesson." and Severus released the boy's crotch and brought a finger to his thigh.

PAGEBREAK

Harry was in agony, at first this seemed like a fun little game, but now, nearly ten minutes later his prick was so hard he thought it might explode. His forehead was sweaty, his face on fire and his breathing was erratic. He had found himself squirming and trying to escape several times if only to touch himself for a minute, to get some relief from the building pressure and this heartbreaking want that was making him whimper like a baby.

The tears had started about thirty seconds ago, tears of frustration and sexual want so bad he thought he might pass out.

Yet still, the man simply traced around his thighs, belly and groin, never once touching his now purple and dripping manhood, the pain becoming something akin to his scar when it would burn.

"Are those tears I see...they look stunning on you." Snape said gently as he leaned down to lick them away and Harry thought he might be able to cum, he was so close, just right on the edge…

"Times running out, I guess you will just have to sleep alone tonight," and Harry tensed his stomach and felt that finger stroking just next to his prick and then those lips rubbed over his and brushed down a cheek to his ear where Snape spoke one word in such a manner that Harry could do nothing but obey, "Cum."

Harry felt the release and yelled out as he finally found his peak, he tumbled down through a blaze of stars, blinding pleasure and white-hot heat. His fists clenched and his teeth grit as he rode out wave after wave of pleasure.

At some point he felt Snape find his mouth and swallow his groans, the man's nails digging into the flesh of Harry's wrists while his other hand stroked up and down his ribs as he continued to empty his seed onto his stomach.

After, when he felt dizzy, light-headed and devastatingly weak he fell limp but continued to gasp in breaths of cool air, the sweaty glaze across his body helping to cool him.

Snape bent down, gently kissed his forehead and then took up his chin between his thumb and pointer finger, "You will shower, dress for bed and then come to my room."

Harry nodded and Snape gently caressed his lips, "You did well, Potter." then he rose from his position and slowly headed for the stairs, glancing back at Harry for a second before he disappeared.

PAGEBREAK

Severus sat on his bed, a leg stretched out before him, the other bent at the knee as his bare back rested against the headboard. His thin summer blanket was pulled up to his waist and in his lap he held a book. Though his eyes scanned he wasn't really taking it in, for his mind was far away.

It was locked onto what had just occurred, not even thirty minutes ago on his couch. He had given into the boy, utterly soiled his reputation and had a sexual dalliance with a student who was underage.

Though, to Severus's surprise, the shame, guilt and disgust he had expected to feel was absent, and in its place was something he hadn't felt in years.

Excitement.

He was excited, he was interested and his mind was active and fixated and he wanted to explore this. He felt like a curious teenager again, though he knew he had to remain level headed. There was only one way for this to end and it was badly, very badly.

Yet, his brain didn't seem to give a damn and his body tingled in agreement. He wanted to progress, he wanted to continue and most of all, for the first time in his life, he felt the urge to allow himself to obtain something that he wanted.

Severus had never, in his entire life, truly gotten something that he had wanted and craved.

Not love, friendship, understanding, forgiveness or to be spared from atoning for his sins. He was always at the mercy of others, doing their whims to either make up for his past mistakes, as with Dumbledore….or trying to hide his mistakes by lying through his teeth and serving as the right hand of doom to a demon, as he did with the Dark Lord.

But now, Severus wanted this, the experience alone was new and tantalizing and the instant he stopped fighting it the instant he was sure he didn't give a damn. He was going to live for himself for just this moment in time. He would feed his neglected body and educate his hungry mind and soon enough he might be able to serve his emaciated heart as well, perhaps not with Potter...surely this crush would ween over time, but he could use this to better understand any future relations he might see fit to have.

Whoever said he was bound to loneliness and emotional starvation? No one but himself and he was more than ready to eat, especially given how wonderful the sounds were that Potter made.

And then there was a knock on the door, his eyes not leaving the pages though he wasn't truly reading and then a head popped in and green eyes stared at him for several seconds.

"You are letting the cold out, I just performed that cooling charm, I'd prefer it to last, in or out." Severus said, and the boy shuffled in, his cotton pants hanging low on his waist and showing the dark hair that traveled down below it.

No shirt adorned his body but a damp towel hung loosely around his neck and shoulders. As he shut the door behind him Harry used the end of the towel to finish drying his hair and excess water before hanging it on a hook near Severus's tunic. The motion was so domestic that Severus couldn't pull his eyes from it, until the boy turned to him and smirked sheepishly, "You sure this is alright?" he asked softly.

"No, but we've already crossed a line, why not cross another." Severus mused.

The boy nodded and started to walk over before he stopped and eyed the bed warily, this caught Severus's attention and gently he laid his book to rest on his lap. He studied the boys face for a moment, those anxious eyes staring at the spot next to him and Severus suddenly understood.

"I didn't invite you in to steal your virtue if that is what you are thinking. I merely assumed that after such an...intimate evening you might not adjust well to sleeping alone. If I am wrong your room is still down the hall."

Harry shook his head and started moving again, this time with a little less stress in his shoulders and when he sat down on the bed his tentative body language made Severus smirk.

"Let me help." and he put his book on the nightstand and reached out for him, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and gently pulling him to lay down next to him. Severus pulled the blanket up over them both before he rested his head down on the pillow.

He breathed in slow and realized that the body next to his was warm, soft and smelled fresh and clean. His head grew dizzy as he gently hummed and nuzzled his face into the back of Harry's head.

"You smell wonderful." He murmured softly.

"Your bed is way nicer than mine." came his soft reply as he nestled down further and pressed himself more firmly into Severus's chest and stomach.

"Beggars can't be choosers." Severus offered and he raised a hand and flicked his wrist, the lights in the room instantly dimming and plunging them into darkness.

"Professor?" Harry asked softly.

"Yes." the man answered, his voice filled with sleep and fatigue.

"Do you think you will ever call me Harry?"

There was a silence then as Severus mulled it over, never thinking anything of the use of the boys last name, but he wasn't sure how he would feel to cross that particular line as that seemed even more intimate to him than what they had done earlier on his couch.

All he could do was give a soft yawn and say, "Go to sleep, Potter."

"It's just, you used my name when we were in the bushes outside the church… I didn't realize it until earlier….when you were...when we were...I just wanted to hear you say it again...it was nice….even if the situation was a bad one and I thought maybe-"

"Sleep. You silly boy. Or I will banish you to your less than adequate bed. We will speak about it in the morning."

"Alright...good night, sir."

Severus cracked open his eyes and stared at the back of the boys head before he leaned in next to Harry's ear and said softly, "Good night, Harry."

 **A/N: OKAY, I seriously need like a billion reviews for this chapter because it was a monster to write, I was terrified of posting it and I really need the feedback. So please, R &R as my confidence in this chapter is circling the drain.**


	8. Severus goes to Counseling

**A/N** : **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I really appreciate it. For anyone who is worried that this story is moving too quickly don't worry, I'm about to break your heart, as I'm not so brazen to assume life changes on a dime.**

 **Also, wanted to respond to a review, which I appreciated immensely from MJ1039, lots of love for the review and for keeping me in check in regards to Harry's emotional state of mind and development. I do tend to write a slightly more assertive and confident Harry when it comes to his emotions because I have always felt like Harry was a very emotional character in the books and movies, thus his difficulty in learning Occlumency, but that he kept them inside. Only when he was 100 percent sure did he act on his feels or share them with anyone. I've tried to do that here, as well as play into an over exaggerated sense of loss and need to fill the hole left by Sirius. If you have any more ideas on how to better serve Harry as a character in regards to this story I'd love to hear them. I always take ideas from my reviewers if I can make it work and hope you share any ideas you may have for tweaking him to make his reactions more believable.**

 **So, enjoy, much love Apprentice08.**

 **Chapter Eight**

 **Snape Goes to Counseling**

When Severus woke up his head was pounding and his eyes burned. He noticed instantly the feel of a warm body next to his, and heard the soft breaths of another person. His eyes grew wide despite the ache and slowly black orbs scanned down. There on his chest was the sleeping face of Harry James Potter and in that moment his heart nearly stopped.

"Oh my Gods." rubbing a shaky hand down his face Severus started to sort through the bleary eyed memories of last night. Four shots, that shouldn't have done a thing to him….but the two glasses of brandy wine after… then the tumbler of scotch….and that damn reasonable but really NOT reasonable conversation he had with Minnie…..and his fatigue….from fighting that brute, entertaining kids….his mind had been just tired enough...just drunk enough…..he was lonely and relaxed and Potter had…. He let Potter….the things he had done to Potter!

"Shite!" He said as he felt the boy shift and a sleepy hand grazed over his crotch. He rolled away quickly and sat up, more relieved than he had ever been in his life to see he was wearing pants, that the boy was wearing pants.

Memories swirled, a high pitch whine in his inner ear and he clenched his eyes closed and rubbed at his temple because he remembered everything….he hadn't been so drunk that he wouldn't but he had been... weak….

"Oh my Gods!" the man muttered as he recalled not even two days ago the very same situation had occurred with the brat, when that idiot of a boy had taken advantage of Potter….

Severus looked over his shoulder at the boy who was miraculously still sleeping, "You Goddamn little Slytherin wannabe, trouble making, manipulative, opportunistic….oh my Gods." he put his face in his hands and let out a soft groan.

"You can't do this Severus...you can't let yourself be…."

 _USED._

The word made his heart ache and his anger swell and he knew he needed to leave lest he do something stupid. He stood and quickly left the room, grabbing whatever clothes he needed for the day and headed to the shower.

As the hot water ran over his body his muscles relaxed but his mind was racing.

 _He took advantage of you….of your weakened state….just like everyone always does….always did...and you let him because you wanted something and you justified it with false words of sweet hope and stewing loneliness and emotional starvation and you LET him do it…..you are pathetic, weak...so very weak you stupid stupid man….you weak….dumb….incompetent….WEAK WEAK WEAK….COWARD!_

"Shut up." He hissed angrily between clenched teeth as he rubbed another hand down his wet face, the water starting to burn his skin and turn it a violent shade of pink.

An image of Potter on his knees taking Severus's member into his mouth came unbidden and he jerked away from the wall, opening his eyes to try and banish the memories...trying to escape his own foolishness.

 _Love, you always want love don't you you stupid man….just a child in a man's body reaching out grubby hands for any little snippet someone will give you...making excuses and wanting things you cannot have!_

"Do you hear me Severus Snape, you cannot have it! Ever! You had one chance and you ruined it years ago, you don't get to try again! Never, you leave it alone….get your emotions under control, grow up and stop sniveling!" Severus ordered himself and he took a deep breath, winced at the water which felt like it was boiling his skin away and swallowed all the things that would make him anything other than the man he already was.

PAGEBREAK

He was drinking a mug of coffee when the boy wondered in. Harry had put on a shirt but was still in his sleep bottoms, his hair a mess and his eyes groggy.

"What time is it?" he asked as he grabbed at the mug that had become his signature, black with blue swirls and a dark red rim.

"Noon." Severus said as he scanned the paper but didn't look up.

"Not bad considering last night...I'm sorry about that...what happened. I didn't expect…"

Severus waited, perhaps the boy regretted his actions...regretted putting him in that situation…maybe they could both move on and not have to worry-"

"I didn't think Jimmy and the others would try to drag us into that. But, I mean, I'm glad we could help them...that you were willing to help them. Though, the after party- should have skipped that...was a little...much."

Severus felt his hopes sink, the boy was oblivious as ever. Yet as he dared to glance over the edge of his paper he heard his own voice whisper in the back of his mind as phantom lips skimmed over pink sweaty flesh to a ear that was nestled in soft brown hair, _Cum._

"About...after…." Severus stiffened and couldn't help the anger that swelled in his stomach. He felt the boy standing there staring at him but did not lower the paper. He could not look at him just yet, not after that fuzzy memory of what he had done to this boy...this child.

 _Coward_

He gave the flimsy paper a violent shake to straighten it and continued to scan.

"Professor, I- what we did…" Severus felt his anger boiling again, felt his heart lurch in rejection of whatever sadly collected thoughts the boy may have and he stood, folding the paper quickly before tucking it under his arm and grabbing his mug, "I do not suppose you will like what I am about to say… nor do I think you will want to accept it...but what happened last night...did NOT happen last night. We do not speak of it, we do not think about it and heaven help you if you breath a word of it to anyone, I will skin you alive. I never- you are my STUDENT!" The man snapped, slamming his mug down on the table and then using the old wooden thing to place his palm, he leaned forward and pointed a slender finger at the boy.

Harry had jumped at the sudden violent explosion, "I am your teacher! There is nothing that is going to happen between us...not now or ever again. I regret allowing you to take advantage of my less than coherent mind… you manipulative little snake….you will keep your hands to yourself...you will… you will...NOT put me in such a position again...so help me if you do I will end it and you before it even begins. You've been here five days….FIVE...in that time you've gotten away with murder...but you'll get no more leniency from me. Now keep that prick of yours in your pants or I will cut. It. Off."

And with that Severus stormed out, leaving an open mouthed Harry to stare after in a stunned silence.

PAGEBREAK

Severus couldn't stay in this house, couldn't be near that little brat right now. But he couldn't just leave the house unprotected. He had been in his room for the last two hours, pacing then sitting and then pacing some more.

Words, confusion and illicit imagery flying in front of his mind's eye. Potter was smart, as he had apparently elected to stay away, far away and Severus was more than happy with the outcome. Nonetheless he couldn't stay, he'd been cooped up for nearly a week, his usual routine of taking walks and going into his favorite cafe in London…

Severus stopped and suddenly had an idea, he rushed to his fireplace and hastily threw in some power before he leaned his face into the flame.

PAGEBREAK

Harry had been sitting on the couch staring into space…. His heart beating slow, so slow he felt faint. There was a small ringing in his ears as a numbness washed over him. He didn't know how long he had been sitting here, time was irrelevant right now.

Having had just made another huge mistake in his life Harry was once again alone in facing the consequences.

He didn't understand…. What had he done wrong? How was the man suddenly so angry with him...Snape had said last night he didn't really regret their quickly progressing….thing….

 _It's not a relationship you know….he isn't your partner, or boyfriend or friend with benefits or even your acquaintance. You don't even really know him...you've been here only days...and suddenly you are in love?_

"No." Harry barked out as he closed his eyes and shook his head.

 _What do you even know about him? You do realize he doesn't even like you right? Dumbledore told him to be nice to you...ordered him to keep his temper. You're just a stupid kid, a mentally unstable and awkward unattractive child to him. No refinement, no cleverness, just Harry…..just Harry….only ever Harry…. The freak who speaks to snakes….who shares his mind with a madman, who breaks down more than any girl on the whole of the planet. Weak, angry...lonely...insufficient...unwanted...unloved….Sirius is dead...you've not thought of him once…._

"I have too...I just don't want to… it hurts too much...it makes my body hurt to just...think of him...he's gone."

 _So you replace him with Snape? You imprint your love for Sirius onto a man who doesn't give a damn about you….who got sexual gratification from you and then put you out….typical Harry… always always wanting what he can't have….love, family...to be normal…._

"God, shut up Harry...stop doing this to yourself. Just accept that you messed up and….dont...dont get attached...it's okay...you'll be fine...you can do alone...you've done it your whole life...just suck it up and stop being a needy...neglected, attention seeking-"

 _WHORE_

Harry jerked up from the couch and felt his anger rear its nasty head, teeth chewing together so hard he thought they might break and fists clenching as nails dug into the flesh of his palm. His eyes landed on an empty bottle from the night before and beings as the man was already in a foul mood Harry didn't really care how much trouble he got in.

He grabbed up the bottle and threw it hard into the kitchen, the glass smashing against the window which cracked and all the shards and pieces glittering down into the sink and across the counter.

"POTTER! What the hell are you doing you bloody brat!" and Harry spun around to yell back but the air left his lungs as he came to find Snape at the bottom of the stairs looking infuriated with a confused Ron and Hermione poking their heads out from behind him.

Instantly Harry moved, dodging passed the couch to wrap his arms around them. Ron and Hermione hugged him back. "We've been so worried." Hermione murmured and Harry instantly hugged her tighter, his eyes watering as the smell of lavender and honeysuckle hit his nose. He had missed them, missed both of them far too much given it had only been going on three weeks without them.

Ron had shifted away gently, giving the boy some room to breath and Hermione gently took a strand of his hair, "You need a trim."

Harry chuckled, "Not likely."

"Your temper get ya again mate?" Ron teased trying to break the thick tension as he eyed the kitchen doorway warily.

Harry glanced to Snape who stood there watching with arms over his chest, "Yeah, something like that."

The three then looked to their professor with worry, "I will be gone for most of the day, Miss. Granger is in charge, you two remember what I said. No one in or out until I return. If anything happens, if you are even the slight bit worried or suspicious you flu to the burrow. Don't hesitate, don't wait….I will….be back this evening." he said as his eyes scanned to the shortest of the three.

Hermione and Ron nodded but Harry simply looked out from under his brow, green eyes locked onto the man, his eyes silently trying to ask and dying to know where he was going so suddenly and why.

"And you, Mr. Potter, will have that mess picked up before I come home or you will regret it, understood?" Harry gave a single succinct nod.

"Good. Damn child, can't handle a singel bloody thing." the man continued to mutter as he headed for the front door. As soon as it was shut Harry sprang forward and went after him, Hermione calling the boy's name, but just as Harry swung the door open Snape popped out of sight and was gone.

PAGEBREAK

Severus had apparated in an alley near the center of London. Only three blocks from his favorite cafe, a book securely tucked in his pocket and a frown on his face, Severus gave a short flick of his wand and his normal clothes transfigure into something slightly less eye catching and far more muggle oriented.

It was not his normal routine to frequent cafes but on occasion he did imbibe and this was the only one that sold by the pot and had a decent cuppa of Earl Gray.

Given the past few days and what had occurred he knew both he and the boy needed space. Something strange had been going on since the first night Potter had been brought to his home. There was a tension, a tight strain between them. But what Severus had originally assumed was tension do to mutual dislike was now showing its colors as a different kind of tension. The kind of tension that caused professors to become overly attached to their students, show preferential treatment and possibly lose their jobs, the kind where students were caught being deflowered in some janitorial closet after school hours and expelled from the school.

The kind of tension that would have been more reasonable if it had been between a pair like Harry and Stacy or Severus and Minnie. This tension seemed to hit its peak just after the boy's panic attack but had truly started when Potter had stolen that kiss in his bedroom whilst Severus had been sleeping.

As if that one kiss had sent Potter into a downward spiral of self-discovery and instant want to try and seduce him. To Severus's horror, the brat was relatively good at it too, if he really tried.

To Severus, all Potter represented was a neglected and abused, highly dissociative teenager who was hormonal at the worst of times and moody at the best. He was curious about his sexuality, had just lost his godfather and in one night had been uprooted again and left in a situation where he had no set place, didn't know anyone and had to deal with knowing his current guardian hated the ever living spit out of him.

So why then, or perhaps he should ask what then, had caused Potter's seemingly instant attachment and infatuation with a man who had been hounding him since he had started school. Had made his life miserable, had caused so many problems for him.

" _I think you will be surprised at young Harry's capacity to love. Especially his ability to forgive."_ Severus waved a hand in front of his face as if the words spoken by Dumbledore were nothing more than a fly. Severus doubted any person in the world could forgive six years of hatred and torment in the span of four days for nothing more than being nice.

That would be the very definition of naive, overly trusting and dimwitted, for someone as street smart as Potter to make that mistake….he would know better than that, be more weary than that. Yet, the boy was showing signs of no such awareness, he was being brash, impulsive and forward. Brash and impulsive were common traits among Gryffindors….but Potter had never been forward, he was shy…..well...that's not true.

The instance with Lucius Malfoy, Doby and the sock….that was pretty forward….and the way Harry and his little brat friends had thought him working for the Dark Lord first year and telling Mcgonagall, Hagrid and Dumbledore all about it….sticking up for Granger in his first ever lesson….

" _Clearly Hermione knows….why not ask her_?"

Severus caught himself smirking at the memory and instantly put a stop to it. Dread filling his stomach and panic wrapping around his mind when he was once again reminded he had known this boy since he was eleven. Severus, a young man when the boy was born, not even twenty if his math was correct. Lily had married James right after school...a year or so later Harry had been born….

And when in the bloody hell did he start using the brat's name in his head….

"Gods be done with me." He murmured as he pushed open the cafe door angrily. He got in line ordered his pot of tea and some biscuits and went to his preferred table in the farthest back corner by the fire.

The cafe had elected to style itself after the 1960's with a dash of modern flare but all he really cared about was how quiet it was, how mellow it all felt and as he waited for his tea he pulled out his book and opened it to the first page.

Still, the only thing he could think about was his problem with the troubled youth waiting at home for his return. He didn't know what to do, and now, thanks to his lonely libido and one too many drinks paired with an equally lonely and hormonal teenager he could no longer speak to Dumbledore about what exactly was going on in that house.

Severus was stranded, with no one who could understand his situation nor anyway to deal with it...he needed a confidant...someone who could help him negotiate these treacherous waters...someone who understood the delicate nature of this situation and could help him dissect it...he needed a lifeline.

"Professor?" and as Severus looked up his heart jolted and his mouth parted slightly, because for once in his life the Gods...or Lily…. or SOMEONE had answered his silent prayers and musings.

"Professor Sanders….I was just thinking about you….please...won't you join me?"

PAGEBREAK

Harry sighed again for the fourth time in twenty minutes and looked at his friends who sat in the sitting room staring at him over their steaming cups of tea.

"Blimey, you really are suffering aren't you." Ron said with a smirk.

"Honestly Ronald, Harry's been sharing a house with Professor Snape not Voldemort himself-"

"What's the difference?" the redhead asked as Hermione rolled her eyes, "They may not get on but surely it can't be all that bad….right?" she asked looking to Harry with curious eyes.

Harry looked at the ground as he leaned back on his arms, legs crossed before him, his two friends sitting on the couch continuing to stare.

Since the two had arrived all they had managed to discuss was the fact that he had been moved and why. Why he hadn't been taken to the burrow or to order headquarters...why he had been left with Snape. Yet, try as they might, no news suggested that there had been any reason for it aside from some trouble in the south, but even that was minor and had little to do with Harry.

"It's been tense…" Harry started, Ron leaning in a little and bracing his elbows on his knees as his fingers interlocked.

"Tense? You're living with the bat of the dungeons… I'm amazed this place hasn't exploded."

"This is his home?" Hermione asked as she looked around the room, "At least he has a lot of books." she said weakly, trying desperately to find something positive for Harry to latch onto, though the boy raised a brow at her and gave a very unflattering face of distaste.

"It's his childhood home, he grew up here." Harry confirmed.

"This place is so small, can't imagine he had room to...grow." Ron tried but the situation was all to ridiculous and after another tense silence Hermione and Ron looked to each other and started to chuckle a little. At first Harry was irked...watching them with annoyed green eyes before he felt another sigh escape him and he shook his head, a small smile and chuckle escaping him as well.

"He does shower by the way, heard that the first night I was here."

Ron's eyes exploded and Hermione gave a soft groan as another bout of giggles crept passed her lips and soon they had descended into gentle laughter.

"So, what's it like living with him. I mean, yeah it probably rubs ya up a bit but… does he… do odd things?"

Harry gave his friend a endearing look before he asked with a soft smirk, "Like what?"

"I don't know, sing in the shower….sacrifice goats…"

"Ron!" Hermione said giving him a tart look before she smacked his shoulder.

"Bloody hell, the man's a damn vampire...how are we supposed to know what goes on less Harry tells us. Come on mate, what's the greasy git really like?"

Harry thought about it a moment before he simply shrugged and said, "Nice."

This made both Hermione and Ron stare as if he had just grown a second head and Ron let out a snort as if it was a joke, "Nice? He threatened you right before he walked off. Nice isn't exactly the word I would use to describe him."

Harry felt frustration swell in his chest but elected not to try and defend the man, they wouldn't understand and anyway, he didn't owe Snape anything at this point. He was still mad at the man's dismissal.

"I don't know, we eat together most days and it's….quiet….I do my homework at night while he reads…."

"Bloody hell." Ron murmured.

"The rest of the time we just….talk…."

"Talk? Bout what? What could you two possibly have to talk about?" the ginger asked as he looked to his shoe and made a face.

Harry felt a blush rush to his cheeks and he looked away as an image of Snape sucking on his neck came to mind. When he glanced back Ron was toying with his shoe trying to scratch an itch on his ankle but Hermione's eyes were locked onto him tightly and he felt himself fidget as he realized she had caught his slip.

"There are other kids here!" he blurted out quickly. This seemed to catch Ron's attention and the boy asked, "Anyone we know?"

"No, a small group of muggles, there is a boy who is a wizard but he doesn't go to Hogwarts. His names Johnny. They all hang out together...I played football with them and they got me knackered a few nights ago.

"

"Harry!" Hermione admonished at the same time that Ron asked, "What's football?"

Harry chose to respond to Ron as he gave Hermione a guilt filled smirk and started to talk about the group.

He told them everything worth telling except the obvious things….like what had happened between him and Johnny…. And what had happened between him and Snape. However, he did elect to tell them about the adventure with Stacy's dad, leaving out his and Snape's impromptu dalliance into forbidden territory.

"Whoa, Snape really did that?" Ron asked and Harry nodded, "Yeah, pinned him down and everything. When Bruce had me Snape managed to...talk him down and eventually got him with a bottle over the head. We took him to the station after that, Stacy's girlfriend showed up for the after party, a woman named Minnie."

This made Hermione blush and Ron's eyes boggle, "Girlfriend? As in two girls…"

"Yeah, they kissed and everything." Harry said though not in anyway bragging so much as stating fact.

"Whoa, can I stay here-" Hermione hit him so hard Ron went crosseyed and Harry laughed at their antics.

"It is perfectly alright to be gay, it's not something to treat as a show." the girl said irritably.

"Right, well next time then…" Ron said giving Harry a look that told of his desire to meet and observe such a thing.

"When you say woman…" Hermione started and Harry suddenly realized his mistake, it was too late to go back but maybe if he made it clear to them the situation… he could trust them any… neither Ron or Hermione had ever betrayed his confidence so why would they start now.

"Minnie's a bit...older…"

"How much?" Ron asked, his interest in the subject becoming more and more obvious as the conversation moved forward.

"Twelve years...Stacy's sixteen and Minnie is in her late twenties." Harry offered before he said very softly, "I guess Minnie saved her life."

"I suppose it's not that hard to believe given how horrible her father was, it disgusting." Hermione said as her face paled a little, "I couldn't even imagine my father…" she trailed off as she looked away and seemed to focus on settling her stomach.

"That's rough. But at least she has someone." Ron offered.

"I asked her about it….what is was like to be with someone so much older...she said it was nice. We were dancing...well...trying to dance...I just wanted to cheer her up since...well you know."

The two nodded and Harry continued, "Minnie took her in when she was on the streets, she was trying to avoid her dad finding her and keep her mom from taking the brunt of his anger. Within three weeks they were together….Minnie helped rebuild her life, gave her strength, they have to keep it hidden though...I think it sounds easy...nice even….. It sounds...really good." Harry said in a far away voice as he looked away and stared at the low fire.

He didn't see Hermione glance to Ron or the boy raise his brows and very barely shake his head, but the girl spoke anyway, "Harry...about what happened….with...with Sirius….how are you...doing? Is there anything you need? Anyway we can help?"

Harry knew it would come up eventually, knew there wasn't a way around it, but instead of sharing his feelings...instead of telling them how confused and torn up inside he actually was, he simply looked at her and with a soft smile said, "I'm better now that you two are here."

PAGEBREAK

Severus had told Minnie everything. From beginning to end, but had referred to anything magic in a way that would make it seem muggle. Hogwarts had become a distant school for children with special skills, high intelligence or unique needs. Albus was the head doctor and Severus taught basic through advanced chemistry instead of potions. He had told Minnie about his relationship and fallout with the boy's mother as they had gone to the same special school and grew up in the same area, about Harry's parents death via a housebreaking gone wrong and Potter feeling like he needed to carry all the weight on his shoulders. He had told her about the death of the boy's godfather, which he said was a rock climbing incident and Harry's instant need to blame himself.

Then, after explaining the history he had told her about having Harry show up at that school and how they had clashed instantly. Told about their mutual hatred and harsh words, their constant bickering and barbs. Then he had explained everything from beginning to end that had happened over the past half week, and where he was now.

Normally, the man was never this loose lipped, in fact Severus was known for being silent, reliable and never betraying anyone's trust. But given the circumstances, how absolutely ill prepared he was for this situation, for where he and the boy were now and what was happening he knew he needed someone, to tell someone and get some advice, or this whole mission would be ended before it even made it up off the ground.

"You've got several serious problems...and several very easy solutions." Minnie said as she sipped at her tea, "There is nothing easy about this situation, but any solicitations of help would be appreciated as I am at my witts end with no course of action I can take save for telling Head Doctor Dumbledore everything and being dismissed as both Potter's guardian and as a professor."

Minnie looked down into her tea cup, a dainty finger running around the edge of it as she gave it some thought. Severus studied her, the woman was wearing a pants suit of deep red, her lips matching but her makeup light. She looked far more professional then she had the other night and Severus instantly recognized her intelligence despite the haircut and piercings.

"The only way I will be able to help is if you tell me about you." Minnie said almost reluctantly, as if she knew she might be crossing a line that Severus did not want to cross.

"I've already told you everything relevant to-"

"No, you've told me everything regarding your relationship with Harry. I need to know about you too if I am going to be able to give you any real advice."

Severus felt his heart twist and his fingers gently started to drum on the table as his eyes jumped back and forth across the woodgrain and he asked without looking up, "Such as?"

Minnie's eyes were locked onto him, her face relaxed and open, "Okay, let's try it this way. I'm going to ask you some personal questions about your history, you answer with as few or as many words as you'd like, yes or no….give any extra information you deem appropriate or relevant. I can tell you're a very private individual and don't want t to pry anymore than is necessary."

Severus reluctantly nodded and Minnie took a breath, "Alright, yes or no, were you abused or neglected as a child?"

"Yes." Severus said as he felt his heartbeat pick up, though his hand was steady as stone as he took a sip of his drink.

"Mother or father?"

"My father."

"Sexual, physical or mental?"

"Predominantly mental...physical only when he drank...no sexual abuse that I can recall but those years are often hazy. The abuses I suffered at school were mostly mental as well, though that is different...student rivalry is expected...especially at a school such as mine."

Minnie paused at this and looked at him thoughtfully, "Who knew, did anyone?"

"No." He said succinctly until he realized his error and backtracked, "That is incorrect, Lily knew, Potter's mother."

"About which cases?" she asked casually and Severus was starting to admire her tact.

"My home life and at school... she was my main defender against bullying. Though I often found more interesting ways to defend myself then just ignoring it or telling the demons off." Severus said with an evil smirk.

"So, your friend and your protector?"

Severus nodded as he took another relaxed sip of his tea and his eyes scanned the cafe, he felt relatively good right now, somewhat light hearted, which was a strange feeling for him. "She protected me until I was old enough to do so myself, I had no shame in her defense of me… until I grew older at least."

"Do you suffer from mood swings or depression?" Minnie asked, changing the subject with ease and Severus followed suit.

"No, my mood stays relatively even….bitter, resentful and angry at all the subtle little nuances the world has to throw at me."

Minnie's face gave away nothing as she asked, "So, you're normally….always…."

"Dower, unfriendly and bleak? Yes, my temper is short, my humour is morbid and I have a very strong desire to cause pain to most idiots in the world, but who between us doesn't? They should just stop breeding, damn monkey's. I've no time for entertainment, no desire for friends and I genuinely like to be alone, where it is quiet. I speak as little as possible unless I am teaching a class and keep my pleasantries limited to the weather, the latest chemistry articles and the news. I like….to be alone." Severus finished as he looked down at his fingers and his eyes scanned over the wear patterns on the table.

"In regards to Lily…." and severus's head jerked up, he was so unaccustomed to hearing that name from someone else's lips it nearly made his eye twitch in irritation.

"Have you ever been in love with anyone else?"

"No." Severus said shortly.

"Have you ever been attracted to another man before?"

"No." He said as his teeth grit.

"So, would it be a safe assumption to say Harry is the first male you've been attracted to? The first man you've had sexual relations with?"

Severus sat back in his chair and looked to his lap as his thumb rubbed over the top of his cups handle, "I've never been with anyone." He said softly.

Minnie's eyes grew wide, the first time her professional and non invasive demeanour broke but Severus did not hold it against her….it was an odd thing to admit to, though he wasn't embarrassed.

"So...Harry is the first person you've ever….ever?"

Severus nodded once as his dark eyes locked with hers and he spoke stiffly, "My life is complicated though I am sure it does not seem as such. I have...obligations to the head doctor….obligations to...others. These obligations started when I was young. I've been protecting and watching over that brat since he came to our school as my repayment to his mother...I wronged her… I've wronged a lot of people. He is my charge to keep safe, I don't have to like him but I do have to protect him. This being so, I've never focused on finding someone suitable for myself...I've never had any interest… why my body has betrayed me so in regards to Potter is beyond me… why he has taken to me so when I've done nothing but make his life miserable is beyond me. I do not want the boy to know I was once friends with his mother… though I do fear it will come to the surface far sooner than I had planned…."

And his mind began to wonder….began to think of all the things that were wrong with this… wrong with everything happening….his fists tightened and his eyes shut as his brow bent down in fatigue.

Minnie took the last swig of her tea and leaned back in her chair, her arms crossing as she looked at him.

He glanced up at her from under his brow before he turned his head to eye her sideways, "What?" he said irritably.

"I believe I have an answer for you professor, would you like to hear my professional opinion?"

Severus swallowed thickly and then narrowed his eyes, "Give me your best theory Professor."

PAGEBREAK

Snape had been gone three hours, and after the intense discussion from earlier Harry felt lighter, was enjoying the music that the record player spun through the air. It was nearing five in the evening and the light was fading. They had lit the wall lamps and restored the fire to a brighter blaze. They laughed and talked and joked and at one point Ron had wandered into the kitchen to look for a snack. He returned with crisps, a sugary cereal, milk, bowls spoons and a bar of thick chocolate.

"Where did you find all that?" Harry asked.

"In the kitchen, Snape's gotta Give-Me-What fridge. It's a bit old but it works just fine."

"He's got a what?" Harry asked,

"A Give Me What Fridge, it's a bewitched fridge that fills with whatever the witch or wizard is in the mood for or wants...much easier than shopping." Hermione said as she passed out the bowls and spoons.

Harry jumped up and ran into the kitchen and opened the fridge, it was mostly empty save for a glass jug of chocolate milk. He slammed the door and ran to grab Hermione, he told her to open it and inside was several different juices and a box of cookies Harry didn't recognize, the chocolate milk gone.

"This entire time...I didn't even know!" he said in frustration, "I could have had so many chocolate frogs." and Harry excitedly opened the door and found a pile of chocolate frog boxes.

"Excellent." He said with a smile, "Hold on...this bacon has been in here since I came...how come? I don't want bacon right now."

Hermione smiled and rolled her eyes with a giggle, "It's still a fridge Harry… you can store food in it too."

Harry shook his head at the redundancy and then realized Snape must have bought it for him...or the man just really liked bacon. He suddenly felt bad, wondering if the man really HAD bought it for him.

"Come on you two, your cereal is getting soggy." Ron called and so the two moved back to the sitting room.

They all sat on the floor around the coffee table eating cereal, crisps and sipping on a bottle of juice Hermione had elected to grab.

"So… do you two think it's weird…"

Hermione set her spoon down and gave him a curious look, "What?"

"Stacy and Minnie, their age gap."

Ron was drinking the milk out of his bowl, but once he set it down he wiped his mouth across his sleeve and shook his head, "No… I mean… it's not weird when two girls are like that…"

"So...its weird if it's two guys?" Harry asked and Ron nodded saying, "Yeah." in surprise as Hermione shook her head and said, "No."

Harry looked between the two as they eyed each other with glares.

"It shouldn't matter… if you love each other and it's within reason. Stacy had a...difficult childhood… she is probably more of an adult then most of the kids her age. It makes sense that she would want someone more mature to talk to, she probably relates better too." Hermione said with serious thought.

"Yeah, but not with men.. I mean… I know it's a thing… but an older bloke and a younger one seems...weird to me."

"That's because your a male Ronald." Hermione said with frustration, "Is not." the redhead denied quickly, "I don't mean...what I mean is.. you aren't comfortable with homosexuality between men because you are a man and the idea of a male coming on to you is uncomfortable...because you like girls. I'd feel the same if a woman came on to me...because I like boy's. But that doesn't mean homosexuality is wrong, it's the same as if a boy I wasn't interested in asked me out, I just politely say no...I'd do the same if a girl asked me out."

Harry continued to listen to the friendly if not slightly ignorant (on Ron's part) debate and felt his mind wonder off to the real problems he was having.

Like this sudden desire to explore his sexuality with Snape...was it Snape himself or just the new experience he wanted...was it because he was lonely and missed Sirius or because he was truly fond of the man's company, when he wasn't being a total prick at least.

Was he really a whore? Or was he at a point in his life where so much had happened, where so many people had died and so many lives were destroyed that he just didn't care anymore? He wasn't afraid of dying….but dying alone….that was scary. Was he so messed up and ruined by his lot in life that his mind was allowing him to try and reach some goal he felt was unattainable? To not die alone, to know the touch of a lover? To experience everything life has to offer before Voldemort stole it away?

Was there something more? The isolation didn't help, all he saw was Snape save for a few excursions with Jimmy and his crew and this brief visit with Ron and Hermione. But it had only been a few days… what was pulling him so hard towards this man that he had hated for so long?

Was he so quick to forgive because the man had been nice to him? Had opened up and shared? Did he pity the man or was it more… did he feel like there was a bond that needed to be formed? A new path to be discovered? Did he feel like there was finally someone who could understand him? Did Snape understand him? There was no doubt in Harry's mind that the man could relate, they had somewhat similar histories, both had lost their mother at a young age, had come to Hogwarts and found a safe place that gave them peace, had bullies, were head strong and prideful, though Snape held a more subtle air.

But Snape was a Slytherin, and he a Gryffindor, ask anyone, the two don't mix….

"Harry? Are you listening?" and the boy was drawn back to the conversation, back to real life and away from his musings and he looked to the pair though Ron's head was sticking out from around the doorway of the kitchen, "I asked where this door goes."

"I don't know. I never go out there."

And a mischievous smile laced his friends face and his head disappeared behind the wall and Hermione and Harry looked to each other with horror before they jumped up and chased after.

"Whoa!" they heard the boy call out and as Hermione and Harry poked their head out of the door to look around their friend they saw a small yard, about sixteen feet long and twelve feet wide. The tall dark brown fence hiding the filthy alley beyond.

The light was near gone now but Ron seemed to be on a roll of discovery because he reached a hand out and flicked a switch on the exterior of the house.

Three sets of eyes lit up when they realized that what they had just found was going to make their night far more interesting.

PAGEBREAK

"Alright, I am going to give you my opinion...as I see it from everything you have told me...and you can either take it or leave it, yeah?"

Severus nodded reluctantly and waited with a certain amount of impatient frustration.

"As far as I see it, Harry has taken this new found kindness from you as sincere, whether he knows it or not he has accepted it. Given he has just lost a very special person, someone he cared about deeply not even three weeks ago… his mind has adjusted to allow you to fill the hole where his godfather once stood. You've become his new guardian...his new protector, mentor and friend… he is starting to trust you more and more each day as you continue to remain consistent. In fact, even though you've been cruel to him since he started school I feel it is safe to say you have been one of the few consistencies in his life. Every year he comes back to school, you are not only always there, but you've maintained the same personality towards him. He didn't have to guess with you, or second guess his thoughts on what you thought of him or how you treated him. Even if it was unfair or mean, it was that consistency which gave him a building block with you."

Severus thought about this and realized the woman was right, he was a consistency in the boys very inconsistent life and suddenly he realized he may not have had to try so hard to win the boy over.

"You've changed your treatment of him, but, you've done it at a time when he has lost someone who was kind to him...he has no trouble transitioning between you. He doesn't see you as Sirius, he sees you as who you are but now you are showing the ability to give him what he needs...a stable, safe and consistent environment free of abuse and open to his lifestyle… and I don't just mean his sexuality. You two also share a similar history, Professor. Abuse, loss of a parent...particularly each of your mothers, which you both have a special bond with. You've also both been seriously neglected and taken advantage of over the years which gives you two a strange sort of understanding and camaraderie. You both crave love….but neither receive it...not near enough anyway. Though you don't suffer from the same desires of acceptance Harry seems to crave, more than likely because his relatives refuse to accept him and have since as far back as he can remember, so now he sees an acceptance in you. He has let his guard down, given into this infatuation over night because what else is he to do? By your own admission the lad is brave but foolish... wouldn't that type of personality only feed his advances towards you? I actually think this is all relatively healthy...the process of adjusting to his new home, I mean. In regards to his fancy of you… it could be problematic if you don't want to or can't return his feelings. I think he is just as confused on why this is happening so quickly as well….your best bet would be to talk to him about it directly and treat him like the adult he is. For a moment, forget his age… and talk to him about what he is thinking and feeling...allow him to express it to you….then...if you don't want to continue down this path with him… at least you will have a more informed opinion."

Severus wasn't sure how to respond so he spoke out the first question that came to his mind, "And… if I wanted to return his feelings...go down this highly immoral road with him….you do not think it would be detrimental to his stability?"

Minnie smiled softly though it faded after a moment, "What you've got to understand Professor, as hard and shitty as self reflection is… you're just as starved for attention and love as he is….which means you two alone in a house….isolated….with so many things in common, with that basic understanding and mutual trauma… it's like putting a match to straw….it may not take right away but eventually everything will catch aflame. You two are like two pieces of flint just waiting to spark because you are both the same and yet completely different. The match couldn't be better save for your positions as teacher and student. Age at this point shouldn't even be considered given Harry's maturity and his open want to explore with you. But, I need to be honest with you….if you don't do something about this one way or another….the flint will spark….and the fire that follows will be one that is uncontrollable."

And to this, Severus Snape had nothing he could say. All he found he could do was stare at her in a near traumatized state and try to keep his eye from twitching.

"So….basically…..what you are saying is…..I am-"

"Fucked... both figuratively and literally….just about." Minnie said giving him a smile and a wink.

This time he felt the blood drain from his face and his left eye exploded in a twitching fit and his hand squeezed so hard his cup shattered.

"Oh god, Severus, I am sorry… I was just kidding, no… your fine...absolutely fine… I'm sorry love, bad joke… here...I'll...just….clean that up." she said sheepishly as she mopped up the Earl Gray that was now wistfully dripping onto the floor.

But still he didn't respond for a moment, as even if that had been a joke his mind was trapped in the sudden unwanted fantasy of picking the boy up and taking him against a bookshelf in his sitting room.

"Gods help me." He murmured as he put his face into his hand and tried to dispel the vile and evil thoughts, "What am I then you stupid girl." He said irritably.

"You are mad at me and rightfully so, that was in poor taste. Come on, I'll get a bandage for that cut."

He waved her away and she sat back down, eyeing him apologetically, "Severus, look, please listen… you will be fine. There is a very strong potential and draw between you two but that doesn't mean it has to come to fruition. You just have to...be strong really. If you don't want Harry to go there then don't let him, give him boundaries and asked him to respect them. He won't like it, he may even throw a fit...but if you want him to understand you might have to make him. If he is as good hearted as you say...he will forgive you and most likely move on."

Severus stared at this woman and realized he was going to need to keep her close….she had just become….a much needed advisor...he shouldn't let her wander to far given his need for such assistance.

"I appreciate your input, tell me, is there a way to reach you in the future if I need more...advice?"

Minnie's eyes lit up and Severus knew he had made the right move.

PAGEBREAK

When Harry had first walked out he noticed a very small setup for laundry on the left side of tiny deck. An ancient sink with a short wooden table in between which led to an old laundry press. A clothes line hanging across the length of the yard from the side of the house to the back fence.

 _So that's where Snape does his laundry…._

The small backyard, or courtyard as Hermione had taken to calling it, was the only part of the home that looked to be constantly maintained. Along the fence was a thin garden of pebbles that wrapped around to either side and met up evenly with the edges of the house, it was filled with Succulents that ranged in size shape and color. Next to the inner edge of the Succulent bed was a rim of plush green grass and in the very middle were four giant, smooth, flat rocks which made a patio area complete with a small coffee table and four wingback chairs.

Around the edge of the fence, streaming out from the small awning on the back of the house was a string of ancient bulbs that gave an enchanting glow to the space. Each corner of the fence held several different sized vases which had various vines and tall grasses hanging out ranging from moon flowers, to day Lilies and along the left fence was thick vines with green leaves that blew gently in the muggy night air.

The wooden deck only had three stairs but they were steep and tiny pots and clay jars which held weeping Succulents sat on the sides of each step. It was a beautiful sight compared to the dreary interior of the home and Harry wished he had explored this area sooner.

Now, the three sat around the coffee table, which was filled with candies, cakes, cookies and pumpkin juice, laughing at Ron's antics and calling each other out on various topics and subjects that always seemed to be missed while at school.

"And Harry took the rug and tossed it over Neveil, no, I swear it Hermione, he did, he threw it on top of him and the boy nearly passed out."

"Oh no-" Hermione giggled, "No, Harry you didn't!"

"I did." He said softly holding out a liqueurs wand to the girl.

Ron snorted as he bit the head off a chocolate frog, "Bloody what he gets for wanking in the dorm… no silencing charm or nothing...he slept in the common room for a week after."

"So that's why he was always up before everyone else….poor Neville."

"Poor Neville?" Harry questioned.

"Poor us, is more like it… couldn't get the damn sound out of my head for a month...every time I looked at him I saw it...bloody tosser. Harry and I should be given money for trauma, ain't that right Harry."

And the boy nodded with a smirk as he looked down and tried to keep from laughing. He was about to hear Hermione go into the girls bathroom situation when a noise caught his attention. The three fell silent and looked over to the fence by the thick green vines, "Psst, Harry, over here mate."

And Harry instantly knew the voice, "Oh, uh, hold on guys….I just have to…"

Hermione eyed him warily, "Who is it? Harry we aren't supposed to even be out here….no one is supposed to be-"

"Just hold on." Harry said as he stood and headed for the fence. He glanced to the vines and get on their strength and took hold, climbing up and peeking over. Johnny stood on the other side, gazing up and rubbing the back of his head.

"Hey, you got a minute?"

Harry glanced back to Ron and Hermione who were looking at him and whispering, well, Hermione was whispering, more then likely for Ron to come get him lest they have to face Snape's wrath.

Harry quickly climbed the fence and dropped down to the other side, relieved to see the vines were on both sides, as he wouldn't have been able to get back over otherwise.

"Johnny, I can't be out right now, I'm not even supposed to be outside but Snape is gone and-"

Johnny pressed him to the fence in a second and brought his lips down on Harry's hard. The boy could hardly refuse because Johnny's hand was up his shirt and pinching a nipple quickly which made Harry's mouth fly open and Johnny certainly took advantage.

As their tongues battled Harry's hand came up and pressed on the boys chest while his other reached into the boy's hair and yanked hard, "Ow!" the boy hissed out as he finally released Harry's mouth, "You've got to stop doing that… currently it's not welcome...I'm still annoyed with you and on top of that those two people in there are my friends...and they don't know."

Johnny nodded quick and Harry released his hold but Johnny leaned in and said softly, "I just wanted to apologize, for being so bloody stupid and saying such dumb things… I'm leaving tomorrow, heading for London like you said… I may not see you again and I didn't want to leave on bad terms with you...it ate at me...I felt awful for it. Just...say you forgive me and I will be able to leave in peace."

"London? You mean, you're actually doing it? Going?"

"Yeah, you were right, I can't stay here… I just can't… I don't know if I will be back for school but if I had my way I'd never go back. If I had my way...you'd be coming with me... tonight we would be together...by the old grandfather oak...we'd make love and as soon as the dawn broke we'd be gone."

Harry felt a slow heat in his stomach, a wishful swoon in his heart at the idea of running away from all his problems and woes… but his reality was set in stone so all he could say as his voice broke and his eyes watered was, "I forgive you, for being an utter cock...and I am sorry… about what I said. I didn't mean it the way it sounded… I was just…"

Johnny kissed him gently, so gently that Harry felt a shiver run up his spin but out of the blue and image of Snape appeared in his mind and the heat instantly washed away, like a cold bucket of ice and he felt an irritation unlike any he had felt before creep into his chest.

When Johnny pulled away he took up the boy's chin gently, "If things don't work out with… if things just don't work out...leave a warm spot for me in your bed, alright?"

Harry looked at him with sad hollow eyes but nodded nonetheless and as Johnny turned to go Harry knew his great night had just turned into something miserable.

PAGEBREAK

When Severus returned home he hesitated at the door, his hand still solid as a rock but his insides at war, his mind going over Minnie's diagnosis and subsequent warning. His anger was building, his frustration straining and he knew if he wasn't careful all this would go to hell in a handbasket really soon.

He walked in to find the sitting room empty, three bowls and several bags of cereal and crisps strewn about. A blanket, a pillow and a backpack had apparently been used to sit upon. He made to head upstairs, assuming the teens were in Potter's room when he heard a commotion through the kitchen and changed his trajectory quickly to see what the fuss was about.

"If you would just take off your shirt!"

"Hermione I'm fine!"

"Let the man be Mione, it's just some bumps."

""It itches…"

"Take off your clothes you stubborn idiot, it's Itchy Ivy you've climbed up in… it will spread if you don't-"

Severus stood on the back porch, looking at his private garden and wondering what had prompted the trio to find it. Then again, they always found trouble. The three stopped moving as he came to the top step, Granger in mid-process of removing Harry's shirt while Weasley was set in a chair with a handful of some ungodly colored candies.

Their eyes on him as he eyed the massive pile of candy, cake and cookie wrappers that littered the table.

"Sir!" Granger said as her face grew a deep shade of red, "I-"

Severus held up a hand and the girl fell silent, he descended the steps and came to stand before Harry, the boy tugging his shirt free from the girl as green eyes met black.

He scanned the boy over before gently raising a hand to take up his chin, his eyes scrutinizing the dark red spots erupting over his neck and arms. He turned the boy's face left and right to see the rash spreading quickly over his cheeks and forehead.

He gave a tired sigh and looked to Hermione and said softly, "Miss. Granger, please clean up the mess both inside and out. I will take Potter and get him cleaned up." Severus gently placed a hand on Harry's back and guided him towards the stairs. The shocked silence was evident but Severus just didn't have the mental faculties to care right now about any sort of punishment, especially since the only thing they had done was eat and get to close to his ivy plant.

He realized halfway up the stairs that the boy was sniffling and he couldn't help but tease him, "Honestly Potter, it's just a bought of Itchy Ivy, not even as bad as its North American relative...I have a salve that will clear it up, stop whining."

Harry sighed, "It's not the ivy, I'm fine sir." Severus knew it to be a lie and stopped the boy in the sitting room.

"What is it then?"

Harry looked at him and said softly, "It's...nothing...forget it, professor."

"Potter…" the man warned and finally those green eyes raised and he said softly, "Johnny's leaving...going to London."

Severus was unsure why this seemed to upset the boy, he had been able to tell Potter had always had missed feelings for the older boy. Perhaps it was because the boy had made brazen overtures of freedom and Potter felt like he had just lost some golden oppertu it.

Before Severus could try to the k of something to say Potter spoke again, irritation and mild anger lacing his voice, "why do people always have to leave? It's like I'm cursed...I told him to go...but now that he's leaving...it always happens so fast...just when I start to get used to someone...they just…" and the boy stopped then, looking down with arms hanging limply at his side and despite himself Severus remembered Minnie's words and knew he was going to comfort the boy despite his goal to stay aloof.

He placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, and slowly, as if Severus was hoping he would change his mind, pulled the boy close.

Harry's face pressed into his chest, the hairs of his head brushing up under the man's chin. His hands fisted the man's tunic as Severus continued to hold him.

"I'm a bloody child, just a big stupid child." Harry said bitterly but there were no tears in his voice, he sounded resentful, almost bitter and for some reason it made Severus smirk, a teen after his own heart was what Potter was becoming.

Severus's eyes caught movement and he looked to see Hermione standing in shock in the kitchen, Severus motioned with a finger for the girl to go and she quickly headed outside, leaving the bowl of wrappers on the table.

"I just get so sick of it...people leaving...everything changing all the time...I know people come and go...but only Ron and Hermione have ever really stayed by me. They never change… you don't change I guess and neither does Professor Dumbledore… but I keep changing… and I'm so angry about it...can we just stop for one bloody day?" he said miserably.

Severus gave a soft sigh and said gently, "Unfortunately Potter, as I've said so many times before, the world simply doesn't revolve around you and your needs, in fact… it's impossible to stop a day...not even the Gods can do that." and after a moment Harry pulled away, looking as miserable as ever and part of Severus wanted to tell the boy to suck it up, another part of him, the forbidden part...wanted to take the boy upstairs and put a different kind if look on that face...he subtly shook his head and banished the thought quickly….in this moment all he could do was replace his hand on the boy's back and gently guide him towards the bathroom.

PAGEBREAK

Harry sat on the couch as Severus continued to put more lotion on his rash. It had spread quickly, growing red, inflamed and itchy as Harry continued to scratch without realizing it. Ron and Hermione had left back through the fire in Severus's room, saying goodbye to Harry and promising to come back as soon as they were allowed.

The boy had been mostly quiet, sitting there staring into space and Severus was both grateful and dread filled. He had to speak with the boy once again only this time...beating around the bush wasn't an option. If he was going to take Minnie's advice he needed to take it seriously, which meant no pussyfooting.

Severus continued to rub the lotion onto the boy's skin, his entire back was covered, his arms, neck chest and stomach were covered as well. Even his hands, which had gotten the worst of it and were suffering from small blisters.

"Potter…." Severus started but his words failed him and so he simply ordered the boy to sit up, the older man circled the couch and started applying it to the boy's chest, stomach and collar bone. As he knelt before this young pup, green eyes so piteous, face completely indifferent and thin lips giving the barest hint of a frown, he couldn't help but to blame himself for it, though he knew it wasn't his fault.

"How was your visit with Granger and Weasley?" Severus asked, his tone even and soft.

"It was good." Harry said though he didn't elaborate.

"I take it Johnny housebroke to tell you the news of his imminent departure?" Severus pressed gently.

The boy simply nodded, "Thus your run in with my ivy patch, you climbed over, yes?"

"Yes, sir."

Severus didn't know why, but a small thread of anger laced around his heart, a faint jealousy tugging at the back of his mind though he didn't care to try and figure out why. Dissecting his conflicting feelings at the moment would only cause him to be short with the boy and he just didn't have it in him at the moment.

Still, the next question left his lips unbidden and he wanted to kick himself after, "Did he touch you?"

Harry seemed to pull back from his glazed state ever so slightly as those emerald eyes found his and they looked at each other a moment, Severus's hand pausing over the boy's heart.

"Does it matter?" the boy asked, his eyes betraying nothing though Severus saw Harry's fingers twitch, deciphering that response could take hours, though he was curious despite his goal not to be.

"Not if you don't care. I suppose it all depends on your level of acceptance. If you wanted it…" Severus didn't continue because he suddenly realized what he was doing and knew he needed to stop.

"Johnny is….was….always confident about his...about the things he wants." Harry said as he finally broke eye contact and gave a soft sigh.

Severus heard his voice grow firm as his hand rubbed up across Harry's rash covered skin to take his shoulder, his other hand came and cupped the boy's face moving it to look at him once more, "You are _not_ a thing...nor an object. It does not matter now as he is gone, but if ever you find yourself in a bad way like that, you do not have to accept it.. you do not have to be everything for everyone… you can have as much or as little control over certain aspects of your life as you deem appropriate… anything else you must trust those around you...as long as you are certain they have your best interest at the forefront of their mind."

"Yes, sir."

Severus finished his application to the boys skin and then grabbed the rag on the coffee table to wipe his hands.

"Do you have my best interests at the forefront of your mind sir?" came the boy's soft call and Severus turned sharply to look at him, but as he expected to see some form of mockery, the wind was drawn from his sails of anger when there was true curiosity on his face. He didn't answer, letting his eyes speak for him as they narrowed and Harry looked away before he asked, "Where did you go today, Sir? Did Dumbledore send you on a mission?"

The sigh that escaped his mouth was more from fatigue then frustration, he sat down in his chair and picked up the tumbler of brandy he had poured earlier, taking a sip as he looked at the rash infested boy before him, "No, I needed to spend some time away, just as I am sure you needed some time as well."

"Where did you go?" the boy asked curiously as he reached for his shirt. Severus smacked his hand and Harry reeled back in shock, "A clean shirt Potter, not the one inoculated with Itching Ivy oils."

Harry smiled sheepishly, "If you must know I went to London, there is a cafe...they have good tea." Severus took another sip as he closed his eyes and rested his head on the backrest of his chair.

The silence was relaxing, no tension or cause for anxiety. Severus cracked his eyes to see that the boy was doing the same on the couch, head back, eyes closed, soaking in the quiet.

"I will take you sometime soon if we have the chance."

"Sounds excellent." the boy mused and Severus knew it was now or never.

"Potter… about what has happened between you and I-"

Harry opened his eyes and looked at him, his face remained unemotional as he waited, "I have crossed lines with you. Too many of them in fact. I know I was rather harsh with you this morning but I wanted to make it clear that there are some lines that cannot be crossed. That shouldn't be crossed….I expect you to have that understanding and to respect my wishes."

Harry seemed to digest this and then glanced at him from out the corner of his eye, "What lines can be crossed sir?" his tone was a little sore but Severus simply continued to look at him with relaxed eyes, "I can be your ear to listen if you need to talk, I can guide you through your confusions, whatever they may be and I can offer assistance as you need it. If you have need of me, my knowledge and experience….I will give it unbidden...anything else….I do not regret to say...is off limits."

He saw Harry's eyes grow angry, his brow twisting down as he looked away and red filled his cheeks, "I- understand Professor."

Severus felt the small ball of anxiety in his gut lessen at the boy's forced agreement, however, it was not to last as Harry stood then and rounded on him, coming to sit on the edge of the coffee table and lace his hands together as elbows rested on knees, "And what of later, sir?"

"Later?" Severus asked in mild confusion.

"I've only one year of schooling left, and at the end of the summer I will be seventeen...legal age...adult status….what if I have need of you then...what if I still _want_ you then?"

Severus was shocked, utterly dumbfounded as he had not expected such a line of questioning to come from the boy, the soft spoken...sometimes timid and shy Harry Potter. His eyes narrowed dangerously though his insides were quivering with anxiety.

"At that time you will no longer be my concern." the words came out quick, he hadn't meant them to be harsh, he was only stating fact but the look of disbelief on Potter's face was evident and Severus instantly regretted his words.

Harry stood, his face red and his hands shaking, "Not your concern? Then what am I now? Your burden? I'm just everyone's burden? Crazy nutter Potter, unstable and unbalanced, a liar too...unwanted and unloved and only needed to fight other people's battles." He hissed out venomously and Severus felt his heart go cold at the sound of it.

"Potter, you know that is not what I-"

"Then what did you mean professor? Because, as far as I can tell you've not only been fighting against me...but fighting yourself as well! I can tell you know, I'm not stupid...as soon as I came here with you...as soon as we were alone together it started...remember the first time we touched hands?"

Severus stood then, his body stiff as he squared off and tried not to think about that strange shock that had occurred when they first touched, "Or when you rubbed my aching scar...there wasn't any salve or cream on your thumb...you made the pain go away...just you."

"Watch what you are implying you little-"

"Every single time you have touched me it is like fire….and I know you feel it too...within four days of being alone with you I've completely changed my opinion of you….what does that say about who you really are professor?"

Severus felt panic flare through his chest, his teeth gritting as he closed his eyes and tried so hard to keep his mouth from saying things...worse things….

"You've spent your life pushing others away, I can tell, it seeps off you like some negative slime that is repulsive to touch...you push and lash and verbally accost anyone who dares get close. I can see it because I do it too...we are the same-"

"Enough!" Severus yelled and his voice resonated throughout the small home. The silence was filled with the crackle of the fire and the angry heat between the two. Green eyes stared down black ones and as Potter took a step to him Severus grabbed the boy's throat as he was not wearing a shirt.

Harry's lips were inches from his as he grunted at the tight squeeze the man gave to make his point, "Don't." Severus warned, Harry's eyes spoke volumes of defiance and Severus leaned just slightly closer, "You will regret it." He warned again.

"I won't." Harry assured him, "And I don't think you will either, sir."

Severus growled faintly as his hand squeezed tighter and his eyes narrowed, Harry's breathing became nothing but strained wheezes but still he persisted and as the boy pushed forward Severus had to step back.

Harry brought a hand up and Severus glanced at it from the corner of his eye, he had chosen to raise the hand on the side that Severus was using to grab his throat.

That hand came up, gliding from his cheek, up over his temple and gently into his hair and Severus had to fight hard to control the burning that started instantly at the touch. He swallowed and realized he had to do this quickly, and he released the boy's throat and swiped the hand away, which Potter had counted on. The boy shoved and Severus was propelled back against the bookcase. His other hand came up to take hold of Harry's throat again, this time his free hand managed to grab both wrists, yanking them up between them.

Now, with one hand gripping the boy's neck and the other around Harry's wrists, neither had free hands that could roam but Potter had gained another inch closer.

"You tricky little brat." The man hissed out angrily.

Harry smirked despite his obvious discomfort and he said softly, "You never knew this Professor, but the sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin…."

Severus's eyes grew wide at this revelation, "The only reason it didn't? Because I asked it not to….so there is a very good chance...I'm far more cunning than either you or anyone else has given me credit for."

And Harry pressed up on his tiptoes, closing that small distance that Severus had been sure he was too short to breech.

As the boy's lips pressed to his Severus moaned desperately into the boy's mouth as his chest and head exploded and he realized the flints had just sparked.

A/ **N: Hope you liked this, R &R and let me know. Next chapter is coming soon. **


	9. Be my Lover or be my Friend

**A/N: hey crew! Sorry this took so bloody long! I try to hit 11,000 words each chapter to keep them consistent, this one I really had to push and got caught several times on how to move on. It's been awhile since I have done the whole plot thing and not just a random one-shot.**

 **WARNINGS: MINOR SCENE OF NON-CONSENSUAL PHYSICAL CONTACT….A.K.A ASSAULT AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE, VERY MINOR SCENES OF HINTED SEXUAL DESIRE BETWEEN TWO MEN AND SOMEONE TOUCHES THEMSELVES….THREE GUESSES WHO….PLEASE DO NOT READ IF ATTEMPTED ASSAULT STRIKES HOME...YOU ARE ALL LOVED AND NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE PUT IN THAT SITUATION OR HAVE PTSD VIA FANFICTION...NOT WORTH IT.**

 **Also, sorry but this is a rough draft, VERY weak edit as work has been crazy this week and smoke breaks are few and far between. Much love and enjoy, Apprentice08.**

 **Chapter Nine**

 **Be my Lover or be my Friend**

 **You can't have both**

 **Not in the End**

Severus felt his heart pounding, his brain rushing fast and trying to catalog and experience his emotions and the feeling of this moment. Harry was working his mouth hard, having freed a hand while Severus had been too shocked to focus on his grip. He used that hand to run into Severus's hair, eliciting a gasp from the man and an entry point for his youthful tongue.

His grip around the boy's neck had faltered, giving Harry more range of motion to turn his head to the side, cocking his chin out and really pressing his tongue deep. Severus was on the edge of reason, every ounce of his body wanting to take the boy up in his arms and crush him against the wall behind. The part that actually mattered, the part that was cold, logical and screamed at him to stop this madness was getting fainter and further away.

Luck seemed to be on his side though because when the boy started to softly rub his groin against Severus's the man snapped out of it. Using sheer force of will he found enough strength to bring his hands up swiftly, breaking all connection between them and then shoved the boy away.

Harry stumbled back but Severus didn't give him a second as he came forward and backhanded Harry across the face. The smack wasn't that hard but as Harry hit the floor the sound resonated and the instant Severus felt the sting of it in the back of his hand he knew he had done something far beyond not good.

Harry's green eyes looked up at him from his spot on the floor, pure anger and resentment filling them with the hatred that was usually so absent. Severus continued to stare as he let out harsh ragged breaths, every muscle tense, every ounce of anger, rage and frustration, both sexual and otherwise uncomfortably laced through each pore of his body, disappointment in himself and the feeling of failure coating his very being.

"Potter...I-"

"Don't...just don't even bother. You want to fight this… fight yourself...be my guest….but I won't. Eventually you will want to accept it, you better hope when you do I still want it too." and the boy stood up and crossed to the couch, grabbing up his shirt and yanking it on as he turned and headed for the door.

Severus didn't stop him, but the instant it slammed he knew his night was just beginning for he could not let Harry wander through the darkened streets of this area alone. He slowly untensed his body, took the last swig of his brandy, and straightened out his clothes.

Darkness was his friend, he could follow without being seen, he would deal with all the rubbish and emotional turmoil when the boy was back safe with him, back where he belonged.

PAGEBREAK

Harry was furious, so angry that he thought he might explode. His legs propelled him through the night, propelled him through the darkness. His ears not hearing the muffled yells of other people and their problems, his eyes not seeing the stray cats slinking into the dark nor did his nose smell the acrid scent of urine and sewage which permeated the air.

He wanted to yell, to hit things and throw things and beat the ever living shite out of that stubborn, in denial, utterly frustrating, unwilling man who couldn't understand the situation even if it was explained by a god damned genius.

Harry knew the man wanted to do this, to be with him. Even if the man was just curious, or just plain God damned horny it didn't matter. Harry wanted the same thing, because he knew something was going on. There was a pull between them. It was like, the instant they had finally seen each other, the real each other, nothing in the past mattered. It was as if this was supposed to happen, as if it was MEANT to happen. Harry wasn't the smartest person in the world, he wasn't that clever or even that quick witted but he could tell just by sheer observation alone that there was a pull...an irresistible urge to pursue Snape. And Harry knew, he just knew the man was aware of it too.

Harry rounded a corner, not paying attention to the deserted lane he was walking up, his anger overruling his common sense as he continued to walk, his eyes on the ground and hands in his pockets. His rash was near gone, though he had no doubt the damn thing would resurface given he had grabbed the same shirt he had been wearing before.

Still, as his fingers dug and itched at his arms his anger only got worse.

"Idiot!" Harry barked out, unsure if he was talking about himself or Snape, but still feeling a small roll of satisfaction at the announcement. Before long he realized the broken up bricks of the lane had turned to gravel, a few feet later it turned to dirt and then he was on a path.

His eyes scanned up and there on the hill he saw the old grandfather oak, all twisted and leafless as it stretched into the moonlit sky. He sighed and shook his head as he decided to go for it.

As he plunged up the hill and climbed the steep backtrack he wondered exactly how old the tree was. How many star crossed lovers had met here under the cover of darkness to be with a forbidden lover. How many families had picnicked under it, how many kids had climbed it. The hollow center showing it had been many a year since the tree's youthful days filled with the essence of life.

Still, as he reached the top his hand came to rest on the stale bark as his eyes scanned up to see through the gnarled branches and gaze at the cool blue of the moon.

"You actually came." and Harry spun around so fast his heart near stopped, "Johnny?" Harry asked through the dark and from the surrounding bushes the boy emerged, washed in moonlight and a smile.

"You said you were leaving… I thought…."

"I said I was leaving tomorrow...that if I had my way I'd take you with me, meet you at the old oak and make love to you til the sun rose, then we would go off….not exactly subtle but apparently far too subtle for you." He teased with an ecstatic smile on his face.

"You mean...that was a message?"

"Way to subtle for you." He laughed playfully as he slowly came to stand before the boy, "But even so, as it went over your head it leads me to wonder how you came about finding me anyway….perhaps it was meant to be." and the boy gently leaned in and kissed him softly.

At first Harry didn't mind, it was a simple and gentle kiss, sure to give him a small confidence boost if nothing else. But when Johnny cupped his jaw with a hand and went to deepen the kiss the smell and taste of booze hit his senses and Harry felt alarm bells go off and he pulled back.

"You've been drinking."

"A final goodbye." the boy said brazenly as he tried to lean in again.

Harry persisted and pressed the boy back, "Johnny, I didn't come up here to meet you...subtlety has never been my strong suit, believe me, you can ask my friends and teachers...but even so….I can't...I'm not going to...I don't want to do what you may THINK I want to do. I'm not ready….and anyway… I'm dealing with some stuff that makes my current position way too complicated."

Johnny chuckled as he pinned Harry between himself and the tree, "Don't you worry about your position, I've got several for you that will take all that weight right off your shoulders…and put it on your back-" and he leaned in again aiming for Harry's neck.

"Don't." Harry warned and the irony of his situation was not lost on him, Severus had been him not even twenty minutes ago. The roles were reversed and suddenly the guilt that hit Harry felt like a ton of bricks on his heart.

"Come on Harry, I know you want to….you've already gotten hard…" and the boy's hand reached down and groped his crotch painfully, Harry's teeth gritted and he hissed out, "Stop! That hurts-"

Johnny didn't seem to hear and Harry blamed the older boys booze fueled libido as pale lips leaned in and opened to bite Harry's neck.

"Johnny! Knock...it...off!" and Harry shoved, the taller boy losing his footing and stumbling back.

Harry looked after him and said through panted breaths, "I don't want you….I want Snape! I like Snape, alright! I want to BE with Snape. You and I? We can be friends but I won't cross that line with you, got it?"

Johnny's face contorted in the moonlight and he stood, hunched over and panting, "You are very loyal to that man very bloody fast considering he doesn't even _want_ you! He isn't interested Harry, not like me, I want to be with you….and your pining over a man you just met, you barely know... who wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you! Just accept his refusal and move on."

"I could say the same to you." Harry bit out with annoyance.

Johnny growled in anger as he started to approach and Harry backtracked, the damn tree catching him again and this time Johnny's hand came into his hair, yanking it hard enough to make Harry grunt, "I like you, I want you and as far as I am concerned you are MINE! We should be together! Stop going after some uncaring cruel areshole and come to me! I care! I wouldn't hurt you!"

"You're hurting me now!" Harry barked as he tried to twist away, "If you'd just relax and listen to me...I promise I will stop!"

"You bloody liar! You need to go home and sleep it off! You're drunk and not thinking clearly!"

"Oh, I'm thinking just fine! If the only way to get you to understand is with a little pain then so be it. Now, get on your fucking knees! I'm going to show you how much I care, then you'll understand and the professor won't even be a god damn blip on your fucking radar. "

Harry's knees gave as the boy punched him in the stomach and his breathing came in muted pants as he tried to wrestle away. Johnny's grip in his hair was like iron and Harry suddenly wished he hadn't left the house.

"You'll see, you'll love it...just wait…" Johnny whispered and Harry's fist shot out as soon as the boy's face was close. He got Johnny across the jaw but when the boy stumbled back he didn't release his hold and Harry was pulled with him.

They rolled down a few feet before Johnny finally let go and Harry took off back up the hill, near diving over the other side but Johnny was just as fast and the boy tackled him and they rolled again. Down they went, rolling over rocks, sticks and craggy slick earth. When the icy waters of a small pond hit his body Harry gasped before his face disappeared below the surface.

Johnny ended up on top and he yanked Harry's head out of the water by his shirt as he straddled the boy, "Why won't you give me a chance!" he yelled as he stared down at Harry near crazed.

"I told you, I WANT SNAPE!" Harry dared to bite back.

Johnny's palm whipped across Harry's face so fast the smaller boy hadn't even seen it coming, "Wrong answer. Now, tell me, who do you want?" the boy asked with warning.

"Snape!" Harry exclaimed and another hand smacked across his face before he was dunked under water. Harry struggled in earnest, his hands grabbing onto the boy's wrists and digging at his fingers and skin. When he was hauled up again he gasped for air and realized his glasses were gone, the blurry image above him was nothing but a water logged smear, still, he could hear the voice just the same.

"Once again Harry, who do you want?"

Harry repeated his previous comment and was greeted with much the same response, a hard smack and a dunk. Harry's lungs were burning, his head dizzy and aching like a ticking time bomb inside his head. He was going to black out soon if Johnny didn't stop, though his hands weakly continued to pull on those wrists, now relatively red and scratched up from Harry's nails.

"Now, one more bloody time, who the fuck do you want?" Johnny sounded near irate now and Harry was ashamed to admit he hesitated.

Johnny seemed to catch it and he smirked a devilish smirk, near a leer at this point given his elevated state of mind, "Come on Harry, say it, who do you want?"

Still no words came out and Johnny leaned in closer, his lips nearly brushing past Harry's, "Just say my name...say my name and I will stop. We can go dry off...get nice and warm...and tomorrow we can go. Tonight… I swear I will love you so good...just say. My. Name."

Harry bit his lip and clenched his eyes shut, "Severus." He said softly and this time a fist crashed across his cheekbone, the pain rippling through his face, though Johnny didn't dunk him, he pulled him to the shore and threw him down, "Are you kidding me! Are you fucking bloody kidding me!"

Harry felt anger surge in him, felt a sort of defiance he had not felt since he was facing down Umbridge and he narrowed his eyes as he glared daggers at the boy, "I want to be with Severus bloody Snape, even if he doesn't want me, I don't care! He is WHAT I want, I do not now nor will I ever...want...you!" Harry yelled as he kicked his foot out and landed a blow to Johnny's stomach.

Johnny recovered quickly and landed on the boy as he pushed Harry down onto his back and smashed him across the face again, "Don't you say his God damned Name! Do you hear me? Not a bloody word! You can't be with him, so you are going to be with me!" and as Johnny yanked his fist back for what seemed to be the final blow Harry braced for the impact but the pain didn't come and Harry was startled when he heard a yell.

He sat up and there at his feet stood Snape, a black tower in the moonlit, looking at Johnny with a stony face and tightly fisted hands.

"I suggest you keep your hands to yourself, lest you have to deal with someone of far greater height and plenty worse temper."

Johnny seemed stunned a moment but stood up and lumbered forward, "You! You fucking...why...why does he want you! I'm better, I actually care about him…. I like him...I WANT him...you don't give two fucks yet all he wants is you! HE IS SO BLOODY LOYAL TO YOU! You've done nothing, you've been nothing! You just stand there and refuse his heart and I have to beg for a god damned morsel!"

Snape said nothing and Harry suddenly wished he had his glasses, he wished he had fought harder, he wished he had simply walked away from Johnny...instead...Johnny was spewing Harry's feelings out to the very man he had just put in the same position.

"Why does he like you! You mean, cold, black hearted thing! Harry, I'm sorry… please...I'll go home and sleep it off. But, come with me...dont stay with this arsehole …..don't stay with someone who doesn't care. I care, I promise I won't hurt ya again just...give me a chance...one bloody chance...I can make you happy."

And Harry stood then, his anger no longer a driving force and he held his face in one hand while his other hand held his stomach, he looked at the boy who was now on his knees, sunken to the ground in his drunken lament.

Harry felt pity for him, felt bad...but he didn't feel such a strong remorse when he spoke next, "I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be...but I-" and Harry looked down as he closed his eyes and said softly, "Just go home Johnny. Sleep it off, and tomorrow, get on the train and go start your life and forget you ever met that tosser Harry Potter." and when Harry turned to go he felt Snape turn with him and follow, a warm hand coming to rest on his shoulder and guide him through the blurry darkness.

When he heard Johnny weeping into the ground he forced his feet to keep moving forward and for the first time in a long time felt that for a brief moment some part of him was free.

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Severus helped Harry up to his room at the end of the hall, depositing the boy, sans his wet and soiled clothes onto his bed. He then walked slowly to his lab cabinet and took out several potion vials.

When he came back the boy was staring off again, no doubt playing through the night in his head….the turbulence near cruel. There had been no need for Johnny to act that way, no need to be so violent...but Severus wasn't surprised. The children in this small area learned from watching their parents, no doubt Johnny was no different, and his home was probably just the same as every other home in this dark and unloved place.

Severus handed the boy the potions which he drank without question, just another day in the life of Harry Potter….more scars to gain, more cuts to heal. Then the older man knelt down and started the long process of reapplying salve for the new rash that had sprouted all over his body and another salve for the boys bent and bruised face.

Neither said anything for a long time but Severus did finally break the tension as he rubbed some salve under the boy's right eye, "I am sorry I did not come quicker. I wanted to let you calm down. I didn't think that you'd run into him considering he was leaving."

"I didn't either." Harry said softly as he continued to stare off, his face void of all emotion save that slightly traumatised gleam in his eye.

"I should have been there...or stopped you from leaving but-" and the man stopped as he saw a single tear roll down from the boy's eye. But that was all that came, all Severus figured the boy could spare and he watched as his own thumb gently wiped it away.

"Potter-" he said softly and finally Harry's head turned, his eyes lingering in the wall before they fully faced him and he said in a near haunting voice, "I did that to you didn't I? Made you feel that way… tried to force myself on you...tried to force my feelings on you...and you didn't want them...but I should have listened...should have respected the fact that you don't like me that way...that you don't WANT to like me that way."

Severus continued to stare up into that face, his thumb rubbing at another stray drip of water from the boy's hair, "I'm just as cruel as Johnny...just as uncaring and greedy and...mean." Harry said softly to himself.

And Severus felt a wells worth of emotions swell up in him, but as was his mode of operation his face remained stoic, "There is a difference between what you did to me and what Johnny did to you." and Severus watched his fingers as they gently stroked more salve over the cuts across the boy's cheek bone, eyebrow and the bridge of Harry's nose, "I never said I didn't want you." and Harry's lips parted softly as his brow folded down ever so slightly.

"Come, you'll catch your death. A hot bath and then bed, it will help dull the aches that are sure to come tomorrow if you soak tonight."

The boy simply nodded and didn't say a word and for that Severus was entirely grateful.

PAGEBREAK

Severus leaned against the wall outside the boy's door, the house was still, totally quiet. His arms were crossed over his chest, the bottom of his left foot braced against the wall. Harry was long since asleep, the soft sound of his gentle breaths barely audible from Severus's spot. He had waited for two hours, his eyes locked onto the same spot on the floor, his fatigue a thing of the past.

He was battling himself, his eyes still burning that hole in the floor, brow furrowed in consternation as he debated doing something very illegal. It would not be as you suspect, for his wand was held firmly in his right hand.

Slowly, as if he had just made up his mind but couldn't quiet bring himself to act upon it, the man's stood, turning and moving silently into the boy's room.

He stood there next to Harry's bed, looking down on that nearly healed face, a bandage around the deepest cut on his brow and the black under his right eyes just barely faded. His face was peaceful, his breathing deep but despite the law and his reservations Severus didn't hesitate to slowly bring his wand up and place it just above the boy's temple.

He closed his eyes and mentally spoke the spell, removing the last four hours worth of memory from the boy's mind. He placed them in a vial and then headed for his room.

PAGEBREAK

Severus had to know, had to make absolutely sure that that putrid slime had not….the boy's eyes spoke volumes, spoke of a deep trauma, but Severus could not tell if it was due to post traumatic stress or something that had occurred prior to Severus's appearance on the scene tonight.

 _You should have followed closer, should have left sooner… you hesitated….you never hesitate…._

He knew Potter well enough to know that he did not like to talk about his past traumas, be it from his relatives or from the Dark Lord himself, yet if Harry had been….assaulted….had been….raped…..he needed to know.

There was no evidence to suggest it save for the way the boy had spoken…..save for the things he had said after…..that look in his eyes….and as his guardian Severus wanted to be prepared….prepared for a different kind of mission...a different kind of hurdle that could come sweeping down from the mountain and consume Harry in a completely different way.

So, despite how wrong it was to do this without Harry's permission, despite how illegal it was to steal someone's memories….he did what he always did… he did what needed to be done.

PAGEBREAK

Severus watched, his face remaining mostly neutral save for that slight tilt of his brow, the barely visible widening of his eyes as Harry climbed the hill to the old oak. A place Severus knew well, where he and Lily had spent their summers.

Johnny emerged moments later and the conversation at first was harmless, so was the kiss...though Severus felt his heart twist in jealousy and this time he didn't try to suppress it.

" _You've been drinking."_

" _A final goodbye."_

" _Johnny, I didn't come up here to meet you...subtlety has never been my strong suit, believe me, you can ask my friends and teachers...but even so….I can't...I'm not going to...I don't want to do what you may THINK I want to do. I'm not ready….and anyway… I'm dealing with some stuff that makes my current position way too complicated."_

" _Don't you worry about your position, I've got several for you that will take all that weight right off your shoulders…and put it on your back-"_

Severus felt his fists tighten, his teeth grit and his mind fill with anger but he continued to watch….he watched everything. Following the boy's through their scuffle and up over the old oaks hill to the icy pond on the other side.

" _Why won't you give me a chance!"_

" _I told you, I WANT SNAPE!"_

 _SMACK!_

" _Wrong answer. Now, tell me, who do you want?"_

" _Snape!"_

 _THWACK!_

" _Once again Harry, who do you want?"_

" _Snape!"_

 _CRACK!_

" _Now, one more bloody time, who the fuck do you want?"_

Severus watched as the boy hesitated, could see Harry was close to losing consciousness and his panic was the only thing keeping him going.

" _Come on Harry, say it, who do you want? Just say my name...say my name and I will stop. We can go dry off...get nice and warm...and tomorrow we can go. Tonight… I swear I will love you so good...just say. My. Name."_

Severus thought the boy might break, felt his heart wilt a little at the prospect but was beyond surprised when Harry held true to him, his breath catching in his throat at the sound of his name crossing the boy's lips, _"Severus."_

As Johnny pulled Harry out and tossed him down Severus realized this was where he was about to intervene.

" _Are you kidding me! Are you fucking bloody kidding me!"_

" _I want to be with Severus bloody Snape, even if he doesn't want me, I don't care! He is WHAT I want, I do not now nor will I ever...want...you!"_

The kick was admirable, but Johnny had been too drunk to really feel it.

" _Don't you say his God damned Name! Do you hear me? Not a bloody word! You can't be with him, so you are going to be with me!"_

Severus looked away then, never one to like seeing himself in full view, he hated it actually. He waved his wand and was pulled from the memories. He sat down on the edge of his bed and put his face into his hands.

Harry had not been assaulted, his body remained his own and no one had yet to manage mutilating his kind heart. Harry could still trust, still forgive and still live with himself a few more years.

Severus looked up then, his eyes slowly scanning over to his miniature pensive that he kept under his bed. An old training tool from Dumbledore when the man had helped him to perfect his Occlumency.

Those images played over and over in his head, the boy's utter determination, his loyalty that was not warranted...his steadfast want for a man who was probably worse then the boy who had beaten him.

He wanted to laugh at the cruel irony, wanted to cry at the injustice of it all….because for the first time in his life...someone was falling in love with him and Severus Snape was duty bound to both see it through and keep from reciprocating.

 _Alone protects you Severus….don't get any crazy ideas…..alone is safe and alone is what you need to remain...just do your mission and put it out of your mind. You have almost completed your task...he cares about you...trusts you….see it through and you can walk away a clean man...a better man…..Potter will recover….he will be fine._

His eyes glanced back to the pensive, his hand fisting around his wand hard.

"Don't do it…." He said tightly.

But Severus wasn't a coward, no matter what his conscious mind tried to tell him, he wanted to know...he needed to know...how he felt about the boy down the hall...what he really wanted, even if he couldn't act on it it was time to put his confusion to rest.

Slowly, he raised a hand as he focused on the floor and with a gentle twist of his wrist the lights dimmed. He set his wand on the night stand and began to undo his tunic. He placed it at the foot of the bed and then stiffly laid down.

Closing his eyes his hand slid down and he touched himself. Slowly, he pulled to his mind an image, one of Harry bent over the couch, then another image of his hands taking up that narrow waist….he imagined a soft moan and then the feeling of sliding into Harry's body from behind.

 _Severus…._

He felt his member stiffen, felt heat pool in his belly and a wave of sharp pleasure wash across his mind.

Moments later he sat up in shock and stared wide eyed at the foot of his bed, panting as he realized the truth of the situation.

"Bloody hell." He whispered as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Up until this moment, those forbidden images had seemed like what-if thoughts, now, having taken only five seconds to try and gage his reaction, Severus knew that bloody fool down the hall was right. That Minnie was right.

In the near infinitesimal time he had spent with the boy their views of each other had changed. With that change came an understanding, with that understanding had come a twisted speck of alleviation for their isolated and damaged souls…..and once their souls had brushed together….

"Please, God's, Lily, please help me." He whispered as he came to realize he was not going to make it through this summer. One way or another Potter was going to have him, be it by his sheer force of will or by Severus finally breaking under the heated tension and pressure continuing to form between them.

The only question now?

How long could he hold out.

PAGEBREAK

Harry woke as he did every day, from bad dreams and worse memories. He lay there in a sweat as he noticed the sun was just coming up, "I just want to sleep." He groaned as he pushed himself up and felt the fatigue that laced his body yearn to press him back down. His face hurt like hell and felt stiff and swollen despite the salves Snape had applied and the potions Harry had drank.

"I'm not doing this today." He murmured and he stumbled forward, wrenching open his door and making his sleep blind way down the hall. He knocked on the door softly, "Professor...Professor...are you awake?"

Still no response, so once again Harry dared enter without permission and braved any punishments that might come his way.

The room was dim again save for the warm glow of those embers and the scene made him think of the first time he had been here, had done this...there was even a mountain of pillows and blankets and Harry wondered how the man didn't boil alive under such extremes.

He walked around to the far side and stood staring down at the man who was sprawled out on his back, arms flared out above his head and cotton pants riding low. Harry shook his eyes away, determined to be more respectful and considerate despite his uninvited intrusion into the man's private quarters.

He reached a hand down and shook the man gently, "Professor….please….wake up…"

Slowly the man seemed to come around and he sat up in his bed, the surprise evident on his face, "Potter? What the bloody hell-"

"Please...I can't...I need sleep. I'm so tired...can I have a potion...the dreams are just...I need sleep." the boy asked desperately and Snape eyed him from under a quizzical brow, "Please." Harry repeated and the man sighed as he sat up more fully and rubbed at his face.

"Very well." Snape stood, his normally arrow straight posture horribly slumped as he trudged to the cabinet, his hip bones jutting and his cotton pants hanging even lower.

Harry shifted his tired eyes away from the man's nicely defined arse and back muscles, choosing instead to look at the floor.

Snape rummaged around in the dim light and finally seemed to find the bottle he was after, he uncorked it and turned to hand it to Harry sluggishly.

"Thank you sir, I'm sorry I woke you." Harry turned with bottle in hand but was stopped by the soft call of the man's voice, "That isn't dreamless sleep….it's a soother...it will remove your anxiety and help you relax enough to rest." Harry looked at the man over his shoulder, who appeared just as tired as he did and watched as Snape's eyes scanned his face and then looked to his bed.

There was a hesitancy, a certain glimpse of fear etched in those dark pools and Harry slowly turned fully to follow the man's eyes to his bed.

"Sir….I don't need you to…."

Severus brought fingers to the bridge of his nose as he sighed heavily and clenched his eyes shut, "I don't have the energy right now to stay up and watch over you, nor do I desire another panic attack or a caustic unconscious explosion of magic destroying your room. Just get in and shut up before I change my mind, if you dream I will wake you."

Harry nodded reluctantly as he came to the far side of the bed and sat on the edge, he downed the bottle and instantly felt the effects. His fried nerves quickly feeling cooled, his mind relaxing into a hazy fog. He laid down slowly as his eyes grew heavy, not responding when the bed dipped next to him.

"Heaven help you if you wake me again though, do try to keep your nightmares under control. Today, whenever we manage to catch up on the ridiculous amount of sleep we have been missing, we are going to start your lessons in meditation. Your sleep cycles are abhorrent and your dreams are ill timed and thoroughly inconsiderate to any sleeping person nearby." Snape said irritably.

"Yes, sir." Harry said though his voice was filled with the sleep already clouding his vision. Relaxing warmth and soothing waves spreading through his body as he finally plunged down into the sleep filled depth of the unconscious.

PAGEBREAK

Severus kept his hands to himself, but he laid on his side and stared at the boy for longer then he would want to admit to anyone.

In the dim light of his room he studied the contours of the boy's face, studied the thin lips and gentle swell of his cheekbones. When the boy's head lazily rolled to face him he observed the symmetry. Pale skin with a dark brow and little strands of short hair hanging down over the boy's face. The bandage and black eyes did not detour from the boy's looks and Severus found his was surprised.

As he looked at all the aspects of Harry's face as a whole, the boy's glasses still missing from last night's excursion, he realized this was not the face of a child. It was far too developed, more masculine than he had previously realized with only traces of Lily's feminine features around the eyes.

Without his say so, a hand reached out in the darkness, a finger hovering over those thin lips before they skimmed up to that brow, a finger delicately moving those loose strands to the side.

Severus withdrew his hand quick when the boy suddenly stirred, rolling right up against the man's chest, face nuzzled into his neck and hands resting lifelessly between their bodies. The temptation swelled and Severus's curiosity took hold and he gently, so very gently, wrapped himself around the boy, curling in and pulling him closer still.

He laid there, holding someone for the first time in his life, the other night didn't count as his experience had been jaded by booze, that person having no clue how much Severus was favouring the feeling of it. He sighed desperately as his eyes closed and his face pressed down gently into the boy's hair, breathing deep and nearly moaning as a scent other than his own filled his nose and curled like an intoxicating perfume around his brain.

"You're too warm….." came a murmur from the sleeping boy and Harry went to roll away.

"No..." Severus said sadly as he reached after him, carefully pulling the boy back to him so as not to draw Harry from his sleep. He pressed his chest to the boy's back, his eyes fluttering closed as that hair once again tickled the underside of his chin and his hands encompassed the youth around his waist.

"Stay." He said in a muted tone as he felt that same rapture as before cascade through him and feed his greedy heart.

"Stay with me." He whispered again softly into the boy's ear and his lips parted gently in utter pleasure as the boy gave a sleepy unaware response, "Yes, sir."

Nestling down he continued to hold on, knowing he shouldn't, knowing Potter should not catch him so swiftly giving in. But as the light started to truly fill the room, and dawn came he fell asleep with such a contented heart he couldn't care less if Dumbledore himself knew.

PAGEBREAK

Harry woke up feeling rested, for the first time in days. He shifted down deeper under the covers and breathed in a contented sigh as the smell of Rosemary greeted his nose.

He knew where he was, he did remember coming to Snape for a sleep aid, only to have the man do something unexpected. Harry wanted to stay here awhile, pretend to sleep so he could extend his time in such a warm soft place. But surely, Snape would be up to check on him soon and tell him to get out so he had better-

A yawn came from beside him and Harry's head lulled to the right and then down. Snape was curled into his side, one hand splayed out over Harry's chest, his head resting in the crook of where Harry's shoulder met his chest. Suddenly the weight of the man's leg, which was cast over both of Harry's own, floated to the front of his mind and Harry's face erupted fire red as he realized that Snape was cuddling him.

The man shifted then and yawned again as he stretched out, removing his leg but sliding his face up to rest next to Harry's own. His face pressed into the side of Harry's head as he inhaled deeply and the man's hand skimmed up Harry's chest only to stop at his shoulder where slender fingers hooked with relaxed ease.

Slowly, Harry shifted, so gently it took him near thirty seconds to reach his goal and he lay there on his side looking at that face, all hard edges and sharp curves. Deathly pale skin with black hair and brow contrasting like moonlight and darkness. His lips were thin but defined, his nose hooked but subtle and in this sleeping face Harry saw a sadness. The man's brow creased up, as he pressed closer and held on to Harry tighter, pressing that terrified face up under the boy's chin.

"It is... so nice." the man murmured and Harry smiled softly as a thought occurred to him that he could definitely take advantage of this moment he was experiencing without disrespecting the man's wishes to remain aloof.

If Snape woke up, he would fane sleep, and then neither could be held responsible, after all...what happens in your sleep isn't something you can control… right?

So Harry cuddled the man back fiercely, holding him, nestling into his neck, chest and hair. Taking advantage of something that was out of his control. Snape seemed mostly unaware and quite happy to reciprocate in his subconscious state and for a moment Harry felt better than he had in months.

PAGEBREAK

Severus woke up slowly, feeling that warm body next to his and wishing desperately he could remain wrapped about it like a rag doll. Sadly, if he had had the luck to wake up before Potter he needed to take it and count his blessings. Slowly he rolled away, feeling utterly relaxed and completely rest.

"Well that's new." Severus murmured as he sat up straight and heard his spine pop in multiple places, a result of several injuries in his youth and the devil-may-care way he slept every night.

When he stood he braced his hands on his knees and slowly rolled his spine out, more pops sounding until his posture was stiff and straight as a lance.

"I need to see a doctor." He winced out, bringing his hands to his lower back and helping to press his hips forward as more pops were heard.

Finally he grabbed his clothes, hesitating at the door to give a little jerk to his shoulders and one final loud pop rang out. "Better." He murmured as he left the room and headed for the shower. Little did he know Harry had sat up in the bed, eyes wide and tulips softly parted.

PAGEBREAK

"Sir…..how exactly does the laundry work?" Harry asked as he moved from the fridge to the kitchen table, cereal, a donut, slice of sweet bread and an apple filling his hands and arms as he sat down carefully.

Snape eyed his treasure trove of sickly sweet treats with horror before glancing to his own modest breakfast of oatmeal and toast.

"I see you figured out how to work the fridge." He said tartly.

Harry snorted as he took a bite of his donut, "Yeah, thanks for explaining that by the way, could have had pie for breakfast three days ago when I was craving it. Shouldn't have let you spell all my meals together."

To this Snape smirked and looked down at his paper, "Better I did, you'll be a fat hog by the time summer is over, bad news for body muscle."

And Harry slowly extracted the donut away from his mouth before he eyed it warily, "The, uh….laundry sir?"

"Yes, I have need to do my own as well. Just place it in the basket in the bathroom and I will have it done this afternoon.

Harry eyed him curiously, "Do you spell it clean?"

"No." Snape said slowly not bothering to look up.

"Then who does it?"

"Who do you think? I don't have any house elves. I do it myself…"

"You are going to wash my laundry?" Harry asked with surprise and he saw the man's fists tighten on the pages of his paper, "Potter, you were outside yesterday, you saw the limited space I have yes?"

Harry nodded as he picked up his apple and rolled it slowly between his palms to warm it up, "Then you know there is not enough room for two people to do it. It's either you or me and as I sincerely don't trust you with my clothes….I shall do it."

"I do laundry all the time at my relatives."

Snape finally shrugged his paper down, irritation in his eyes, "Do they have you do it with a cold water sink, soap flakes, a board scrub and a clothing press?"

Harry suddenly understood the man's reluctance to trust him and sighed, "No."

"Then regrettably I shall be forced to do it."

Harry tried to think of a way to contribute and suddenly said sheepishly, "You could teach me, sir. It's not fair for you to have to do all the laundry, I can do my own if you show me how. At the very least...I could...hang the clothes?"

The dark eyes studied him for a moment and then those lips pursed a little in thought before he finally nodded, "Very well, which would you like to learn first...laundry or meditation?"

Harry had completely forgot about agreeing to try meditation to help with his nightmares, his excitement grew a little at the prospect of doing something new.

"Meditation."

"As you wish, when you are done eating we shall begin, you may remain in your sleep pants, the shirt is optional but I highly recommend you go without as it will get hot."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"You'll just have to wait and see, I would prefer not to give you any preconceived notions." Snape took the last bite of his breakfast, and then stood and headed upstairs.

PAGEBREAK

Harry sat on the floor in the middle of Snape's room, legs crossed and hands on his knees. The curtains had been drawn, plunging the room into darkness and then candles had been lit throughout. Harry turned to see Snape pull his box of matches from the left pocket of his pants and strike it, the flame igniting brightly only to peter out and the heady smell of incense filled the room.

Finally Snape started to unbutton his tunic and he removed his shoes and socks. Harry watching each movement the man made with intense focus, the sight of his bare feet exciting Harry though he didn't know why.

"Meditation works differently for each individual. Some people need the dark to aid them, others need music. There are some who prefer to be outside in the forest and even some who like to be around water. It varies and may take you some time to figure out what environment works best for you. For now, we shall use this one. I find it works best for me in darkness, the candles giving just enough light to find my way back to the present. The intense smell of the incense calms my nerves and quells my anxiety as well as helps me focus."

"It smells like rosemary and clover." Harry said thoughtfully, "Impressive Potter, yes, a special blend I buy in Diagon Alley. Rosemary reminds me of my mother and the clover of...my childhood friend. Both people are...special to me, thus having their presence here creates a relaxing environment."

"The clover….it smells familiar….it makes me think of my mother." Harry said with a soft smile as he looked at the one large candle on the floor between them.

Severus felt his heart clench but did not physically show any signs of response, he had not considered that the clover would trigger such a memory. This was a cruel moment, as Severus could say nothing.

"You can use such things as familiar scents and images to put you at ease, to help you let go. The main idea behind meditation is to release all thoughts, feelings and emotions that can help to cause stress, anxiety and unwanted side effects from post traumatic stress. It helps you center yourself, helps you to focus but instead of trying to control and harness your emotions you simply practice letting go.

"In doing so you have less chance of a random stray thought or feeling jumping up out if the blue, as it were, and throwing your mind off the task at hand, whatever it may be."

Harry nodded and wondered if he might be better at this than Occlumency since he didn't have to try and control is emotions so much as release them.

"Once we begin you will pull to the forefront of your mind an emotion, thought or feeling that is bothering you or causing you anxiety. You will feel it, encompass it, welcome it and then, when you are ready, you will release it and let it go."

Harry met the man's eyes and nodded, "Very well, I will guide you through this first time, help you understand the process and then you can try on your own."

"Yes, sir."

"Close your eyes, relax your core and breath deep. Focus on one single emotion, one feeling that is troubling you….an image or memory that you cannot seem to shake."

Harry allowed his mind to run through many things and then stopped on one particular emotion that had been hounding him for days.

 _Hello, anger._ Harry thought as his brow furrowed and he decided this would be his goal today _._

"Do you have it?"

"Yes."

"Very good. Now, focus on it, embrace it, think of all the reasons you are feeling or thinking this way. What is the very root cause, always start at the root. If you do not remove the root the weed will grow back."

Images flashed through his mind, everything about his life that made him angry, everything that made him want to lash out and scream and shout, hurt things, hurt himself….hurt other people….at the very base of the vortex of chaotic rage stood Voldemort, cackling over the dead bodies of his parents.

 _If he hadn't killed them… this would all be different….I would be different….so many lives could have been spared, my life could have been good….could have been great….he ruined EVERYTHING…._

Harry clenched his teeth, hands turning from loose and relaxed to fisted balls, his knuckles white.

"Remain calm, Potter. Embrace your emotion, let it flow through you. Accept it. Once you do you can allow it to dissipate." Harry tried, he really did but the more he tried to embrace it the more worked up he became. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right! It ruined his life, stole his happiness...and it felt good to be angry, felt good to let it consume him sometimes because he felt stronger, more powerful and he needed that power to….

A hand came to his right shoulder and Harry jumped a little, "I said to remain calm." the voice was soft but stern and Harry felt his shoulders slowly relax, "Unclench your fists." Harry complied.

Another hand came to his opposite shoulder and then the voice was right next to his ear, "Breath in…..breath out…..find the root again but don't fixate….just exist with it….allow it be be part of you but do not try to wield it. Let it flow through you, from your center out to the very tips of your body."

Harry did, he felt the anger and rage, felt it swirling in his chest and move a sharp toxic hate around his body and just as he was about to feel overwhelmed he felt those lips graze against his ear as Snape spoke, "Let it go." and Harry swallowed.

"Let it go, it doesn't matter. It's not who you are or want to be….just release it and move on."

"I don't know if I can-"

"You can." Snape said assuredly.

With those two words of surety Harry gradually let the anger swell and then slowly flow away. It trickled away over a period of minutes, but those solid warm hands did not move. They remained, a consistent and much needed pull back towards the here and now and when he felt the last of the anger leave him all his muscles seemed to relax at once and he felt a large puff of air gush past his lips.

That mouth was still next to his ear when Snape spoke, his words soft but even, "You chose a very hard emotion for your first attempt."

Harry sighed, "It's my main stress point…. How did you know which one I chose?"

"I could tell, every muscle in your body pulled tight, I don't think I've ever seen you so worked up….it's a rarity to see such hate on your face…." and the man trailed off as his thumbs started to slowly work on Harry's shoulder muscles, causing him to sigh in relief.

"Next time, consider trying to focus on an emotion that isn't so strong, one that you won't have to fight so hard to let go of. Anger is one of the hardest do to its nature to feed aggression and hatred. I know from experience."

Harry let out a soft moan in delight as the message intensified and Snape moved his thumbs up and down the back of the his neck.

"I've so much of it, but I don't like letting it show. I'm… ashamed of it. I don't want to be that way, but sometimes…." He trailed off not sure he wanted to tell the man such things, not wanting Snape to think him broken or mentally unsound, he had enough of that type of worry from everyone else.

Snape, however, pressed and as his fingers started to slide down to work on the muscles just over his shoulder blades he whispered out, "Sometimes?"

Harry spoke even softer, as if it was his greatest secret, as if it was the world's worst taboo, "Sometimes... it feels good."

And those hands continued to work as Harry leaned back into the tenderizing touch of his professor who said in such a heady voice that Harry nearly moaned again, "I know."

Harry's head turned slowly, his nose coming within an inch of Snape's cheek, the man continued to stare ahead as his hands continued to knead his shoulders into a liquid state, "I have known my fair share of anger, of hate and aggression laced with resentment and bitterness-" he turned his head then as well, their eyes meeting and for the first time as far as Harry could remember, Snape's face was completely unmasked and in those dark eyes sat such a pool of anguish Harry was too stunned to speak, "It will eat at you, make you so hollow your very existence feels pointless because you can do nothing about it. You must only embrace such feelings if you are willing to lay them to rest. Even after all my years, I still struggle as you do to accomplish such a task….but….I suppose it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one who enjoys a small taste of their dark side from time to time."

"It's delicious." Harry murmured before he could stop himself, before he could think it through and realize what he was saying, what he was implying and he felt Snape's hand running up his neck to cup the back of his head and lace fingers through his hair, felt his breath become shallow as his mind grew hazy.

"Exquisite." the man confirmed as he leaned in just a little bit more and Harry's heart started to hammer in his chest.

Snape's eyes started to close, his mouth started to open and just as Harry was sure he knew exactly where this was going a loud knock sounded from downstairs and both men instantly pulled away. Shivers culminated throughout Harry's body as the metaphorical spell was broken. Snape stood quick, donning his tunic and glancing over his shoulder as he disappeared out the door, light from the hall spilling in and coming to rest just at Harry's knees.

The boy slowly extended his hand halfway into the light, the heel and thumb still in shadow, "My dark side…" he murmured as a thought came to his mind, actually more of an idea… one he should have ignored instantly….but his muscles were still humming from Snape's touch, his heart still hammering and as he raised his head green eyes glanced to the hall, determination taking hold.

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Severus had nearly hexed Jimmy, and he would have if the boy hadn't been a muggle and accompanied by both Stacy and Minnie.

He had called Harry down when he let the three shuffle inside and only after escorting them to the couch. When Harry came down he was shocked to say the least, he didn't know why but he was glad he had put his shirt on.

"Oh my god, that damn arsehole." Stacy said standing and rushing to Harry and enveloping him in a hug. Her fingers gently traced over his bandage and black eye, asking him softly if he was alright.

"Yeah, thanks, but, uh, what are you guys doing here?" Harry asked, the thought of Johnny possibly asking them to speak to him on his behalf making Harry's stomach turn.

"We all went to the station this mornin' to see Johnny off, arsehole came up with a black eye. He told us what happened…."

Harry glanced to Snape in surprise, he had not realized Snape had hit Johnny, he had assumed the man had just shoved him away.

"When he told us, he broke down, had ta near carry him on the train." Jimmy said, "I would have tossed him around a bit myself but eh looked like you did enough damage between his bruised face and the broken rib."

Harry stepped forward, concern lacing his voice, "I broke his rib?"

"Ya kicked him right?" Stacy asked.

"Well, yeah, but I didn't want to… I didn't mean to hurt him...I just wanted him to...is he going to be alright?"

Jimmy nodded but grunted as well, "He will be, but he don't deserve the pity so don't bother. After what Stacy went through, to pull the same type of shite on you...he knew better...knew you wasn't interested. Why he made such a fuss-"

"He was drunk…" Harry started.

"No excuses!" Stacy snapped, "He knows better! The bloody hypocrite, after all the times he talked about sipping me da for drinking and hurting me….shoulda turned him into the bizzies. Coulda shared a cell with me da." Stacy said angrily, the first time Harry had ever heard her so.

"We came to make sure you were okay, to make sure he didn't cross certain lines." Minnie said and Harry's cheeks flushed as he shook his head, "No, Professor Snape found us before Johnny could- go too far."

"Angsty bastard." Jimmy murmured.

Minnie looked to Severus and gave him a serious face, "As his guardian I feel it is best I inform you so you can be prepared."

Severus looked at her as he sat down in his arm chair and frowned in annoyance, "Prepared for what, exactly?"

Minnie took a breath, "In my professional opinion, Johnny suffers from something I like to call a fixation disorder. He is brilliant, in all things, full marks in his schooling, ingenuitive, creative, confident….he would make a very good employee for anyone who hires him-"

"But?" Severus said doubtfully.

"But, Johnny's parents were….let's just say...they ignored him, neglected him….harshly….and no matter how hard Johnny tried to get their attention, break up their fights or tried to solve their problems, things never got better. It became a….focus of his….to try and mend it...to get their love….their acceptance...it developed into a mania...he can't break his desire to try and find a solution to the problem...which in his case would be not being wanted or loved. On top of that he made the realization that he is gay just last year."

"It's all so very interesting but...what does that have to do with myself or Potter?"

"Johnny's parents divorced two months ago, leaving him pretty much homeless with no place to go...he stayed in the basement of their old house when he could get away with it. He was doing okay, he was happy and able to function normally...but then…"

"I gave him attention." Harry said, his eyes wide and skin pale.

"A lot of attention." Jimmy said with a soft smile and Stacy punched him gently in the shoulder.

"It isn't hard to imagine how hard that would be for him...to get the attention...and in his mind…..the love he has wanted all his life...and Harry, your so very kind…." Minnie said as she took his hand from her spot on the couch.

"No doubt you could empathise with his loneliness and history of neglect." Harry cocked a brow at that and glanced to Snape, "Oh, no darling, Stacy shared just a bit of your history...nothing to personal...but we are all from unique situations….no judgment here." Minnie smiled and Harry smiled back softly.

"So, do I need to be concerned then about that rouge returning? Or do you think his little swim into bigger waters will help him cope with Potter's rejection?"

Minnie looked between the two and then sighed, "Honestly, I don't know… it's pretty much a fifty-fifty shot that he will be able to refocus his attention on someone or something else. He honestly just needs someone who can understand his condition. Once he starts to fixate on a problem he can't break away from it without a saver change in his routine…. A shock to his system if you know what I mean. This maybe just what he needs…."

"Or?" Severus said with irritation, "Or, he could be back within the week...aiming to try and finish solving his problems with Harry. It's nothing that you have to really worry about, I have a feeling that his nights of heavy drinking and poor decision making are going to be few and far between. He was very….upset about what he did to you Harry. When he left he was having trouble breathing he felt so bad, I do not honestly think he would have crossed that line, but we wanted to check with you to make sure. The ride alone may be enough to get his head thinking straight again….big changes are good for people like him."

Severus looked to the boy who held his eyes on the floor, unblinking and in deep thought the boy didn't respond much as the small group left a half hour later. Instead, he sat on the couch, staring at his hands and Severus had a very bad feeling that this situation with Johnny was far from over.

PAGEBREAK

They ate a late lunch and then they headed to the back porch, Snape had agreed after all to teach him how the laundry worked. They each carried a basket of their own clothes in their hands and once on the tiny porch Severus began the process of showing the boy how it all worked.

"Cold water allows the clothes to retain their normal shape and fit as well as keeps their color from fading over time. These soap flakes that you are so well acquainted with…" and Harry made a face, "Are cold water sensitive. You fill the sink, add the soap and let your clothes soak...add the soap to the water first and let it disintegrate so it doesn't stain. Then, a piece at a time you take your clothes and rub any stains, including sweat marks, out via this rubbing board. As so."

Severus took one of his tunics and using far more force than Harry thought would be necessary rubbed the article back and forth across the metal ridged plate.

"Once you've done all your clothes you bring them down to the laundry press. Line it up between the two rollers, and crank the handle, it removes most of the soap and water. Then the piece falls down into this wood barrel which has circulating clean water. Any remaining soap is removed, then you run it through the press again and hang it to dry."

Harry's mouth hung open as he stared at this strange artifact from another time, all wood and metal, porcelain and iron, he felt like he was back in Victorian England, needing Sherlock Holmes to solve him a mystery.

"Still want to learn and do it yourself?" Snape asked, his voice betraying a hint of humour but remaining mostly indifferent.

Harry glanced to the man and then back to this monstrosity of a thing, "You go first, finish your stuff and I'll hang it for you...then I will give it a go and see if I can….er….work this thing."

Snape rolled his eyes, a strange sight on the man he knew from school and turned away, "Very well, clothespins are in that satchel hanging off the awning, clip the seams not the fabric or you'll leave ghastly marks."

Harry nodded, and over the next fifteen minutes Severus washed and Harry hung up the man's clothes to dry, boxers included, which Harry noticed, to his shock, were a very dark blue.

Finally he had finished and went up the three steep stairs to take his turn. He emptied the sink of the dirty water and made fresh, measuring out the correct amount of soap flakes before putting his clothes in one at a time like Snape had once the soap was dissolved.

When he took the shirt to the rubbing board he moved it back and forth hard, his upper arms burning almost instantly as a small cramp formed in his right forearm. He then brought the shirt to the press and as he lined it up and grabbed the crank handle a hand took hold of his, "Watch your speed and your fingers, if the press catches you your whole hand will be mangled before you even realize to stop."

Glancing up, Harry nodded before he readjusted his hold on the shirt and started to slowly crank, Snape's hand falling away as he did.

Once it was through and resting in the tub below he started the process over. He went through each piece of his laundry, washing, rubbing and cranking. By the time he was done his arms and hands were throbbing.

"Alright, you hang them and I will do the final crank." Snape said, a hand coming to rest on Harry's shoulder, "I can finish sir, if you will hang."

Snape smirked down at him, "Stubborn today I see...very well, get moving then." and Harry smirked back, as he ran his clothes through the final press Snape would guide them through and then head down the stairs to hang them out.

When it was all done Harry wiped his brow and looked at the man, "How often do you do this?"

"Usually three times a week."

Harry's eyes grew wide as he looked back to the machine and let out a puff of air, "You're joking."

"Not hardly, the more often you do it, the less clothes you have, thus the shorter and easier the job." Snape unbuttoned his sleeve quickly, Harry trying to see how he did it so fast given the amount of buttons.

When Severus reached his hand into the water to open the drain Harry saw the tendons in his arm flex, saw the veins protruding and lacing around his arm. His eyes couldn't look away, admiring the thick strength they seemed to hold and wishing rather desperately that the arm in question would wrap around his waist instead.

As the water sunk from the sink and out of eyesight Harry scanned up and realized the man was glancing at him, his face intrigued as to what the boy was thinking.

Harry felt his cheeks explode with color so he quickly asked, "Is this your garden?" his eyes left the man by the sink and walked down the stairs and into the yard. With light shinning down, despite the smog filled air Harry got a much better look at it and realized it was quite lovely.

"It was my mother's, though it had died quite quickly in her absence. It's only been in the past several years that I've been able to mend it." Snape said as he slowly descended the stairs.

"Well, it's brilliant." Harry said turning slowly around to get the full view. When he was about to reach the end of his circle he started a little at the sudden appearance of Snape, who now stood right behind him.

"Thank you." the man said softly.

They stared at each other a moment and then Snape seemed to make a realization, "You've gone all day without your glasses…."

Harry's hands came to his face and he made a funny face, "Yeah...I guess...I have." it was odd he hadn't noticed. Perhaps it was because half the morning he had been in the dark, and the rest he had been so distracted by thoughts he shouldn't even be having he hadn't been focusing or trying to see anyway.

"Come, we shall go fetch them."

"Now? In broad daylight?" and Snape stopped to give him a strange look, "Yes, we aren't only able to go out at night, Potter. Despite what all first years think I am not a vampire and I do enjoy a good walk."

Harry smirked a little and then slowly followed the man back towards the house, he had another strange thing to add to his list of oddities, taking a stroll with Professor Snape.

PAGEBREAK

Severus didn't know why he hadn't noticed before, but the fact he had allowed Harry to go almost all day without his glasses was foolish. Yet, something about seeing those green eyes without that damn glass in between was alluring.

So far today, he had done well, he had behaved himself and kept in check….mostly….the meditation had gotten a little out of hand….but in that short space of time….in his room in the dark….with that incense burning and his body tightening up...that look of raw unbridled rage on his face and sweat on his brow, Harry had looked...scintillatingly attractive.

There was no denying that Harry Potter had a very angry and very dark side to him...a side he tried not to show others because he claimed to be ashamed. It had been so tempting to let the boy stew like that, pure anger and raw energy pouring off him….but the instant the candles started to float and the flame had turned a white hot blue Severus knew he had to pull the boy back.

Meditation for magic folk was different than meditation for muggles, it was true the core ideas and philosophies were the same, but magic folk actually did connect and move these energies through their bodies. Meditation could be very dangerous if an untrained witch or wizard tried without guidance.

Harry had been unaware of his magical response, had not known how pure an anger rested over his heart. Severus wondered how much of it was his own and how much of it was from the Dark Lord's many mental visits and manipulations. When minds joined pieces always got left behind, they fade out over time but it could sit within the other person's body for days...even weeks. The side effects were terrifying if the person wasn't prepared to deal with another being's aura.

Occlumency helped in this, so did meditation and Severus was not surprised to see Harry was more skilled in the later as it was a direct link to his emotions versus Occlumency which required you to distance yourself from them.

They had been walking in silence, enjoying the late afternoon, watching as the cloudy amber light of the sun streamed through the dead trees and made the old neglected town just a little less scary. The haze remained as ever and so did that regrettable smell, but the oppressive feelings were far less than previous days.

When they climbed the trail to the old oak they didn't stop at the top, but continued over and down towards Spinner's Pond. Once at the edge Severus pulled out his wand and said softly, "Accio Glasses."

From the depths a small item shot forth, coming to rest in Severus's hand, though his face seemed puzzled given the result.

Harry moved closer and looked into the man's hand, only to grown confused at the sight of seeing half the pair.

"Where is the other half professor?"

Severus looked at the boy and then pointed his wand back to the water, "Accio glasses." but nothing came forth.

"Odd." the man murmured.

"What's odd, sir?" Harry inquired as he took the single round rim and hook and held it to his right eye,

"...Unless the current carried it…" the man murmured but he was addressing himself and not the boy by now.

Spinner's Pond did not have an inlet or outlet, the current was nearly non-existent. Even so, if the small flow of the pond had moved the other half of Harry's broken specs it would still be within reach of his summons as this pond was not very deep nor very wide.

"You don't think Johnny would…" Harry started with a worried tone but stopped when the Severus snapped his head over to look at him. His brow furrowed in anger and Severus reached out a hand and took up that sharp jaw despite his promise to not elicit touch. Raising that face to look at him as those green eyes grew wide, Severus felt his stomach boil with heat and he leaned in close to that shocked face, "Mr. Potter, rest assured, if that miserable and wretched youth ever touches you again, I will kill him."

As soon as he said it he almost wished he hadn't because those green eyes got bigger, those soft thin lips parted and Harry took a step closer, leaning in and saying softly, "Promise?"

And Severus's heart exploded with want as such a dark little word left the boy's lips and those eyes urged him to swear. Surely, there was a spell on this teen, the gentle and kind hearted Potter asking him to swear to an oath of murder. Yet even so, be it out of fear or simply trying to make himself feel better, Potter had said it and Severus brought his mouth to that ear and whispered roughly, "I swear it."

He felt Harry's hand skim up his chest, that body move closer and for once Severus did not force himself to move away. He allowed Harry to rub his cheek against Severus's own as their chests connected and Harry placed his face into the nape of the man's neck, Harry's arms wrapping around his waist as Severus felt his own arms reciprocate.

 **A/N: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT! R &R as this chapter was chalked full of random snippets, POV changes, insane and drunk characters who are becoming a bigger part of this plot then I had planned and random juicy hints of what is to come. **


	10. Time Builds Tension

**A/N: I'm seriously struggling for my momentum….I want this story to be good but I feel like it's falling short….I may have to take it down and rewrite and repost…..it's missing build up and pre-plot details….there needs to be more…...something…..I think I will post this chapter, reread the whole thing and decide what I will do after.**

 **Thank you for all the reviews and the support, it is much needed in times as these! To BordemisanUnderstatement, you reviews always make me smile and feel like the story is going okay. I always look forward to them and can't wait to see what you have to say.**

 **This is the longest chapter yet, with heavy editing which is why it took so long to post. But still expect mistakes as this pad is rather incompetent.**

 **WARNINGS: SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HEAVY PETTING AT THE BOTTOM, YOU'LL SEE IT COMING IF YOU WANT TO SKIP AND SOME MILD IF NOT SLIGHTLY SADISTIC KISSING A QUARTER FROM THE TOP AS WELL….MXM SNARRY YAY WE ARE GETTING INTO PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND STUFF.**

 **CHAPTER 10**

 **Time Builds Tension**

Two weeks had passed since the debacle at the pond, since Johnny had left and Harry and Snape had shared that false promise of murder. Well, Harry hoped it was false, as the chances of Johnny showing back up were still there and Harry didn't actually want the man to kill the troubled youth.

As of today, Harry had been at Spinner's End three weeks in total, he was at the end of the first week in the second month of his summer Holiday. It had been uneventful, near tranquil. Harry and Snape had started a routine of sorts, waking up to eat breakfast and drink coffee. They meditated after, did laundry every other day and then spent their evenings reading, talking or both.

It was such a simple life, no worries or any real responsibilities. In those two weeks Ron and Hermione had come by twice when Snape went to his favorite cafe in London. Harry had yet to accompany him as seeing Ron and Hermione always felt like the right choice of the two. They pulled him back from his mind's current obsession with finding a way to be with Snape. They were a grounding force to his own desires as he had yet to tell them the truth, which made him seriously re-evaluate any hasty decisions he might want to make.

He had told them a little about the incident with Johnny, making it seem like it was one sided and that Harry had not, in fact, inadvertently fed into the boy's issues by allowing Johnny so much free reign. They did not know about Harry returning the boy's affections, for however short a time, so Johnny seemed to come off to them as more psychotic than he actually was. Ron's face had turned green at the thought, Hermione just looked petrified. For not being honest Harry felt utterly guilty and he had confided in Snape the truth, the man assuring him that anyone in Harry's place would do the same thing until they were ready to share what was really going on.

Harry wasn't sure he would ever be ready to tell them the truth, he was bisexual and had started to develop romantic feelings for his potions professor, the man who had tortured them mercilessly since their first year. And Harry's only excuse? The man had been nice to him…..he had dropped his head down onto his bedroom desk and groaned at the thought.

Jimmy's crew swung by once, dragging a "found" tv and a rather amused Minnie with, setting up in the sitting room to watch some big football game that was apparently critical to Jimmy's survival to see. Snape had been pretty damn annoyed with it and the two "adults" had exited to the garden to have tea and talk while Harry, Stacy and the rest stayed in to eat junkfood and watch the mighty British Empire, as Jimmy called it, face off against Ukraine's best.

Harry had also written a second letter to Dumbledore, hoping the man would respond, not that he really needed a response now that things with Snape were….different….but it was the principle of the thing. The man had been either too busy or had been purposefully ignoring him. Considering his relationship with Dumbledore had always been based on honesty and trust….at least on Harry's end…..the headmaster's silence irked him to no end.

The sleeping situation had become a little strange, most nights Harry was in his own bed, as society and morals dictated he should be. His nightmares had lessened and he could only think that perhaps the meditation was helping. Twice though, fear, paranoia and horror broke through his new more calmed mind and in those dark nights of twisting and jerking beneath his bed sheets, where sweat drenched his pillow and his eyes cried hot tears of anguish he would journey to his professor's room where he would be given a mild sleep aid and allowed to climb in next to the man. Snape would watch over him, wake him should he plunge back into the world of hauntings and nightmares.

In the morning they would untangle themselves from each other, one or both of them feigning sleep so that neither had to speak about the lines they continued to casually cross. The tension continued to grow, though it was still within shareable levels. Harry had not continued to play with the idea of bringing his dark side forth, as while Snape had shown a preference for such a thing, Harry wasn't so sure he could keep himself from going too far.

The single promise beneath the old oak, as strangely passionate and intimate as it had been, was not something Harry wanted to repeat. The young man had never considered what dark wants might lurk in his subconscious, what things he might be willing to say or do if he pulled from that deeper part of himself….over the years he had small tastes of it...like when he had allowed Umbridge to be dragged off into the Dark Forest by the Minotaurs….or when he had felt a rather shocking but heady pleasure at the idea of turning Peter Pettigrew over to the Dementors…..a fate far worse than death.

Still, as the tension between the two men continued to grow, Harry couldn't help but tease the man a bit. He would do small things….like leave the bathroom door partially open while he showered and dressed, twice he had come down to breakfast sans his shirt and only wearing his low riding sleep pants. Unable to tell if it got any response out of the man, but not hearing any complaints Harry was sure it must have some effect because the man had left the kitchen once in a hurry, not bothering to finish his breakfast.

It was a Tuesday morning when Snape came out of his room just as Harry came out the shower, his jeans unbuttoned and he was shirtless, using a towel to dry his hair.

Their eyes met casually but Harry continued on to his room, pausing only in the doorway when Snape called him, "Potter, I will be in my room most of the day in order to work on a new potion I've been wishing to try and create. You can eat without me, if you need me just knock."

"What's the new potion, sir?" Harry asked curiously. He caught the man's eyes run down his frame and back up swiftly, his hands slowly fisting and opening several times, a new habit the man had started to develop that Harry could only hope he was the cause of.

"It is a mix of the sleep aid I have been giving you and dreamless sleep."

"What will that create?"

"Hopefully the mixture will allow for a far less addicting solution for those who suffer from night terrors and insomnia. The sleep aid, while useful, has been shown to cause intense and often realistic dreaming in those who have heavy thoughts on their minds….mixing it with dreamless sleep should elevate the side effects without causing any addictions to form. However, as too much of either at the same time has been known to cause patients to slip into comas, I need to adjust carefully."

Harry nodded to this as his hands held onto the ends of his towel which hung around the back of his neck. Snape's eyes scanned him again, this time lingering on his undone pants before jerking up, his eyes just barely filling with anxiety and Harry had to fight off the smirk that wanted to lace his lips.

"Would you mind if I watched?" Harry asked as he turned to move into his room, he bent over and dug through his trunk aimlessly searching for a shirt. When he found it he stood and caught sight of the man leaning in his doorway, palms braced on either side of the frame, eyes still staring.

Harry looked back, keeping his face neutral, as if he was going about his business with no ulterior motive in mind. As he pulled the shirt on over his head he met those eyes again which were zoning in on him with an intensity that Harry was becoming all too familiar with.

The man approached him slowly, those eyes never breaking away, and when he stood before Harry he raised a hand, though to Harry's frustration it stopped just short of his face, "I know what you are doing, boy."

Harry cocked a brow and tilted his head, "What am I doing, sir?"

That hand quickly shifted to take up Harry's chin, his face leaning in, "You may _watch_ , if you so wish it, but…" and the man's fingers left his face, his hands coming down to take up the flaps of Harry's pants, "any _distractions_ …" and Harry grunted as the man gave a jerk to pull his pants tightly closed, fingers barely touching his skin as he buttoned them, "and you will be outside on your arse….have I made myself clear, Mr. Potter?"

Harry nodded quickly as red flared in his cheeks, "Good, you may bring a book, or something to eat but you best not make a mess of my bed."

Snape stepped back and turned swiftly to exit the room, leaving Harry mildly aroused and cursing himself for thinking the man not bold enough to retaliate against his oh so subtle hints.

PAGEBREAK

Severus was at his wits end, Harry was making things much harder than they needed to be. Between walking around half clothed, showering with the door open and not even bothering with the common decency to button his damn pants, Severus was struggling with his self control. He knew the instant the boy had started to hint at such things, to play the cards of temptation, he would have to be on his guard. Severus had a very good poker face, but even he was struggling to keep from revealing his hand.

Not that it hadn't been revealed already, both men knew where the other stood on such matters. Potter was doing his best to respect the man's wishes, however, that crafty little Slytherin wannabe wasn't above trying to change what the man's wishes were.

The older man would love to fight fire with fire, but that would only lead both of them down a road that neither could truly resist. The fire would spark again, the flame would spread dangerously fast. All Severus could do was focus on seeing his mission through, keeping his hands mostly to himself and not crossing those lines that he knew shouldn't be crossed.

Still, even having the boy in his bed, even if it was just to make sure he didn't have another dream filled episode of chaotic destruction….every time the boy crawled in next to him Severus had to force himself to roll away. Despite the fact that in the morning their limbs would be entangled, their hands in each other's hair and faces pressed together as hips curved to fit whomever had become dominant in the night.

He had heard nothing from the Dark Lord, nor had Dumbledore checked in and he felt that things were coming to a head. In two months Harry would turn seventeen, and heaven help the boy if he was still here when he came of age. The teacher student relationship had already been breech, the only thing really holding the man back was the thought of Harry still being too young, still not old enough to travel into the dark underbelly of sexual gratification….though….it was all a load of shite as the man had already made the boy cum once, even if he hadn't actually touched the boy's most intimate area.

The very thought of Harry cumming by his simple order to do so was a recurring memory in his mind, as well as thoughts of what else he might be able to get the boy to do. How well could he play the boy's body, how quick could he make the boy scream in uninhibited bliss….

He often felt his cheeks heat at it, shame and humiliation rising like a cruel tidal wave to wash over him and cool his aching groin and elevated heart rate.

And then there was the matter of darker things, of Harry's apparent dark side, the side no one but Severus had ever really seen. Where the boy thought anger felt good, and promises of murder were just as passionate as declarations of love. Severus didn't know what to make of it aside from feeling a rather fervent need to pull more forbidden thoughts from the boy.

If Dumbledore could see him now, the singular man that the old wizard supposedly trusted so much, thinking such dirty and evil thoughts about Potter, the golden boy of Hogwarts.

 _You pervert….._ Severus heard himself say.

His eyes scanned over to his bed to glance Potter, cross legged with an apple half eaten in one hand and a book in the other. Severus had noticed the boy had taken to reading as there wasn't much else to do and Harry had started flying through books at an enormous rate. He read much faster than he claimed he could though he did seem to have a natural inclination to fiction tales versus non-fiction which was Severus's preference.

The boy was oblivious to his gaze and continued to take bites off his apple and flip pages lazily. When Severus's eyes dropped back down he realized he was still holding the two potion vials and had yet to measure either.

 _For God's sake!_ He mused angrily and he let out a puff of frustrated air, feeling the boy's eyes rise to look at him curiously, "Are you alright Professor?" he asked innocently enough and the man wanted to snap on him as his eyes shut and his teeth grit.

 _Of course I am not alright you little tease…..been waging your hips around like a damn dog in heat all week and now you expect me to be able to focus on this with you sitting on my bed reading and sucking on an apple like a god damned gift basket? All I can focus on is how horribly I want to hold you down and rut you into the floor….and I bet you'd be just FINE with it….damn little manipulative….I wish to touch you….and I can't….I wish to devour you and I must restrain myself...and for the life of me I've never felt so out of control….I just want to-_

"Damn it…" He hissed out.

Severus looked up at the boy whose eyes seemed concerned and the older wizard couldn't help what he did next, couldn't stop himself from pulling the boy closer, "Come over here and make yourself useful you damned brat." He said irritably and Harry quickly set his snack and book aside, coming to stand next to him and wait patiently.

"Listen to every instruction I give to the letter, understand?" and the boy nodded quickly.

"If you mess up, we could both slip into a coma or worse, got it?" Harry nodded again.

"Take these and measure them out, a cup each…" and as the boy took the bottles, their fingers just barely touching, that same small electrical pulse traveled up his arms and he felt a shiver run up his spin. He mentally cursed again and did his best not to focus on the heat that pool in his stomach.

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Harry thought that maybe he had pushed the man too far, even if his playful hints had been subtle the man had been rather short with him throughout the whole potion making process. Harry had been extra careful, forced more focus onto the task at hand then he ever had before in regards to potion making. Wanting to do it just right as to both show the man his competency and possibly win some positive points.

But the more he helped, the more frustrated Snape seemed to get, the man blatantly trying not to touch him, not to get too close and yet if Harry stepped even a foot back to give the man room Snape snapped on him to come closer.

It took three hours of this strange dance to get the potion to the point they were at now, the final mixing stage and as soon as they bottled it Harry was going to leave and give the man some apparently much needed space.

Having no clue if the man's irritability was from spending the last week and a half with Harry, who had tried to change the man's mind about his decision to abstain from his desires via running around half naked, or if it had something to do with the lengthy process of trying to make this specific potion….Harry decided it was time to back off and stop being so damn mean about it.

Yes, he wanted the man to just give up and give in so that Harry could explore whatever it was that was happening between them….but he didn't want to do it at the cost of this tentative but growing friendship they were starting to form.

Finally, Snape corked the bottles and put them in a small wooden crate before setting them to rest and cool in the dark wardrobe. Harry had walked to the bed, unsuspecting and relatively positive giving the man space was the best thing to do….maybe he could go see if Stacy was out and about, they always had interesting conversations and she might be able to help-

As he reached across the bed to take up his book a larger hand shot out from the other side and gripped his wrist painfully tight. Harry's head jerked up in shock and was greeted by the intense but narrowed eye stare of Snape, "You God damned little minx."

And before Harry could do or say anything Snape had yanked him forward hard, pulling Harry onto his lap as Snape dropped onto the bed. At first, Harry's instincts made him fight, fear of some angry repercussion from the man's bad mood filling his mind as Snape gripped a hand into his hair harshly and his other hand still clamped onto his wrist like a vice.

He struggled, pulled and pushed at Snape thinking that the man was upset with him, that he was furious because of the boy's teasing.

"Lay still!" the man hissed as he jerked Harry back onto his lap and then swiftly brought his lips down to meet his own. Up until this point Snape had never really kissed him, Harry always started it, save for the one time when the man had been sleeping.

But this kiss was all Snape, all his moving lips and twisting tongue and sucked in breaths through his nose as the man's hands held him so tightly, held him with such a firm and dominate air that Harry instantly stilled, falling submissive as soon as the man bit his bottom lip.

"You are the bane of my existence." the man muttered against Harry's lips.

Snape released Harry's wrist and his hand instantly pushed up that shirt, his palm sliding up Harry's ribs and fingers taking up a nipple, pinching it hard, much too hard.

And Harry cried out in shock as his back arched and his eyes clenched shut, "Tempting me is NOT a wise decision Potter. You aren't ready for what you seek…..but I warn you….if you persist… if you try to draw me out and change my mind…." and Harry started to struggle a little in earnest as the man's teeth grazed over his neck, that finger still clamped onto his nipple and brutalizing it with a good twist, pull or pinch as the man saw fit, "You might just succeed and heaven help you if you do because those dark thoughts that we've talked about? I won't hesitate to give in to them…" and Snape's mouth came to his ear as Harry jerked again, the sensitive skin screaming with pain and his mind swirling with a mix of fear and arousal, "I'll share them with you Potter… and then we will see who's chasing after who."

Snape's lips crushed his then, tongue lapping brutally into his mouth as those fingers finally released his aching bud and his palm came to rub up the boy's belly, fingers stopping at the boy's throat to gently massage it.

After a moment Snape pulled away and he grazed down Harry's cheek with the back of his knuckles, "Look at me." the man said, his voice suddenly soft and gentle.

Harry's eyes fluttered open and they met black pools filled to the brim with a dangerous want, "I know you don't understand the severity of my situation, how truly tempting a proposition you are making…..how much I want to take you up on your offer, but it simply cannot happen. Put it far from your mind, stop tempting me and stop tempting fate… you'll hate yourself later if you do not."

Harry just continued to stare, his panting breaths puffing passed swollen lips, those soft cheeks flushed with red, despite the man's obvious protests, despite the fact he was trying to make a point (which was not lost on harry) Snape went to lean in again.

What was Harry to do but submit, he wanted to submit….didn't care about the outcome, or if he might regret it….letting Snape do anything he wanted to him sounded just fine to him.

He gave a soft moan as he waited for those lips to touch his when suddenly Snape let out a small yell and stood with a jolt, Harry tumbling to the floor as Snape's hand grabbed at his forearm.

"Sir, are you-"

"To the burrow, go-"

"But sir-"

"Now!" the man yelled as he turned swiftly with gritted teeth and strode with purpose to the fireplace, he grabbed up a bowl and shoved it into the boy's hands as Harry had stumbled up from the floor to follow him.

Snape grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close, "You will go to the burrow and wait for me, if you are not there when I come for you so help me I will find you and skin you alive, understood?" Harry nodded numbly and Snape pulled out his wand, hastily transfiguring the small fireplace into something Harry could stand in.

Harry quickly moved into position and then took the flu powder up from the bowl and said clearly "The burrow!" and with a blaze of green fire he was gone.

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Severus felt the dread filling him the instant he had received the burning call in his arm, realizing he had not properly prepared for this. He had been so focused on the boy, on Harry's issues, his needs to escape nightmares and try to exist without horror lacing his life that Severus's own needs had been put on hold. He had not meditated, nor kept up with his own Occlumency practices.

His shields had not been fortified, his mind not reorganized and memories processed. He was going into the lion's den without any proper safeties in place. If the Dark Lord decided to look into his mind Severus wasn't sure how well his shields would hold.

It took a severe focus to be able to remain so stoic and calm on the outside, especially if your emotions on the inside were raging. While Severus took pride in his ability to stonewall his feelings and keep everything neatly organized, while he had perfected his techniques over many years and even studied under Albus Dumbledore, he also knew that to maintain such disciplines you had to maintain the practices as well.

For the past three weeks he had done nothing of the sort and now, his true abilities would be put to the test for the Dark Lord had called him much sooner than he had expected, leaving the man to wonder, just what the evil creature could possibly want of him.

When he apparated he found himself in the same massive room as before, all arched windows and stained glass, tall pillars and cold gray light. His eyes landed on Voldemort, the wraith like man sitting in his throne, Nigini at his feet, and his eyes locked onto none other than Bellatrix Lestrange.

The woman's face was desperate though her eyes remained adoring as she spoke softly to him, though the Dark Lord did not look amused, his demonic face smeared into an annoyed and unimpressed glare.

Severus remained down, his head bowed and his body unmoving, waiting his turn and hoping the vile woman would not leave the man in such a foul mood as to leave Voldemort with the desire to punish someone.

"Stupid girl, my orders are absolute, Severus shall retain his position and his custody over the boy, you're foolish to offer to take his place as you've no footing to stand on. After all, was it not you who killed the boy's godfather? While your eagerness to please is admirable your allowing it to cloud your judgment, if you speak to me of this again I shall punish you myself...am I understood?"

Bellatrix seemed to murmur words of contrition and reluctant acceptance and as she backed away managed to give Severus a dower if not slightly disgusted look. Severus only catching it because his eyes had glanced up momentarily.

"Ah, Severus my friend, do forgive me...Bellatrix was just leaving." the woman looked surprised and slightly hurt but she nodded all the same and moved quickly to a side door which she promptly disappeared behind.

"Please forgive my tardiness my Lord, I had to deal with the boy before I could come to you, I beg your understanding." Severus said, hoping the overly contrite display would quell the man's anger.

"You are forgiven and excused, after all, children are rather a handful." the man said in good humour and Severus felt his racing heart calm slightly. He could do this, if he could just keep the Dark Lord's mood high than he might be able to walk away from this without any problems.

"Thank you my Lord, tell me, how may I serve you?"

"Rise, we shall walk again as often it would seem that walls have ears." and those red eyes glanced to the door from which Bellatrix had just left and Severus stood to follow, his strides sure and true even though his mind felt chaotic.

"I must admit I have called you here sooner than I had planned, more so from my ever mounting curiosity. I have news for you, something to aid you in your quest. I also wish to know how things have gone with the boy. How is our mission progressing?" and the hissed voice of the man next to him was laced with a subtle excitement, something that drove fear into Severus's chest, though he remained calm and collected in appearance.

Severus took a slow breath, quietly calming himself further before he spoke, "The boy is responding to my overtures of friendship, having forgiven me for my past aggressions as soon as I softened my tone and quelled my temper. He is none the wiser and has taken to spending copious amounts of time talking to me as if we are old companions."

He heard Voldemort chuckled darkly as he said with an exuberance often reserved for Nagini's supper time, "Excellent, so our plans are progressing. You've done wonderful Severus, I am pleased, have no doubt."

They were back in that open hall now, the cold air still biting at Severus's ears and nose, the silence from the world below near eerie as a hawk circled off in the distant sky, "I live to serve thee my Lord."

"And serve me you have, but tell me, how far do you think the boy's feelings for you press? Does he admire you? Perhaps he wishes to get your approval... or find comfort in your arms?" the last part of that sentence was spoken conspiratorially, as if the two of them shared a dark secret no one else knew of.

This made Severus's hair stand on end as a shiver ran up his spine and a sharp spike of anxiety shoot through his chest, "My Lord?" Severus asked, allowing the confusion to thread through his voice.

Those red eyes looked to him, as Voldemort gracefully cut off Severus's progression, they both came to stand next to the balconies edge, Voldemort placing sharp slender fingers on the stone rail as he took in the man before him, " I told you that I wanted the brat eating out of the palm of your hand, to be willing to die for you or kill for you if necessary….I came to a realization that not just any type of love or admiration can do that….what must be done is nothing short of a miracle but I have the utmost faith in you...and as fate would have it….luck is on our side."

Severus wasn't sure he understood completely, though in the back of his mind he knew what the evil creature was implying and he felt a new form of dread fill his chest...surely the snake like man before him couldn't be aware of it….how could he know?

His brow furrowed, and his lips just barely ran down into a frown, "Please forgive my stupidity, but are you suggesting that I-"

"I know the boy has feelings for you." Voldemort said quickly his red eyes narrowing and lips curving I to a sharp smile, 'It is tainted by a greedy lust, raw and only half formed, but he covets from you the one thing he cannot be permitted due to your position as his teacher. Surely you have noticed...or perhaps you've chosen not to."

Severus swallowed and went to speak but his mouth snapped shut and he looked away, those dark eyes scanning the distance as he realized he didn't have something he could say, "I thought as much. It is to our benefit and I think….giving him such a taste ….such a thrill as to make him think it's possible would further our goal."

Severus felt his head jerk back to the man, his eyes growing wide, "Surely, my Lord, you do not think that scraggly brat…" and Severus felt his heart start to race again as Voldemort held up a finger and his eyes gave a knowing gleam, "I've seen his dreams. Shared in his unrequited want of you."

And now his heart was exploding and his mind spinning as his hands gripped the railing more firmly, "I know I step out of my given place my Lord but surely the dangers of exposing your mind to him…."

"Do not patronize me nor act as though I do not know this!" Voldemort snapped and Severus instantly bowed his head in forgiveness, "He lusts after you…. I have seen it, I have felt it….raw heady dreams of twisting bodies and naked flesh." and the evil man's voice grew excited as he leaned in closer and said in a soft breathy voice, "I want you to feed his desires Severus, I want him to continue to crave you….so badly that it hurts him not to have you. I want your proximity to make his skin burn and his face flush….ensnare him, work his heart into the ground with this sickly and intoxicating desire. My plans depend on it."

Severus felt his voice break a little, the first time he had ever dropped any hint of emotion before the man, "My Lord-"

"Do not deny me!" Voldemort near yelled as his hand shot out and grabbed onto Severus's chin, nails digging in and Severus fought off the wince that wanted to cross his brow, "You will do as you are told….if you cannot you know what shall become of you." there faces were inches apart, Severus felt the man's icy breaths rush over his skin and his heart was pumping in earnest now.

"You will do this or you will suffer. If I must remove you I will...it would not be hard to leave your body to rot and take the boy away...I could leave him with Bellatrix….do as she has suggested….Stockholm syndrome is just as easy for me to work with as true love…. I'd prefer not to give her the satisfaction….I'd prefer to allow you to continue… you are already halfway there...but I can make other arrangements if you feel you cannot provide me with the outcome I seek."

Severus gritted his teeth and swallowed thickly as he spoke, each movement causing those nails to sink just a little deeper, "I shall do as you command, Potter shall be won over….even if I have to go so far as to lay with him." Severus said tastefully, he couldn't bring himself to say any other words in regards to being intimate with the boy…..the very idea of saying soothing more vulgar or obvious making his stomach churn with a sick feeling of nausea.

And Voldemort's eyes lit up, a crooked and perverse smile clawing across his lips as he cackled and released Snape's face.

"Wise decision….your loyalty shall not go unrewarded. I regret to ask such a thing of you, I know that while your love for the Dark Arts may rival that of my own, you still retain a quiet dignity in regards to your private affairs. You know though, that nothing is private from your Master and I alone know what I have just ordered you to do, take ease in knowing this. Surely for our noble cause, for me, you can stomach something so...repugnant."

Severus bowed his head in agreement, feeling several thin trails of blood leaking from his chin and jaw. As his eyes saw the small droplets hit the floor he swore he heard every single one of them sound like a drum of war matching the chaotic beat of his heart.

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Severus sat with his chin resting on a fist, his posture far from straight as he waited for Dumbledore to emerge from the Pensive, the pain from Voldemort's grasp not even a thought as he contemplated this sick plan the Dark Lord was thrusting upon him.

Once again he had found the situation too inexplicable to share verbally and had bid the man enter his memories to see the depth of depravity himself. He felt humiliated and guilty at sharing such things with the man, surely Harry would feel betrayed and highly uncomfortable with Albus knowing his most intimate desires, but Severus had no choice. He couldn't act on these orders, yet he had to do something...he needed a plan….

The more emotionally convoluted this situation became the more complicated it would get, especially given he absolutely could not cross the lines that Voldemort had demanded he cross when the time arouse. Severus had tried to get more information from Voldemort before he was dismissed, but the evil demon's secrecy was absolute, Severus had gotten no new information about Voldemort's plans for Harry or why it was necessary for Severus to go to such extremes.

Luckily, Voldemort had not probed Severus's mind, had not tried to see what Severus's true position on the matter was. He had been lucky, he needed to make sure he kept up with his Occlumency and meditation, especially if the Dark Lord was going to be calling upon him so randomly.

The feeling of sick ran through him again as he thought of following through with such a plan, of the repercussions should he fail...or worse...if he were to succeed. He thought of Lily, the woman whose memory he betrayed every time he so much as had one perverse thought about Harry, his love for her still burned brightly inside his heart, the love that could never be extinguished….but the temptations laid down by her own son were starting to wear on his lonely and neglected heart.

All he could see was her disgusted face, hear her harsh words scratch at his mind and bloody his soul at the very idea of Severus touching Harry….wanting Harry in such a way. He wanted to vomit, wanted to scream and throw things and rage about how bloody unfair his life had become, how unfair it always had been.

He swallowed it, swallowed his pain and suffering just as he swallowed his pride and dignity every time he was tossed back and forth between Dumbledore and Voldemort like some puppet to be commanded. He would always perform his duties, always be the mat for everyone's filthy boots, but he would never like it… nor would he ever be truly free of this cursed life he had brought upon himself.

As he closed his eyes to try and alleviate the burning he saw emerald green ones staring back at him, a mix of fear, disgust and lust swirling before him and he felt his fingers tighten on the arm of his chair and his gut squirmed and he clenched his teeth to try and make it all go away.

The pressures, the duties, the utterly pathetic and woefully cruel joke his life had become flashing before his mind like one long film of raw and unrestrained chaos bouncing off the space filled walls of eternity.

Surely Dumbledore would refuse it, he would have some brilliant plan or some way around this absolutely unthinkable course of action. He would know what to do or at the very least order Severus not to move forward with this…..mission. Potter would be removed from his care and Severus would either be left to the hands of his Dark Master to be tortured and killed or Albus would finally release Severus from his oath of service and let him slink into the dark abyss of self imposed exile. Though, sacrificing him for Potter made the most sense so Severus doubted his life would really be taken into consideration.

Albus would lose a spy but he would still have his golden boy, unsullied and totally protected from men like him….disgusting perverts who would even consider such filthy and wrong actions. Harry could move forward, could live without having to be so manipulated and used, completely unaware that there ever was a plan and Severus could finally rest….he could….sleep...one way or another.

He heard movement and Severus glanced up but continued to slouch like a petulant child, unwilling to give the respect he normally allotted to this man, who for all intents and purposes had saved his soul while condemning it at the same time all those years ago.

Dumbledore's eyes betrayed nothing as he moved slowly to his chair, he sat stiffly, his hands on the desk before him as eyes stared. Severus did not speak, he had nothing to say on the matter aside from the obvious which he was sure the man already knew.

After several minutes Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again and Severus felt a small trickle of anxiety worm it's way into his chest at the man's apparently stunned silence.

More time passed and they continued to sit in this awkward and awful quiet, only the ticking of the old wizard's clocks to fill the void of unspoken turmoil.

Finally, after a lengthy amount of ticks and time Dumbledore opened his mouth and the first words out were measured, careful and easily recognizable as reluctant, "Are Voldemort's musings true?"

Severus felt his lips frown as he said softly, "In regards to what?"

Dumbledore's face was like steel, unmoving and set as he looked at Severus with unwavering suspicion, "Has the boy gone beyond the realm of a desired friendship with you? Does he wish to pursue such dalliances with you that would compromise your position of custody and tarnish both his and your own reputation?"

If Severus lied the man would know, Albus was one of the few he could not lie to, who could tell if Severus even hinted at any form of deception so the younger wizard spoke the truth, praying the man would not ask him of his own feelings on the matter, "It is true….Potter has shown signs of interest that are far from prudent and equally as dangerous towards me. I have done my absolute best to dissuade him…" that was not a lie but it was also not the entire truth and Severus only hoped he would not be called out on such twisting to his words.

"When did you first notice this, and why have you not told me?"

Severus finally sat up, his hands coming to rest on his knees as his indignity shined through, "I did bloody tell you Albus, I told you when he kissed me while drunk off his arse on some backwater bottle of booze! Prior to that the little bastard snuck into my room and seemingly kissed me in my sleep!"

Dumbledore seemed taken aback by this new piece of information and cocked his head to the side, "Why did you not tell me these truths...why have you waited?"

Severus stood, the rage building up like a hurricane ready to rip anything in its path to shreds, "I did not realize until after he accosted my mouth the second time. The first time I had been dreaming, I thought… I was dreaming of Lily….it didn't occur to me until he molested my mouth the second time...while I was coherent….that the kisses were one in the same!"

"Did you confront him?" Dumbledore asked and Severus nodded emphatically, "I nearly crucified him, but the urge to vomit overpowered my rage….do you recall the night I threw the bin at the fireplace?"

Dumbledore nodded in acknowledgment as his eyes narrowed, "I see. It is all becoming clear….and since that night? How far has young Harry pushed for this….match?"

Severus looked away as he felt his face heat up, "It has been a constant battle to make the boy understand and see reason as to why this _match_ cannot be. But somehow, in just under a month, Potter has developed feelings of some sort for me. Whether it is directly related to his own self-discovery in regards to his sexual preference or because he actually has found some reason to….in my opinion it's all in his head. Our situation is an isolated one….save for the few times Granger and Weasley have come to visit and those street urchins have come by….it is just us….Black has been dead for a little over a month...surely that plays into the boy's desires...into this idea that I could….that I would even consider doing such a thing with him."

"I am sure it has, but that does not solve the issue at hand. Harry has developed feelings for you and Voldemort knows it. Which means, he also knows how easy it would be for you to manipulate Harry further into this web of licentious deceit. If you do not do it he will know, as I've no doubt he will continue to try and view Harry's dreams despite the danger it could pose to his plans. If I were to condone this….I would be asking you to do something beyond anything I have ever expected of you and should not expect from you, something that is not only wrong on the grounds of age, your position and Harry's mental and emotional state but would be an unfair burden and an unscrupulous act of unredeemable sin for you to bare."

Severus turned his head slightly to eye the man with surprise, "I did not realize you viewed homosexuality as immoral."

Dumbledore smirked lightly, the first instance of a lightening mood Severus had been able to read from the man, "I do not find it immoral, merely the idea of using a teenage boy in such a way….to molest his heart to such a degree simply to reach an end goal….even with all my years of planning and the things I have done in my lifetime...I could never condone it. No, we must figure out another way."

Severus eyed the ground then, a bead of sweat forming at his temple and running down to disappear below the collar of his tunic, "What if there isn't?" Severus asked softly.

Dumbledore eyed him, a series of serious thoughts flashing before those watery blue eyes, which peered over the half-moon spectacles like calming pools of serenity.

"It is not for us to debate….Harry's heart is not something to be trifled with, he is a person...not a thing….I cannot-"

"What if _I_ could?" Severus asked as he gently licked his lips and glanced at the man from out the corner of his eye, "I do not understand." Dumbledore said softly.

"What if I could….do this….if I could allow Potter his little indulgences ….hypothetically."

"Severus-"

"No Albus, there are no options and you know it. Either we find a way to make this work or I am tortured and killed for not doing as the Dark Lord had commanded. Harry will be spirited away to be mentally and physically abused by that bitch of a woman Lestrange, or you take him and hide him in some unknown location...knowing Voldemort won't rest until his plans for the boy come to fruition. I say this out of sheer logic, if Potter has developed feelings for me, real true feelings and I get killed it will be like the death of Black all over again...in less than two months….but…." and Severus hesitated as he felt his stomach twist again with that sick feeling of disgust, "If I could...reciprocate towards Potter just enough….just enough to placate the Dark Lord without crossing the lines he has ordered me to cross….without violating the boy beyond some minor physical contact and more than likely some light…. _petting…_ both the boy and I might be able to walk away from this without any lasting damage to either our minds, hearts or reputations. We could both survive this! If you and I could….plan this out...could….devise a plan of our own….if we could-"

'Severus-" the man said holding up a gentle hand to stop the darkly clad man from finishing, Severus bit his tongue as he looked away and let his hair fall across his face.

"I cannot expect such a thing of you…"

This time Severus turned and looked directly at the man, his eyes narrowing as he approached the desk and slammed his palms down on the edge, "I wouldn't be doing this for you or your expectations….I would do it to save my own skin from months of torture and certain death...I would do it to keep Potter from being manipulated on a far worse scale. You bloody well know I am the lesser of the two evils and I know I could…." and he clenched his eyes shut and said the first thing that came to his mind, "He has _her_ eyes Albus, you said so yourself and you were right….I can do this...if for no other reason than to protect both Potter and myself from fates worse than death."

Dumbledore remained silent, not usually a good sign if you were trying to make something happen as his studious eyes didn't hide his contemplative mind nor his doubts on the matter. But Severus had no further arguments he could make, his point had been made, logically so and even though Severus was honestly trying to do this to protect both him and Potter from the horrors that could come if he didn't do it….part of him, that small part that he kept trying to fight was hyper poised, ready to continue to fight to keep Potter within arms reach for far more greedy reasons.

Dumbledore let out a heavy sigh, a hand coming to his brow as suddenly sad eyes gazed up to him and the man finally stood. Rounding the desk Albus came to stand before him, placing both his hands on Severus's shoulders as he said softly, "You've never let me down, never shirked out of any work given to you and you have put yourself and your life in danger every day you agree to work as a double agent. You've done splendidly my boy, so, I will leave it to you. While I don't condone such actions I can see your will to win this war might rival that of my own, if you think you can do just enough to keep Voldemort at bay, to keep young Harry happy without crossing such lines that could jeopardize our long term goals or yourself and Harry's well being….I shall submit to you and your determination. But I must warn you against taking things too far, taking for granted your position and Harry's. This will as always remain our secret, not even Harry can know, no one shall know but tread carefully, we must not get lost….for more than just the ministry will be on us if any of it should get out. You do what you can, I have always trusted in you and your ability to protect the boy, I know you will keep his best interests in the forefront of your mind."

Severus hid his shock at the man's sudden change, his face remaining stoic though as he nodded slowly and turned to leave, as he moved to enter the fireplace Dumbledore called to him and Severus looked over his shoulder, "Perhaps you should consider starting up Occlumency training with the boy, I do have a feeling that if Harry is in fact smitten with you, the training may go much better than last time….and do be gentle with his heart, it's near fragile as yours and twice as devoted to any who invest in it."

Severus gave a single succinct nod, the idea of trying to teach Potter Occlumency again near daunting. As the flames engulfed him and sent him to his home a small smirk played across his face as he realized he had just won a fight against Albus Dumbledore, not even Voldemort had ever had such a victory, Severus suddenly felt ten foot tall.

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When Harry had arrived at the burrow he was instantly swarmed, the family having been sitting around the kitchen table for a late lunch when he went sliding across the floor.

The questions rained down on him like a violent storm as he tried to get his bearings, realization hitting him that Snape had been called and at this very second he could be standing with Voldemort, his safety at risk due to Harry's abuse of the man's company.

The things Snap had been doing to him when Voldemort had summoned him, would Snape be able to focus, to center himself? Was the man at risk of exposing their situation? Would he be able to block the Dark Lord out?

Harry answered as many questions as he could, but the instant he said Snape had been summoned the questions stopped and a somber silence fell over the room. Hermione gave him a hug and Ron patted him on the back. Ginny and the twins gave him hugs as well as Mr and Mrs. Weasley but Harry was numb to the normally appreciated affections.

"Harry dear, would you like something to eat?" Mrs. Weasley asked as she ushered him to the table, the large group following as hushed conversations about why Snape was summoned swirled around him.

None of the words were meant to be derogatory or hidden from him, but at the very mention of their resident spy being summoned so suddenly by Voldemort the happy mood that had been before Harry's sudden arrival was dead and no one seemed to want to speak up about their concerns.

Harry refused food and sat there as the others finished their meal, Hermione glancing up at him for several seconds at a time before she would go back to looking at Mr. Weasley who was talking about things going on at the ministry.

He had never felt this way before, the utter fear, anxiety and dread flooding his body and making his hands shake intermittently. When Sirius had died it was a hot sharp anguish that had shredded his heart and made him sob out in his sleep and wish he was no longer part of this world.

But now, knowing Snape might not be coming back, this uncertainty felt much worse, his heart was palpitating and his hands were sweating and he felt numb yet filled to the brim with a hopeless feeling, something so strong he swore he could taste it. When Sirius had died at least Harry had been there, had gotten to fight alongside him and had tried to avenge his death after. He had been able to be there with him, at the end of it.

Knowing Snape maybe facing his death at this very moment, utterly alone and with no one by his side to try and help defend him, to save him….and Harry knew if he did disobey the man and go after him, Harry had no clue where to start looking nor what he would do if he showed up and Snape was absolutely fine, he could end up blowing the man's cover.

He was forced to wait for word or sight of the man, wait and hope and sit in some horrible anxiety ridden state with no answer to his question….why was the man summoned in the first place?

Soon enough everyone departed the table leaving Harry, Hermione and Ron; his friends sitting next to each other facing him.

"So what happened? One minute you were sitting there reading and the next he tossed you in the fire?" Ron asked as he slid a cup of tea in front of Harry and then sat back down next to Hermione.

"Not exactly, we were working on a potion when he was summoned." Harry lied far more easily than he would like to admit.

"What was the potion?" Hermione asked as she took a sip from her cup.

"A mix between a calming draught and Dreamless sleep. Snape was hoping the side effects of one would cancel the other out, so you could have a full night's sleep without the lucid dreaming that the calming draught can bring or suffering from the addiction Dreamless sleep can cause."

"That's brilliant!" Hermione said with wide eyes as she looked at Harry with interest.

Ron didn't seem to catch on quite as fast and said simply, "Why not just take a small dose of both at the same time? Save you the trouble of mixing them all together, wouldn't it?"

Hermione rolled her eyes but gave him an affectionate smirk nonetheless, "Patients have been known to slip into comas if there is too much of either or both, it's actually rather dangerous. It makes you wonder how he plans to test it."

Ron's face paled a little as he said, "Better watch your drinks Harry."

This got the barest of smirks from the boy but still his mind was heavy, "I'm worried, Voldemort hasn't summoned Snape yet this summer, why he would suddenly call him now is strange."

Ron cocked his head to the side as he took a noisy slurp from his cup, "Not that surprising, I mean...he is a spy isn't he? It's his job to be at the beck and call of you-know-who, to gather Intel for our side. Bit surprising he wasn't called sooner, with all the weird things going on...the attacks and all."

"Attacks?" Harry asked and Hermione nudged Ron violently before she sighed and reached down next to her, pulling up a newspaper and placing it before him, "Its been happening all over Europe, there was even an attack in London...they took out Millennium bridge….rumours are it was Grayback, but they aren't certain."

"Killed a lot of people, injured more though so that's better than expected, a lot walked away unharmed." Ron offered as Harry's eyes stared at the moving image of the smoking and crumbled bridge.

"Harry….has Snape kept you...has he not told you…" but she couldn't seem to find the right way to ask the obvious so Harry answered instead of letting the girl fumble, "No, he hasn't told me a thing. I've not see a paper in weeks….why didn't you two tell me the last time you were there?"

The two looked guiltily at each other before Ron spoke softly, his sorry eyes trying to apologize but also hold to his choice, "We thought...what with you being stuck with Snape...not knowing why or when it would be over...the less stress the better given what you went through with...Johnny and Stacy's dad…"

"We weren't trying to hurt you Harry, we just thought it might...help?"

And Harry nodded though he suddenly felt ten times worse than before, this is how it always seemed to go. People keeping him in the dark, others worrying for him instead of just talking to him. Ron and Hermione had his best interest at heart but they had gone about it the wrong way. How could he help to fight a war when he didn't even know what was going on.

Was he always going to be the boy in the bubble? People trying to spare him the sharp rod of life by spoiling him with ignorance? Snape had papers, he read them all the time….but why had none of them shown the things he was seeing right now? Had Snape bewitched them? Or was this attack the first instance? Why did he always have to be the last one to know but expected to be the first to jump in?

Harry sighed and put his face in his hands, "I just want him to come back… I don't like this waiting around and feeling helpless...he could be getting tortured right now….or worse...and I've done nothing to help."

"I know it's hard, trust me, sometimes when you go missing Ron and I pull our hair out with worry thinking you might be facing off at that very second with some random death eater or that you've gotten yourself into trouble again….but if Snape sent you here it's because he wants you here Harry. He will come for you."

"And if he doesn't?" Harry asked.

Ron looked at him, the taller boy appearing older for just a second as he said in that deep soft voice, "Then at the very least you're finally home, and we'll watch your back mate, you can always count on that." and Hermione placed her hand atop Harry's and then Ron placed his on top of hers. The three looked at each other, small smiles peeking out from behind three youthful faces filled with worry and dread.

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The Burrow was soothingly quiet, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley having gone up to bed with strict instructions to come fetch them upon Snape's return. The golden trio, the twins and Ginny had played chess and cards for a few hours and then had elected to sit just outside the front door.

Each with a steaming mug of cocoa, despite the warm weather (Ginny's attempt at cheering Harry up) and talked softly as they waited for sign from the Orders top spy.

The twins had wanted to hear all about what living with Snape was like, as well as any crazy adventures. Harry had told them most everything, the censored and edited version of course, still not wanting or ready to share the things he had discovered about himself, Snape or his feelings for the man. Though the twins got a kick out of the idea of the man doing laundry, especially in such an old fashioned way and Ginny had nearly choked on her drink in shock when she heard about Snape arm wrestling.

It was odd, but Harry couldn't help feel like everyone was very quickly coming to see the man differently. Whether Harry's stories had helped them to see passed his often gruesome personality and temperament or because they were trying to make him feel better about his situation he didn't know.

But Harry had started to feel slightly better, though anxiety, worry and dread still hung onto his heart like a shroud and his eyes kept searching the far reaches of the fields in hopes of seeing that black shadow of a body he had come to know so well.

It was near two in the morning when a loud crack filled the air and all heads turned, Harry's heart jumping into his throat as he locked eyes onto a moving figure in the distance.

"I'll go get mum and dad!" Ginny said as she stood and ran inside.

Harry had gotten to his feet and waited, as much as it killed him, to make sure it was not a trick or a threat from the enemies side. As soon as the man he had been longing to see stepped through the protective wards and into the amber light cast from the burrow, Harry was moving.

PAGEBREAK

Severus had spent several extra hours away from the boy in hopes of coming up with some way to go about this dangerous plan he had concocted to fix the rather egregious situation he was now in. He was exhausted by the time he elected to apparated to the Burrow.

The whole day had been wasted as he had been caught between Voldemort, Dumbledore, his own ever changing problems and the lengthy time he had taken to finally meditate and get his chaotic mind under control. He had gone through his Occlumency practices multiple times, pressing his feelings down further and further until finally his mind became clear and his heart felt lighter.

His focus had returned and he knew that the amount of private time he allowed to himself in order to stay on top of his skills while in Potter's company would have to increase. Now he would both need to be able to quiet his mind and control his emotions while also giving the emotionally starved and love sick boy the attention he would surely want once Severus started to reciprocate such feelings. It was a very dangerous dance he was about to begin, he could only hope that if he increased his disciplinary practices he could be both a proficient spy and the boy's emotional rock.

As he stepped into the warm amber light cast out from the rather tall and lopsided house his eyes picked up on a motley group of teens sitting on the stairs, their eyes hard and focused, apparently war time was finally rubbing off on all of them. In the middle of the group, just standing from the bottom step was Harry and to Severus's surprise his heart beat increased at the sight of him.

It didn't surprise him, however, when the boy took off for him, Harry's feet kicking up dirt behind them as the others watched in shock. Snape stopped at the sudden approach and let out a grunt as the boy wrapped his arms around Severus's chest and embraced him as if he were family, just like Potter had done to Sirius only the passed year.

At first he was too stunned to respond but once again his robotic arms finally relaxed and he wrapped them around the boy, sneering in his mind as he recalled how Black had done it previously and mimicked the dead man resentfully.

When he looked down his heart sped up more at the sight of an honest to god smile lighting up the boys features and the idea that someone was actually happy to see him made his stomach twist again with that strange feeling of contentment.

Severus brought a hand to the boys cheeks before he rubbed it up and through Harry's hair, another habit he had seen Black do though he added his own twist to it and used a finger to press Harry's skewed glasses back into place.

"Mr. Potter, I see you've managed to do what you were told for once." He said sarcastically as he allowed a very small smirk to hit the corner of his mouth.

Harry gave a chuckle and finally released him, "Well I didn't fancy being skinned alive."

"Wise choice, but you should have waited until I was closer to the house, you never know if I am who I appear to be."

Harry gave a small humorous grunt, "No one else but you could look so damned unhappy about having to come to the Burrow." and Harry turned, taking his hand and moving towards the house. The boy's grasp was not meant to be affectionate so much as just to get him walking, slowly his feet started moving, but seconds later Severus stopped and Harry looked back at him in question.

"Is everything alright, sir? Do we need to go?" and Severus's eyes scanned up from the boy's face to see the warmly lit house and the small group of kids waiting, utter horror at Harry hugging him still etched on their faces.

Severus felt a familiar pull in his mind, had to fight the urge to grab the boy and go...the image before him was so….warm and welcoming and he suddenly felt ugly and not needed. His old insecurities from youth cropping up at the idea of going into the Burrow without having a message from Dumbledore or word from the front, so to speak. He had always been the outsider looking in at the warm and normal family life of others, he was never the one on the inside looking out at the bruised child sitting on the curb.

This was not a place for him, these were not his friends or family, he had none of those...he didn't belong here...yet as he looked back to Harry and those happy shining green eyes he reached out a hand and placed it on the boy's shoulder tentatively, "Ten minutes to say your goodbyes, then we must go. I have need to speak with you in private."

Harry's eyes grew worried but he nodded and then the two were walking, Severus feeling helpless to do anything but endure what was sure to be the most awkward ten minutes of his life.

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Mrs. Weasley hustled around him, looking for salve for his chin. In all his musings and his practice he had forgotten to deal with the dried blood and cuts left behind from the Dark Lord's wraith like claws.

"Dear me, poor man, just walking about with such marks on your face. Here, wipe them clean then put this one. They'll be gone in a jiffy….where did I put those bandages..." and Severus watched as she set a cup of hot chocolate before him, which he poked curiously with a finger as he also heard the teens snickering. His eyes looked up to them and glared just as George leaned towards him and said happily, "No offense Professor, but better you than me…"

"Or me!" Fred added as the two high-fived.

"Damn woman's a menace if you ask me." Ron said softly with a rather appreciative smile on his face as he watched his mother flutter about.

"Least you didn't get covered in itchy ivy, I hear it's the worst." Ginny teased as she winked at Harry who blushed.

Severus was trying to follow the humour, trying to give the right facial expressions but he found it difficult and so kept his normal stoic mask in place as he looked to the small group and said, "Five shillings to whom ever can distract her." and the twins eyes lit up with mischief as George said playfully, "Don't worry Professor, we got just the thing."

"Hey, we're businessmen now, we don't do bribery." Fred complained.

"Yeah, but it's mum…" George said motioning to the woman with a huge smile.

Fred seemed to make the same realization and stood quickly, his smile matching that of his brother.

They were gone in a flash and not even four seconds later there were multiple bangs from upstairs and Mrs. Weasley was hollering, "You two better not be experimenting on the cat again! So help me!" and her footsteps were marching up the ungodly amount of stairs as her voice faded.

"I shall pray for them." Severus murmured and Ron gave him a surprised look, "What? Them? Blimey professor, you had them in your class for near six years...you know better than that."

Severus looked at the boy for the first time, really looked at him and saw a unique sort of cleverness hidden behind the dull glaze he was so accustomed to, "Yes, but I am not their mother…." off in the distance was the sound of a slamming door and two identical voices screaming as a muffled woman's voice bellowed.

"That's just sad…." Ron said as he dropped his head onto his forearms, "They are getting slow." Ginny mused as her eyes stared at the ceiling.

"They are getting wiser, running from your mother is worse than standing to fight a Dementor, better to just get it out of the way." Hermione added.

Harry had remained quiet for most of the antics and Severus glanced at him casually as he said stiffly, "Say your good-byes Potter, we need to be going." and as Severus stood Mr. Weasley approached and asked to speak with him, taking Severud aside into the sitting room with a serious expression on his face.

"Severus, how's our Harry doing? Is he adjusting to...well...the situation?"

Severus stared a moment, the lack of subtly from Arthur not new to him, still, he kept his manners and said plainly, "As can be expected. It took some time, but I do believe Mr. Potter is settling in just fine."

The man didn't look surprised but he did clear his throat as he said carefully, "If you need anything from me, from us...for Harry or...if you need anything yourself, don't hesitate. You are both welcome here, sometimes it's nice to...get away, yeah?" and the sincerity in those eyes was evident, no ulterior motive hidden in them and Severus felt his brow raise a little, sincerity not being something he was accustomed to.

"I shall….take your offer….into consideration. Thank you." He managed though he felt strange being welcomed anywhere, most times he was simply expected so this was another item to add to his list of strange oddities that had happened so far this summer...being welcomed to the Weasley's.

"Any word from Dumbledore or the order? We've heard very little save for what the Daily Profit has been manipulating."

"Has the ministry not been keeping you informed? What of Kingsley?" Severus asked with confusion.

Arthur looked down a moment as he rolled his lips, when he met Severus's eyes he looked slightly pained, "These are strange times coming on, I am not sure how long I will be allowed to retain my position...Kingsley has to be even more careful than me. It would not do to have my foot in some place it ought not be."

"That is wise...however, I regret to inform you I have nothing new to report. It is...quiet for the most part...the Dark Lord's followers seem restless but compliant to whatever orders he has seen fit to give. Despite my level in his inner circle, I've not heard of any new plans."

Arthur digested this and then brought a hand to his shoulder, "It is appreciated, what you've been doing...how dangerous it is for you right now. Do not doubt you have our blessings and our thanks."

Again Severus felt confused, more sincerity, more….sentiment….he was lost and felt his eyes grow just a bit wider as his brow went up in surprise, "I-" but he stopped and simply nodded once before he slowly turned, he hesitated as if he planned to say more, but then started to walk again as he bee lined for Harry, all to eager to escape this warm place, with the smiling people and the welcoming hands with open hearts and the soft gentle eyes that for the life of him he could barely read.

PAGEBREAK

Harry stumbled out of the fireplace at Spinner's End, landing with a huff near the man's bed, he used the edge to steady himself and waited for Snape to emerge. When the professor was through he transfigure the fireplace back to its original size and turned to face him, Harry giving him a soft smile.

Hours upon hours of waiting and finally Harry was back with Snape, in their private little world with a quiet calm that could only be found here. The man was alive, with such a small injury it was honestly more a scratch. Harry had never felt more grateful and as they gazed at each other his mind felt content, that goofy smile still on his face as he watched Snape close the distance.

When Snape stood before him, looking upon Harry's face with that blank expression he cupped the boy's cheek and used a thumb to wipe over his jaw, "You have a smudge..." the man said softly and Harry leaned into the touch, for the moment not caring about his goal to be more coy and to be respectful of the man's position.

"What did you want to talk to me about, sir? Is everything alright with Professor Dumbledore? Did Voldemort give you some task to complete?"

He saw a flash of regret in the man's eyes but it left quickly and a new emotion filled them as Snape did something unexpected. The older man slowly took Harry's hand, lacing his long fingers between Harry's and then guided him towards the far side of the bed.

"Get on." He said softly and Harry, though confused, complied and crawled on, sitting with crossed legs in the middle, his hands resting on his ankles. Harry felt like something very intense was about to happen, like Snape had some important news or a tragic accident to report to him.

Harry kept his eyes locked onto the man before him as Snape sat down on the edge of the bed, tucking one ankle under his knee as his other foot rested on the floor. Harry was watching Snape's body language, trying to solve this puzzle of a man and what he could possible want to talk to him about.

"I am… I need to ask you some questions...I want you to answer them honestly. These questions...maybe uncomfortable for you….but...you must be concise and sure about your answers. You will take all the time you need, do not simply say what you think I wish to hear or the first thing that comes to your mind. I demand honesty….I want the truth. Can you do that?"

Harry nodded slowly, his heart speeding up and his stomach twisting with a fear as he suddenly thought he knew where this was going, "Yes, sir."

Snape nodded once and then looked away from him, those dark eyes scanning to look across the room at nothing as his slowly began to speak, "Why do you think you have developed such an attachment to me Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked down at this, his mind erupting with instant answers but he stopped himself from speaking right away, he honestly thought about it, several minutes passed and then he spoke with more conviction than he thought he could given the circumstances, "You've been nice to me, and you're secretly funny and you have taken care of me. You've given me advice, defended my honor and spent time with me. There isn't much not to like really."

Snape still didn't look at him as he asked another question, "Is there a….physical attraction...or…"

"Yes." Harry said quickly but then caught himself and looked away sheepishly before he cleared his throat, "I do find you...attractive sir….I like your-"

"You do not have to elaborate. I am merely trying to understand how this….attachment came to exist." Snape said tightly, a small tinge of red erupting over his cheeks as he clarified about his line of questioning.

Harry thought he might understand, and while he was hesitant to share, Snape had said he wanted the truth so Harry answered honestly, "My whole life, I have always felt isolated from other people. Either because I was different or because they just didn't want to be around me. I've always been...awkward and shy…I had to learn a lot about social interaction by watching others. When I came to Hogwarts, things got easier...it became easier to make friends. But then, I turned out to be someone important. I'd never been important before, I didn't know how to be anything but what I had always been. This war….it's been going on since before I was born… I came into it completely unaware of the effect just my name would have on people. The burden...it's heavy. When I came here….to stay with you...it was another different situation...I was ushered into something I knew nothing about and all I found I could focus on was not making you hate me more. From the start though, you were different. You had changed somehow, and in hours of my coming here I knew I wanted to remain on your good side if I could. You remained so...quiet, so not what I was used to, that I had to adjust again...and I found...after I adjusted….I saw something in you professor, that I liked. Your kindness seems more special than others because it's so rare to see. I felt….special….privileged to receive such niceties from you. Your home is so...quiet...just like you are…"

Harry smiled softly at the thought, "It is relaxing and it helps me...you've helped me…."

The young man thought a moment and then tentatively slid his hand across the bed and placed it over Snape's, those dark eyes finally scanning to look down at his hand before they glanced up to look at him, "I can't be more specific, but I have felt drawn to you...pulled towards you...because the longer I stay here with you the more I realize we aren't as different as I thought. In fact, we are very much alike….and it's a relief...to know I'm not as alone as I thought...that there is someone just as messed up as me….as isolated and alone as me….and it made me realize...maybe I don't have to be that way….we could be….together….neither of us would have to feel so alone anymore...we don't have to feel different or like an outsider because we could have each other. Abused, neglected, used, manipulated, simply expected to fall in line and do as we're told, always the last to know but the first to run into danger…." and Harry trailed off because what else could he say.

He looked to Snape to try and read his expression, what he wasn't expecting was to see his professor with a face that was totally open. His brow was turned up harshly, eyes wide and lips parted. In those black eyes he saw anguish, pain and to Harry's immense surprise, he saw desire. The first real showing of his inner want that Snape had allowed him to see.

Harry couldn't speak in this moment, seeing such raw emotions nearly rolling off the normally blank face of a man who seldom showed any emotions save for anger or impatience. He drank it in, the way Snape's face looked as he continued to stare, those eyes slowly moving around his face as if to try and gauge the sincerity of Harry's words, as if Professor Snape didn't understand such a thing.

"You deem such a match appropriate based off of our similar histories and current state of singular existence… but what of futures to come? Have you even stopped to consider what the future outcome of such a relationship would mean if either or both of us were discovered? We would not be allowed to be together Potter….I'd be disbanded from teaching...jailed for having relations with a minor….my life would be ruined….you'd be labeled even more an outsider, the rape victim of an ex-death eater and even more a leper." the man had turned away when he said this, both his feet resting more firmly on the ground as his hands gripping stiffly to his knees.

Harry looked at the back of the man's head, his broad but tight shoulders and spine rigid. Despite his thoughts on why this conversation was suddenly happening, seemingly out of the blue, Harry had a feeling Snape was teetering on a dangerous edge and for once in his life Harry felt the urge to be greedy.

He got onto his knees and very slowly leaned forward, bringing his body to rest directly behind his professor, his hand tentatively reaching out to touch a shoulder. Snape's body tensed even more, his head bending down and that black hair swishing forward to hide his face.

At the man's lack of response Harry took it as a sign and gently slide off the bed, moving doubtlessly to rest on his knees before this dark figure he had started to adore for no real reason aside from his own truths, truths he had just shared….truths he hadn't even known himself until this very moment.

He raised his hands up, they shook gently as he parted those black locks to reach into the shadows, to seek out that mask which always seemed so solid, stoic and harsh. His palms delicately took up that hidden face, green eyes hoping to finally be able to peer behind the stonewall of emotional ambiguity he was greeted with almost everyday.

Raising his arms Snape's face slowly emerged from the secret hideaway he must have used for years, that hair always just the right length to offer a different type of mask, one no one would think twice about. Finally Harry was rewarded, for etched like a sculpture onto the hard features of the man's face was such a colorful array of truth Harry's heart nearly broke on Snape's behalf.

Squinched eyes that betrayed such a fear and anguish, pain and loneliness pulling that often expressionless mouth down into such a severe frown, cheekbones flushed a harsh hue of pink which nearly looked red on such pale skin. Liquid rested just on the edges of the man's eyes but nothing spilled down, for even as his face had finally cracked, Snape still held more control over his body as a whole than Harry could ever hope to accomplish in his whole life.

"It sounds like fun." Harry said softly as he gave a fond smile and rubbed a thumb under the man's eye, the stubborn drop still refusing to fall.

Snape let out a soft blast of air as his brow went up and those lips did something so unexpected that Harry felt his own part in shock.

Snape's lips trembled, a sight that filled Harry with such a longing to embrace this man, this abused and angry man, who spoke venom and drank sorrow, who hurt others because he had always hurt and no one had ever cared.

"This is unwise." Snape whispered as Harry raised himself up, pressing his hips between the man's thighs and retaining his gentle hold on that suddenly exposed face.

"Yes." Harry whispered back and he dropped his hands finally only to take hold of Snape's and pry them from their stiffly gripped perch on Snape's knees. Harry really didn't have experience comforting someone in this way, but his instincts guided him and he gently kissed the palm of each rough hand before bringing each to his own face, his eyes closing at the touch. He heard a quick suck of air and opened his eyes to see Snape gritting his teeth, eyes straining closed as his cheeks exploded with more red.

Harry couldn't help the knowing smile that came to his face as he leaned in and brought his mouth next to the man's ear, "Severus…" he dared boldly, hoping it wouldn't drive the man to yank away, hoping it would pull him back from whatever doubts he was fighting.

Those darks orbs opened and they met his, a shock written in those eyes that told of a fear of the forbidden, crossing lines that reminded the man of other lines….lines he should have never crossed….lines that were now burned into his forearm and wrapped around his soul like a choking tourniquet, pulling him from the light and anything decent he had started to crave in the past ten years.

Harry leaned in slowly, placing upon those shaking lips the most gentle and kind hearted of kisses, pulling away just as slow from the brief touch, but Snape's hand slid from his face to the back of his head and he took a short breath and he pulled Harry back, their lips meeting again and this time Snape opened his mouth, taking Harry's along with the movement.

He kissed with such a longing, such a passionate desperation that Harry let out a soft moan as their tongues clashed and wrecked against each other. Snape holding him from pulling back, pressing his tongue in deeper and invading Harry's mouth to such a degree those green eyes popped open and he lost his breath. His hands gripped onto the front of the man's tunic and in such a swift movement Snape's arms were around him and he pulled Harry up with a small heave, bringing the boy with a jolt to lay on the bed on his back, his knees bent over the side as Snape still consumed his mouth and those arms held him painfully tight.

Snape only pulled away for a brief moment, long enough to close his eyes and whisper out, "Say my name again…"

Harry looked at the man curiously as he gently leaned up his head, "Severus." He whispered as his hand came to move those tendrils of hair out of the way, once again revealing that broken face, dry of tears but saturated in a compelling desire, something thick, dangerous and neglected… something desperately hungry.

"Are you alright Severu-" but Harry couldn't finish because Snape brought those lips down again and this time they were merciless.

Snape near bruising Harry's lips and the young man's arousal exploded as his hands jumped up in shock to grip onto those shoulders. Snape brought his hands up under Harry's arms, hoisting him again more fully onto the bed so that his head was cradled by the pillows. Harry's face was on fire, his mind fuzzy and his prick throbbing as Snape moved again, this time bringing his knees between Harry's thighs and pressing them apart harshly as he gave a grunt, the man's large hands fisting into the pillows on either side of Harry's head.

And then Harry's lips jerked away from Snape's as the man gave a slightly aggressive thrust against Harry's groin before lowering his body down and effectively trapping Harry again. It was the couch all over again except this time neither of them had drank a thing and both of them were in agreement about what was about to happen.

"Professor, wait...if you keep doing….thaaaaaahhh-" Harry tried to protest as the man had started to gently rut against him the instant he had laid down on top.

"Shhh…" Snape said gently against Harry's lips as his hands gripped the boy's face and he continued to pepper it with kisses

"B- but, if you keep doooooing thaaa…..if you keep….I won't be able to….I am going to…."

"Relax, it's good, all good, enjoy it, just...lay still and….gods.." Snape said hurriedly, the most inarticulate thing Harry had ever heard the man utter as Snape's mouth dragged itself away from those swollen lips and moved down to the tender flesh of Harry's neck.

Harry felt his groin jerk and tighten and his hands instantly came to the man's chest and pushed, "No, wait, professor...I want to….ah! Enjoy it, let me enjoy this! To fast! I'm going to cum too faast!" the boy hissed out in desperation and he doubled his efforts but Snape gripped his wrists harshly and forced them to either side of his head as he gave a satisfied smirk, "I'm countin' on 'eh love." the man said and Harry's jaw dropped at the strange change that had come over his always well spoken professor's speech.

The man's thrusts were getting faster, harsher and Harry felt the friction and heat building as his hands fisted tightly closed, his teeth gritting and his eyes staring wide at the ceiling.

As Snape's hips continued to work against Harry's groin his lips came to the boy's ear and he said in a deep silky voice, "I want ya to cum, but not till I say, fight it till I tell ya." and Harry, still confused about the sudden appearance of such broken English, could only nod as he felt his lower abdomen tighten.

He groaned out as the burning pressure was building and then the man on top stopped moving altogether and Harry nearly choked as the man whispered into his ear, "Cum for me." and Harry felt his back arch of the bed as he came, the sticky liquid creating a mess in his boxers which rubbed against his tender prick and created a lubricated surface for him to move against. His hips instantly picking up where Snape had stopped and he pressed his groin against Snape's and thrusted quick short thrusts.

His release was white hot, a yell coming from his throat as he finally finished and lay there spent, his breathing heaving and his brow covered in sweat.

"That was well done." Snape said as his own panted breaths puffed across Harry's throat, "Why do you do that to me?" the boy asked in annoyance as he went to pull his hands free from the man's hold but found Snape would still not release him.

"Because I relish those moments when you do as I command, there are so few of them."

Harry couldn't help the smirk or the boldness of his next statement, "Then command me professor, and I will do it."

Snape's eyes looked to his then, a seriousness falling over them and Harry realized he may have just opened the door to a far more forbidden game. Still, he urged himself to play against his better judgment and raised up his face saying softly, "What would you have me do? Anything you want...just give me your commands, sir."

In those black eyes something seemed to shift and a dark cloud filled them with a rather dangerous lust and greed. Snape retained his hold on Harry's wrist but brought his hand down, a long finger breaking away from his fist to gently run over Harry's bruised lips, "Any command… you are offering me a very open ended opportunity….be sure you wish to take it, I will not stop once it has been started….I can not."

Harry set his eyes with determination and said again, "What are your commands of me, sir?"

And Snape leaned in, those heavy eyelids covering intoxicated eyes that spoke volumes of intent and the man murmured soft words against Harry's lips, "Open your mouth."

Harry complied and Snape finally pressed himself up to his knees, still straddling Harry with no intention of moving showering in his body language.

"Sit up." Snape commanded gently, though his face seemed like he was in a hazy trance, sharp eyes reflecting dim light as they continued to fill with that clouded want.

When Harry sat up his face came to the man's waist and as he looked up he realized where this was going and felt excitement grow in his chest and belly.

"Undo my pants, Potter, and keep that mouth open...waiting..." and it was still soft, near a gentle whisper and those dark eyes watched as his shaking hands did what he commanded.

"Take it out." and Harry needed no clarification as to what _it_ was.

When Snape's length was released from the confines of his pants Harry held it carefully, his mouth still open and his eyes gazing up at the man who seemed to tower above him, "You look stunning…" Snape said, this time it was a whisper and a hand came up to run through Harry's hair, nails gently digging into the scalp as Snape fisted his hair, "Lick...slowly."

Harry felt his heartbeat speed up, felt his own groin start to tingle again and as he brought the throbbing muscle to his open mouth his tongue crept out and slowly licked down the length of it. At the sound of a heavy sigh Harry repeated the action before he added a few flourishes to the head with his tongue and that fist in his hair tightened, "Take it in your mouth...now." and there was no disobeying that tone.

He guided it into his mouth, remembering the familiar feeling from his first attempt to seduce this man, this time around he had done much better...though Harry didn't know where all his bold and brave sexuality was coming from. It was just what he wanted, and how often did Harry ever get what he really wanted?

Harry sat with the thick muscle in his mouth, unmoving as when he had tried Snape had stilled him with a small jerk of his hair. The professor was already breathing heavy though he seemed to have more control over his body's reactions than Harry, no surprise there.

Snape pressed in deeper a moment later, once again forcing Harry still and making him hold it in his mouth, the taste and texture filling his mind as Harry breathed harshly through his nose.

"Move that tongue of yours, do not make me say it twice." and Harry felt heat flare in his cheeks as more arousal pooled in his groin. He moved his tongue over the stiff member as his green eyes gazed up to see Snape's expression.

It was enthralling, the man's mouth open and eyes closed, teeth biting every so often on that bottom lip as those pale cheeks grew more red.

"Keep your throat open, I'm want to feel it when I…" but the man didn't finish, he simply brought his other hand into Harry's hair and seconds later pulled his hips back and thrust in. Harry's eyes exploded with water at the sudden stab into the back of his throat but his prick didn't seem to mind as it was well on its way to be stiff as a rod again.

"Gods…" the man breathed out as he pulled out again and shoved back in, Harry gagging a little as his throat clenched down onto the head of Snape's length.

"If you gag again I will not finish in your mouth." Snape warned and Harry looked at him as if he was crazy, "Relax your throat, let me enter it, you won't gag if you just keep the muscles relaxed….besides...I do not fancy a mess on my bed or my prick." and Snape pulled out again, this time Harry tried desperately to relax his throat knowing he was not ready for the result should he fail.

This time, when Snape shoved in Harry opened his throat and relaxed his muscles, though it was hard considering he wasn't exactly well practiced in this. When he felt Snape's length go deeper down he sucked in air through his nose and fought the urge to gag.

"Excellent, Potter. A few more weeks of training and we just might get rid of your gag reflex all together." the man purred and Harry went to tell Snape he was crazy but the man shoved back in, his pace starting to pick up.

Harry's own prick was throbbing with need for release and he snaked a hand down between Snape's thighs and started to undo his pants. Snape shoved his pick in all the way, Harry's chest near spazzing at the brutal depth but Snape caught his attention and Harry's eyes raised, "And what do you think you are doing Mr. Potter? Did I say you could touch yourself?"

Harry's wide eyes looked at him with a wince as that man's length remained lodged deep in his throat, air was suddenly becoming necessary and Harry tried to pull his head free. Snape smirked and held him fast, "What is it Potter? Need air? Yes? Well then answer my question, did I say you could touch yourself?"

And Harry somehow managed to shake his head no though the man's member moved with him and he had to seriously fight a gag.

"My commands are simple Potter, take my prick into your mouth and do not gag….when I command you to touch yourself you may but not before. Am I clear?" and the man pressed Harry's mouth more snugly onto his length, Harry's eyes watering as another gag was fought off.

"Blink once if you understand." Harry blinked once.

"Good." and Snape pulled his length out, Harry coughing and sucking in air as he moved his hand away from his groin, the pain of no relief building again, the tension in his pants near raw.

"You will suck me until I am am satisfied, then we will take care of your problem." and Harry gave the man a desperate look, to which the man simply took up his length with a hand and pressed it back into Harry's mouth, "Get moving." the man urged softly and Harry started to work.

PAGEBREAK

Severus felt incredible, he felt alive and powerful and wanted...oh how he felt this good from doing nearly nothing at all was beyond him. Harry's skills were magic, how he was so accomplished at this with so little experience under his belt was beyond anything Severus could comprehend.

When Harry had said his name, so softly, so near adoringly his body had erupted in shivers, had become filled with an overpowering urge to be close to this person.

So many years alone had taken more of a toll on him than Severus had ever thought possible, and now that he was finally allowing himself to indulge he found he didn't want to stop. And Harry had opened so many possibilities, had bid him to be so….inappropriate.

Dumbledore was under the impression that Severus would be able to give the boy just enough affection to appease this "crush" Harry had on him, and the Dark Lord was fully believing in Severus's ability to do anything necessary to win the boy to his side, including stealing Harry's virtue. Only Harry himself was seeing the real truth of it all and Severus's real feelings on the matter at hand, the irony of that situation was not lost on Severus.

As he gazed down and watched that head bobbing back and forth, working harder than anyone ever had to please him, Severus couldn't help but moan and revel in the fact that he was suddenly the only person who was one hundred percent aware of what was really going happening on all three fronts….and you know what they say about knowledge.

 _Knowledge is power…._ Severus thought as he finally pulled himself free from that wonderful mouth and gave his next command to the boy below in a thick voice, "Lay back and remove your pants."

Harry hesitated then, not sure how far this night was actually going to go and Severus couldn't help but smirk at the fear and lust that contradicted each other in Harry's eyes.

"Your pants Potter, now." He ordered gently as he pulled his own further down.

The boy finally complied and Severus lay down on top of him again, pressing their members together, the sticky cum from Harry's first orgasm mixing with Severus's spit covered length. Harry gasped in shock and pleasure has the older man started to gently rut against him.

"When you cum, I want you to scream my name." he whispered into the boy's ear, his hands gripping into those thin bare hips below and digging into that soft warm flesh.

He pressed harder, picking up speed and as he did he started to grunt. Harry wrapped his arms desperately around the man's neck and then raised up a thigh to give Severus better access. The man took it greedily and slid his hand around to firmly grip an arse cheek.

The boy was panting now, his face screwed up in the thrills of passion and pleasure, Severus not letting up a second as he watched that face twist and melt, his own desire building and his heart hammering in his chest as the all too familiar burning in his lower abdomen doubled.

"Professor …. I'm c-close-"

"My name, scream it…" Severus hissed out as he gave several more harsh thrusts, the friction driving Severus nearer to his end.

When Harry came the second time his nails dug deep, biting into Severus's shoulders and the man let out a throaty moan as Harry yelled his name. It was a glorious moment for him, utterly satisfying to hear his name said in such a way, the entire situation aside, Severus was officially addicted to it and wished over and over in his mind as he spilled into a soaring finale that he could hear it again.

Pleasure shot through him, his body shook and sweat coated his brow. The satisfaction was well beyond sexual at this point and he slunk down and lay there spent, his large body pressing Harry into the mattress as both of them took a much needed moment to recuperate.

PAGEBREAK

Harry was exhausted, he was hot, sweaty and extremely dirty but he had never felt so good in his life. This moment was a special one, because Harry knew he had won. Snape's resistance to him had officially been obliterated and now Harry knew he could pursue this strange and inappropriate relationship with his potions Professor. He no longer had to stand by and hope the man would change his mind, they were officially a thing...whatever that thing was at this particular point in time, Harry didn't know, but he was positive that over the next two months he was sure as he'll going to find out.

"Shower….we must shower." Severus murmured out in fatigue and Harry nodded as the man shifted off him. Looking down at himself Harry's cheeks grew red as he saw the mess that coated his pants, boxers, stomach and thighs.

"Definitely a shower." the boy confirmed and the two got up at the same time, looking at each other a moment before Harry spoke, "Should we save hot water and…."

"I think that is a wise decision." Snape agreed with small smirk as the boy blushed a little, a rather silly thing to do considering the acts they had just performed. Regardless they both got up and walked to the bathroom, Snape giving Harry's backside a good smack as they left through the door.

 **A/N: Hope you liked it, maybe a minute until the next post as I am thinking of re-writing a few chapter. Let me know what you think! R &R **


	11. Family Affair

**A/n: So, thanks to everyone for the soul boosting reviews! I really appreciate them and they give me the drive I need to not get so down on myself! So this chapter is the halfway point, there is WAAAAY too much SNARRY in this chapter but I honestly couldn't stop myself….i dont even know how to tell you where it is in here….its kinda everywhere…..went a little over board…..sorry…. Also this is the point where the plot thickens, muggles know about magic folklore and Harry and Snape get into their first fight. There will be a bunch of setup to start bringing in scenes from the books and get Harry's arse to Hogwarts where the real fun happens….he will be seventeen soon…..oh no...what will happen!?**

 **Remember the whole artistic licenses thing….. that's REALLY gonna come into play both in this chapter and the next few but still no worries, I'm keeping it real. To clarify one point, as I did my research on Severus I found that unlike other death eaters Severus had the ability to fly without aid of a broom (In the movies it seemed most of the death eaters could) however, this was actually a skill only Voldemort seemed to know and it was hinted at heavily that Voldemort taught Snape such a trick. I will be playing into that, as well for those of you who hate OOC moments, Voldemort may seem a little OOC in this chapter but there IS a reason for it, its not just me being dumb or weird, so pay attention...youll get an explanation.**

 **WARNING: DARK THEMES AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY DARK THOUGHTS LUID DIRTY TALK AND A FEW OTHER THINGS THAT WON'T HURT YOU NOT TO KNOW BUT YOU SHOULD BE READY FOR WINK WINK STILL NO LEMON BUT HANG ON WITH ME IF YOU CAN BECAUSE THING ARE ABOUT TO GET REAL….LIKE SUNGZU TYPE REAL.**

 **ENJOY AND MUCH LOVE, APPRENTICE 08**

 **P.S. I love the reviews that have noticed Minnie, Johnny and Stacy are being used as Harry and Snape's push towards development, you know who you are you lovely reviewer you! I usually only add OC for the express use of character development or getting a character to where they need to be...those three will be in and out at random…..oh yeah….Johnny ain't gone….tee hee.**

 **Chapter Eleven**

 **A Family Affair**

 _Shadows and shredded lace, cobwebs and creaking floors, strange beams of light and a humming that filters through his very being, shaking his bones and jarring his joints._

 _He is an old man now, passed one hundred and still going strong. His time on Earth is not infinite though, he knows this well. No one can live forever. Despite his mind still being alert and awake, his magical energy filled with stamina and strength, he feels tired and his blue eyes reflect it._

 _Weathered hands vainly move the webs from his path, as the support beams above bend and bow like a rainbow, straining under the weight, years of neglect doing them no favours as they still remain, defying gravity, but not holding well._

 _Dirt, dust and garbage litter the floor as a long slender foot occasionally moves an item out of the way, their progression slow but steady as those blue eyes scan the water stained walls and broken windows._

" _Arianna." He calls softly, his voice near inaudible over the humming din of the old house. His childhood home isn't even a shadow of the warm family dwelling it once was. Forgotten, abandoned and unloved, the structure is nothing but a decaying edifice, filled with bad memories and misery._

" _Arianna." He calls again but still he sees no sign of her. So he keeps walking the halls, never ending and twisting as they are, a labyrinth of ages long past that rest nestled in the far recesses of his mind. He rarely visits here, it is too painful. Yet he still searches, and as he rounds a corner, the floor protesting under his feet, he sees that soft blue light seeping out from under a vibrating door._

 _He approaches slowly, with caution, as sometimes his sister does not like to be intruded upon, preferring to sit with her dolls and hum gently to herself as she gazes out her window. Yes, some memories haven't been changed in years, they always remain the same, the last few that are still pure and unsullied by time and it's corrosive ways._

 _He reaches the door and that aged hand rises to feel the vibrating wood dance below his palm. He doesn't hesitate to push the door open and the room inside is bright and clean and beautiful and smells of wildflowers and in a rocking chair, holding a doll and humming softly is his sweet Arianna._

 _Her blue dress stain free, her apron pure white and those golden curls pulled back and out of her face, tumbling down over her shoulder like a cascading waterfall._

" _Arianna-" he calls softly, a sad smile on his lips, the sharp but tired eyes drinking in this beautiful dream, savoring its fullness._

 _That pretty and strong face turns, glancing to him with a teasing smile, "Hello Alby. Where have you been? I've been sitting here waiting for ages."_

 _And he feels his heart relax at the knowledge that she is not angry with him this time, her mischievous eyes dancing and alive with joy at his sudden appearance._

" _I have been busy my dear one, always so busy."_

" _So busy indeed, come and sit, we are about to have tea." she says sweetly, a table filled with the dressings for tea time suddenly appears like a hazy mirage and the aged man walks in, being careful his robes do not offend the table into tipping._

" _You've come to see me, but you haven't told me why...three sugars or four Alby?"_

" _Five." the man says as he winks and gently adjusts the glasses on Arianna's doll, the little figure a mirror image of the girl before him, now sitting in a small chair to his right._

" _Such a sweet tooth, mummy would be appalled." Arianna giggles as she winks gently back and proceeds to sugar his cup with such dainty fingers._

" _Arianna…" he starts softly as the steaming liquid is poured into the cups, cream being added after for a cup of tea that is much too sweet and silky for either of them, their cheeks tinge pink at the taste and both smile gently as if some great joke has been shared._

" _The last time I came to visit, you were very cross with me-" the man starts gently, his voice sounding like a sad child._

" _You hurt my feelings Alby, no time for tea….imagine it...there is always time for tea." she admonishes as she tilts a tiny tea cup to the lips of her tiny twin, dabbing at them after with an equally tiny napkin._

" _Yes, of course….but….even so...before I left….you said something funny...a strange sort of riddle...I was hoping...my darling Annie, might I hear it again?"_

" _Oh yes, I was hoping you might want to, I worked so hard on it. Though, you've been gone so long I doubt I shall remember the whole thing."_

" _Please try, it may be important and I should like to know the whole thing, if you could please."_

" _I shall try but I make no promises, these silly rhymes comes to me so randomly, I can hardly keep them straight Alby." the girl pouted in frustration._

" _Oh my sweet Annie, this one you must, I feel it is the most important." he urges gently._

" _But it is just a childish rhyme, it doesn't even make sense." her confusion plain as day on her face._

" _I would still like to hear it, please? Sister dear, please?" and the old man looks at her with a indulgent smile as the girl adjusts her position and picks up her doll._

" _Very well, let me see...oh yes, it went like this: When the crippled black bishop lays with the broken white knight, the white king's end will come in the night. Moving diagonally across the board, the black bishop will rise up against the black hordes. Betraying his brothers he shows no remorse as he joins the white knight upon his fast horse. Always searching for true love's bliss, he shall break his stone heart through true love's first kiss. And both white and black upon their steed will pay tribute to the good king and follow his lead. And so when the black bishop charges the hall, the bloody black king will finally fall."_

 _And the old man sits back at this with a soft thump and a large sigh, "the white king's end will come in the night-" he murmurs to himself as his eyes stare at the table but looks at nothing._

" _Did you like it Alby? It's a silly rhyme but I do so love chess and you used to read me Alice in Wonderland….do you remember, it reminds me of the queen of hearts...though I do suppose that she was more a card player than a chess player…."_

" _I love you my darling Annie, but I do regret to say I must go now." He interrupts quickly, wishing to make his departure as painless as possible._

 _The girl starts at this and looks at him with anxious eyes, "But tea time isn't over….and you've not come in so long...I'm lonely, please stay, till the night at least, the sunset is lovely from my windows."_

 _The old man looks at her, pain in his eyes as he feels the tendrils of sleep starting to pull away, he can't stay but how he wishes he could._

" _I love you my darling sister, I will come next I can to see you again."_

" _B-but Alby…..Albus! ALBUS!" and he is jerked away, flying backwards and greeted by the burning light of consciousness, pulling him further and further from those echoing shouts, a tear lacing his eye as once again he didn't get to say good-bye._

 _PAGEBREAK_

Harry woke up to lips on his neck and a hand in his pants, soft kissing sounds filling his ears as his prick started to harden.

"Again?" Harry asked in a groggy and breathy haze.

"Yes. Again and again until I am satisfied." the man said into his ear, his voice soft as silk and light as air, a nose nestling down through Harry's hair.

Harry glanced at the clock and the smile and small laugh could be heard in his voice, "I'm sore."

"I have a salve for that." the man answered absentmindedly.

"It's near ten in the morning, we've only gotten four hours of sleep….aren't' you tired?" Harry tried again as the man's grip on his prick firmed up.

"Your fault for choosing to bed an insomniac, Potter." and that hand left his pants to reach up and turn the boy's head back towards him, "Besides...an hour to sleep between each round should be plenty for a young thing like you, in hindsight I have actually been spoiling you, now….about your pants..."

PAGEBREAK

Harry woke up again around three in the afternoon, his thighs, stomach and hips both aching sore and mildly raw. Even his lips felt sore as he struggled to sit up, his abs protesting far too much. He saw Snape standing shirtless by his makeshift potions lab, his sleep pants riding low and his back exposed. Pale flesh was lit up by the light through the dirty window and for the first time Harry could see every scar that marred the man's skin.

He sat there quietly in the bed, his eyes studying each mark as if it was his only opportunity to do so, not noticing as his own fingers touched absently to the scars upon his right shoulder. Harry wondered about each one, green eyes squinting a little to pick up on the smaller less obvious ones, wondering if they were from the man's youth or his adult life as a spy.

It was unnerving to think that any of those could have been caused by Voldemort in one of his many angry backlashes, or another Death Eater vying for Snape's spot in the Dark Lord's inner circle. How many were from Snape's father, the man drunk and towering over a scared child who was crying and begging to be spared. How many were from his own father…..and Harry nearly felt sick at the thought.

"I've warned you about starring, don't make me come over there and punish you.." the man said over his shoulder.

Harry blushed and looked away, pushing all his loose thoughts aside and eventually pulling the bedding away and rising. His aching body caused him to wince, still, he moved, sluggishly shuffling to come and stand behind the man who held two bottles in his hands, raising them up to look at them from below.

Harry's hand tentatively reached out and a finger followed a particularly long and deep mark that ran from Snape's right shoulder blade down to his lower left back.

Goosebumps erupted over the pale flesh and Harry saw the man stiffen slightly as he continued to trace the scar on its long journey down. Snape carefully set down the bottles and his hands came to rest on the edge of the bench, his shoulders hunching a bit as his head dropped down and black hair swung forward.

The boy placed both hands on the man's back, rubbing gently as he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss upon the mark, resting his cheek their after and wrapping his arms around the man's torso.

Snape let out a low shudder but remained motionless for a time, and Harry listened to those shallow breaths as something passed unspoken between them.

"You feel sorry for me." Snape said softly and Harry could hear just a touch of the old resentful potions Professor he had known for so long nearly resurface, "I don't pity you, if that's what you mean." Harry murmured softly.

"They are the same thing." the man said with a hint of that all too familiar and dangerous edge to his voice.

"No. They aren't." and Harry kissed another scar, his nose gently rubbing over the skin and inhaling the scent of rosemary that always seemed to linger on this man.

"Do educate me on the difference then Mr. Potter." the man snipped out warily, his muscles slowly relaxing as Harry continued to graze lips, cheeks and his nose over Snape's back.

"Pity is given to those who can be helped. You pity a homeless man and decide to give him a blanket, feeling sorry for someone is different because at that point, what's done is done and nothing can be changed…. Like the scars on your back...I can't change what happened to cause them, and I feel sorry that I couldn't stop it….that I wasn't even born...that you had to face it alone….I wish I could though, change what has happened to you. Take away the stress and the burdens."

Snape turned than, Harry letting his arms drop as the man brought a hand to his face, fingers gently rubbing over his chapped lips and upturned brow, "I'd not be who I am if you did, so you have to ask yourself if it would truly be worth it. Can you accept me and everything that has happened in my life, or would you rather change who I have become in order to remove some minor inconvenience from the past?"

Harry smiled, "I wouldn't call physical and mental abuse from your dad a minor inconvenience….but you have made your point professor."

They stared at each other a minute and then Snape turned away, grabbing up the two bottles and turning to hand one to Harry, "This will help with the muscle pain, as I am aware I made you study very hard last night."

Harry snorted at the turn-of-phrase, eyeing the man with a rather sarcastic eye and Snape could only smirk in response, "There is a salve in the bathroom, in a red tin, apply it to any area that is raw or tender…..your groin included."

Harry nodded, his cheeks growing red again and his eyes dipping away to glance at the floor, he wished he would stop blushing...it made him feel like a girl.

"I will go make something to eat, then….we need to speak about….the situation." Snape said,

This time Harry looked at the man, made that eye contact and nodded once, after all, their situation was unique, it wasn't normal and by all rights, technically forbidden. They had to talk about the elephant in the room, had to come up with some sort of plan….the idea that this life they were living would not continue after summer's end suddenly occurred to the young man and his heart tipped and sank quickly, his stomach giving a jerk of refusal at the idea of stopping.

As he went to head for the bathroom Snape caught his chin and turned him back, "Chin up Potter, dignity and grace, they are your comrades when facing any hurtle."

And Harry blinked once, his chest growing tight as he pulled away and shuffled from the room, his heart already starting to work on the wall he would need to protect himself when the undeniable end came.

PAGEBREAK

Severus watched the boy slink away, his entire being changing from happy and carefree to doomed and reluctant the instant Severus had mentioned talking about their current situation. It didn't take a genius to realize how quick Potter actually was at picking up subtext. Severus was more than surprised to realize that while Potter often seemed shy and quiet, unfocused and lacking any drive, his childhood had helped him to develop certain traits.

Learning social skills by watching people, versus actually interacting with them gave Harry a very unique gift, a strange sort of empathy and an ability to see beyond spoken word. The boy knew instantly what Severus was planning to speak with him about, connected the dots simply by listening to the tone of his voice and watching his body language.

Harry also developed a mind about thinking very quickly in tight spots when it truly mattered, his feet were fast and his heart was bold, everything needed of a child whose world was always stacked against them. Severus had a feeling the boy could read a situation well before he was actually in it and because of this it was very hard for anyone to truly take the boy by surprise save for sneaking up behind him and knocking him over the head.

So many things he had never noticed about the boy, Severus's own prejudice had made sure of that. At this point though, Severus could admit his mistakes and he was starting to see the truth, that the boys arrogance was his bravery, his laziness a black depression and the boy's lack of natural talent only looking so because Harry hid everything inside. He shared very little, spoke less and spent more time in his head trying to sort through his life than he did focusing on the actual life he was living.

Severus shivered, Harry was a young replica of himself, exactly the same as Severus had been at that age, though their tastes and lifestyles were different. Harry had been right, they were not very different at all. Perhaps, just different enough to be pulled to the other, a ying to a yung, though Severus winced at the cliche.

Still, they had much to talk about and Severus had only ever treated Harry like he would anyone else, special treatment had never been his cup of tea, so why give it to Potter? He expected the boy to pull through this, no matter how badly it may hurt. Harry was stronger than heartbreak, in a way he had grown immune to it over all these years….

"Heartbreak and disappointment….sound familiar Severus?" the man murmured as he got dressed and headed for the door. The point they had reached last night had been a result of words, actions, wants and desires.

Harry desired him, for whatever reason and spoke poetic words of honest truth, his physical actions pulling Severus from his self-imposed and often impregnable fortress of isolation. He played to Severus's wants for companionship, a nearly dormant want that had gone unnoticed for years. Harry was much more crafty than he gave himself credit for, and Severus had found himself falling for it, albeit willingly.

Severus had let the boy spin webs of gold around his ears and make him feel like he could be happy, could be wanted and eventually loved. To his own credit, Severus did not allow himself to give in to the foolish hope that this would last, because Severus knew from experience that nothing lasts forever. Harry would out grow this crush he had, long before any real love would be able to root and grow.

After their first romp together underneath the sheets of his bed, Severus had found he couldn't keep his hands to himself. Every time they finished another round Harry would manage an hour of sleep or so before Severus would take him up again, work his own bit of magic and get the boy to melt under his hands. No matter how tired Harry grew, he gave Severus the attention he wanted and the older man had become so obsessed and taken with the idea that he had such a victory at his fingertips, he continued to drink from the cup of selfish greedy lust and consumed the boy's giving nature over and over.

Harry never once protested, nor did he seem to mind, in fact the boy seemed near elated to be so coveted despite such a thing interrupting his sleep. Severus felt a shiver run through his body at how many times he might be able to get away with such a thing if they weren't just rutting like twelve-year-olds against each other. The idea of truly taking the boy over and over, entering him and having Harry welcome such an intrusion into his body multiple times throughout the night, it made Severus near delirious with that all too familiar burning.

As he entered the kitchen he flicked his wand and the late lunch that both men were hungry for started to prepare itself. He made coffee for himself despite the late hour and poured a cup of tea for Harry, the boy not one to drink coffee past noon.

As he sat there at the table, the sounds of food being made in the background and his eyes locked onto the ancient percolator, his musings continued. They ranged from how far he should really allow himself to go, how far Harry might wish to go as the weeks passed, what would become of this thing they had started once school began, how long would Dumbledore put up with it and would Voldemort believe the dreams the boy was sure to have after such a colorful night? Would they be discovered, would this crazy situation lead them into becoming more? Did Severus want more? Did Harry?

Around and around his thoughts went, pools of emotions and feelings pouring over his heart and through his soul as he couldn't honestly answer any of them. By the time the coffee was done the food was near ready and Severus spelled the plates, utensils and napkins into place.

Everything about this situation felt so surreal, so completely different than anything that had happened to him the past twelve years of his life….maybe his entire life, that all Severus could think was that it was to good to be true, that it was still somehow wrong….

He snorted, the entire situation was wrong but it finally occurred to him that maybe it wasn't so much wrong to want to be with someone who wanted you in return, it was wrong on the grounds that this entire situation had started based on a mission from a mad man and a handful of lies. Severus had been supposed to win the boy over, become his friend, and try to figure out why such a thing was so important to the Dark Lord. Why would the demon of a man want one of his followers to grow so close to Harry that the boy would be willing to die for him? To kill on Severus's orders to do so?

Why had it turned into this, a twisted and manipulative game of seduction and deceit? Why had Severus not been able to keep the mission and his "job" separate from his feelings and emotions? Why had his own body and mind betrayed him so quickly when they never had before? What hold and allure did Harry have that had tempted him so?

Was it the last few shreds of innocents that harry somehow managed to hang on to? The attention? Was Severus losing his edge? His indifference? Was he becoming…..weak? Soft?

The man let out a heavy sigh as he heard the slight shuffle of feet in the upstairs hall. Whatever the cause of his sudden descent into this mad game of passion and longings, he was enjoying it, he couldn't lie to himself about it anymore, he wanted to do these things with Harry, and it worried him to think that he had Voldemort to thank for such an opportunity.

Nevertheless, when Harry rounded the corner into the kitchen, Severus felt his heart beat faster, his stomach pinch with excitement and his hands...normally so dry and cool...start to sweat. Severus Snape was in over his head, yet he was enjoying the sensation of drowning.

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When Harry walked into the bathroom, his mind on the battle that was about to unfold, his jaw nearly hit the floor and broke some tile when he saw the half a dozen or so bruises that littered across his chest, shoulders and neck.

 _Snape has been busy..._ Harry mused a fingers came up to press on to a rather large and near purple mark that rested in the area where his shoulder met his neck. A small smirk started to spread across his face until he remembered the discussion that was suppose to take place and his eyes gazed up at his reflection with a bold determination.

Harry was sure the man wanted to speak to him about when school resumed, what would become of them and what they would no longer be able to do. But Harry knew this relationship was too young, too tentative and fresh to try and set boundaries. While the two of them had shared a new form of intimacy last night, they still didn't truly know each other. They didn't have things that would make the transition from near total isolation to being around hundreds of other people any easier.

Things like trust and an in-depth knowledge of what the other person preferred in a relationship. What if Snape was open to the idea of multiple partners? Or the man didn't care for the idea of faithfulness...of monogamy…..

Snape was a dark person by nature, strange preferences in the bedroom wouldn't be a surprise to Harry, yet his potions Professor didn't seem like the type to take on multiple partners. Yet, how was Harry to know?

He didn't expect to walk into the man's private quarters at school, and he didn't want special treatment, but if Harry ever found Snape was with someone else he wasn't sure he would be able to handle it. This whole thing had happened so fast that the bare bones of what each person really found important in a partner had never been discussed. Harry had been so focused on getting this man to want him and act upon it he hadn't taken into consideration what the man might really be like or what he might prefer in the bedroom.

Maybe, in this instance, Harry should fight fire with fire. If the man wanted to speak to them about their relationship, then Harry would do the same. He would ask questions that mattered as well, and if he didn't like the answered then Harry would have to lick his wounds silently and hope that these developing feelings would eventually fade and he could move on.

As he rubbed salve over his raw skin and genitalia, as he drank a potion to help fade his bruises and ease the ach of his well used muscles, he only hoped that he hadn't pressured the man to start something that neither of them could finish.

PAGE REAK

Harry entered the kitchen with a new found confidencd, he sat down and thanked the man for the food and drink, well aware his manners as of late had been lacking in regards to Snape's care of him. He didn't want to take the simple things for granted, didn't want the man to feel underappreciated.

His mind was unaware of the man across the table watching him eat and drink intently. Wasn't aware those dark eyes stared at his moving lips, shaky fingers and a very unbruised neck with a facial expression mixed with want and disappointment.

"Your bruises are gone…." He said softly and Harry was pulled from his thoughts as he looked up at the man, having been so far away he hadn't actually understood the statement.

"Pardon?" Harry asked as he set down his tea.

"I was just noticing that the bruises…..they are gone. I had forgotten that I gave you a potion for them….it is….a pity to see them go."

And Harry smiled softly then, his face looking down and away as he tried to hide that stupid blush that always cropped up. "Maybe if you leave a few less, and keep away from my neck….I wouldn't need the potion." Harry mused teasingly and Snape cocked a brow at the statement, "Maybe." He agreed softly.

The silence flooded in then, something gentle but telling and both of them spoke at the same time, "Professor-"

"Potter-"

They stopped and stared again, the awkwardness from the weeks previous not present but an unwanted need to wait for the other to start hanging heavy, "You first then, Potter." Snape said with a gesture of his hand.

Harry exhaled and set down his fork, "I know what you want to talk to me about Professor, before you do I was hoping to ask a couple questions, if that's alright sir, questions about you?"

Snape gave him a curious gaze but nodded his head once and sat back, his hands threading together to rest on his ankle which sat atop a knee.

Harry felt his anxiety tug a little, knowing these questions were going to be awkward at least and horribly personal at best, still he wanted to know so he decided to start off with what he thought was an easy question.

"Are you planning to stop this sir? When school starts?"

Snape gave him a very relaxed look before he shook his head, "No." Harry exhaled and gave a soft smile in return as the man rubbed his thumb quickly over his own lips in thought, "In all honestly Potter, I do not think I could if I wanted to. But that does not mean we shouldn't discuss it. We must have a plan, a good one, if we are going to continue on in anyway like we have."

Harry nodded at this and felt a little bolder, "Do you think we can keep it hidden from professor Dumbledore and the others?"

This time, Snape's face seemed distant, as if several thoughts flashed through his mind all at once, "We have no choice. If we can't than we will not go forward with this. Only if we are sure will we continue."

"Our best bet would be to-"

"Let us not jump ahead. Finish with your other questions, then we can proceed on to the more complicated issues."

Harry knew that his next question was rather random, that Snape might not have even been aware of it, but he was just curious enough to ask, it was too weird a happening not to, "Last night sir, when we were….busy, you spoke differently….your grammar….I was wondering if you could explain it."

Harry did not elaborate because he suddenly became aware he didn't need to when Snape's brow went up, when his eyes seemed to recess as if he was scanning through memories and then they narrowed as they continued to process, to try and remember.

After a moment Snape's face grew slightly unnerved and he said slowly, "I have worked very hard to not show my birth right. I am both ashamed and proud of who I am and where I come from. It seemed to me, as I grew up, it would be better to present a more... polished version of myself as the ideals and goals in my youth were very different to what they are now. The people I was around were different. I did not want to be...another scrag from the End. So, I taught myself better. It also annoyed my father to no end, so I could not deny myself the opportunity to piss him off...did it bother you?"

Harry shook his head quickly and said in a rather embarrassed voice, "It was different to hear you talk like that….but also enjoyable…..what's a scrag, sir? Is it a wizarding term?"

Snape smirked a little as he shook his head, "A special term reserved for those selected few fortunate enough to grow up here. Most children are poorly cared for and often not fed well if at all, thus most of us were scraggly and unkempt through our youths. Scrag is short hand, and often a term used as an insult, unloved or undesirable would be an equal and apropos term used by both muggles and magical folk alike when referring to children from the End."

"So you were just...unaware...not focusing on it?"

Snape smirked and said in a silky voice, "I was dry-humping a student in my bed in hopes of reaching sexual gratification and making him scream my name…. Proper English was not the first thing on my mind, no."

Before Harry could investigate more Snape leaned forward and said softly, "Next question, Mr. Potter."

Harry didn't know why he blushed so sharply but he did, taking a small sip of his tea and clearing his throat he looked down to his plate as he asked his next question, "I want to know….I was hoping you'd tell me….what exactly _are_ your preferences sir?" and he felt his face flush and his ears burn but he maintained eye contact and held firm to his question.

"In regards to what, Mr. Potter?" the man asked and Harry realized Snape wasn't going to make this easy on him. He could tell by the man's eyes that Snape expected more than just some open ended question.

"Your….bedroom preferences, sir." and Harry felt stupid and embarrassed.

The man sat there and stared for a long time and Harry felt like they were back at day one, that immeasurable and tense silence that ate at him continuing to stretch out, the man stared, almost like he was sizing him up, studying him and Harry shifted uncomfortably as he waited.

"You are going to have to be a bit more specific Potter, contrary to popular belief I cannot read minds."

And Harry made a sheepish face that told of his own desire to end this quickly, _just ask it…_

"Do you prefer monogamy?" Harry blurted out, unsure the best word to use as he desperately tried to figure this man out.

First there was a small twitch of the man's lips, then a smirk which spread into a narrow eyed leer and the man leaned forward again, those black eyes peering at him near playfully and Harry felt his mouth open a little at the image, "I've never given it much thought….but since you brought it up, I think I shall only answer if you answer first." and he said it in such a purr of a voice, in such a way that Harry felt his groin stir and his hand tighten around his mug.

"I don't….I don't know, sir. I've never...it hasn't been something that has ever come up. But since we are wanting to continue this when school begins...I suppose I just want to know where we stand...where I stand in regards to what you might expect me to be willing to do, to be able to accept?"

"I've never been in a situation such as this Potter, but it is not as if I can simply say that we should play it by ear. I am open to ideas...but I do not like to share...that should be made clear now...I am easily angered, can be highly possessive of my things and have given into jealousy on several occasions. I am mean, unpleasant and like to be alone… you are the first person I've ever had in my bed."

This shocked Harry to a severe degree, he had not expected that Snape wasn't more experienced...he sure as hell had a rather dominant and experienced air about him.

Though, in the back of his mind Harry felt a voice that sounded like a rather satisfied lion growl out a near salacious cheer at the idea of being Snape's first, his one and maybe even his only. That was about as special as you could get and for some reason being that kind of special didn't bother Harry one bit.

"Potter…" and Harry looked to see that the man's face had darkened considerably as he brought a finger up to Harry's face, pushing his new glasses up until they were in their right place and the man said in a quiet voice, "I am serious, you can consider it a warning if you wish, do not cross me...you won't like it. I've shared myself with you, so you better seriously consider how old you wish to grow should you find yourself interested in someone else. What is it they say? Beware straying too far from the hand that feeds you, you'd not want to be made to starve, yes?"

And Harry nodded, his mind growing hazy at such a slight touch from the man, and those words that were far more possessive than Snape probably meant them to be, fed a soft bed of embers in his belly.

"Would _you_ want to be able see other people? I am hardly a grown man's perfect partner. You may find your time better spent with someone more educated and wise….should I prepare myself to deal with something like-" Harry stopped, his voice going slightly hoarse as he stared at that hand, now resting on the table before him. He wanted it to move again, to touch his face but he also wanted to finish his question so he waited and didn't reach out, "I do not need nor require multiple partners Potter, one is enough for me, though, if we both wanted to do something a little more…..enticing….there are always ways to go about it."

"Yeah." Harry said as he continued to study those long fingers with unfocused and heavy eyes, glossed with a heady want as his mind remembered what those fingers were capable of. He saw in his mind, an image of him and Snape, bidding someone to enter their bed, a stranger perhaps? Maybe someone they both knew?

An image of a naked Johnny pressed between both of them came to mind and Harry sucked in a small breath of air. He didn't necessarily want to invite the boy into their bed, and he knew Snape would not even humour the idea...Johnny had too many issues….but the concept….of him and Snape sharing someone...it was like a little dark secret for him and it pulled at his arousal….bringing forth more images that he shouldn't really be thinking right now….he was getting distracted.

"Potter?"

"Ye-...yes, sir?" the boy asked finally looking up and regaining his focus, "Next question." the man purred out as he leaned his chin into a palm, that damn smirk still hidden at the corner of his mouth.

Harry licked his lips, suddenly feeling hot and rather bothered, but he pressed on, determined to reach the end. "Do you….have….other things you like, sir? Things I could do to… I want to do things you might enjoy...but I am not very...practiced..." he was seeing himself licking food off the man's stomach, some sort of whipped topping and he shook his head and rubbed his eyes as he shifted his hips to try and adjust his discomfort.

"You are having a difficult time with this aren't you?" the man before him mused as he didn't bother to hide his humour filled eyes.

"Yes, sir. Do you like-" but Harry couldn't finish because he was looking at those eyes, images flashing like movie clips across his mind of all the things the man might like, his groin responding against his will as he realized how utterly stupid he felt to get so aroused over a simple discussion, one he knew was going to end far less amicably when Snape got to speak his peace.

The man stood then, walking to the percolator and pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, he turned, leaning against the counter with one arm wrapped across his chest, the other bent to bring the steaming mug to his lips, "There are plenty of things I might enjoy you doing…."

"Like?" Harry asked as his hands fisted his pants tightly, knowing this conversation had started with the best of intentions on his part but was slowly spiraling out of control towards darker waters.

And Snape moved forward then, coming to stand before him and looking down over the mug in his hand. Snape brought a free finger to Harry's face, running a knuckle down over a cheek as he said softly, "You being tied up and helpless to stop my roaming hands is only one of many-"

Harry looked down at his lap, cheeks blazing a completely new shade of red as he realized he needed to take care of this now, hang the rest of his questions for later, his little problem needed attention. He stood to leave but was stopped by those long slender fingers gently taking up his chin, "I might like if you tie me up...you never know… you might be rather adept at taking some of the control…"

 _Shite..._ without a word Harry turned and left the kitchen, not caring what Snape might think as he walked quickly towards the stairs.

As he went to move through the threshold and head for the bathroom he heard footfalls behind him and then felt arms wrap around his torso, "And just where do you think you are going Mr. Potter?"

Harry had let out a small yell in surprise at the sudden pull backwards, the man's voice cooed softly into his ear and as Harry felt his member jerk in excitement he tried to hold his knees firmly together to hide it.

"Bathroom… I'm not trying to start anything, sir. I just need to take care of-" Harry started through gritted teeth as his arms were pressed more firmly against his chest by Snape's forearm.

"That won't be necessary." the man said as Snape pressed his face against Harry's and brought a hand to rub down the boy's front.

"P-professor, I didn't mean for this to happen-"

And Snape pulled his face back to bring his mouth next to Harry's ear, "Often times we don't mean for things to happen… but inevitably they do….do you know what you should do when things that are out of your control happen?" and Snape's hand slid down groping Harry's member tight though his jeans.

"Sir!" Harry gasped out as his knees gave a little, but the man supported him and shifted back to rest against the back of the couch.

"Do you know Potter?"

"No, sir." the boy whispered out as he felt his body relax as the man's hand started to gently rub.

"Sometimes you just have to let them."

"I don't want you to think that I'm just some hormonal child...I can take care of it sir." Harry moaned out desperately as his head lulled back to rest on the man's shoulder.

"Don't fight it Potter, don't fight me either, you've pushed too far for that, haven't you?" Snape asked into his ear, that hand of his working swiftly to undo Harry's pants, "Yes, sir, but the conversation sir- "

"Can be put on hold for a moment, I need to help my student with his studies…." the man murmured in his ear as he finally freed Harry's length from his pants and wrapped a hand around it.

Harry let out a small noise, not quite a moan or gasp as his body filled with a intense heat, "You are so young, not even halfway through a conversation with your lover and you need to touch yourself….it's a hard thing to ignore...and I will admit to you a rather tantalizing prospect….to know just the barest of touches and your mind goes on a downward spin into the gutters of perversion. So easy….so young and wanting…."

Harry's heart beat erratically at that hushed tone and his brow was bursting with sweat already, his legs shook as the man held him tight and started to stroke him. Harry jerked a little at the contact and let out a gasp as the man worked him quickly, not giving the boy a chance to have a slow build. It was fast, sharp and came with such a short blast of pleasure he let out a yell and jerked again when Snape bit into his neck.

He felt a second shudder wrack his body as the burst of pain from the man's mouth mingled down through his orgasm, Harry's seed shooting out and splattering onto the floor. "Aah!" Harry gasped out as his legs finally gave and he slumped a little in the man's hold.

"Outstanding." the man sighed as he pressed his face into Harry's hair and inhaled deeply, "Thank you, sir." Harry murmured sluggishly as he let his head roll back to rest on the man's shoulder, "I'll repay the favor."

"Will you? I look forward to that, though it makes me wonder what you might do-" and Harry smirked a little as he started to undulate his backside against the man's groin. It was playful at first, just a little movement to make his point, but when Snape let out a soft swear Harry realized he was actually having an effect.

"Oh you little snake." the man groaned out as his arm unfolded and a hand glided up Harry's chest to wrap around the pale flesh of the boy's throat. The other hand moved away from Harry's spent prick to grip a hip firmly, "You are tempting me….I really wouldn't play with me like this." Snape warned him but Harry continued, pressing his arse more firmly into the man's hardening prick, the man's words of warning only spurring him on as he suddenly felt like he held all the power.

"Damn brat." the man breathed and Harry smiled for a moment, his arms coming down to gently start to massage the man's thighs.

Snape shuddered, a strangled moan escaping his throat as he ran his lips back and forth over Harry's exposed shoulder.

"You are really making it hard for me to not-" but Harry had turned his head up to meet the man's lips and he opened his mouth, a tongue darting into Snape's mouth. He brought his hand up to cup the back of the man's head, his hips moving more firmly now, his bravery growing as Snape submitted himself to this slow torture.

When Harry pulled back he smiled up at those dark eyes, heavily clouded with lust and the man's hand slid around under his shirt, fingers gently stroking his taught stomach. "I...I-ah... want….to…" Snape started but he bit his lip and dropped his head down, choosing to suck on Harry's shoulder some more and not voice his thoughts.

"What do you want, Professor?" Harry asked gently but the man seemed to ignore him and continue to lick and nibble at the boy's flesh as his hair fell to hide his face, rather shy behavior for a man who seemed so damn confident.

Harry was frustrated now, he really wanted to know what the man wanted...what he liked….how he could please him so he tried again, this time using his secret weapon, "Severus…" and the man stilled his busy work on Harry's shoulder, lifting his head just a little and panting breaths against the newly bruised flesh.

Harry was in a rough spot, his back against the man's chest, groin pressing and moving against Snape's obviously hard prick, one hand raised up to hold onto that head and his remaining hand hanging down, fingers slowly lacing into Snape's….still...he managed to lean his face forward, trying to nestle through that curtain of black hair that was hiding his companion from sight, "Severus, tell me what you want to do….I want to know...I want to….learn what you like….what do you want to do…"

Harry heard the man whisper something through his ebony shield of hair and he leaned in just that bit closer as he asked again, "What? What is it Severus? What do you-"

"I want to fuck you-" the man near growled and Harry cried out as Snape spun him around swiftly and bent him over the couch.

"Professor! Wait!" Harry gasped out as the man wrenched Harry's arms behind his beck and tilted him forward just enough to remove Harry's toes from the floor. Snape then yanked the boy's pants down and Harry tried to free his arms but Snape mashed his body against Harry's bare backside and gripped a hand through Harry's hair, yanking his head up a little and Harry winced.

"I want you to be mine...I want to make you come undone….I want you screaming my name and taking every inch of me inside you…"

Harry's own prick was growing hard again but his fear spiked like an axe to his chest as his breathing increased and anxiety speared through him like a cold douse of water as he yelled, "Severus! Stop! Wait please, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have pushed you!"

Severus stilled and they remained like this for some time, both panting from the struggle, but it was Snape who spoke first and Harry felt those lips press to his ear as a rather harsh voice hissed out and filled Harry's brain with a hot sharp fire, "I will not cross this line with you Potter, not right now at the very least, but heaven help you if you are still in this house upon your seventeenth birthday, acting so bold and brazenly raw like that with me and not expecting a response. Now lay still, you need to trust me. You started this, you are going to help me to finish."

And Harry heard the man undo his pants as Snape released his arms, the boy wanting to trust the man despite his own helpless state and his exposed arse. When he felt the man's length press to rest against him, nestling between his cheeks and emanating a burning heat Harry knew he would not be teasing the man again for a very long time.

Slowly, large hands ran up the back of his thighs, over his arse and then up his back, that random feeling of an electric charge flaring out over his skin as Harry groaned. Snape started to rut against his backside, sharp short thrusts that made Harry jerk and grunt as the man showed no signs of stopping.

Skin to skin it almost felt real, a little pain from the friction, a jerking sensation as the man pressed hard against him, Snape's hand digging nails into the boy's hips and Harry let out a yell when Snape shifted him back and reached under to grab his prick.

"That's it, work with me, just relax and cum with me." the man murmured as he picked up the pace, Harry losing breath with each thrust, his eyes clenching closed as he used his hands to brace against each brutal jerk the man gave.

"Are you close?" Snape asked into his ear, those lips moving to slide over his exposed shoulder, and Harry realized he would need to buy several new shirts if this was to keep going on.

"Yes." Harry managed.

"Yes what Potter!" the man growled as he gave a light smack to Harry's left arse cheek, "Yes, sir!" he panted out and Snape started to jerk him harder. He felt his balls tighten and knew it wouldn't be long, the thrusting was starting to burn and it added a rather appealing pain that fed his climb, fueled his want and seconds later he released again, his seed dripping down the back of the old abused couch.

Snape's hand pressed up the back of his shirt as he gave a grunt and a few more thrusts before he too seemed to topple over and Harry felt a hot liquid spurt onto his lower back and arse.

"You will be the death of me boy." the man barked through short breaths as he continued to subtly thrust even after he came.

"and you mine, sir." Harry agreed and for a moment they paused, waiting out the aftershocks, the few remaining tremors that were making them shudder and pant.

"You look stunning with my cum on your arse….perhaps we should-"

"Shower!" Harry blurted as he quickly went to stand.

Snape moved aside for him, straightening his clothes and zipping up his pants as he eyed the boy with curiosity and then worry. Harry pulled his pants up, his hands shaking as his heart hammered against his ribcage and he found his eyes watering a little from the high anxiety he was feeling.

He felt stupid, he had asked for it….asked the man to tell him….wanted to know….why should he be surprised that an older man, far more mature then he would be ready to go that far? Why did he suddenly feel like a scared child, like some injured little bird...he was embarrassed and ashamed and didn't make eye contact as he pulled his shirt down and felt the sticky mess on his back spread and grow cold. He hid the wince on his face as he turned to go.

"I'll go shower sir, then we can finish our conversation."

Snape, however, seemed to have a different plan in mind for he reached a hand out and gently placed it on Harry's shoulder, "Potter…." and Harry felt his body stiffen, closed his eyes as he tried to fight off this unwanted and unwarranted fear, "H-Harry…." and the boy's eyes instantly opened and he turned slowly back to look at Snape in confusion.

The man appeared unsure, his face etched with worry and to Harry's surprise regret, "If I have...if I ever go too far…" and the man approached him slowly, coming to stand before him and taking up his face in a soft pair of hands, "You must tell me… I do mean what I say, I'll not cross that line with you...but you must tell me what you do or do not want...and you must trust me to respect that. Just as I trust you to respect me."

Harry felt his mind calm a little, his heart beat slow as he closed his eyes and felt the warmth from those hands spread across his skin, those tender hands holding his face so carefully as if he might break, "You have nothing to fear from me." Snape assured softly as he leaned down and gently kissed Harry's brow, a tender and tentative thing as the man seemed to be trying to feel out the situation, "I will not hurt you, I will not ever hurt you." and it sounded like he was reassuring both Harry and himself, a semi-desperate promise that made Harry's fear fade instantly.

Harry kissed him back, a hand coming up to tuck those black locks behind an ear, a new look for the man that Harry had never seen before, "It's alright Professor, you couldn't scare me if you tried." Harry offered though the man still gave him a slightly skeptical glance, "I do not want to...if you ever-" Snape started again but Harry cut him off quickly.

"I said it is fine Professor, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it...I think I enjoyed it actually… I like your aggressive side...I just wasn't...ready for it. I will be more...careful about how much trouble I get into with you in the future. I promise."

And Snape gave him such a look Harry didn't think the man believed how quick Harry was to forgive him for such a major slip.

"We do need to be prudent and finish our conversation, hurry up with your shower, then finish your food and we will continue. Try your best to keep your hormones at bay, we must discuss things before this partnership proceeds any further."

Harry nodded and braved another gentle kiss to the man's brow, those dark eyes following him all the way up the stairs, he glanced back when he reached the top and saw Snape was gone.

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Severus had spelled the floor and couch clean as he passed by, returning to the kitchen and sitting down angrily only to find his coffee and food cold. He used a warming charm on everything and then waited, his mind honing in on what had just happened. Why did this keep happening, these unexpected excursions into such dark waters of lust and want?

Was it normal to find yourself so attracted to someone to be unable to pass up even the smallest opportunity of touch? Or was there something else going on? Those small jolts of electricity, the urges that felt near overpowering and then his inability to control or center himself when these moments turned into something far more primal.

Severus had never been in a real relationship, had never been someone's lover….as far as Lily was concerned they had never crossed any lines that would dictate them as a couple though she had often given him kisses on his cheek or head, hugs when she was happy or sad. Still, there wasn't much he had done in the way of physical activity and he found it near exhausting to keep up with his own body's demands for it.

When Harry had started to rub against him, so seductive and brave in his movements, Severus actually had flipped the boy over with full intent to press into him, to take him brutally against the couch and show no mercy. He had wanted to thrust until both he and Potter were screaming and satisfied, his spent prick nestled inside the boy's body that was full of his own seed.

But the instant the boy panicked Severus had come back to himself, was able to reign in his mind and desires and managed to play it off as a different intent. His worry about what the boy had thought spiking in his chest as he realized how badly he had almost hurt Harry.

He could not hurt the boy in such a way, would never dream of assaulting and ruining Harry in such a way. But his dark side had always been strong, having been beaten into him over years by a belt and thick calloused hands. Part of him truly enjoyed the idea of hurting others, to make them suffer as much as he had in his life, to strip them of their dignity and watch them squirm and cry as he had done for so many years of his youth.

Potter, having come from the same background, knew of his suffering and understood it, understood him, was already showing signs of being willing to allow Severus such indulgences that the man wanted to bite his knuckle and moan at the very idea.

When he had started to ask what the man liked, what he wanted from a lover, Severus had to fight the urge to go to Harry and show him first hand. Sadistic images and sinful pleasures filling his mind with such barbaric and immoral ideas. He found Harry's curiosity intoxicating, those innocent eyes wide and those cheeks blushing and as soon as Harry had stood to hide his arousal Severus chased after him quick, wanting none of it.

He would not allow the boy to hide from him in such a way, he wanted to pull such sounds from Harry, to bring forth such dirty habits that the boy wouldn't hesitate to drop his pants on a whim and expose his sexuality.

"You are feeding right into the Dark Lord's plans, you idiot." Severus hissed as he rubbed fingers into his eyes and gritted his teeth.

There had to be something going on, perhaps Voldemort was influencing Harry through his dreams? Making the boy more pliant to Severus's touch, making him more willing than he would be otherwise? It seemed ridiculous but not beyond Voldemort's powers. He would have to look into this, see if there was any sort of magic or spells that could draw two people together so ungodly quick and cause them such sudden intense needs.

 _For God's sake we spent all night rutting against each other like wild animals! We shouldn't be so god damn aroused all the time! Why in the hell did you scare him so badly….he was nearly in tears...what the HELL is wrong with you!? You greedy fool, you poor excuse for a lover...you stupid….dumb….Harry is too young, to tempting an innocent….too delicious….you have to temper yourself...withdrawal back, isolate your urges...be a good person God damn it!_

And Severus slammed a fist down on the table as he once again found his thoughts growing chaotic, he would need to meditate soon, get himself under control...where was the cool and calm man he had know most of his adult life?

 _Focus Severus..think logically...what could cause such a daunting lust…._

There had been no moments that either could have been exposed to a mild love potion or the Imperius curse, and even if there had, neither of them showed signs of such meddling. Still, it ate at him for he felt like there was something more going on and he knew as soon as this conversion was over he was going to do some digging.

PAGEBREAK

"I allowed you to ask your questions, and I have answered them honestly, I hope you will give this conversation the same respect."

Harry nodded and Severus did the same in response, "Now, this partnership we have entered into is by all accounts forbidden. I am your teacher and you my student, you are also underage for the time being and I am quite a few years your senior. If anyone found out they could use it against us, I could be jailed, you could be ostracized…. so, I want you to tell me, honestly, what do you expect of me once school begins?"

And Severus watched the boy think about this, watched as those green eyes studied the woodgrain of the table and try to discern what he actually thought might happen, what he expected.

"I don't expect anything sir. If we can't….continue this during the school year then we can't, but-" and Harry stopped as his cheeks turned red and his hands fisted tightly on the edge of the table, "Speak your truths to me, it is better I know, less we should fall upon a misunderstanding later." Severus tried to reassure, though Potter still looked uncertain.

"I wouldn't like to think you were with someone else while you couldn't be with me." and he had said it softly, almost as if it shamed him, and those green eyes looked up, filled with guilt and humiliation. Severus felt a shiver of satisfaction run up his spine at the omission but nodded his head slowly, his face remaining neutral, "Then I shall not be, though you have no fear anyway as my options are rather limited. I will do as I have always done and keep to myself."

Harry looked up in surprise at this and then gave a soft smile, "Thank you."

"That does go the same for you, I do not want to hear a single word of you being with anyone else, while I can not stop you I have already warned you of my possessive nature….it would not due to have me catch you shacked up with some intolerable Ravenclaw know it all or a disturbingly happy little Hufflepuff."

Harry laughed at this and Severus felt the tension ease, "No worries." Harry said and so Severus moved on.

"Do you have hopes of meeting….during the school year?" Severus knew his mission was to retain Potter's friendship while at school as well, maintain this relationship, but as of yet he had not worked out how.

Dumbledore had not spoken with him on the intricate plans that would need to be laid about how this would occur, so he had no basis to go off of. Hearing Harry's ideas on the matter might shed some light on how this could all work, the boy's invisibility cloak no doubt about to have a starring role.

"Well, I-" and Severus waited, not wanting to chase away any ideas that could be of value, "If you wanted to, there are always detentions, the study periods you offered me….my invisibility cloak….we could set detention and study dates that are irregular and spaced out enough to not cause suspicion. Perhaps we could tell people I am receiving private lessons for meditation or Occlumency…."

And Severus felt his heart grow giddy, Harry was truly clever, "Dumbledore did request I start up our Occlumency training again, it may work out that-"

"What?" Harry asked, his voice rising from its lower registers to hit a high squeak and Severus eyed the boy with a bemused expression, "It is needed, when I informed the Headmaster of your nightmares he thought it best to-"

"You told him?" Harry asked swiftly, his face one of shock and fear.

Severus instantly made the decision he would need to tread very carefully, apparently he had crossed an unspoken boundary of trust and he didn't want to have to deal with the fallout, "I did, you must remember Potter, I am your guardian and teacher first, your friend and lover second. Your well being will always come first to any personal matters. If I deem it necessary to inform the Headmaster of your nightmares, while I will always keep the details to myself, I cannot keep such things from him. He must know whenever Voldemort is in your dreams, even if the dream itself is not caused by the Dark Lord. It is for everyone's protection, including yours, I beg your indulgence in this, I have no choice."

And to severus's relief Harry nodded in a reluctant understanding, "Sir, last time you tried to teach me-"

"I think we are beyond such matters at this point. We will resume your lessons but it will be different. I assure you." Harry didn't seem to believe him but he nodded reluctantly all the same.

"As for secrecy, it is of the utmost importance. Not even your friends can know. I am aware you share near everything with granger and Weasley but for the sake of both our arse's we best keep it to ourselves. Perhaps, if you are still interested in perusing such relations after school you can inform them, but until such a time that the peering eyes of society won't condemn our actions, no one can know."

"Agreed." Harry said, though it was easy to read his discomfort at not sharing such a secret with his friends. Severus could only hope Harry would be as good as his word and that common sense and reason would win out should the boy feel tempted to share.

"As for anyone else, we shall appear as if nothing has truly changed between us. Do not expect special treatment in my class or in the halls, I'll not hesitate to give you a real detention and see your punishment through, am I clear?"

"Crystal." came a smirk filled response, Harry glancing at him mischievously as he asked, "Does that mean I can still be a smart arse back?"

Severus tapped his finger irritably on the table as he realized he was caught and he regrettably had to nod, "Unfortunately, logic would dictate we cannot stray from our usual habits, though you would do well to keep in mind my previous warning and know I won't hesitate to end this strange partnership of ours if things get too...complicated."

This truly got the boy's attention and those green eyes looked at him with such fear Severus had to swallow to keep from saying anything that would lead the boy away from believing his empty threat. Severus could not end their relationship, even if he wanted to, which he currently did not. The Dark Lord would know and in turn Dumbledore would be on his arse so fast it wouldn't even be funny.

But Harry didn't need to be made aware of the fact he was currently able to get away with just about anything, Severus found his hands tied and it was not in the arousing way, but in the insanely frustrating way. He could only count his blessings that he had found himself more than willing to reciprocate to the boy's bold move towards a match. If this mission had to be done under a false guise, with Severus truly not interested it would have been a million times more painful for both of them.

 _This is still going to be painful you moron, this entire thing will not end well, you or him….or both of you if fate decides to be unkind will end up smashed and bloody under the weight of Voldemort and Dumbledore's war, hearts shredded and souls black and neither of you will ever be happy again….love will be nothing be an empty promise and the reason to draw your wand faster than the man next to you...you are doomed…_

Severus felt his hand swipe quick in front of his face, once again batting at that imaginary fly that was the voice in his head, ignoring Harry's strange look at such a random action and proceeding as if nothing had occurred, "The last thing I wish to speak with you about is….a personal matter for you... I have hesitated to bring it up as part of me does not actually wish to know, but since this partnership of ours began, the times of my own resistance included, I have been curious to know….please prepare yourself as this question may upset you."

"Yes, sir." and Harry looked curious and nervous at the same time as he waited for the final shoe to drop, so to speak.

Taking a breath Severus felt his eyes scan to the far side of the kitchen, not wanting to look at the emotions that were sure to come, "Potter…. Did you and Black ever….did he, did you and he ever-"

Harry spoke quickly, his face open and his eyes absolute in their sincerity, "No sir, Sirius was my godfather, not my lover. Neither he nor I ever had anything but a platonic relationship, he was like an older brother or an uncle to me, nothing more."

And Severus let out a breath, one he had not even realized he had been holding as his eyes finally dragged back to the boy who was staring at him earnestly. To the man's surprise Harry stood then and came to his side, he knelt down onto his knees and then said gently, "You are the only person I have ever actually been with physically and in any significant emotional way. Just you…" and he reached up a hand to push Severus's hair behind an ear, Harry's fingers slowly running down his cheek and he used his other hand to pull Severus's face closer.

Harry brushed their lips together, and then kissed him softly, his fingers dropping from severus's chin down to rub up a thigh and Severus couldn't stop the small moan from his throat that escaped.

"Just you, sir." Harry whispered against his lips when he pulled away and Severus felt his length stir at such a statement, the hidden promise behind the words near intoxicating as he understood the subtle subtext Harry was implying by what he said.

 _Just me, only me, just mine, no one has ever been with him like that, he is untouched, pure clean and all mine….just me...always me…_

Before Severus could think of a response Harry ducked down and disappeared under the table, Severus's brow shooting up in surprise before he felt hands on his button and zip and growled out, "Potter! I told you to keep your hormones under control! It's not been twenty minutes since we-" but the next thing Severus knew his hands were gripping the sides of the table as a hot mouth found it's way to his member and he let out a shocked gasp as his eyes clenched shut.

Harry was already throat deep impaled onto his quickly growing length and Severus could only hold on as the boy sucked on him with absolutely no mercy. His mouth and tongue moving fast, his nose and face pressing into the man's stomach as he deep throated Severus and pushed the man to start panting.

His eyes winced and his teeth clenched as he tried to control his body, tried to slow down the build that was coming much too fast, building like a volcano about to erupt. Harry bobbed his head faster, his fingers fisting at the man's pants and that tongue moving like a quick wet snake around his prick.

Severus let his head drop down harshly onto the table as his hips shifted and his legs tightened, his lower abdomen burning so white hot it was like molten rock melting.

"Bloody hell." Snape groaned out as a fist left its perch on the table's edge and smacked down onto the wooden surface, the plates and glasses shaking at such a harsh blow.

Suddenly Harry slowed and Severus felt his muscles relax a little, he took a deep breath and started to focus on the boy's stroking mouth, the hot slick feel of Harry's attentive tongue and he groaned out when the boy snaked a hand inside his pants and fondled his balls.

"Slower." Severus breathed against the tabletop, his hand un-fisting and slowly sliding across the aged wood to disappear below the table and gently fall into the boy's hair.

Harry obeyed, slowing his ministrations even more, the activity becoming increasingly voluptuous and decadent as Severus savoured each suck of that mouth and twist of that tongue like a fine wine or rich chocolate.

Severus wasn't far off from his end, knew he could slip over at any moment, the pleasure and white-hot bliss of Harry's little sojourn under the table rolling through him and melting his mind into a trembling moment of heady unaware fever.

"Such a good boy." the words whispered past his lips before he could stop them, and Severus's heart double beat as he realized how utterly stupid and derogatory that comment was, knowing Harry may find those words demeaning or at the very least offensive considering how hard he often pushed to not be called a child.

Yet, instead of stopping his actions Harry increased his activities, sucking harder, nails digging into Severus's thighs and the older man started to realize that Harry's dark side might very well be linked to his sexuality.

"Harder, suck harder." Snape gasped out and then, despite his current situation, Severus Found himself wanting to test his theory and said softly, "That's it, that's my boy, suck it harder." and the enthusiasm with which Harry complied made Severus grunt and jerk as his arousal skyrocketed through the center of his being and he fell over into his completion, "Thats a good boy, drink it, drink it for me." the words like fire on his tongue as his own brain didn't seem to want to stop such dirty talk from leaving across his lips.

When he was done he remain still a moment, Harry having cleaned him and put his member away before zipping and buttoning Severus's pants closed. A small yet strong hand came from between his thighs and pressed on his chest, making Severus lean back and despite the lack of space Harry somehow managed to press himself up between the table and Severus's thighs, his arms resting across the man's lap as those bright green eyes looked at him with a smirk "It was only fair, you caught me by surprise, so I caught you." he teased and Severus felt his eyes grow slightly wider, trying to keep his face neutral but finding it relatively hard just this moment.

His hand moved back into that hair, rubbing gently at first but then tightening as he leaned down to meet those swollen lips, "Absolutely no one else…"

And Harry kissed his lips gently, "Only you." Harry confirmed with a gentle smile.

"Always." Severus agreed.

When the knock came on the front door both of them were in the middle of snogging like a couple teenagers, Harry perched on the table's edge as Severus leaned down and devoured those lips. A conversation that should still be going on, long forgotten, their troubles for the most part put on hold. For a moment, Severus mused, they had each other, and it was turning out to be the best summer he had had in years.

PAGEBREAK

Harry and Stacy walked slowly around Spinner's Pond, talking of everything and nothing, their manner relaxed and casual as the day slowly faded.

"So how are you and the Professor getting on?" Stacy asked.

They had already talked about the situation with Stacy's dad, unable to make bail as he was, the man had the gall to write Stacy letters everyday, apologizing and promising to be good, to take her away to some place they could be happy where he wouldn't need to hurt her anymore.

Stacy had read the first few and then simply burned the rest, her thoughts on the matter resolute as she knew it was all sugar coated lies and the promises of a sexual deviant who simply couldn't let it go.

Harry had felt bad for her, offered any help he could, told her he would help protect her if it became clear that the man wasn't going to move on. He had received a kiss on the cheek and a hug for such a quick response but was also assured such actions were not needed. Stacy's dad was going away for a long time and he would not be missed.

So now, finding the girl asking him about Snape he wanted desperately to be truthful, but how could he? Had he not just agreed to keep the situation a secret? He didn't want to lie to this girl, a person who was so open about her own life and so caring and gentle, luckily, Stacy gave him an easy out, "I know Harry, about you and Snape. Minnie told me, like...everything."

Harry felt his heart jump a little at the news as he looked at her with surprise, "I don't want ya ta get made at 'im, the Professor was only tryin' ta do what was right by ya. He told Minnie a bunch ah stuff, asked her advice on how she managed to maintain such a way with me. I guess those two are gettin'...kinda close….like friends….though Minnie says the Professor has trust issues, lot ah them. Very angry man, very quick ta pull away and isolate ya?" Harry nodded and agreed as Stacy went on.

"He didn't know how ta handle ya, what to do about ya feelings. Minnie thought I should talk ta ya about it….I realized how stupid I was, all the questions you asked me at the party, all the questions ya've asked me since….never occurred to me it was cause you wanted to be with the Professor… and people say I'm smart."

Stacy laughed at herself and Harry could do nothing but take her hand and smile, "You are smart, it's just not a normal thing, what we are doing. Snape and Minnie are so much older, we are just kids to them, to everyone, even with what we have been through...Snape and Minnie can see it...sometimes...I think. Can see our maturity, but Snape still worries….thinks I can't handle it...what's the difference between us having sex and me having sex with a kid my own age? It's all the same…." but Harry was talking shite right now and he knew it. After what had happened earlier he wasn't so sure he WAS ready for it, still it did make him feel strong and slightly better to act as if it was no big deal….a strange response to say the least.

"So you two haven't-"

"No, just some heavy petting…" and the two felt that second of silence tick by before they burst into laughter.

"What's the professor's first name? I didn't want ta ask Minnie, the damned man seems so private tha I didn't know if I should botha to ask her, ya know make her break some confidentiality thing or what not."

"Considering she told you what is going on I don't think it's a real doctor patient relationship, Stacy." Harry said playfully and Stacy rolled her eyes.

Harry gave a soft smile as he looked at the large dead tree before them. The two had settled under the old oak now, both pulling their knees to their chests and wrapping arms around, another laugh had escaped at such a similar trait.

"Severus." Harry said moments later as he took a breath of the cool evening air.

Stacy mouthed out the name silently before a small smile grew across her face, "It suits him, it sounds like him...bit odd that one...but perfect for him. The Professor of Chemistry, Severus Snape!" she said as she leaned over and put her head on Harry's shoulder, an intimate but platonic action that filled Harry with a happy warmth.

He wondered if this was what having a brother or sister would be like. Ron and Hermione often felt like both his friends, siblings and worried parents, he was so close with them that they weren't JUST his friends anymore.

Stacy had not been through so much with him, to have someone to be friends with, to feel bonded with her and not have her know who he really was or about the war made this friendship so much more innocent, so much more relaxed and Harry smiled again as he realized he would not let these short moments with Stacy ever disappear from his memory.

"To answer your question, Snape and I are getting on fine. It's...complicated...but good."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"That kind of answer you give when being specific isn't an option… Snape is just complicated that's all...too much red tape." Harry mused.

"Why do you call him Snape? Why don't you call him Severus, that's his first name right? It seems so cold...so...unemotional to call him Snape."

Harry sighed at this, having thought the same thing for awhile now, but how could he explain it? Maybe by being honest? That usually worked right?

 _Obviously…._ came a voice from the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like the man they were currently talking about.

"Snape and I have had a really long road together. He has known me since I was eleven, and up until this summer we didn't really get on. In fact, we hated each other. He went to school with my father, there was a lot of bad blood between them, and I think a lot of those old feelings carried over to me. But this summer….he has been really nice to me, he let me see a different side of him. I didn't just see my...chemistry professor, I saw a man who was suffering, who was really angry at how his life had gone….a lot of regret and true isolationism. It's even more complicated than that, but it's the best way I can describe it. We have so much in common, things I didn't even know about until I came to stay with him. And now that we aren't fighting, we get on really well, and I find in him...he can understand certain parts of me that no one else can...he just….is-"

"Maybe he's your Cupla Lasair." Stacy said near dreamily.

"My what?" Harry asked, cocking his head to the side as he glanced down to her face, those honey brown eyes staring off with a fond smile.

"It's Gaelic, my gran was Irish, pure blood Irish, still spoke the old tongue and everything. Cupla means Twin and Lasair means Flame. Twin Flame… you could also say soul mate I suppose… but they actually are different. It's terribly cliche but the sentiment is nice, ya?"

Harry's eyes followed hers out onto the water where a pair of geese sat together, their necks intertwining as they gently flapped their wings and made soft calls to each other.

"Some animals mate for life...did ya know that? If their mate dies they never find another partner, some even die shortly after from a broken heart. It's really romantic, but really sad too. If I ever lost Minnie, I think I'd rather die than go on without her...she is my Twin Flame."

"What's the difference?"

Stacy sat up and smiled sheepishly, "It's kinda embarrasin', but I'm really into old mythology. Minnie has all kinds of books on it. I've read near all of them. A soul mate is actually a lot more than just what the term means, a lot of cool ol' stories too. My favorite is the one with Zeus. Plato came up with it, kinda weird but… he said people used ta be one, I think the word is androgynous? Both male and female, two heads, four arms and legs, two different….parts down below….the gods grew jealous of their strength and harmony...wanted more tributes but the humans weren't givin' it. So, he split them down the middle with his lightnin' bolts. Making man and woman, the people had to search for their other half after that, grew sad if they couldn't find them. But because they were split they started to give double the tributes in hopes of the gods reuniting them with their other half."

"And a twin flame?"

"That's more complicated. Ya see, a soul mate has three kinds, a soul friend… like you and me... soul teacher….kind of like an uncle or someone who guides you in your life choices... and then the ever living cliche of the soul mate. But a Twin flame, that's a whole other beast….they are our reflection, a perfect image of our self reflected back….they are often considered the worse of the two cause they tend to be really intense, ya know? Passionate, highly emotional bonds….usually they don't last because they are so explosive….but you can't ever really escape that person…. They are always with ya cause they are ya…."

And Harry thought about that for the rest of the afternoon, even when he bought them a late lunch from the grocer, when they came back to the park and were climbing the old oak, when a branch gave and the two tumbled into the pond and spent ten minutes laughing and dunking each other, in the back of his mind was the idea that Snape could be his mirror image… a reflection of his dark side...the person with whom he shouldn't be with but wanted to be with. It gave him a very weird feeling inside, an uncomfortable feeling.

When they started to walk home, the sun near below the horizon as the first twinkling stars tried desperately to shine through the smog filled air, he felt his heart twist and his mood sink at the prospect. Harry had lost so many good people to this war already, and if Snape was his twin flame, or even just someone that he really related to on an in-depth level...it worried him at the prospect of the man dying. How would Harry cope if Snape WAS something so special to him? Would he survive the loss of someone like that? Could he truly fall in love with Snape?

 _No...not yet...it's too soon...I'm not in love with him…. Im very fond of him….happy….not in love….but still...what if we IS that one in a billion, that singular person who will only ever understand me….what if he dies….what if I lose my chance… but soul mates and twin flames are rubbish, cliches like Stacy said… they don't exist._

"Do you think twin flames are a real thing?" Harry asked as they rounded the corner and headed down the two blocks to the main row of housing. Droplets of water, leaving a trail behind them as their shoes squelched and their soggy clothes sagged.

"Not really, I mean… I want to, but it's so…"

"Dumb?" Harry offered and Stacy nodded as she giggled a little, "Still, it's nice to think there is that one person made specially for you, the perfect fit….they used to say this kind of stuff was like a magical thing-"

"What?" Harry cut in, stopping in his tracks and placing a hand on her arm, "The Irish, very mystical people they were. Still are really. I don't believe in magic, but there are ol' stories….of magical bonds….it's kind of like a twin flame or soul mate...but not."

"What is it?" Harry asked quickly, his heart speeding up, "Don't quote me on this….my Latin is rubbish and I didn't read as much about it….I think it's pronounced Unio Autem Contrariorum….it means Union of Opposites."

"What did it say?"

Stacy gave him a curious look and then laughed lightly, "It's all just a bad bit of bullshite Harry, you shouldnt-"

"But what did it say, do you remember? The Unity of Opposites is what exactly?"

"Well...first off Unity of Opposites and Union of Opposites are different, Unity is based in the greek philosophy and the other, Union, is the one found in magical folklore. Union of Opposites is like the metaphor of when an angel lays with a demon...kind of...forbidden, looked down upon….like me and Minnie or you and the professor...accept...it's way darker. You know the sign for yin and yang? It's like that, one dark and one light, completely different traits that complement each other but a solid grasp of each other's differences to the point where they can become powerful, very powerful...yeah know how magic mythology is...just silly….energies and auras and what not. But as far as I read….you always have to have a base line...something that unites both of you, from there the differences don't matter, a Union of Opposites was one of the most powerful bonds found in magic folklore…. It's dangerous I guess." and Stacy shrugged nonchalantly completely unaware of the fact that her friend was suddenly on high alert.

"Dangerous? How?" and Harry felt his chest tighten as anxiety shot through his brain and bounced around like a bunch of loose bolts.

"Well, once the bond is made...oh I don't know Harry, do I look like a magician?" the girl said with frustration, her mind seemingly unable to remember what she had read.

"Please, try and remember, once the bond is made what happens?"

Stacy gave him a very curious look, almost like she was trying to read why he was so worked up about it, but in the end gave a sigh and said, "It said once the bond was made it couldn't be broken...not even death could part the union…each person would know the other and become the other but retain themselves yet share themselves. It was really strange how it was worded, didn't even sound like real thoughts...more like a poem."

"How was it made?" Harry pressured, realizing a poem could just as easily be a spell or incantation.

"The union? What do you think?" the girl teased but her small smirk dropped at Harry's next words.

"Sex?" Harry blurted as his face erupted in color and Stacy sighed, "Just buy it for yourself Harry, gah! Why does it always have to be about sex with men, the book I was reading was called Ancient Magical Myths and How to Understand Them, it was written by some guy called Pherrenheart Ravenclaw… rent it from a library or-"

And Harry felt the blood drain from his face, his body went numb and his mind blank. He couldn't hear even as Stacy's lips moved and her face grew concerned. His vision blurred and seconds later his legs gave and the world went black.

PAGEBREAK

Severus had been sitting in the garden with Minnie when Stacy burst in, a sickly and near dead looking Harry hanging off her shoulder.

The two adults stood, Severus making it to the boy first and scooping him up into his arms, he bee lined for the couch and laid a very wet and pale Harry down, "What happened?" he barked out, looking Harry over for any signs of injury.

"I don't know, we was just talkin'...on our way back from the park when he just….just...fell over." and Stacy had tears in her eyes and a hand to her mouth.

"No one approached you?"

"What?" Stacy sobbed out, "Were you alone!" Severus near yelled,

"Yes, completely, the blocks were empty."

Minnie wrapped her arms around Stacy and hugged her, "Why are you wet my darling?" she asked gently as the girl cried I to her shirt, "We were climbing the old oak and a branch snapped, we fell in, no one was hurt, we splashed around in the water for ages, Harry didn't show any signs of having problems."

"He is in shock." Severus said as he pressed one of Harry's eyelids open to look underneath.

"Shock? From what? Nothing happened, we were just talkin'."

And Severus stilled as he felt his heart hammering in his chest, tried to focus his chaotic mind and use his brain, "What were you talking about?" he asked hastily.

"Uh, we was- he was asking me about those ol' books you got. The ones about magic folklore." and Minnie nodded, Severus felt his body stiffen as he looked back to Harry with worry, "….he wanted to know about um….uh...the Union of Opposites….it kind of freaked him out….he just….passed out mid-conversation."

Minnie looked to Severus and the two locked eyes, "Book on magic you say?" the man said softly, near dangerously.

"They were my mum's, she got them from her grandmother….and she from her own mother. They are just old junk books on fairy folk lore and magic spells. It just kids books, old kids books. They don't mean anything, half of them are in latin," and Minnie turned to Stacy, "You were talking about Unio Autem Contrariorum? That one?"

"Yeah. Harry just sort of glazed over when I told him about it, like it meant something to him or...I don't he be okay?"

The group of three looked to the boy and Severus felt his face harden, "I believe so, Potter has a history of mild panic attacks, it could be something you said upset him. You two should go and I will see to his recovery. Minnie, might I borrow that book, the one you are talking about?" the woman nodded and then ushered Stacy out the door, both of them giving one last worried look back towards the prone figure on the couch.

Severus took a breath and leaned in, "Potter? Potter, can you hear me?" the boy seemed to mumble something and then he was out again. Severus grumbled and then pressed his hands underneath, lifting the boy up again to carry him towards the stairs.

"Such a drama filled youth, over reacting to such little unimportant...you are going to be the death of me." Severus whispered as he gently placed a feathery kiss upon the boy's brow and started to move up the stairs.

His mind was on that strange Latin phrase, _Unio Autem Contrariorum,_ it was most definitely a magical term, it reeked of it but not just from the use of Latin. The way it felt in his mind as he repeated it over and over, he could sense its magical potential. He had never heard of the phrase before, nor a spell that sounded similar. It was something else, and when the boy woke up he was surely going to question him to the full extent on why it had upset him so.

PAGEBREAK

Harry came around slowly, his head aching and his muscles sore, but it was not the same kind of feeling he had after a night of fooling around with Snape. He felt sick, uneasy and his hand shook gently when he reached for his glasses.

He knew he was IN Snape's bed instantly, noticed how dark the room was and that oh so telling smell of Rosemary that constantly hung in the air like a comforting cloak.

Sitting up, Harry realized the lights were not lit, the only source of brightness coming from the ruddy red glow of the popping fire. His eyes scanned the dark and found no sign of his professor. Part of him was glad as he felt much to bogged down by the information he had gleamed from Stacy and her knowledge of mythological folklore.

It wasn't a surprise that a muggle would know so much, Harry knew from experience that Muggles, while they often didn't believe in magic, were fascinated by it. Harry had been a muggle for a long time, thinking he was one anyway...before all of this….he had gone to muggle magic shows, seen their movies which were rather ridiculous at best compared to the real thing. But to have Stacy tell him of something that was most definitely real, Pherrenheart Ravenclaw...you couldn't just have that big if a coincidence right? Irony and cosmic humour just didn't work that way….right? And a muggle, getting their hands on a book about magic….weren't things like that supposed to be charmed against curious muggle eyes?

In all honesty it scared him, the coincidences, the irony and all the subtle little things that were happening that shouldn't be. The idea of having a soul mate was silly, a twin flame even more so….right? But to have something as bizarrely named as a Union of Opposites? If it was real was it a spell? Some kind of vow or magical potion? Was it sealed with Sex? With a kiss? Blood?

We're he and Snape just some big stupid metaphor for the unity of dark and light? Or was he reading so much into it that he was misinterpreting what Stacy had been trying to say?

Harry grabbed at his head as the ach intensified and the questions kept swirling, he hated questions...he always wanted to find answers to them and often times it got him into way more trouble than it was worth.

Often he found trouble when looking for answers and no one ever appreciated the work he put into finding them, save for Hermione and Ron, who were also the people who helped him find answers in the first place.

Harry didn't want to believe that he and Snape were some destined pair, your destiny is what you make it...fate...the future….it all depends on you and your choices...it's completely random and in no way decided for you.

 _Except for being the chosen one, Voldemort made that choice for you…..and going through with every crazy situation people put you in without asking your permission…..the tri-wizard tournament for example….that wasn't your choice….neither was becoming a seeker….Mcgonagall made you do that….though you don't really mind that one….but Occlumency wasn't your choice, that was Dumbledore…. And sleeping under the stairs….your relatives played that hand for you as well...what in your life have YOU expressly ever gotten to choose to do?_

And Harry grunted as he decided to fight against himself and those horrible musings, "I chose my house at Hogwarts, I chose to go after Ginny Weasley in the chamber my second year, I chose to fight this war with Dumbledore ...I chose Snape." he whispered the last part out as he felt his body relax a little.

 _Did you choose Snape? Or was he simply available because Dumbledore stuffed you in with him?_

And Harry sat up violently and shook his head, "Stop ruining this for yourself you bloody idiot! For once in your life stop asking questions and just be HAPPY!"

And Harry smacked his fists down onto the bed and he cranked his legs out of it and yanked the blankets back. He realized his clothes were gone but didn't care. He adjusted his boxers and marched for the hall, anger flaring at his own mind's inability to let it be. If he wanted answers then he was just going to have to ask. No more trying to be sneaky or shifty like he had done years before, he was going to face this ambiguity head on.

His feet moved down the stairs and he rounded the door to find Snape sitting in his chair reading a book. Harry stopped when he saw the cover and felt his heart jump into his throat.

 _Ancient Magical Myths and How to Understand Them_.

Snape's eyes scanned up to look at him and he smirked, "I heard you slamming about upstairs, try not to be so obvious when you are on the warpath. Whatever the reason, approaching any situation should be done with stealth and cleverness, not anger and frustration."

Harry swallowed his retort, something he had been doing since he arrived here and suddenly he felt sick of it, "Yes, sir." he said though he felt his cheeks flare with the ruddy red of anger and humility.

"As for your state of shock, I am glad to see you have overcome it. Judging by the conversation you were most likely having with Miss. Gregory in regards to this book, I don't blame you for the reaction you suffered, but you can put it from your mind. You and I are NOT in a Union of Opposites as neither of us has cast the bonding spell to invoke its power, nor have we had sex or shared our blood."

"Sex, blood _and_ a spell?" Harry asked in shock as he realized the irony of his life and the coincidences therein had just increased ten fold.

"That was….a rather mild attempt at humour on my part. This Union of Opposites which sent you into such a catatonic state….it is nothing more than an old wizarding marriage ceremony."

"What?" Harry asked in confusion, his nerves suddenly deflating as his curiosity took hold and he wondered closer to peek over the man's shoulder.

"The original ceremony isn't in here, that dates back near a thousand years….what your friend Miss. Gregory was reading about and trying to explain was a more recently devised marriage ceremony that mimics the original….something that is no longer practiced, an ancient magic Pagans and magic folk alike used to ensnare those they thought were their equal and opposite to their side. This book simply talks about supposed side effects of the bond...shares stories that have been passed down through centuries of ancient wizarding families. Most of them are exaggerated and twisted by time. Sharing blood to merge the individuals into one singular unit, performing a vow of loyalty that is unbreakable and finally sealing it with the act of joining bodies."

"Sex." Harry stated blatantly.

"Astute as ever I see. Needless to say this bit of magic is archaic and I believe the incantation needed for the ceremony to work is long since lost to the sands of time. The more current ceremony that this book actually talks about in length is just as benign. No blood letting, unbreakable vows or ritualized sex acts. Just two people reciting their promises, tying their hands together via a metaphorical red bit of cloth and enjoying the bliss that is the wedding night with no witnesses save their own persons."

Harry felt his worries, fears and sudden spark of anger fade near instantly. He felt foolish for feeding into such rubbish, especially since he actually knew better. Magic was a lot of things, but it wasn't something that could be used to force a given future onto someone. Prophesies and divination aside, those were just predictors and Dumbledore had told him before several times your future is based on choice, your actions and values are what mattered. Surely if you dug deep enough you could find all kinds of information on ancient magic...most of it nothing more than forgotten words and old rituals used by the people of the time to create a feeling of control and harness their own destiny during a more chaotic and uncertain time.

"Though, ancient magic aside, this situation is not something be taken lightly."

"Sir?" Harry questioned as the man snapped the book shut and stood, looking at the cover curiously, "How a muggle came by such books….how one was able to read it is very troublesome….Miss. Sanders must have had a witch in the family at some point to have such things passed down and not be charmed to dissuade a muggle from reading them. And the author...Pharrenheart Ravenclaw….though I am no expert in magical history I do believe the Ravenclaw line died with Rowena's daughter….either it is a very interesting nom de guerre or history missed a very important piece of information about the Ravenclaw blood line."

This interested Harry as well and it only took him a second to smirk, "I bet Hermione would know, at the very least she could look into it. She does love to solve mysteries."

"The Watson to your Holmes, yes, I have noticed over the years her rather persistent need to nose her way into the restricted section to help you break the rules and flaunt your ever overly privileged little excursions around the castle."

Harry gave the man a rather annoyed glance, though his eyes found their way back to the old and rather ragged tomb in the man's hands.

"I'll write her and ask….maybe Dumbledore would know, not that he would bother to respond." and the mild frustration in his voice caught Snape's attention.

"Do not take the headmaster absence personally, he asks about you every time I meet with him, but he has been traveling most of the summer and hardly has time to speak to me let alone anyone else. Come, I shall make dinner and then we can- Aah!"

And Snape dropped the book from his hands and grabbed at his forearm, "Professor! What, again? It's not even been-"

"To the Burrow….now!"

PAGE REAK

When Severus apparated into the room he found that for once he was not alone. Standing together in a small circle was Bellatrix, Wormtail, Yaxley and the Carrow siblings. They all looked to him expectantly and Severus didn't hesitate to take his place between Bellatrix and Wormtail.

He said nothing, knowing exactly what was about to happen. Voldemort only summoned his inner circle when someone was about to take the mark. Though, it seemed, the person they were about to welcome into the ranks was missing.

Lucius and Crouch jr. would have been here as well but they were currently in Azkaban awaiting trial. A harsh blow no doubt to the Dark Lord's forces as Lucius had been the eyes and ears at the ministry and Crouch had played a heavy hand in recruitment of the young bloods.

The silence was deafening but still they waited, and upon hearing footfalls approach Severus readied himself for the terrors that were to come.

The large doors at the end of the hall opened and to Severus's horror, though he was not exactly surprised, in walked Draco Malfoy, the Dark Lord next to him speaking softly.

When the two finally reached the circle Voldemort smiled demonically as those red eyes scanned the group.

"Ah, my friends, you have all arrived at last." he entered into the middle, slowly turning at he scanned each person's face before coming to stop on Severus, his eyes lighting up before he approached and brought his fingers to gently run knuckles down Severus's cheek, and the potions master felt his heart curl in on itself and had to control his facial features at such a random and uncharacteristic display of fondness, "I do apologize for the sudden summons Severus, but when needs must, and tonight it is a Family affair. Your Godson is about to join our ranks and become the wizard he was truly meant to be. He requested your presence specifically. No doubt he shall want your support."

"As you wish my lord."

Voldemort nodded and pulled away from him turning sharply to look at the small group, "As you all know Lucius has been sent to Azkaban for his role in the attack on the Ministry. While he was foolish to be apprehended, we shall use his lose to bolster our ranks, and, in his place a new Malfoy shall come to serve. Draco Malfoy, step forward."

Severus saw the fear in Draco's eyes, the black bags that rested underneath spoke volumes of the boy's no doubt long and sleepless nights. His face shown sickly and pale as he stepped into the circle and glanced towards him, those eyes near begging Severus for something that the man knew he could not give.

 _Please don't let him do this,_ they said, _don't let him have me_.

Severus could do nothing though, as much as he wanted to spirit the boy away he was unable to help in anyway. No words could be spoken, no magic could help...the boy's fate had been decided the day he was born...the day Voldemort returned...if Draco had reached out earlier to him….and told him what was coming...he might have been able to get Dumbledore's help...but now...it was far too late...Draco's fate was sealed.

"Draco, you join our ranks today in place of your father, his loyalties have not gone unnoticed throughout our long battle, but you must now stand tall and make him proud, you must make us all proud and rise to the occasion, you must take your birthright in hand and stay by my side, a loyal and willful servant to our righteous and just cause. Do you come to me of your own free will, to serve me and your brethren as a truly loyal and humble servant?"

Draco's eyes flashed to him and Severus gave a subtle nod, urging him to do what he must to service this, to live through the tortures that would come to him.

"Unto you I am about to bestow the most precious of gifts, a joining link so that you shall always have a part of me to guide you in these dark times. With it, you shall never be alone and it shall serve as your reminder of your pledge to me. Your future is a bright one, allow me to be your guiding light and you shall accomplish great things and your wildest dreams shall come true."

Voldemort had circled the boy like a shark, his charismatic words swirling through the air like a comforting blanket of protection, though there was no comfort received, Severus knew how false these promises were, how empty and shallow. Yet still, Draco nodded and took a breath, "Bellatrix, Severus, do come forward and take your place at his side."

Severus moved, wrapping his hands firmly around Draco's upper right arm and wrist as Bellatrix took the opposite side, gripping him firmly as they guided him to stand before the throne. Voldemort followed, moving around them like a phantom and walking up the steps to set gracefully on the edge of the seat.

"Bellatrix Lagrange, do you stand with Draco and vouch for his pure bloodline and loyalty to me and mine?"

"I do so say my gracious Lord." Bellatrix said with a wicked smile on her face as she leaned in and gave Draco a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Papa will be so proud of you." she whispered softly and Draco glanced at her as he swallowed.

"Severus Snape, do you stand with Draco as his guardian and vouch for his clarity of mind and passion of heart for our just cause."

Severus's face remained as stone, though his heart was hammering and his soul lay weeping, "I do so stand my humble Lord."

"Those here too, do you so support the right of passage that this young man be welcomed into our ranks and given to all the benefits we have to offer, in brotherhood, loyalty and camaraderie?"

"We do so agreed, our noble Lord." the group behind echoed.

"Then I shall grant unto this young man my most honored gift, your arm Draco Malfoy, bare to me the veins that run to your beating heart that I may mark you as our own."

Severus stiffly flicked open the boy's sleeve buttons and pressed up the fabric, his eyes never leaving Draco's as those lips trembled and his face grew more sickly, "Strength Draco, no weakness, think only of those moments you most treasure, the pain will not be swift...if you value your tongue you will hold your stomach after." Severus said softly and the boy managed a nod.

Voldemort closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, raising his wand above his head an evil smile came to his face as he jerked his wand down, took up the boy's arm painfully tight, his thumb nail digging in and drawing blood, before speaking loudly in Parseltongue.

Severus dare not close his eyes but he wished he could, oh how he wished he could spare this twisted youth from such a fate. His soul continued to weep but his hands remained strong, even as Draco screamed and his knees gave Severus held the boy up, as no weakness was allowed. Bellatrix was laughing as the air became static and the loud swell of thunderous noise came from this dark curse of a gift the man bestowed upon a boy whose o my true crimes were being spoiled, entitled and born into a family that had chosen a path strewn with the blood of slaves, greed and obligation.

He shut the box on his heart tight, sealed the mask of indifference harshly across his face as he kept the boy from pulling away, ignoring the blood curdling scream that merged with Voldemort's own as he bound this once innocent soul to his own, dooming him to a life of enslavement, blood and hate.

When it was over, Bellatrix released her hold, hugging the shaking and traumatized boy recklessly, nearly causing Draco to topple over. The boy clamped his mouth shut, his hand gripping onto the now marked forearm as the smell of burnt flesh filled the room.

"Severus, deal with him….then return him to me….I have a task for the boy to complete. Then, we shall speak privately." Severus bowed his head as Voldemort turned away and disappeared out the doors he had entered.

Severus helped Draco towards the opposite side of the room, to a small side door that led into one of the many interrogation rooms, though Severus knew in reality their given name would be a torture chamber, those unlucky enough to be taken or caught seldom leaving these rooms alive.

He shut the door harshly behind him and took Draco to the stone bench on the far side of the room, setting him down before he k reeled before him and placed a hand to the boys face, "Draco, Draco calm yourself. Look at me." and the shaky youth managed to look up, those eyes barely able to remain focused and open.

"Fight through the pain."

Draco took a deep breath and then another before his teeth clenched and he let out a hoarse sob, "No, focus on me, do not descend into panic. We are not alone and you cannot afford to be weak right now."

Draco managed a nod and Severus ran his hand through the boy's hair, a gesture he had picked up during his time with Harry, "Focus on me...now, let me see your arm."

The boys shaky hand came away and what was left was nothing but burned flesh with the dark mark still smoldering and hissing as blisters began to form.

Severus quickly dug into his pocket, pulling out a tiny vile and pulling the cork out with his teeth, he spit it away and then said softly, "This does not usually hurt, but such a mark will create the illusion of pain, so you must work through it. Do not let it control you."

Severus poured the liquid onto the destroyed flesh and tightened his hold on the back of the boy's head as Draco winced, whined and then jerked.

"Just breath Draco. Breath."

And the boy took in sharp breaths, gritting his teeth again and clenching his eyes closed. Running a hand down Draco's forearm the hissing and bubbling stopped and then the skin slowly started to heal, all traces of the red brutalized flesh fading and only dried blood remaining behind.

After a moment Severus stood and took a breath of his own before he spoke, "I wish you had informed me sooner of your decision to take the mark."

Draco's head jerked up and his face changed from scared to murderous, "You think I chose this? I don't want anything to do with this bloody war! The Dark Lord came to me, how was I to refuse?"

"You could not, but if you had let me know sooner I may have been able to aid you and your mother in escaping such expectations that have lead you into this position."

"Don't fool yourself, you could have done nothing. I know better than that. I don't care what influence you think you might have or what escape routes you think you can claim...but there was no escaping this. He threatened mummy, I had no choice. He can't have her, I gave him myself instead."

"How noble, but you should have-"

"It's too late now! Best I can do is simply try to survive, keep mummy safe. Wait until that psycho kills Potter and then try to move on with my life."

Severus felt his temper flare and he spoke with an acid that should have been doused, "Your life is no longer your own, even if Potter is killed...you're his now… another puppet to be owned. Your foolish to think otherwise."

"What else can I do? I've no choice but to think that someday this might end."

"If that is what you wish then you best hope Potter doesn't die, though I recommend you keep that hope to yourself. Your death would be of little consequence to the Dark Lord."

Severus turned to go but Draco stopped him, "Are you loyal to him? Or is my auntie right? Has she been right all along? Are you a spy, are you in Potter's camp?"

Severus turned to look at him, could see a hope in those eyes that maybe there was someway out, and for a moment they shared an unspoken secret, one Severus played off instantly, "You forget Draco, my skin is marred by the dark mark just as yours is, I am only a puppet for my Master just as you….welcome to the dark side, it's cold, unforgiving and will eat you alive if you don't play well with the others. Now get up, the Dark Lord still has need of you, and I expect you to dance properly for your new master."

PAGEBREAK

Severus was waiting outside the door that led to the exterior hall. He had been dismissed once he deposited Draco and told to wait. It was going on thirty minutes when the door finally opened and a near catatonic and excessively pale Draco shuffled out.

Severus waited patiently as the boy closed the door and came to stand before him, "Well?" Severus asked and Draco said something so softly that the older man could not hear it.

"Speak up Draco." Severus snapped and the boy looked up at him with glistening eyes and a trembling lip.

"He's...he's tasked me with Dumbledore….I am to rid our Lord Voldemort of the Headmaster of Hogwarts… I am to kill Albus Dumbledore." Draco whispered the last part out, his shining eyes showing their terror, his entire demeanour sick.

Severus felt his heart near stop, though his face remained as stone, he swallowed thickly and brought a hand to the boy's shoulder, "I will...speak to him...this task...it is much too dangerous-"

"Do you think I can't do it?" Draco said sharply, his fear ebbing slowly as he looked off at a nearby wall, his eyes revealing thoughts, the pre-stages of planning, and Severus gave the most subtle of shakes of his head, "I do not, this is nothing more than a fool's errand-"

"Don't you think I know that? He is only doing this to me to punish my family, my father...he doesn't care if I succeed or not...he just wants to watch me dance...wants to watch father squirm...watch my mother cry. He has condemned me for the sins of my father...and I have no choice but to...I have to-"

Severus tightened his hand gently on the boys shoulder and cut him off, "What you must do is go to your mother, tell her what task you've been given…"

"And then?" Draco asked, his eyes still far away, his face now both pale and sweaty as his hands fisted tightly at his side's, "Tell her everything that you've always wanted to tell her...everything that your father...that your statutes as a Malfoy would not allow. Be kind, be loving, adore her and cherish her and make sure that when you are ready to leave your home...there is _nothing_ left unsaid."

Draco looked to him them, those eyes filled with dread and a resolute understanding before he gave one succinct nod and made to leave. He stopped, looking down a moment with a hard face before he turned back and very stiffly, very quickly wrapped his arms around Severus and hugged him.

It was like being hugged by a statue, Draco unsure of how to actually perform such an action. Severus gently hugged him back, rubbing a soothing hand in small circles upon the boy's back.

Draco pulled away just as quickly, adjusted his shirt, smoothing his hair and taking a deep breath. He set his face into that confident mask of the Malfoy family and went forth without looking back, though he did stop just before he rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. He seemed to have a thought and turned back, that all to familiar superior smirk filling his face, "Wouldn't it be interesting….if a seventeen year old boy was able to rid the world of one of the most powerful wizards in history….I wonder what our gracious, humble and noble Lord would have to say about a mere child accomplishing something he could not." and then the boy was gone.

Say whatever you'd like about the Malfoy's but when it came to wearing masks of confidence and maintaining as much dignity as possible in awful situations, they would always remain the best. Severus felt a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth but he stopped it and quelled what ever small trickle of pride ran through him at the boy's attempt at continuing to look for something better out of this horrible situation.

He schooled his features into his own emotional mask and then turned to go and seek out the man who had just condemned a child to an impossible task.

PAGEBREAK

"Ah, Severus, come to me here, I am down the hall." Voldemort's voice echoed softly and the darkly clad man moved slowly as his eyes scanned out onto the view that was slowly becoming synonymous with these meetings. He walked further than they had ever gone previous and as he rounded the bend in this open and airy hall he came to find Voldemort standing on the edge of a precipice.

The railing was missing and the arched top was slightly more intricate in design. It appeared like this opening in the corridor had once been an entry point to the hall. Severus saw the craggy edge where a stone stair connection had once been, descending down into the forest below.

Voldemort stood on this edge, his hands dangling limp at his side's as those red eyes looked out and the snake like features remained neutral but distant.

"My Lord." Severus said bowing, "I must express my gratitude at being allowed to witness my Godson's joining. It was an honor and I am most privileged."

Voldemort didn't look at him, that soft whisky voice that was so often unheard both others speaking of into the open air, "You grant me such benevolence, I allowed Draco to choose one person to come as his supportive hand...funny...I thought for sure he would choose his mother. The boy is so very much _attached_ to her. A rather foolish weakness but then, humans are so very weak aren't we?"

Severus saw an opportunity to brown nose and took it greedily as the more he remained in the man's good graces the better for his long term goals, "Weak and sentimental we are my Lord, but it is not so with you. You have risen above the need for such disgusting things as love and sentiment, you are the personification of perfection. Lest we not forget you are our guiding light. Draco will leave his infantile attachment behind when he realizes this, and gladly he shall aspire to reflect your own wisdomes and truths."

Voldemort turned to look at him and Severus kept his face impassive, his eyes devote and his body relaxed.

"You habe always spoken so vividly in detail, it surprises me that a Scrag could be so educated in such ways."

Severus did not physically respond to the insult, simply bowing his head and saying softly, "Yes, my Lord." his mind racing as he wondered how on earth the Dark Lord knew a thing about the term from his home area only to realize seconds later that Voldemort must have picked it up whilst inside Harry's head. His body grew cold at the thought and he tried to see if Voldemort had noticed his slip up, the man though seemed unaware as he continued to gaze out into the distance.

The silence was long, the two just standing there, Severus waiting patiently yet with anxiety to finish whatever conversation the man had been planning to have with him.

"Do you know who this castle once belonged to, Severus?" the man asked after a time, his voice still that soft wisp of a thing, still appearing dissociative and far away.

"No, my Lord."

"It is of little consequence, the family who once resided here was of an ancient bloodline….but have long since been gone from this earth. It is a special thing that I now reside here and fill the space with such noises of rebellion and war. I have found many things while here in my wanderings….among them was a very well hidden and disused library. The information I found within was very enlightening and I do so love enlightenment...it feeds knowledge and you know what they say about Knowledge…"

"Knowledge is power." Severus said so softly it came out more as a murmur, his heart doubling as he hoped more than anything this statement from the Dark Lord was just coincidence and nothing more.

Voldemort's head snapped to look at him as a leer emerged and the man raised an arm to him, "Come to me Severus, I wish to show you something."

Severus kept his face from screwing up in shock as he tentatively reached out a hand and felt Voldemort's claw like fingers take his into a gentle yet icy grip.

"Of the things I found in the old library there was a book on the theory of Apparition. How the ability was developed, the magical energies that went into it and how one might manipulate such magic. How one might defy gravity... among other things. I used this theory to create a spell….I wish to show it to you now."

Severus felt his head cock to the side in question but he remained silent as he gazed at this man who looked like he had a surprise hidden just around the corner.

"I have found that the thrill of flight is much more gratifying without a broom between your legs." and in that instant the man stepped back of the edge Severus instinctively grabbing for him despite the fact he would rather the man fall to his death. But Severus couldn't stop his eyes from growing wide nor his row from shooting up when he saw the man standing on nothing, just floating in the air, tendrils of black silt like smoke swirling around his lower half and creating a rather threatening appearance.

He couldn't say anything, didn't have anything he _could_ say, Voldemort had created the skill of flight and he was currently doing it without any other form of assistance. Oct wizards could levitate….but even that spell could only lift them five or so feet off the ground. This was a whole other beast, he realized, as Severus squared himself and approached the edge slowly, peering over and studying the lengthy drop to the streams and gorge below. His eyes scanned back up and managed the near impossible task of relaxing his face and saying softly, "You have outdone yourself my Lord. Such a skill is suited to you, the others will be awed by your brilliance."

"Indeed they would, if I intended to show them. But for now, this will remain between us, I have a feeling that should we come in need of it I shall bestow such a gift of knowledge unto them. For now, this shall be our secret weapon against our foes. You Severus, will be the first I teach it to."

 _Oh shite…_ and Severus swallowed thickly as he glanced down again, seeing the fall and feeling his insides twist, he had never liked heights, thus his preference to stay in the dungeons instead of the upper floors like the other teachers. The closer to the ground he was the happier, brooms and flying were for those who wanted to be next to the sun….he liked the damp solid smell of earth far more than a fresh airy breeze.

He should be thanking the man graciously, playing into that narcissistic ego, but all he could do was stare at him, knowing he couldn't decline but also knowing he might vomit if he so much as felt a hint of vertigo.

"Severus….come to me now. Walk forward and take my hand." and the demon held out his arm, those boney fingers splayed out and waiting and Severus felt his face near break from its mask and wince at the thought. His eyes scanned down again, his hands suddenly bracing on either side of the archway as he looked up again to this insane creature before him.

"My Lord-"

"Do not deny my orders! Approach me and take my hand!" the man near yelled and Severus took a deep breath, shoved at all his fear and nausea, pushing it so hard down into the pit of his stomach he started to feel numb.

He moved slowly, coming just to the edge of the stone lip and looked out again as the blast of air from below was finally able to reach him, his hair being lifted and pressed back as he swallowed again, "Trust your Master Severus, and do as I command!" Voldemort hissed as he jerked his hand in an insistent manner and gave a rather dangerous leer.

"As my Master commands." Severus said, reaching out his arm feeling his heart about to break his ribs as he took a step out into nothing and felt himself start to fall. He let out a small cry as he nearly toppled but was jerked to a stop. He hung there, suspended over certain death, his anxiety filled eyes looking down to see his feet dangling into space, before he looked up to see Voldemort gripping onto his wrist, an evil smile twisting onto his face as he started to laugh cruelly.

"So much blind faith, so much more innocent that you think you are...far too trusting and yet I can't help feel honored to have earned the very thing from you that you deny all others. Now focus Severus, on the feeling of open air beneath your feet, focus on the lack of earth. As with Apparation, find a location in your mind that you wish to be but instead of moving such energies that would have you disapparate from my side, concentrate on bringing yourself up to me, feel firmness beneath you and think as though you could solidify the very air beneath your feet."

Severus thought he might pass out, thought that he might vomit at the very least, but did as the Dark Lord commanded, forcing more of that sharp focus into his mind and preparing himself as if to Apparate. When he felt the magic within himself start to build to create that singular pinch from existence to another location he forced it down towards his feet. He imagined he wished to Apparate to the ground, but instead of doing so simply thought of strengthening the air into something more solid and bringing it below his feet.

He had no clue if this was correct, Voldemort had been vague in his metaphors and Severus had no clue what the theory was behind it. Was Severus supposed to be manipulating the air with magic or manipulating the magic itself to raise him up. Was he supposed to build the energy of his magical aura or just-

"Excellent Severus, now….imagine pressing yourself up! Own the air around you, control it!" the man hissed over the din of the rushing air and Severus looked down to see black tendrils slowly starting to seep out from his clothing, much smaller than Voldemort's in appearance and not near as dark but they were forming and Severus redoubled his efforts though he hadn't an idea of where to go from here, "My Lord, please….how do I-"

"Imagine yourself beside me! Do not Apparate… stop it from happening...and when you have that energy stuck within you force it down again….to your feet, use it as if it were solid!"

 _I don't bloody understand!_ Severus bellowed inside his head, but he tried anyway, once again preparing himself as if to Apparate but then forcing the energy down towards his feet and then trying to stand on something that wasn't there. His foot kicked out several times before finally it was as if he were standing on solid earth.

It only lasted a second before he felt his body being jerked forwards and back towards the safety of the stone hall. He was swung in through the entryway, his body rolling harshly across the stone floor until his back smacked the wall on the far side.

He lay there a moment, breathing heavy, his shoulders shaking near imperceptibly as he tried to calm his racing heart, tried to slow his chaotic mind. He heard the soft pad of bare feet coming towards him and as he raised his head he saw the man smiling down at him with narrow eyes, "Perfect." the man hissed out and Severus knew something bad was about to befall him.

A/N: **had to cut this chapter in half cause it was waaay too long, expect the "boxing" match between our boy's at the start of the next chapter. R &R and let me know what you think much love! **


	12. Family Affair part II

**A/N: I apologize for having to cut the last chapter in half. Because of that, this chapter will be relatively short, but I didn't want you guys to have to wait another week, also sorry for the loose editing, I rushed to post because I know how frustrating it is to wait. So, here we go, enjoy the chappy and let me know what you thought.**

 **WARNING: scenes of a sexual nature between two males, very mild dom/sub, dirty talk etc etc etc.**

 **Chapter Twelve**

 **Family Affair**

 **Part II**

 _H_ e _feels the icy chill of the man's hand on his back, hates it but does not dare shrug it off. He has tried to stand twice now, growing angry at his legs and their reluctance to work. Why they feel so rubbery Severus can only put down to the new spell he has just been coerced into trying to learn. Forcing so much magical energy into his legs is a dangerous and stupid thing to do, especially since he had not clue how to direct it._

 _As he tries to stand for a third time that hand presses against him and he finds himself remaining on his hands and knees, "Rest, you have surpassed my expectations...while I condone no weakness I do reward those who deserve it as there is a difference between physically being unable to stand and simply being unwilling to fight to stand."_

" _Thank you, my Lord." Severus says as he clenches his eyes closed at the burning pain that is starting to erupt in his feet and spread up into his legs._

" _You must forgive me my little games, when I teach you the full spell it will be much easier, but you cannot deny me my small pleasures….I wished to see if you were even capable of such an ability, if in such a moment of duress you would still be able to maintain that ever famous and calm focus of yours. You did well Severus."_

 _Severus does not respond as his insides are raging, though he shouldn't be surprised at all, in fact he should be considered the most unintelligent man on the planet. To think the Dark Lord hadn't been playing with him just now is utterly foolish. Yet he had no choice, if he had not done what the man commanded he would most likely still be suffering through several hours of an unforgivable curse._

" _Tell me Severus…" the demon starts as he pulls away and walks back to the edge, his back to the man who is still on the floor, those dark eyes glancing to the demon and dreaming of running up and shoving the man off. It would do him little good now though, Voldemort could bloody well fly._

 _He schools his thoughts, quells his emotions and focuses on trying to stand, wanting desperately to not be so weak. He doesn't like it, feels helpless, remembers back to a time when he was smaller and unable to defend himself._

" _Do you have a place you could deposit the boy for a short time, one that will be able to keep him occupied and out of your way?"_

 _Severus takes a breath, grits his teeth and heaves himself up, his knees nearly buckling again before he growls out angrily, "You will work!" as he looks down._

 _He feels a chill run up his spine and instantly jerks his face up to see Voldemort looking at him from over his shoulder, a small smirk crawling like spiders across those serpentine lips, "I do my Lord, what task have you for me. I shall complete it promptly." Severus says, more than grateful the Dark Lord realizes Severus is commanding his own legs and not him._

" _You shall leave the boy there tomorrow evening, then, you shall come back to me and remain with me until you have mastered this skill."_

 _Severus instantly wants to protest, but he does not, he can do nothing but bow and aqueous to the demons orders. "As you wish my Lord."_

 _And Voldemort approaches again, but this time Severus feels a true fear fill his stomach because this creature before him does something unusual; something so strange and uncharacteristic Severus does not know how to respond. He remains stock still as his body stiffens and Voldemort invades his personal space, cupping Severus's face in both hands and leaning in, "You will be my first student to learn such a spell, secrecy is a must, though I've never doubted your ability to keep them. I have big plans for you Severus…" and the man takes a finger and tucks his hair behind an ear, a trait Harry has taken to doing only recently._

" _Do not let me down. You would also do well to learn quickly as Harry is your top priority, the longer it takes you to learn the more time is wasted in progressing towards our end goal. Do you understand me Severus?"_

 _Voldemort's face is almost gentle, his red eyes scanning Severus's features and just barely glancing to his lips and Severus must fight every urge in his entire body not to pull away._

" _I understand my Lord. I shall not fail you in this." and his voice is breathy with awe at such an intimate and surreal moment as he continues to study that face and try to discern what the hell is happening in this strange moment._

" _You won't will you?" the man whispers out and Severus swallows, "No my Lord, never."_

" _I should hope not, I would hate to have to kill you as you are slowly becoming my very favorite." and Voldemort smirks and then pulls away, turning his back and slowly walking to the edge again, staring out with narrow eyes._

" _You are dismissed." though Severus walks slowly away after he bows he can't help feeling the urge to run._

 _PAGEBREAK_

When Dumbledore emerged from the pensieve Severus looked up from the book he was scanning, the book that had only added to his worry and fears.

"Do you better understand what I was trying to tell you Albus?" Severus asked as he glanced back down to the book and irritably turned a page.

"I do." the man said softly, his old fingers adjusting his glasses and his eyes studying Severus intently. The younger wizard had shown Albus everything save for Draco's task, he wished to tell the man himself, not just share such a thing so casually through a memory. It was a very serious situation and not one he could take lightly. No, he would rather tell the man himself then let Dumbledore hear such a thing through the pensieve.

"The Dark Lord twice during that conversation both said and did things that only Potter has done, though I do not wish to make you uncomfortable nor burden you with more detail than you would wish to have, it was as if, for a moment, I was speaking with Potter...not with voldemort….is it possible….that some of Potter's feelings for me have remained with the Dark Lord….is a reverse transference of emotion possible? I know Voldemort has been able, in the past, to affect Potter's emotions….his anger no doubt the prime example."

Dumbledore seemed to think on this and then nodded slowly, "I had doubts on such an occurrence ever happening, as Tom is very powerful and it would seem to me that he would be able to resist such influences. Especially if he was aware, even the slightest bit, of how this connection works. I have had a feeling of dread these past months since we first made young Harry aware of his shared connection, that if Voldemort were to ever find out, the consequences would be disastrous."

"It is far too late for that." Severus mused with frustration, "I failed in my teachings and my own pride would not allow me to continue after Potter invaded my memories. I….regret my actions now….though I do wonder if Voldemort is even aware Harry's feelings for me...that some of his latent memories... are remaining with him."

"What makes you think he is not?"

"When the Dark Lord referred to me as a Scrag….that was a conversation Potter and I had while he was awake...if the Dark Lord had been purposefully trying to view our conversation through Potter's eyes I've no doubt the boy would have sensed the intrusion. As terrible as he is at Occlumency one does not simply remain unaware of Voldemort inside your head, his very presence is toxic. Potter has been dealing with this type of intrusion far too long not to notice …. Which makes me wonder how Voldemort would have known such a word…" Severus hesitated to say the next part but he did and felt himself nearly flush, "Potter has also only ever touched my hair like that while awake…."

Dumbledore nodded at this and seemed a little surprised if not slightly unnerved, "If what you are saying is true...then this would indicate the bond between them is no longer closing upon Tom's whim...and a small link is remaining open, allowing feelings and memories from both parties to trickle back and forth. It is a very troublesome and problematic misfortune for us as well as for Harry."

"No doubt. How shall I proceed?" Severus asked.

"Has Harry shown any signs of receiving unwanted emotions or memories from Tom?"

"He had a momentary flare of temper right before I was summoned over something that he came to find completely benign. Otherwise, I have not noticed him having any nightmares, stray comments or thoughts, nor emotional shifts that are any different than expected."

"What was this benign something that irritated him?"

Severus hesitated and then sighed, knowing it was something he could not put off discussing, "This book."

Severus stood and brought the large leather bound object over to Dumbledore and placed it open on the desk before him, Severus extracted his wand and waved it over the pages which quickly changed and reflected different words then were there previously, "I had to charm the book once I read it to ease Potter's concerns on the matter, but when I read the actual passages I realized that through some twisted luck we may have come across a partial answer to the Dark Lord's plans."

Dumbledore's eyes scanned over the words and then he leaned closer, placing his hand on the pages, his reading increasing in intensity.

"Unio Autem Contrariorum….oh dear." the man mumbled as his eyes started to blaze like a fire across the pages.

"My thoughts exactly." Severus said as he stood up straight and crossed his arms about his chest, "Where did Harry come by this text?"

"That is the even stranger part, he found out about it from one of his little muggle friends. Apparently the girl's….significant other had a treasure trove of ancient ceremonial spell books….her name is Minnie Sanders...she is a teacher at one of the universities in London. When she gave me the book I was shocked to realize it was not charmed to keep muggle eyes from viewing the pages. In fact, both Minnie and Tracy, Potter's little friend, could read them without issue. The information she shared with Potter about the Union of Opposites put the boy into a tailspin of anxiety and I thought it best to charm the book so it appeared as only an old wizard marriage ceremony. The boy has enough on his mind as it is."

"A wise decision Severus, though Harry may have very well been right to worry. If this is any indication of what Tom has hidden up his sleeves then both you and Harry could be in grave danger."

"What do you suggest?"

"I need more time with the text to know for sure, even I am relatively unfamiliar with this Union of opposites to which the text refers. For now return to young Harry, ease his worries, I shall call you if I find out any new information."

"I must take a few hours to myself before I retrieve Potter. I need to meditate and go through my practices. It is not easy to do so while the boy is there. The last two times the Dark Lord has summoned me I have been lucky he has not tried to invade my mind or read my thoughts. They have been chaotic and unorganized… I have found that after so many years of being alone and keeping such a tight leash on my emotions, having to share them with someone has made my skills in such matters as Occlumency ….more difficult to maintain.

"

Dumbledore gave an understanding nod and then a very soft smile, "I understand but I implore you not see this as a burden. I have often worried about you and your habit of being so isolated and alone. Consider trying to utilise this situation with Harry as a way to strengthen your skills. Learn to shift quickly from expressing your emotions and letting them flow freely to suppressing them and controlling them more readily. I have a feeling if you can master such a feat you will surpass even me in your abilities."

Severus thought on this a moment and then nodded before he turned to leave, "I shall await word from you and shall endeavour to master this new skill from the Dark Lord quickly."

"Severus, do not try to discover any new information while you are in the snake's hole, focus on learning this skill and getting back to Harry. The longer he waits for you I fear the more agitated he may become and it would not do to have him going to look for you."

"Understood." and Severus left through the fire back to his home, completely forgetting to tell Dumbledore about Draco.

PAGEBREAK

Harry did not touch his breakfast as he waited for a sign from Sna- Severus…. _call him Severus in your head….get used to it...familiarize yourself with it…._

Severus had sent him away around nine at night, it was going on eight in the morning and there was still no word. Mr. weasley assured him that if something bad had happened to Severus, the news would be like fire on the wind. They would have heard something by now.

Ron and Hermione had tried to cheer him up, to get him out of of his gloom and worry, but they were unsuccessful. Though, Harry had asked the girl to look into the Union of Opposites, despite Severus's assurances that the entire thing was ancient nonsense and now just used as a modern metaphor for marriage.

To Harry's surprise the girl had never heard of it but upon this realization Hermione had disappeared into her room and had yet to emerge. Though Mrs. Weasley had apparently brought her breakfast and said Hermione was just fine.

He and Ron had played wizards chess, then a game of snap dragon and then flew around the yard and lazily tossed rocks at gnomes. Still, Harry felt near sick with worry and his anger was mounting, he didn't know why, as it was not right for him to be angry at Severus for doing his job….but for some reason he was.

Harry felt a twinge in a neck muscles and his head jerked a little to the side as he tried to work it out, the anger in his chest slowly building as he watched the clock on the wall and felt his foot bobbing up and down anxiously below the table.

Several minutes later Hermione emerged looking tired but mildly satisfied, "Well?" Harry asked impatiently, at one fiery glare from the girl he looked away and took a breath, "Sorry, just impatient." he offered as he rubbed at his neck again and tried to shake off this unwanted aggression.

"I've got good news and bad." the girl said as she sat down and poured herself some tea.

Ron walked in just then from the living room, his eyes locked onto the plate of scones which were slathered with orange icing, though at seeing his other friend had rejoined them, he scooped up the scone and then turned to head their way with a curious look on his face, "Any luck?" he asked as he sat down next to Harry.

"Partially." and the girl looked slightly crestfallen.

"Well, what we got?" the ginger asked as he took a bite of the pastry and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

"Napkin, Ronald."

"Guys, stop, come on...what did you find Hermione?" Harry urged as he felt yet another slice of brutally harsh impatience flare.

"Right, sorry, in all the books I have the Union of Opposites is only mentioned once and it was only brought up in passing. It references an obscure text I've never heard of…"

"Let me guess, Ancient Magical Myths and How to Understand them." Harry said.

Hermione looked up at him in confusion, "No, a book called… Conjunctio Animarum. It's an old book from a very long time ago, and went missing sometime around the turn of the century."

"Missing? From where?" Ron asked with his mouth half full.

"It doesn't say, but it does suggest that who ever took it more than likely didn't have the best of intentions as most of the things in the book were either based around dark magic or binding spells. They included ancient rituals and the like….some even had sacrificial bloodletting ceremonies and orgies…"

Ron choked on his scone and spit up into his hand, "Oh for Pete's sake Ron-" and the two were off on a tangent after that. Harry found himself swimming into the deeper waters of his mind as he wondered why the book that Severus had shown him made it all seem so benign. Why had such a book described some random marriage ceremony and not these awful rituals that Hermione was describing?

It made his worry, made him second guess what he knew….and to his surprise….it made him second guess Severus. Harry had never considered his potions professor as someone who could be wrong in his academic knowledge. The Dark and brooding man had been wrong in plenty of other aspects of his life, his judgment of Harry being a prime example. But Harry also knew, the man was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and was very well educated, he was highly intelligent and knew far more than any of the students at school gave him credit for.

Severus was not the type of person to misread information, to not understand something...he was too logical...to calculating….to...Severus to misread something so important like that or not understand it. It made Harry fear that he may have been mislead….then again...Harry did have a habit of overthinking things.

Before he could question the girl further a loud pop came from outside and in seconds everyone in the house was moving towards the front door. When Harry peeked out from around all the bodies he saw Severus striding towards the house with a cold glare on his face and stiff legs.

 _He looks like he does when he is at school, why does he look so pissed off?_

When the man made it to the front door he was ushered in and asked all sorts of questions, mostly from Mrs. and Mr. Weasley, though the twins did seem to get a kick out of asking how old moldy-Voldy was, which got them a stern smack on the back of their heads by their mother and a rather annoyed question of why they weren't at work from their father.

"Arthur, Molly, may I speak with you privately?" Severus asked them, though his eyes did stray to Harry who gave him a very annoyed glare. The man cocked a brow but followed the two parents into the living room seconds later.

Harry felt more anger flare but didn't do or say anything, he simply went to get his things, ignoring the looks he received from the rest of the group for his silence.

PAGEBREAK

"I have been requested by the Dark Lord to come tand stay with him a few days, I was hoping you would allow Harry to remain in your care until my task with the man is complete."

"Of course, Harry can stay as long as you need." Molly said though her face held concern as she looked at him and then glanced to her husband, "Do you know what the task is?" Arthur asked.

"He wishes me to learn a spell, though Albus has asked me to keep it a secret for now, if word were to spread it could give away my position. This cannot be made known to anyone, I am entrusting you to not speak a word of it to Harry or anyone else, your immediate family included. If they should ask I am simply taking a few days for myself to work on a potion for the Headmaster."

Arthur nodded and Molly bit her lip nervously, there was silence a moment before the redheaded man asked softly, "Should we have any concerns for your safe return? Should we prepare any sort of secondary plan should something happen to you?" he had asked it reluctantly, not wanting to feed into doubt nor cause anymore apprehension than was necessary but Severus admired the man's practical nature.

"I do not believe anything I shall be doing whilst in the Dark Lord's company should be cause for worry. But, if such an instance were to arise…. I do believe you and Molly would retain your custody of Harry, you will not worry about me. Harry's care comes first, his protection is key to our long term goals. You must not let the boy wonder off, nor go looking for me, it would spell disaster for everyone and put us all in extreme danger."

"Alright. We will keep an eye on him and the kids, make sure they don't get up to mischief." Arthur promised and Severus nodded as he stood, "I shall bring Harry by this evening, there are things I need to discuss with him before I leave."

"Do be careful Severus, Harry seems to have grown rather fond of you and I don't know what he would do if something happened to you." Molly urged gently as she took her husband's hand and gazed up at him.

Severus watched the subtle nature of the connection, noticed how it seemed to reassure the woman despite her being the one to initiate it and he felt a sort of bemused puzzlement at it. Though he was no stranger to holding someone's hand, he and Lily had done it all the time while in school, this seemed different and he realized he was staring and no longer responding, "Have a good day." He murmured.

Severus turned and headed for the kitchen, finding Harry whispering to his two comrades in arms conspiratorially before they looked up and fell silent.

"Alright Potter, let's go." Severus said tartly and the boy waved goodbye as he followed the older wizard out the door.

As they walked away from the house and it's protected borders neither said a word and Severus felt something heavy hanging in the air between them. All he wanted to do was go home, have a drink, eat, bath and then lay down to sleep, preferably with Harry laying next to him. But Severus had a feeling that despite the beautiful day that lay before them, despite the fact that he could now admit to himself he had missed Harry and his company while he had been forced to report to Voldemort, and the long night that followed as he meditated and tried to find an easy ebb and flow to controlling his emotions while simultaneously allowing them to be free, he knew that there would be no peace.

Still, for reasons he could not fathom as they walked away from the house he felt his arm reach out and he threaded his fingers through Harry's, not looking at the youth when those green eyes fell on him with question.

Once they were a safe distance away Severus apparated, hoping that despite the heavy air around them somehow today would be a good one.

PAGEBREAK

When Harry entered the backdoor of the house he looked around the kitchen for any sign of someone else being present, his mind pushing him to find some explanation as to why the man had not come for him sooner. Surely the man would have come for him the instant he returned, yet Harry had a sneaking suspicion Severus had not. He saw a used coffee cup on the counter, an indication the man had been here prior to picking up him.

Sticking his head through the doorway leading to the sitting room he saw an empty tumbler where there had not been one prior to his departure, he swung around harshly and crossed his arms over his chest as he eyed the man who had just shut the door behind him.

"When did you get back last night?" Harry asked.

Severus gave him a curious look and then said softly, "Around three, I thought it best not to wake you, so I came this morning instead."

Harry felt more anger rise and his eyes narrowed as another pinch of nerves in his neck erupted and he rubbed at it harshly as his eyes jerked tightly closed, "I didn't sleep, I was up all night worrying. You should have come for me, why didn't you come for me?" and Harry heard his sharp tone and knew he was raising his voice but for some reason his anger kept growing despite the fact he knew it shouldn't even be there.

Severus looked at him curiously, "Potter, how are you feeling?"

This only made Harry more angry and he turned away sharply as he walked into the sitting room, "Who was here?" he asked as his fingers landed on the rim of the crystal tumbler, he pressed down and the glass rested precariously on its bottom rim.

"No one." he heard the man say from the doorway, his tone weary but absolute.

Harry's shoulders tense and he felt the glass slide and then roll off the table only to break against the floor, "Liar!" he yelled as he spun, "I know someone was here with you!"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and his own eyes narrowed dangerously, "You are being paranoid and rather immature if I do say so myself, I assure you no one was here-"

"Yeah? A mug on the sink and a tumbler by your chair….you didn't come for me until near nine, if you got back at three that's five hours without me here...you could have been doing anything."

"I could have been but I was not, I took the time to meditate and focus on my Occlumency. Now, you will stop this childish display of paranoid jealousy or you will regret it."

"I wouldn't threaten me right now if I were you." Harry said as he took several slow steps towards the man, his anger becoming rather beastly in his chest, "Why are you so upset, Potter?" Severus asked.

"Don't call me Potter! Use my name! You've bloody well taken advantage enough without giving me the respect of using my name!"

"Is that what I have been doing?" and Harry heard the deathly quiet tone of the man's voice, recognized the alarm bells going off in the back of his head but the anger seemed to push past his common sense and so he moved to stand right before him and brought his hand into the man's hair, fisting it hard and pulling down, the man complying with his harsh yank but not giving any indication as to the amount of pain it may have caused, "You should have come for me, you are being very stupid right now and taking for granted my affections...I'd be far more careful in the future if you want me to-"

But Harry never finished because in that instant Severus had him by the throat and pressed to the entryway frame between the kitchen and sitting room, his face marred by anger and his lips a cruel sneer, "Clear your mind." the man ordered sharply.

"What are you do-"

"Now! Clear your mind you insolent brat!" the man spat out and gave a jerk which caused Harry's head to smack against the entryway wall behind him.

"Let me go!" Harry bellowed loudly and Severus leaned in closer, his voice near deadly, "If you don't do as I say I will hex you until you can't see! NOW FOCUS AND CLEAR YOUR MIND YOU STUPID IDIOT!"

Harry gritted his teeth as rage erupted like a volcano in his chest and before he could stop himself his fist whipped out violently and caught Severus around his brow. Stumbling back the man released him but it wasn't until Harry saw the small trickle of blood running down the man's temple that his anger deflated instantly and terror filled his eyes, "Professor...I- I'm sorry- I…didn't mean to..."

But the man was on him instantly, grabbing him up by the back of the neck and dragging him towards the stairs. Harry tried again to apologize but Severus was moving fast, his nails digging into the back of Harry's neck with a vengeance and as he stumbled up the stairs he felt his heart sinking quickly.

"Please, wait, I don't know why I-"

"Silence!" the man hissed as he threw Harry into his room, the youth landing roughly on the floor.

"You will remain here until you have calmed down, and you will meditate until that bloody temper of yours is under control and your paranoid and jealous delusions have ended." Severus slammed the door and Harry heard a click.

Instantly the boy was up and at the door banging, "No! PLEASE DON'T LOCK ME IN! I'm sorry! I will be good! Don't lock me in! PLEASE!" Harry very nearly sobbed, "Not here, don't…don't be like them…. please don't shut me away, don't ignore me! I will be good!" but the lock didn't budge and as Harry sank to the floor, tears flooding down his face at the very idea of being locked up in this place he had started to feel so comfortable in, all he could do was cry and snivel like a child, murmuring to be let out, hoping the man would forgive him and not forget about him like everyone always seemed to do.

PAGEBREAK

When Severus locked the door he didn't expect the chaotic cacophony that followed. Harry throwing himself against the door desperately and pleading to be released from his room. A cold shiver ran up the man's spine as his stomach filled with a numb dread...Harry never locked his door...and Severus recalled seeing the vast array of heavy metal locks on the door at his relative's home.

It was an easy puzzle to solve and he felt more guilty than he thought he would be able to given the boy had just punched him in the head. But he had to be firm, force Harry to be strong and fight his demons. What ever trauma he had suffered through in his youth was just a weakness, one that Severus knew Harry could overcome if he just tried.

Severus ignored the noises he heard as his mind began to focus on what had just happened. That had not been Harry down stairs, that anger….that paranoid jealousy had been someone else's entirely and Severus knew who.

He needed to clean up his face and then send a short message to Dumbledore. It was officially confirmed, Harry was suffering from shared emotions just as Voldemort was. The bond they shared, whatever it was, however it had worked in the past, it was different now...it wasn't closing. This meant that Severus would have to start Harry's training for Occlumency as soon as he returned.

He pressed up from his slouched position against the boys door and headed for the bathroom, pressing his emotions aside and focusing on the tasks ahead. Summer was very quickly coming to an end and Severus knew that things were going to be changing drastically for both him and Harry. He could not leave the boy locked up all night as he had to tell him what was going on, had to get ready to spend the next few days learning a new spell from the Dark Lord himself.

What was he to tell the boy? The truth? A half lie? How would Harry respond given his current state? It was ten thirty, the man noted. By early evening he had to send Harry back to the burrow and he needed to come up with a plan, something that would make Harry understand….be it the truth or a lie Severus had to take care to be gentle, as any little thing could now set the boy off.

 _Give him time to cool off, then talk to him and show him you still care….you can do that….be….loving?_ And Severus shivered, not because love disgusted him, not because he didn't think he could...but because he had yet to show such depth of emotions to the troubled youth and he wasn't sure how Harry would respond.

Love was a very difficult thing….it made you lash out and yet it made you kind…..it could kill you or help you survive….being in love was different than simply loving someone….it was a sticky, messy and cruel thing filled with passion, wonder and gut wrenching anguish. Severus doubted he could ever love anyone the way he had loved Lily, but if he could he was sure it would be someone like Harry. Someone so kind and gentle, unconditionally forgiving and warm, quiet and shy but brave and boldly annoying.

Severus smirked as he wiped the blood from his temple, the contradictory nature of his thoughts versus the blood on his face not lost on him. But he knew that right now, even after such an unnecessary blow up he still just wanted to take the boy to his room and lay down next to him. Severus realized he truly was becoming much too accustomed to such little conveniences and it made him feel far more weak than it should.

As he went to apply plaster to the cut Severus heard a loud bang from Harry's room and then a small sob and panted breaths. He turned and poked his head out into the hall and let out a soft breath. He couldn't go back on his choice. Potter needed to learn his lesson….

 _And what lesson is that Severus? Not to let a psycho share his evil emotions with him when he isn't even aware it is happening? How dare he act upon something he didn't even know about….so foolish…_

"Shut up." Severus murmured as he slowly approached the door. Pressing his ear to the old wood gently he heard Harry talking to himself, soft murmurs of reassurance, "He won't leave you here all night, he won't forget you're here….it's just a punishment, not forever. He will unlock the door, relax, focus, breath in….find your center...calm down….god, get out of my head….push him away...calm down and find your center….stop the anger…" the estranged words and sentences continued and Severus found his heart filling with remorse at his harsh actions and the small amount of guilt that had settled in the back of his mind was pressing forward.

Severus had never reneged on punishment, in his entire time as a professor at Hogwarts he always saw every punishment through to the end. There was never a desire to take back or undo any detention or punishment he had given because every single one, he felt anyway, was justified and proper.

In this instance though, maybe for the first time ever, he had acted too quickly, allowed his anger to get the better of him….he shouldn't have…..he should have tried harder to pull Harry back instead of push him away and force him to face this on his own.

Punishment was made for those who had done wrong, all Harry had done was react to emotions that weren't his own and lashed out when his jealousy got the better of him...no doubt Voldemort's own paranoid aggressions fed the small fears and had ignited something that could have easily been spoken about respectfully, to spiral out of control.

That's what Voldemort did, what he was incredibly skilled at, feeding fear and doubt, pushing anger and hate….all he needed was one tiny little flame and he could breathe such life into it to start a hundred year war and decimate and divide an entire culture...an entire race.

His hand was turning the key and twisting the knob moments later and for the first time in his life Severus Snape felt like he had done wrong by his actions in regards to a student. He pushed the door open and found Harry sitting in the far corner, arms around his legs and eyes closed as he breathed in and out slowly, trying to do what the man had ordered him to do.

His face was red, his brow sweaty and Severus knew he was fighting right now, trying to close a connection that he couldn't, trying to face demons that were near overpowering.

 _You have done wrong by him Severus….make it right._

"Harry." He said gently and those red rimmed eyes opened, shinning green emeralds looking to him with such a surprised and yet devastated hope, that all he could do was sigh and raise his arms, opening them up and saying gently, "Come to me."

Harry was up in an instant, stumbling to him and embracing Severus fiercely as he let out a frustrated growl into the man's chest, "I'm sorry." He said in an obvious self-frustrated tone.

"It's alright, I was too harsh. I knew you were suffering from the effects of Voldemort's hateful nature, I should have tried to help you… I did not mean to hurt you so."

"I deserved it." Harry murmured into Severus's chest.

"You did not. I was too quick to anger, I should not have let myself feed off your own aggressions. I was ignorant."

Harry seemed to strengthen his hold and then said softly, "As soon as you left me in here I realized I could sense it….his anger...his...mind….it's so small….almost like a ghost…. I didn't notice it at first because it blended near perfectly with my own anger. But I wouldn't ever physically attack someone like that...it wasn't me...I know you wouldn't do that either...what I implied….it was like I had no control over it...my fears...the paranoia...it's just so toxic… all that anger."

Severus nodded as he placed his chin atop the boy's head and closed his eyes, savoring this embrace, this peaceful moment of apologies and honest truths, "And sometimes….it feels good." Severus said with a very small smirk, hoping to alleviate the tension.

"Not this time...this time it felt...dangerous….it felt….powerful and filled me with an intense desire to hurt you… I didn't like it after...not this time."

Severus could only nod his understanding as he brought a hand up to cup the boy's chin, "I need to know you are alright. I have many things to discuss with you...some of it you are not going to like and I need to know you can have some form of control over yourself before I tell you."

Harry looked up at him, those green eyes studying his face and trying to discern the nature of Severus's news. Raising a hand, Harry brought his palm to a pale cheek and rubbed up into that hair, tucking it behind an ear and saying nervously, "I need your help, will you guide me through my meditations? I think I can do better if you help me."

Severus nodded and leaned down, taking up those thin lips and gently showing his affections through a kiss that was serenely tender. Harry gave a breathy moan into his mouth and Severus felt that all too enjoyable heat flood his lower stomach. It wasn't the time for such things but how desperately he wanted to do them was near electric in his mind.

When they pulled away Severus urged the boy into another embrace before he sighed out lazily, "You will be the death of me."

"And you mine, sir." Harry offered up affectionately and then Severus finally let him go and guided the boy to his room.

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"How do you feel now Harry?" Severus asked as the two came to the final release of their meditative session.

"Better." the boy said as he let one last breath out and looked to his mentor with a gentle smile.

Severus nodded as he let his eyes stare at the boy in the candle light, a scarred and pale torso glowing in the dark of his room, those light brown pants a startling contrast against such dark hair which ran down below the tight waist line. Considering how much yard work the boy usually had to do Severus was surprised Harry wasn't tanner than he appeared. Though, Severus wasn't really bothered by it, pale skin suited the boy before him and he couldn't keep the desire to remove those pants from the boy's body out of his mind.

"What do you want to speak to me about, sir?" and Harry asked the question so innocently that Severus had to argue with himself, his body suggesting that he had plenty of time….it was only noon….he could...they could have a few minutes to just….

"Sir?"

Shaking his head slowly he took a breath and stood, "Let's eat, we can discuss it over lunch. Do you need a shower?"

Harry shook his head and so the two left the room together. While he had helped Harry with his meditation he tried to think of the best way to break the news, to tell the boy all things that he needed to without causing him more panic.

In the end Severus decided to simply be honest, already fighting the urges he had to come clean about that damned book. He would tell Harry the truth about it should it become important to do so, for now however, it was just more stress.

After spelling together a light lunch of sandwiches and soup Severus sat down and glanced at the boy across from him, wondering where to begin. He took a breath and rubbed a hand down his face as he knew no matter where he started this conversation would most likely not end well.

"There are several matters I need to discuss with you, frankly, I don't know where to begin so I will just start with the most important. Last evening while I was with the Dark Lord he seemed to be acting normal. His manner was what we have all come to expect, terrifying and mercilessly cold. That is until I was alone with him. At first I thought he might be toying with me… it would not have been surprising as he does enjoy unnerving those around him...but as our conversation progressed I realized that Voldemort did not seem to be aware of his actions….it occurred to me that he was speaking and acting in a way that I would not normally attribute to his personality."

Harry's brow furrowed as he spoke softly, "I don't understand, what was he doing, who was he acting like?"

Severus swallowed and leaned forward a little, his fingers twitching as they rested on his knees, "He was behaving like you Harry…. He even went so far as to tuck my hair behind an ear."

Severus saw the boy's face pale, his brow shooting up and those brilliant green eyes fill with anxiety, "Voldemort was acting like...me?"

"It was….strange to say the least….very unsettling." and this is where Severus knew he had to lie, and his heart ached a little at the thought, "leaving out any personal information about you and I that the Headmaster did not need to know, I informed him of the Dark Lord's strange behavior and he seemed to think it would be possible for this connection between you and Voldemort to be reversible. That perhaps, he was receiving feelings from you….sharing and receiving your over abundance of often positive feelings...for friends….family…..loved ones….just as you often receive his rather daunting emotions and feelings of hate, anger and aggression. Professor Dumbledore also believes, the link between you is not closing off as it once did, as Voldemort was able to do…. That you two can no longer block each other….in essence you are sharing thoughts, feelings, random tidbits of information without even realizing it. This is why it is so important that you try to meditate as often as possible, to keep your thoughts and feelings as calm and placid as you can."

"Professor….do you think that is why I have been so moody? So angry? Why sometimes all this hatred and aggression feels good? It's not actually me….it's Voldemort's feelings….his emotions...his mind is sharing these things with me unwillingly?"

"We should never assume, especially with someone as twisted and evil as Voldemort, that he isn't doing such things on purpose….however, I do not believe as of yet he is aware that this bond can go both ways. He knows that he can view your thoughts….your memories and even your dreams….but if he was at all aware that such things...your feelings included, were coming to him on some subconscious level...changing his actions, words and personality….he would be far more likely to try and find a way to stop it. Love, companionship….friendship….it is all disgusting to him...all vial refuse. He would not want such things affecting his actions….affecting his mind."

Harry seemed to be thinking very hard for a moment, before he looked up and said in a rather sheepish tone, "Maybe...we could use this to our advantage….maybe it could be a benefit to allow Voldemort to feel something other than-"

"No. You must not think like that, while it is a noble thought, that demon cannot be saved or changed….he has sunken to far into the darkness, he has always been and will always be a homicidal maniac...do not think you could have any long term or lasting affect on him. It would be foolish and put you in grave danger. While I am away I want you to promise me you will refrain from trying to share or suggest anything to the Dark Lord….you will focus on the schedule of meditation I lay out for you and wait for my return...promise me….please." Severus said softly, his dark eyes staring at him intensely, near begging the boy not to try to be the hero this time...not to put himself in such a risky spot.

Harry finally nodded, albeit reluctantly and so Severus moved on, "Dumbledore has ordered me not to discuss my next bit of information with anyone, as any word of it getting out could expose my position as a spy...even now I should not be telling you as the connection you share with the Dark Lord is very dangerous and if he realized I told you it could be disastrous. I am counting on you to retain a hard control on your mind and emotions while I am gone, to not share this with anyone."

"Gone?" Harry asked and Severus winced internally, that was not how he had planned to break the news.

"Yes….the Dark Lord has ordered me to report to him first thing tomorrow and begin the immeasurable task of learning a new spell. It has left me with few options save for to deposit you at the burrow this evening and leave. But I must make you understand….make you understand that I understand how hard it is for you to fight the Dark Lord's molestation of your mind….while I am gone… you absolutely MUST try to manage your thoughts and feelings, especially before you sleep. I shall try to be gone no longer than three days but the complicated nature of this new spell could take time to learn."

Harry nodded but his eyes showed his worries, "Sir, this spell….it isn't a new unforgivable is it?"

Severus shook his head as his eyes darted to the table, a finger coming to run around the rim of his cup, "No. Believe me, if I could tell you I would….but I cannot….even now as we speak Voldemort could be listening albeit subconsciously….unaware of his ability to do so...the Dark Lord even referred to me as a Scrag…"

This time Harry looked near sick with worry, "I have never told him about any of my youth in Spinner's End, nor does he have reason to come here….he picked it up from your mind Harry….and he didn't even question how he knew the word...he simply used it as if he had always known it. Do you understand how important it is for you to really try...to really perfect your meditations...to keep your emotions as your own and not let your mind wonder?"

This time Harry nodded swiftly, a new form of determination setting in on his face, "I won't let you down. I will protect myself...protect you."

Severus smirked at the boy's sudden tenacity and slowly reached a hand up from his lap to rest over Harry's, "I believe you can, but you must promise me to keep from acting hastily as well. If I am not back in three days you need not worry. While you endeavour to master your mind and emotions I will endeavour to learn this spell as quickly as possible. You must have faith in both me and yourself. Do not go running off if I do not return promptly. It would be far worse for me if you were to manage to locate me and nothing be wrong...do you agree?"

Harry's tone was soft, filled with regret, and Severus had not doubt he was thinking about the ministry, about what had happened with Black and Severus felt a twinge of remorse at having to drudge up such painful memories, "Yes, sir."

Severus slowly stood, holding out a hand to the boy still sitting, "Come..." He said in a near whisper and Harry reached out a hand, took his and stood, their eyes not blinking as they gazed at each other.

Knowing they needed to prepare for what was to come, knowing they needed to pack their bags and spend sometimes working on a schedule for the boy to follow, Severus was reluctant still as the sooner they got ready the sooner he would have to leave….but he wanted to have some time with the boy….wanted to touch him….three days was an estimate...it could take longer, God's forbid… he didn't like the idea of sleeping in some dreary castle with the boy no where near…. To not be able to reach out and pull him close at night.

Before Harry came here, before all this madness started he wouldn't have had any problems. He would have spent this time in deep meditation, then spent hours on his Occlumency practices...but he was feeling very lazy….very…. Tempted to sherk his responsibilities….something he hadn't felt since his youth.

Severus gently pulled Harry close, his heart rate increasing as he gazed into those green eyes, "This will be the longest I will have been away from you since I came here." Harry mused softly.

"Only three days, maybe two if I find the spell easy to learn." Severus comforted as he ran his lips gently back and forth across Harry's brow.

"Learning something from Voldemort ….bit scary isn't it?"

"Not really, as long as I do everything he says and do not fail." Severus felt excitement grow a little in his chest and stomach as his lips skimmed down to gently kiss the boy's neck.

Harry's eyes fluttered closed and he licked his lips as he took a breath, "How do you not piss off a crazy person?"

Raising his fingers of to Harry's neck, he gently tugged at the fabric to expose a shoulder, "Often times you can not help it if you do...best to just stay quiet, speak only when spoken to and don't give any opinions unless asked for it….in essence….become an object and usually you are quiet safe…" and he nipped at the now red flesh, one hand moving around to cup Harry's arse and he gently turned and pressed the boy against the table's edge."

"You are distracting me…" Harry said, "We should be getting you ready to go...you should be meditating too."

"This counts…" Severus said stubbornly as he found his way back to those thin lips, "It really doesn't…" Harry protested weakly.

"We have time...and if I am to spend the next three days without you...I want your screams of ecstasy ringing in my memories...something to keep me warm at night….where I am going is quite cold."

He kissed those lips, as he took Harry's hands up and guided them to lace around his neck, he then felt his way down the boy's sides to fold around and pull him closer.

"You will behave while I am gone...yes?" he murmured against the boy's ear, pressing his hips into Harry's and rocking ever so slightly.

"Yes, sir." it was a whispered response, Harry's fingers stroking gently over Severus's neck and up into his hair.

Severus couldn't help himself then at the sound of such a breathy response, jerking the boy up to set him on the table, their forgotten lunch growing cold and only serving to take up room. He wondered if Harry would miss him, wondered what the boy would do if he woke up to arousal and found himself alone…

"You will do one more thing for me while you are away, "Severus found himself purring out softly against Harry's cheek before running his lips softly back and forth on the boy's jaw.

"Yes, sir?" Harry panted.

"If you find yourself wanting at any time while I am gone….you will think of me when you touch yourself." he leaned back a little to spy the boy's face, saw the red erupt like a scarlet rose across pale cheeks and the glazed look of arousal in Harry's eyes.

"Promise to think of me… only me...when your stroke yourself to completion." and Severus took up Harry's face between his hands, thumbs stroke those deliciously red cheeks as his dark eyes bid Harry to comply.

"Yes, sir." and Harry's voice was thick with need, his body near placid as he leaned in and ran his tongue and lips gently over Severus's, the man giving a small groan of delight in response.

Severus quickly pulled his wand put, gave a flick to clear the table of clutter and then tossed his wand on the counter behind him. He pressed Harry down with a palm to his chest, the boy's head just barely remaining on the table, the small thing giving a creak in turn due to the weight.

Not hesitating, his hands ran down over clothes, coming to stop at the button and zip, his jaw clenching tight as he realized once they were open there would be no going back.

His fingers moved quickly, but his body language remained calm and once Harry's waist was loose Severus pressed both the trousers and boxers down over narrow hips, dragging them off roughly; the skin he was feeling erupting in goosebumps.

Panting breaths pulsed up into the air before him and Severus palmed those thighs as soon as he stood and jerked them apart with a soft grunt "I need to be with you…. now." Severus murmured darkly and he started to press against Harry, his groin undulating deliciously blunt against his companion as he quickly jerked at the button on his collar and chest.

Harry's prick was hard, his body ready and Severus licked his lips quickly as he yanked his tunic and undershirt off.

Seconds later he was sucking on Harry's neck, the boy's desperate pants growing with desire. "I wish to try something new tonight….will you let me?" Severus asked seductively into the boy's ear. Harry nodded but Severus wanted more than just a nod, "Speak, Harry."

"Yes."

"Yes what?" Severus demanded tenderly, his lips brushing over Harry's as his fingers glided up a thigh to circle around that swollen muscle persuasively.

"Yes, sir." and he watched as Harry's stomach tightened, a small smirk curving his lips up as he watched Harry's suffering with glee.

"Would you let me do anything?" and those fingers grew closer, one just barely tracing over the boy's balls which made Harry give a shudder, "Yes, sir." and his tone was a whimpering mess of want, his muscles tightening sporadically before releasing and tightening again, hips almost bucking, "Anything at all? I could be quite demented if given such allowances.

"Anything, sir….anything you want…"

"You are such a good boy...aren't you?" Severus asked, wanting to play with the strange arousal Harry received from such dirty talk. It was a contradictory perversion, but perhaps that was the point… letting go and just accepting something that you might normally find unpleasant. Either way, Severus found he enjoyed such things, god forbid Harry ever say such a thing to him.

"Yes, sir."

"And you are mine, yes?" his middle finger starting to slide up and down the firm shaft which twitched in response.

"Yes, sir!" Harry gasped out, "All mine?" Severus prompted as he slowly began to move that finger down to Harry's inner thigh, Severus near gasping when he felt the soft warm skin beneath his finger.

"Yes, sir, everything...all yours!" Harry's body was starting to truly show signs of immense strain as he fought against the urge to cum prematurely. Severus found it endearing and highly enjoyable to watch, bringing that finger away from Harry's nearing red member and pressing a finger into that trembling mouth, "Suck, get it wet…." Severus breathed, his own arousal growing even quicker when Harry complied.

After a moment he withdrew his digit and pressed his lips to Harry's ear, "Spread your legs Harry, spread them for me."

Harry didn't hesitate and Severus leaned down to watch Harry's face with intensity as he brought his finger to that tight ring of muscle, knowing this was about to enter them into a whole new level of intimacy, one he hoped Harry was ready for, he spoke in a hushed voice, "I want you to relax, breath... I want you to imagine what this might feel like... if it were my prick." and Severus pressed his wet finger inside swiftly, Harry's back arching clear off the table and his teeth gritting as he let out a guttural yell.

Severus felt a heady intoxication run through him, knew his own face must have shown it too, but he couldn't care as he pressed his mouth to Harry's and swallowed those luscious sounds and groaned back into that open mouth.

His eyes snapped closed as he felt Harry's tight muscles, the heat and that undeniably slick tunnel, his mind exploded with images, thoughts and ideas of how it might feel if he were to just roll the boy over and claim him now.

"Exquisite…" he groaned out as he allowed Harry's body to adjust, "That's it...just relax...it is only one finger…just take it in… enjoy it." he murmured against those pulsing lips, Harry's face contorted and yet filled with the view of someone in bliss.

"Says you…" Harry breathed out and Severus smirked as he pushed in deeper and found that sweet spot that he knew would drive Harry to the edge. His black eyes watched as the boy's body tensed, his abs becoming more defined as his body prepared for the spill, "Shite!" Harry gasped when Severus ran a finger gently over his prostate. He took in every inch of the boy's face, the sounds and feelings….he wanted more...so badly did he want to just...

"I would hold on tight if I were you." Severus said and he pulled out a little and pressed back in, watching the boy's face screw up again in the most enchanting and arousing way, his brow arched up painfully high, eyes pinched closed and mouth open in a silent 'O'.

"I don't think I can help what I am about to do...I hope you'll forgive me…" Severus groaned nearly lost in delight as he pulled out one more time.

"What are you going to-" but he didn't let Harry finish, for he crashed their mouths together, pressing his tongue inside and lapping deeply into that mouth. He was scissoring his two fingers together to spread the moisture to his middle digit, then he placed them at the entrance and pressed in fast, hitting the prostate hard.

Harry let out a strangled yell as he came brutally fast, continuing to let out sounds of the most unholy nature and Severus watched him squirm as he drank down those cries with such exuberance, his excitement growing as he pulled away, his fingers still gliding in and out far too fast for Harry's first time, yet his heart was growing heavy with emotions that were much too dangerous to be there.

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The pain that he felt nearly overload the pleasure, but as soon as Severus's fingers hit deeper the sharp pleasure broke through and the two became one, swirling and twisting together to give Harry the most intense orgasm he had ever had. It made his entire body jolt, his soul scream and his hips buck wildly as he felt his face twist into a petrified mask of ecstasy.

He yelled Severus's name and nearly tried to squirm away as the man did not let up on his harsh deep penetrating thrusts. But Severus didn't stop and he pressed his free hand to Harry's chest as he shoved his fingers in again.

"S-Sir! Please….I-"

"Just once more for me, me a good boy and cum for me again…" and the man's voice was that of utter ruin as he continued to stroke into him and Harry didn't feel the pain anymore, all he felt was that electric pleasure, the pressure of that spot being rubbed over and over, his body instantly responding as if by some silent command.

"Too soon...too much...I c-can't…"

"I'm stimulating your prostate...I do believe you can...several times in fact...now cum for me...like the good boy you are." the man nearly hissed out as he jerked his arm and his fingers pressed harshly against that spot…. the sweet raw spot that pushed him to his edge but was leaving him suspended in air, wired and strung out and unable to reach another peek.

"Please….let me rest...just a minute to…" Harry begged profoundly as another gasp escaped him and his arms instantly wrapped around the man's neck to try and ground himself.

"Now." the man ordered and at his tone Harry could do nothing but try to comply as those fingers continued to push and pull and stroke over his sweet spot, massaging and rubbing it and Harry felt his nails dig across his professors back, skin becoming pliant to his scratches as he tried desperately to reach an end that would please his partner and shoot him into oblivion.

Severus pressed in harder and Harry's back arched as his hips began to buck again, hands clenching that larger body to his own, their chests and stomachs smacking together as his mouth opened and sounds came out unbidden, sounds so desperate and licentious and filthy he almost felt ashamed.

"That's it...just let it come, cum for me….right now Harry...cum." and Harry did, somehow he did even though he felt like he couldn't and this time it was near painful, white hot and deliciously pure.

He felt tears at the corners of his eyes from the burning pain in his muscles which mixed with the raw spike of his orgasm. This time he near screamed but Severus brought his mouth down, covering Harry's lips and swallowing it as if he were eating a holy communion. Those fingers slowly stalling and then finally coming to a stop, remaining inside of him even after he lay delirious on the table, sweat coating his brow and his chest heaving, eyes closed and tears flowing.

When Severus pulled his lips away he gently pressed his cheek to Harry's, that soft silky voice saying so sweetly and with utter satisfaction, "That was excellent Mr. Potter...next time we shall try for three….you may hallucinate but I promise not to tell a soul what you say in your hysteria."

Harry's eyes slowly cracked open to gaze up at him, "I couldn't."

"That is why we practice…" and Severus paused to take in the sight before him. The boy splayed out on the table, heels just barely able to rest on the edge, knees apart, face sweaty and cheeks red, those lips still trembling from the aftershocks and a mess on his stomach.

He realized in that moment the effect he had just had on Harry, the fact that he was the cause of such a state made him even more hungry, his want growing as he realized Harry was near helpless with exhaustion...he could get away with doing just about anything to him and the boy would be unable to stop him.

Dousing such dark thoughts instantly Severus leaned forward as he allowed a warm rumble of amusement to emit from his chest, "You've made a mess...rest..I will see to it." Severus turned away and went to the sink, taking up a clean rag and soaking it with cool water from the sink.

When he returned to the table he used the cool damp cloth to wipe the sweat from Harry's brow, running it down his neck, chest and stomach to clean up the boy's seed.

"That feels good." Harry sighed in relief as Severus continued to clean up the effects of his labor.

"You are absolutely ruined...I do love to see you so...wrecked." Severus purred and Harry shivered at the sound. He was exhausted but Severus saw a gleam in that eye, a desire to please and he found himself clearing his throat to speak but Harry beat him to it, "I want to go to the bedroom." Harry said softly and Severus felt his heart accelerate, his lower abdomen twist in such a tight hot knot he had to ask, "And what, exactly, do you need in the bedroom?"

Harry managed to sit up, wincing a little as he lowered his legs and sat on his arse, "You." he said softly, his lips moving to kiss severus's bare chest and the man shivered and gasped softly.

"We are short on time….I will be fine to wait until I return…"

Harry ran a hand up the man's chest and neck before pressing his fingers through soft black hair and whispering out, "Take me to your bed Professor...I am in need of practice."

Severus was near panting and his eyes looked greedily down at him, his tongue quickly licking his lips as warm hands came to take up Harry's face, "You wish to please me?" and his eyes were filled with longing, his face waiting with a desperate desire for such a thing to be true and Harry pulled his face closer as he murmured against lips, "Yes, sir… all night if I could."

The man before him seemed to hesitate but then said in a rather rough voice, "Be very careful what you say, it could come true."

Harry looked up into those dark eyes, full of desire and greedy want, "I hope so...I plan to be here on my birthday professor...you won't be able to keep me away… and as soon as the clock strikes midnight-"

"Don't you dare tempt me so...you would be sorry for it in the morning."

Harry stood then, his knees still shaky and his body trembling but he took the man's hand and gently pulled, walking backwards and maintaining eye contact, "I'd be more sorry to wake up the next day knowing you hadn't thoroughly destroyed my virtue…"

"Harry…" the man said with shock, his eyes growing wide as they passed through the sitting room. Harry decided he liked seeing Severus look that way, surprise was not something he often showed and it made him look far younger, far less in control of himself.

Harry only smirked and continued, "between you and me I can't wait to feel you inside me." They were going up the stairs now, Harry still keeping the man's eye, still guiding him and luring him closer to the bedroom, "and I can't wait to feel the soreness after when you've had me. I want you to claim me as yours."

When they reached the man's door Severus suddenly shoved the boy into it, hands on either side of his head, a overpowering lust lacing his face, his breath no longer panting but huffing as those black eyes grew more and more hazy and lost in sexual desire, "Don't you want me to be yours, sir?"

Severus grabbed Harry's jaw and looked at him in frustration, "Gods...if I had known when I first brought you here that you could be such a little devil-"

"The bed, sir….I want to go to your bed...will you take me?" the double meaning was not lost on either of them.

Harry watched as the man fought with himself, knew he was pushing all the right buttons to make the man's well ordered control slip, but Harry wasn't trying to push for sex, he could wait for that, but if it happened now...

Somehow, he wanted to please this man, really make him submit to such intense pleasures that he would be as destroyed as Harry often felt after. That destruction also being his most treasured and sacred feeling, as he realized that his own submission was what made the skyrocketing end so enthralling, so dark and sweet.

However, Severus did not seem like the type to submit so willingly, yet Harry wanted to try something new as well...it was only fair right? Harry, though he felt slightly guilty, found he enjoyed tempting his professor, seducing him and making him shudder with want, the satisfaction and power was intoxicating and also made him feel proud, made him feel attractive and wanted.

It was a new sensation to Harry, one that made him feel ashamed for being so shallow as to desire someone to find him physically appealing….but he honestly didn't think he could help it….receiving so much wanted attention after so many years of unwanted attention was like being a deaf person hearing music for the first time...completely new and woefully shocking… it was addicting.

Severus hoisted him up and Harry didn't hesitate to wrap his legs and arms around the man, cementing his allure with a rather dangerous kiss and fisting his hand into the hair at the back of Severus's neck.

"I can not have you that way, not yet, not now-" and Harry heard the almost whine in the man's voice, the regret, and he wished he had the ability to sooth Severus's worries. To make him forget everything else and just do the thing they both wanted. But Harry was not the type of person to push someone further than they were ready to go, at least...not in this particular area. As sure as he was that he was finally ready, that he wanted to join with this man before he was back in school and such a thing at that time would be impossible, he would just have to wait and so he brought his lips to the man's ear and whispered, "Then make me a promise professor...that you will give me a present on my birthday."

The man took a deep breath and leaned into him, his face burying itself in Harry's neck, "I can't promise-"

"Promise me, or I won't meditate while you are away."

"You wicked youth." Severus groaned and Harry chuckled lightly.

"I want it to be you professor, even if we don't make it through this, even if what we have started we can't finish...I just want it to happen with you. I trust you...could you try to trust me?"

Severus seemed to hesitate, his hold tightening as he brought his lips to Harry's and swallowed, "I will try." he promised, though he seemed reluctant to do even that. However, Harry knew that was a rather large step for the man, considering his background, considering his position as a spy...considering everything...so he took it with a grain of salt and when he opened his mouth to allow the man's tongue inside, a small part of him felt victorious.

PAGEBREAK

Severus groaned out harshly as he lay on the bed, one hand fisting the sheets, the other gripping rather ardently into Harry's hair. The boy had dragged out this little session for nearly an hour. Getting him so close to tipping over and then slowing down, making his climb a slow and painful build to completion. Up and down he went, his brow coated in sweat, his own body trembling and despite how many orders or commands he gave for the boy to finish him off Harry was not obeying and it was driving Severus wild.

He had tried to gain some semblance of control back, trying to guide the boy's bobbing head and the speed to which Harry was performing but after twenty minutes of said power struggle Severus found it harder and harder to claim control. By now, his body was near putty, his breathing ragged pants and his mind a soupy mixture of desperate need to finish and intoxicated chaos.

Knowing what the boy wanted from him Severus had managed to remain stubborn but he feared he was losing and soon enough the things Harry wanted to hear would spill from his lips despite his determination not to do so, "Just say it for me once, Sir….I just want to hear it once and then-"

"Potter, I will not...aah!" the man near yelled as the boy ducked back down and started to suck hard enough to make Severus go blind, "Oh God's!"

Harry stopped again and smiled, "Please...just beg a little...we are running out of time and I really want to hear-"

"You do not simply...ask...someone politely to beg Potter...and even if you were demanding it I wouldn't-"

"Beg me." Harry said sharply, a hand coming up to grip his length and squeeze, "Aah! You little-"

"Beg me for it or I will get up and walk away...I won't finish you…"

Severus gritted his teeth and felt his cheeks flare red as his frustration mounted and his hold in the boy's hair tightened, "Potter!" the man barked.

Harry's face melted to one of utter defeat and Severus felt his breath catch in his throat, he leaned forward and came just an inch from the man's face, "Please, sir? Please beg me?"

Severus had never seen someone beg in an attempt to get someone else to beg, and he found those big green eyes urging him to comply near irresistible and he felt his heart stutter and his lips opened just a bit, "Please, oh god please beg me….I want to hear how you sound when you do...I want to know I brought it from your lips...beg me, please beg me Severus." Harry urged and the older wizard swallowed as his arousal flared and when Harry sank back down to wrap those lips around his length and suck painfully sweet at his length Severus gripped the sheets tighter than he had before and his mouth opened against his will, "God's please, finish me, please let me cum!"

And Harry sank his mouth down, Severus's length hitting the back of the boys throat and instantly he fell over. Yelling out strangled cries of ecstasy as he spilled his seed down the back of Harry's throat.

He lay there panting for minutes after, eyes wide and staring at the ceiling, his breathing eventually evening out as Harry came up to lay next to him and rest a hand on his chest, I'm sorry, sir. I'm still new to this and I just wanted to try-"

"You will be the death of me boy." Severus snapped gently as he pulled the boy closer and kissed his brow.

Harry couldn't help the small smirk that spread across his face, "And you mine, sir."

 **A/N: okay, please R &R and let me know what you thought. The next chapter will be our descent into the main plot. **


	13. Hello Darkness my old Friend

**A/N: hey guys, thanks for the wonderful reviews! Bad news though, I messed up the calendar year. I think I am a week or two behind schedule. Sirius dies June 4th, and school ends each year in the third week of June. That should all line up with what I had written in the first chapter, when Harry said it had been two weeks since his death and he was already at his relatives, it would have been the end of the third week and the beginning of the final week of the month give or take a day or two.**

 **This pushes Harry into July faster than I had recalled...he has been with Severus by this point a month and a half...which means we have already missed his birthday and are into August…..**

 **So, I need you all to close your eyes REALLY tightly and imagine with me that I did not get confused by my own timeline like an idiot, that everything is as it should be and that Harry's birthday is a week away.**

 **I promise to go back when the story is done and correct my timeline and the pacing so that it doesn't read like a time warped episode from Dr. Who. The month of August is coming which is the final plot set up and then Harry is heading back to school to shoot at things with his wand, have sex in a potions storage closet and finally learn what the devil is going on!**

 **Enjoy the chappy, much love, Apprentice08.**

 **WARNINGS: We have finally reached the first LEMOOOOON! FIGHTING AND A VERY MILD BIT OF ABUSE, GORE AND DIRT MOUTH WITH MILD ROUGH LOVE! IT'S ALL NEAR THE BOTTOM! READ BEWARE!**

Chapter Thirteen

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

" _Your body betrays you Severus. I see it's fatigue, it's weakness." comes a hissed voice from the darkness, black eyes staring at the floor in shock as the disapproving voice swirls around him._

" _Forgive me my Lord...I don't know...I don't know why I am so inept...I will try harder, I swear it."_

 _His fingers are splayed out over the floor, his knees are aching and his head is burning with pain. Since his arrival two days ago he has had little food and even less rest. His body isn't wanting to work for him, it gave up on him hours before. He is having trouble thinking straight and keeping his mind protected._

 _He misses Harry but must keep it far down and deep within, lest the monsters of his waking life find the truth and try to steal the boy away. They can't have him, Harry belongs to Severus._

" _I do not tolerate weakness Severus...I do not tolerate failure. You have worked hard for me these last two days, you have done everything I have asked. Including learning a very complicated spell in such a short time, I am not an unfair Lord. I know and understand your body's need for rest, for sustenance, come to me and I shall grant you your reprieve."_

 _Severus has heard this before, similar words have been spoken to those who are now dead for such crimes as weakness and hunger. Given his situation, he has no choice but to obey, if he does not he is dead anyway, his logical mind still somehow managing to function and help him preserver._

" _Come to me, on your feet Severus Snape!" the voice hisses cruelty and hate but the Dark young man has no option but to move. Even has his body protests and his legs scream he manages to rise, nearly stumbling but he lets out an angry growl and forces what little energy he has left to press him forward and moments later lands before a man's bare feet._

 _His entire body is shaking, the exhaustion and neglect of the last two days finally getting to him. Severus has gone without food and sleep before for several days, normally he has no issues and can manage to work through it without such intense fallout, but this new spell, it was like learning how to breath underwater. It took such great amounts of energy and pushed and pressed it throughout his body, forcing magical bursts here and there, leaving appendages burning and nerves raw. Leaving the rest of the energy meant for his daily movements and existence near depleted._

 _He could barely lift a fork to his mouth right now, let alone his wand._

 _One would think Voldemort might have developed this spell a little more before he tried to teach one of his minions, but the man had been persistent that once Severus had learned it everything else would fade, the pain, the power surges and the abominable fatigue._

" _Such a good man." the whispered compliment makes him feel sick, makes him want to pull his wand out and lash at this creature violently. But he remains, as ever, the devoted and devoured slave to a demon king born of hate, malice and sadism._

" _Look me at Severus." and the man tries, but his body is shaking, his nerves not responding and his near traumatized eyes can do nothing but scan the ground as his jaw clenches and his fingers feel the smooth airy fabric of the man's black robe._

 _Then, those spider like fingers ever so gently take up his chin, help him to raise his head even as his neck muscles shriek in protest. The Dark Lord peers down at him with those red slits near glowing, jagged teeth showing the barest of smiles._

" _You have done well." and he slowly slides from his throne, comes to kneel on the steps that Severus has been clinging to, "Such a good man, a great wizard...a loyal servant." as he continues to hold Severus's chin, his other hand comes up, palm running over a cheek and pressing his black locks back and out of his face, tucking it behind an ear, "A small reward for such a good boy-" and Severus's breath catches in his throat and this time the shaking in his body doubles from true fear as his eyes grow wide and his brow cranks up, lips part and then he feels serpent lips press to his own, a garbled growl of duress trying to escape as his heart jerks in his chest and a putrid tongue slides into his mouth._

 _He cannot stop himself, he grips at the man's wrists, tries to pull him away but it is like trying to remove a stone from a castle's wall. His body sags against the demon as he is pulled closer, laying like a doll across the man's lap as a single tear falls from the corner of his eye, those black orbs now staring wide and unblinking at the ceiling as his mouth is assaulted._

 _He tries once more to free himself, struggles as much as his broken body will allow and then to his horror as Voldemort pulls away he sees a small white ball of energy rise from his mouth, his very soul leaving his body and he starts to choke and seize as he realizes what has just happened._

 _Voldemort strokes his hair, staring down at him adoringly as he whispers against his lips, "Severus, I love you…"_

 _PAGEBREAK_

Severus jerked awake and looked around his room, the same room in spinner's end that he had been residing at for most of his adult life. The lights were dim, the fire washing red across the floors and the bedroom door imperceptibly cracked.

The instant he sat up so violently his arm wrapped around his torso, his ribs protesting against the sudden movement as his other hand came to his forehead. The dull ache still prevalent as he winced.

"Stupid, stupid fool...control yourself...absolute control...it was a damned dream, stop shaking." he says into the empty room, his hushed voice not hiding his upset at such a nasty vision.

Throwing his covers back he manages to get his legs untangled and rests them on the soft carpet, glad for such small conveniences as the cool wood would have been to much a shock for his destroyed nerves.

It was true, some of that dream was not far off from what he had faced while with the Dark lord. His body had been wrecked over the course of the last three days, but...to Severus's great satisfaction….he now held the skill of flight within his arsenal. His body had suffered for it, trying to learn such a complex skill in such a short amount of time, and Voldemort had been merciless in his training.

Though he had been allowed to rest and eat regularly, the feelings of malnourishment and fatigue that his dream had just provided him were no joke. Despite his regular intake of food and his scheduled rests this spell seemed to drain more energy than he could take in. He could have been eating the entire time he was learning and he would have felt famished.

Still, as far as Severus was aware only he and one other wizard on the entire planet had such a skill as this and despite his allegiance to Dumbledore he felt a certain amount of arrogant pride, one he was trying desperately NOT to feel. There was shame and guilt too, as he shouldn't feel so accomplished over something he could share with no one, especially when such a gift had been given by a crazy man.

Finally, he took a step and managed to make it to his wardrobe, opening it slowly to find the bottles he needed. All in all he had walked away from the lessons with his body intact and when it came to Voldemort that was all you could hope for.

Still, over the course of his three day trip, he had busted three ribs, broke an ankle, bruised his face and forehead and received a small hairline fracture to his left shin. His joints continued to throb and his back muscles continued to seize on and off. The remaining bruises were small save for one rather large mark in the middle of his back, last he tried to check it was purple and blue.

All these injuries coming from sudden falls or drops when he was unable to maintain his suspended hovering. Voldemort would urge him to try to float higher, every time he managed to comply but could not maintain it, gravity winning out. Still, it seemed the man was satisfied with the broken bones as a form of punishment because he did not attempt to render aid until the end of each lesson and even then he only helped heal the injuries half-way.

" _Let these injuries serve as a reminder of your failure, do not attempt to heal them any further than I have already allowed. They will be your driving force to work harder and reach our end goal. You may go for the evening, return to me when dawn breaks and do not let me down."_

Severus felt his heart accelerate slightly at the thought of the man, not a good acceleration either. It was laced with anxiety, anger and fear. He had yet to retrieve Harry from the burrow as he needed to heal further, to speak with Dumbledore and to meditate and go through his Occlumency practices.

Voldemort had assured him it would be some time until their next meeting, but Severus did not trust the man as far as he could throw him. He needed to get work done, focus his mind, clear it of garbage and prepare himself to be summoned again.

Still, as he sat down on the edge of his bed, took his potions, changed his bandages and tried to make a plan for the day, that dream came back to him over and over. Such a nasty and disgusting….so terrifying...he hated his fear. The fear he hid every day, the utter anxiety and desire to run away. But he was a man now, not a boy, Lily was dead and just a memory. He had no one to help or protect him but himself. He had to be strong, brave, resolute in his decisions. He chose this, to make it up to Lily for his betrayal, to show himself that he was more than just that scared abused boy hiding in a corner.

Everyone thought him emotionless, stoic and cold...he had to maintain...had to…

 _Harry knows the truth, Harry has seen your fear….he has not said anything...but he knows...he knows almost all of you now...you let him in...you had no choice...but he could be your lifesaver, he could be your-_

"He is just a boy….a child...not a knight, or a dragon slayer...he is just a means to an end…"

Even as he said it Severus knew he was lying to himself, for Harry had become more to him than just a goal to reach, a heart to win over for nefarious purposes, even when Voldemort had asked him how things were progressing, when he had said the boy was under his thumb, completely enamored and he knew it was a lie...he wished it were true.

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep slow breath to steady himself. Guilt washed across him as he realized he wanted Harry to covet him, he wanted the boy to want him as badly as Voldemort had commanded. The concept of Harry with him, under him, locked into his life and devoted to him so thoroughly that the very idea of leaving Severus's side made him ill, sent a shudder of need through his body.

He nearly gasped as emotions flooded his soul, an intoxicating heat pulsing from his groin as he realized that he truly could ensnare the boy to the point of complete and total devoted reverence… it made his mouth water.

 _You have always wanted to be loved…_

" _Shut up."_ Severus hissed out irritably, an image from the dream of Voldemort stroking his face adoringly coming to the forefront of his mind. He needed to focus, the summer was almost over and he didn't have time to dwell on the things he wanted.

Suddenly a noise came from behind and his slow burning embers burst into life and the flames turned blue, "Just what I need right now." he said sarcastically as he picked up his wand in a shaky hand and pointed it over his shoulder to the fireplace, the small thing transfigured and moments later someone stepped through.

"Come to pick my brain you old bastard?" he said, knowing it was horribly rude, knowing Dumbledore would let it run right off him and ask if he wanted a lemon drop, knowing he only said it because he was in extreme pain and immeasurably tired.

Severus remained facing away, still unwrapping his bandages and preparing to put salve on his injuries and bruises, not wanting to look at the old man behind him.

"hello Severus." and the man's eyes grew wide, his body jerking to a stand as he reeled around, his back popping and ribs aching from the sudden jerk. There, standing before his fireplace was none other than Narcissa Malfoy, her clothes, hair and makeup immaculate, but her eyes tired and filled with brimming tears and worry.

"Narcissa...too what do I owe the pleasure?" Severus said cooly catching his surprise quick and hiding it away, his body and mind instantly going into automatic, his face concealing itself behind a neutral but hard stone mask, eyes falling into an unimpressed and muted stare as a brow raised slowly.

"Severus….you...have been injured." she said, her eyes taking in his shirtless form, all half removed bandages and crippling bruises.

"You remain as ever, a clever and astute woman. Now, you've come to see me...uninvited but not unwelcome, how may I serve the noble house of Malfoy."

The woman looked at him a moment before a very small and mildly affectionate smile came to her face, ice blue eyes softening as she brought her hands together before her.

"You need hold no false pretense with me. I am not here to spy upon you, nor will I report anything to my sister or the Dark Lord."

Severus eyed her a moment, judged the sincerity in her open face and eyes and knew that she was speaking the truth. She was not here to deceive, she was here to bargain and Severus had a very good idea what she wanted to bargain for.

He let his straight and strong posture slump, his mask slide away ever so slightly before he dropped back down to his bed, his back to her and a shaky breath escaped his throat.

He heard her dress slide against itself as she moved round the bed to his side, kneeling down before him and placing a soft hand on his knee, her fingernails perfect, her skin flawless. Severus wondered of Lucius was actually aware of the secret woman who hid behind the cold name of Malfoy, if he was aware of how God damned lucky he was to have found a woman so perfect for his ancient house, but also so full of a compassion no one even knew of.

"Please, let me help?" she asked softly and Severus hesitated before giving a soft nod and the woman went to work.

The silence was heavy, the woman desperately trying to retain control of her emotions, something she had learned long before she had become a Malfoy. Neither said a word, the woman working slow yet efficiently to help rebandage his injuries and apply salve to his wounds. Her skills in this area should be lacking, but she seemed more than adept at such menial tasks. It made him wonder how she came to know such things that were normally left to servants and house elves.

"You have been with the Dark Lord." she said minutes later, her voice so soft yet her blue eyes begging no deceptions from him.

"Yes." Severus confirmed.

"Was he angry with you? What could you have done to warrant such a punishment?"

"Must we, his loyal followers, ever really do anything to warrant his rage and retribution?"

She swallowed thickly and Severus saw the tears swell though none dropped, "No, I suppose not. Was it...Draco...did he punish you for something Draco did during his-"

"No. Though, I am well aware I am the one who will take the brunt of the Dark Lord's anger if Draco should fail to appease. His father is in Azkaban after all, as his godfather that makes me the next in line to suffer should Draco displease that wretched demo-" and he stopped, looked down at the woman with worry as he realized he almost slipped.

"Fear nothing from me, speak your mind...you might be surprised how quickly I would tend to agree." Narcissa offered, a small smile floating at the corners of her mouth, her eyes urging him to finish his sentence so that she could know his thoughts.

"You should not be here." Severus said softly, looking away from those pleading eyes as he tried to backtrack on his words, but it was too late, she had heard him...she now knew of his unrest….after all these years...Severus Snape slipped up in all of ten seconds to a woman he had not spent so much time with in years.

"Severus….do you remember the first time Lucious brought you to his home over the summer? You'd not seen to such a home in your whole life...you marveled at it...spent time with like minded people...felt accepted for the first time in your entire life."

"What are you getting at Narcissa?"

"You've been apart of our family since those days long ago, you are my son's godfather, a welcomed friend of the family. One of the few with whom Lucius places complete trust. He entrust Draco's and my safety to you, trusts you to be a faithful friend and not step on his toes. You will always be welcome despite your thoughts to the later and I beg you to speak to me now as family and not as some distant relative."

Severus couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips, "Your vague communication is very trying Sissy."

"The Dark Lord has forbid me to speak of it-"

"If the Dark Lord has forbid it then you must not speak of it." and Severus stood then, moving away from those pleading eyes, trying desperately to not get more involved than he already was.

"Please-" her voice was laced with fear and thick tears yet her face remained dry, her tone stopped him from walking away and he looked back to her with a stony face.

"Draco...he is...he is my only child...I would move heaven and Earth for him if I could."

"In this instance you cannot-"

"That is why I have come to you." and her tone was stoic yet resolute, he felt his chest tighten.

"He may not know how to show it, but Draco cares for you. You've done more for him over the years than his own father...he looks up to you...I dare say he even respects you and wants your opinion of him to be a good one. Please, help me protect him."

Severus eyed her carefully, knew he looked highly displeased at the prospect of taking on more responsibility but he would be lying if he said he didn't care for Draco. His preference for the boy in class was not just a show to irk the Gryffindors after all.

"I will do my best to help Draco in his endeavour….to protect him and make sure he sees his task through to the best of my abilities-"

"Swear it…" and he gave her a glare as she added softly, "Please...so that I may rest easy."

"You do not trust my word?" Severus pressed, knowing that if he were to follow through with this he would be unable to warn Dumbledore of Draco's up coming task. He wanted to kick himself for forgetting and then subsequently putting it off. If he did not agree Narcissa could make things much more difficult, the fury of a refused woman and all that rubbish.

"I do, but these are trying times….we have all found ourselves in rather dubious positions...forced to agree with _wretched demons_...even if we find their logic and morals flawed. Do not hate me for protecting my own, you would do the same if you had a young one...then again...I have heard through many dark whispers that you do." and Severus eyed her warily now, "Perhaps you understand my position more than you will be willing to admit."

The following silence was impregnated with loose threats and hollow hopes and Severus found his back against a wall, yet once again, he felt himself admiring this woman, this mother lion who only wished to protect her cub above all else...it was so very Gryffindor of her.

Standing up straight and pulling his wand from his pocket he held out a bruised palm, several fingers bandaged and tinted a soft pink from the blood that was still seeping through, "Give me your hand." and Severus saw the small smirk on the woman's lips and couldn't stop his eyes from narrowing, the burden on his back growing once more.

PAGEBREAK

When Dumbledore apparated on the edge of the burrow Harry felt his heart leap into his throat, he dropped what he was doing instantly, hearing the utensils he had been placing on the table for dinner clatter to the floor violently.

Hermione called to him but he did not look back as he raced through the house and out the front door, meeting the ancient wizard just at the edge of the protective wards.

There was little relief to his anxiety when the man greeted him with a soft smile and happy eyes, "Harry my boy! Wonderful to see you. I trust you are faring well?"

"Yes, sir. Is everything alright? Is Sever- Professor Snape okay?" and Harry nearly winced at the slip but was grateful when the man didn't seem to have taken any notice, "Quite alright, if not tired and in need of a well earned rest. I offered to come and retrieve you in his place as he received a few injuries while hunting down some ingredients for a potion I asked him to brew."

Harry knew the man was not being honest with him but at the moment he also knew the man did not know Harry was aware of the truth or the actual situation Severus had been forced to endure. He was well passed ready to get his things and return to Spinner's End.

"I'll grab my things-" Harry started but Dumbledore was quick to stall him, he raised a hand and placed it on Harry's shoulder, his blue eyes giving off a rather knowing sparkle, "There is no rush, as I left Professor Snape said he planned to work on his Occlumency and meditate a few hours. We would be best to wait a little longer. I have come to see you, I realize I have not been available to you, nor have I returned your letters, a thing which bothers me greatly and to no end."

Harry gave a soft smile at this and said softly, "It's fine, sir. The professor told me you've been busy traveling."

"I have, but I should not let such things keep me from you. Come, we shall have tea and talk, then I will return you to Severus."

When they got inside Dumbledore took a few moments to brief Ron's parents privately and then met Harry in the back garden, the two strolled around the yard in fading light and the cool summer breeze.

"I understand from your first letter you wanted to know why you were placed in Professor Snape's care to begin with." the old wizard started as they passed an herb garden, the smell of rosemary bringing forth fond memories and Harry breathed deep, his worry still prevalent but fading.

"It doesn't matter now sir. Professor Snape and I have reached an understanding...however unbelievable that may sound."

"Perhaps it does, but it is not unwelcome, the change in your relationship with Severus seems to have done wonders for you both."

Harry nodded and tried not to blush as he knew it was so much more, "It leads me to wonder if I should have done such a thing sooner. Perhaps it could have saved both of you years of trouble, and alleviated a certain level of mistrust. No doubt it must be comforting to have someone older to confide in, wisdom and experience are hard to come by these days."

Harry gave a soft smile in response but his eyes drew down, his small smile fading as he thought of Sirius, of his past experiences with the grumpy potions professor, of their possible future, of losing more people to this war, to Voldemort, thoughts of losing Severus just as he had his godfather making him feel sick.

"Harry, is there something the matter?" and Dumbledore drew out his wand and transfigure a few meandering garden gnomes into a small tea table and two chairs before conjuring a tray laden with the fixings for tea from thin air, biscuits included.

The two sat down and Harry placed a hand on the table, his fingers spreading out and his palm feeling the thin lacy cloth that lay over the top.

"It's about Voldemort, sir….I've been having trouble closing my mind to him. It feels different than before, like he is never really gone. I'm worried, worried he may be trying to...find something...to have a greater effect on me than he has been able to before. I can't seem to feel him as easily as before and my anger...my hate… I'm not sure I can control it for much longer. Professor Snape...I don't want to expose him..put him in danger…. I don't know what to do, how to stop him."

Dumbledore gave a thoughtful pause, thinking about it for a moment before he picked up the porcelain teapot and poured the steaming liquid into their cups.

"Professor Snape has informed me you have started to learn how to meditate, tell me, has it been helping you at all with retaining your control and shielding your mind?"

Harry nodded slightly, knowing though, that it still wasn't enough, "I haven't had any bad dreams, my anxiety has lessoned…. It's still hard for me to make it through without Severus's help…" and Harry looked up in sudden fear as he realized he had done it again but Dumbledore only smiled and said softly, "Do not worry Harry, Severus has informed me he gave you permission to address him as such while you reside with him. I have heard a first name basis can help a teacher and student form a stronger bond for meditation, I never imagined how true that was until now."

Harry relaxed and smiled again, Severus always thought of everything, "Yes, sir."

"I do recommend when school starts you resume addressing him as your professor, we wouldn't want curious minds to wander."

"Yes, of course, sir." and Harry understood completely, he didn't want anyone, student or staff alike to know, not yet anyway. They could take Severus away, or put his life in danger. It was their secret and he was happy to keep it that way.

"In regards to your shared feelings with Voldemort, there could be any number of reasons the Dark Lord isn't closing the link...he may not even be aware. I suggest you keep up on your meditation and perhaps even give Occlumency a second try. Severus told me he would be willing to resume your previous lessons, something I know you may find daunting but needless to say it may ease your burden."

And Harry felt a heavyweight settle in his chest, knew he did not want to practice Occlumency again despite Severus assuring him it would be different. He hated it, it felt wrong and often times left him feeling molested. Still, he had to do any and everything he could to keep Voldemort at bay, so he gave a reluctant nod and a "Yes, sir."

They spent a small time simply enjoying the tea and biscuits, talking of things that had occurred over the summer. August was right around the corner and in a week's time Harry would turn seventeen. He wanted to make sure he would still be at Spinner's End, wanted to make sure that he would be within the man's reach for Harry had no doubt that when he came of age a new form of tension would form between him and Severus, one the man would be hard pressed to ignore.

As if the man could read his mind Dumbledore cleared his throat lightly and said, "You're birthday is just around the corner, I have no doubts Mrs. Weasley will have prepared a magnificent birthday feast for you, cake and presents. I shall try my best to attend."

"Actually, sir, we haven't really planned anything. I think I might enjoy just spending a quiet night at home…" Harry didn't even register that he had referred to Severus's home as his own and went on with a small smile, "I think I might ask Professor Snape to take me to the cafe he likes to frequent in London. Maybe take the train, I like riding trains, helps me to think."

Dumbledore nodded his head and said, "I've frequented a few muggle cafes in my time, they have the most interesting decor, I'll admit I do have a fondness for their pastries as well. One in particular called an Apple Fritter. An odd name but most enjoyable."

Harry couldn't help but smile and give a small laugh, unable to imagine Dumbledore sitting in a muggle cafe without receiving some very interesting looks from the other patrons.

By the time their tea was done Mrs. Weasley had called them in for supper but Dumbledore had politely declined saying he needed to get Harry back to Severus so that he could be on his way. The woman was quick to spell together a couple parcels of food for both of them to take with them and then Harry was saying his goodbyes.

They apparated into Severus's backyard just as darkness fell and the two men looked at the old house a moment before Dumbledore spoke, "Harry… I may have need of you in the upcoming month, would you be willing to go on a little adventure with me near the end of August?"

"I'd love to, sir." Harry said and the man gave him a warm smile and placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, "Wonderful, I shall send an owl the night before. Now, go and see Severus, no doubt the man will need your assistance getting to bed."

Harry's face flushed profusely but he simply nodded as Dumbledore took a step back and with a wink of his eye disappeared.

PAGEBREAK

Severus heard the pop of Harry's arrival and he tried to control the flutter in his chest and the excitement in his stomach. He was in his room making more salve for his injuries and peeked out of the curtains to see the boy saying his goodbyes.

He couldn't stop the smirk that came to his face when, as soon as Dumbledore was gone, the boy turned and sprinted for the house. Severus went back to finishing his salve and prepared for the millions of questions that were about to pour from the boy's mouth.

His small satisfied smirk fading when thoughts of the previous few hours came to his mind. Narcissa's visit and the subsequent vow he had made, then a visit from Dumbledore which was short but had exhausted him more. He had had to take a Pepperup potion just to get out of bed and spend a half hour on both his meditation and his Occlumency.

Harry was back now and he felt dread and a certain amount of resentment fill his stomach as he knew he could tell the boy nothing of it all. How he longed to be able to confide in someone, anyone, his trials and tribulations. To ease the heavy burdens on his back. Knowing Harry as he now did the boy would jump through hoops to help him.

He heard the kitchen door slam open and closed, heard the footfalls pass through the sitting room and then come pounding up the stairs, all creaks and groans and then felt the instant his door was pushed open.

He tightened his grasp on the vial he was holding and slowly turned, knowing the look on the boys face at his battered state would be one of horror. He wasn't far off either, Harry's brow had disappeared up under his hairline, his mouth open in shock and his face drained of color.

Unable to put on his tunic, Severus's bandaged and bruised body was still fully exposed and he stood there with a hint of a smirk ghosting over his lips, his eyes watching the colorful array of emotions flit across the boy's face.

Harry crossed to him slowly, his body showing his uncertainty at the man's condition and whether or not a hug would be a good idea. But Severus simply opened his arms as soon as Harry was in range and gently took the boy up, noticing how feather light the boy's hug was.

"I'm bruised Potter, not broken." the man murmured and Harry squeezed him a little more firmly.

"What happened?" Harry asked as he pulled away just enough to look into Severus's face, seeing a few lighter bruises around his jaw line and one near his right temple.

"The end result of training under the Dark Lord. Nothing to be worried about, in a few more days I shall be better."

"That's not what I look awful." Harry said as he brought a finger to trace over the man's forehead, gently fingering a small set of scratches mostly hidden by Severus's eyebrow

"I feel worse." Severus teased but Harry did not appear amused.

Harry took the bottle of salve from the man's hand and read the handwritten label, "Are you sore?"

"Unbelievably so, but the salv helps. I was just in the process of making more actually."

Harry then took up his hand and gently pulled him towards the bed, Severus keeping his eyes on the youth before him.

Harry motioned with his hand, "Sit down, I will see if I can help."

Severus agreed and watched Harry kneel before him, not to far from the same spot Narcissa had, the thought of the woman twisting his insides with anxiety. He gently took up the man's hand and studied the pink bandages.

Over the next few minutes Harry painstakingly removed every bandage, including helping Severus out of his pants so he could rewrap the man's left ankle, right leg and both his knees.

"I'm not a doctor but your ankle….it doesn't look right...didn't you set it? It's swollen."

"No." Severus said, his eyes watching intently as Harry held the ankle with near expert finesse and studied it. His green eyes darted up to look at him and his lips grew thin, "He wouldn't let you, would he." The bitter tone in the boy's voice made Severus sigh as he knew there was no reason to be so annoyed. It was how the demonic man worked.

"His way of insuring I try my hardest, the sooner I accomplished my task the sooner I could go lick my wounds in private. A cruel and unusual punishment for certain, but it did give me the incentive I needed to focus and learn quickly."

"How could anyone focus with so much pain?"

Severus grunted as Harry gave a jerk to his foot and the ankle reset, "Ow." the man said softly though his ankle was now howling in pain.

"You get used to it I suppose." Harry said in response to his own question.

"You do." Severus confirmed, "Where did you learn to set a joint?"

Harry looked up from under his brow quizzically and the man frowned, "Right. I should hex your uncle from here to hell."

"I'd say the same to you about Voldemort but it's all just empty threats."

"For now." Severus said slyly.

Harry stood and took the old discarded bandages to the Bing, looking around he saw a fresh roll on the desk in the corner and grabbed it.

When he returned he keeled back down and began applying the salve and wrapping the man's wounds.

"Aside from being tortured for three days, anything fun happen?" Harry asked casually.

Severus let out a soft noise that reeked of sarcasm, "Small talk isn't applicable to this situation, Potter."

The blush that erupted over the younger's cheeks made Severus's heart thump with desire and he closed his eyes and looked away.

This would be a new experience for sure, Severus had never had a back rub. In fact, there were many things Severus had never experienced, but he was quickly checking them off from his list.

It took him a moment to find a comfortable way to lay, but once he was down on his stomach he felt himself relax and moments later Harry's hands were very gently working over his sore muscles, the salve on his fingers spreading smoothly across Severus's back and tingling with a warm soothing sensation.

"I was worried...you were the only thing I could think about but I tried hard to follow your schedule. I think I did alright."

"That is good news, Potter. Though, I am sure that my presence at the castle helped. Voldemort was primarily focused on me and my training. I am not sure he slept at all the entire time I was there."

"Were you able to learn the spell?"

"Did you have any doubt I would?" the man mused in a rather humorous tone.

"None."

Silence followed and Severus felt himself relaxing even more. His body hummed with delight at the gentle message his abused muscles were getting and he found that this was something he could get used to. After a while, Harry cleared his throat and murmured softly, "Dumbledore came to visit me...wanted to spend time together… I am to go somewhere with him near the end of August."

Severus opened his eyes and digested this bit of information, scanning his mind for any indication that he had been informed of this earlier, but he did not recall the headmaster ever bringing such a thing up in their many tedious meetings.

"Did he say to where you would be accompanying him?" Severus asked suspiciously.

"No, sir. Just that he wanted me to go with him and he would send an owl ahead when he was coming."

Severus did not respond to this but made a mental note to ask the man about such a dangerous plan. Taking Harry out of this house without him could cause serious problems, not that the boy wouldn't be perfectly safe with Albus, but still, Severus wanted to protest.

"Sir, about Dumbledore-"

"A little lower Potter, and harder if you could." Severus moaned a little as the boy dug in under his right shoulder blade and savoured the burn.

"Sir, about Dumbledore…" the boy started again, obviously he was being stubborn.

"Yes, what is it Harry?" Severus asked though he missed the smirk Harry gave at the use of his name, an ongoing challenge to get the man to use it full time and not switch back and forth, made the little triumphs rather exciting for the boy.

"He asked about my birthday, about where I would be spending it, he thought I would be going to the burrow...I told him I was staying with you…"

"Potter-" Severus started with warning but Harry quickly pushed passed it, "I was wondering if we could go to that cafe you like to frequent. I've wanted to go before but EVERY time you go Ron and 'Mione are here."

Severus sighed and reluctantly rolled over, "That is not an accident, Potter. I leave on purpose so I do not have to deal with your friends and their constant idle prattle."

Harry looked at him a moment and then sighed before he slowly slid down from his knees to lay on the bed next to Severus, his hands slowly running up the man's stomach and over those bandaged ribs before stopping at his chest, "Even so, I want to stay here with you and go see the cafe… have dinner maybe...you know...something different."

Severus stared for a long moment before he sighed, "Don't think I don't know what you are up to. There is only one reason you want to be here on your birthday." and Severus realized he should have been more prepared to have this conversation. His birthday was next week, instead had had solely focused on his training with Voldemort and seeing Harry as soon as possible.

"I don't know what you are talking about, sir." Harry said as his fingers casually grazed over the man's lips and those dark eyes narrowed considerably in response. Severus caught Harry's wrist and pulled it to his chest, "The only reason you want to be in this house on your birthday is because you want your birthday present, the one you made me promise you. However, I do hate to rain on your parade, but I have no intention of letting you remain here where you might try to tempt me with some youthful and most likely pathetic seduction scheme. I've told you before, Potter, I won't cross that line with you. It will be a struggle no doubt to remain as prudent as we have, for both of us, but going any further is far too dangerous and it is wrong on more than one level."

Harry slowly adjusted himself and pressed Severus onto his back gently, "I will not renege on that." Severus reiterated sharply, but Harry was pleased to see that other than his verbal warnings the man was not resisting him.

"I'm not going to try anything professor, but you are right about one thing.." Harry leaned down then, bringing his lips to the man's ear and saying softly, "I want my present." and Harry took to gently nibbling at the man's ear before planting a kiss on his jaw, "But, I also want to spend my birthday with you. I've never done that before, had someone special to celebrate with. It always seems to be one or the other, either I don't get to have a birthday, or it's some big elaborate turn out. Might be nice to just, lay low."

Severus closed his eyes and let out a sigh, his hands coming to rest over his face before he slowly sat up and out of the boy's reach.

"I will make you a deal." Severus offered and Harry looked at him with questioning eyes.

"You write a letter to Mrs. Weasley, if she is alright with you skipping out on whatever colorful plans she has prepared for you than I will take you to my cafe. However, if she has even the slightest qualms about it, you will go to the Burrow."

Harry was about to protest when Severus held up a finger, "This is non-negotiable. After all, I would hate to be responsible for upsetting the one woman I fear more than Bellatrix Lestrange."

Harry couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped him but he did sigh before he looked away to the window, noticing that the hazey day was slowly slipping away towards the night, "You're really trying to get out of it, aren't you." Harry said with a defeated tone, his eyes finally scanning back over to the man next to him, all bandages and bruises, those black eyes finding him and the look on his face showed a certain amount of thought, Severus was choosing his words carefully, still, Harry knew he wouldn't like what the man was about to say, no matter how he worded it.

"Do not take my resistance as disinterest, granted, I do not wish to cause a rift between us, but you must understand our position-"

"Professor-"

"No, Potter, it isn't enough for me to just want to have you...it isn't enough for you to want something like this to happen with me first...emotions...they are tricky...what one person can think is love is just lust...and love can feel so vivacious in its own right. We cannot rush this, we cannot compromise our positions in such a way that could spell disaster for our cause. I am your guardian and teacher, you are my student, how many times will I have to hit you over the head with the truth? Perhaps when this is all over, when the war is at an end-"

"I could be dead by then...you could be-" and Harry stopped, the look on his face a mixture of dread and worry. Harry didn't want to think about that, didn't want to admit that he might be rushing towards this intimacy because he felt his immortality hovering in the background, knew that Severus could be killed at any moment.

It was no doubt a guilty feeling, to think he could be using Severus to reach some goal of experience, some desire to taste a more deep and meaningful relationship with someone before his untimely end. Yet, he knew he had real feelings for this man, it wasn't just some imagined want.

It was a tangible desire, a longing that was stronger than whisky and more complex than a potion. It was real, and he wanted to explore it to its entirety, yet this man was fighting it tooth and nail. It made Harry feel sick with anxiety.

"Be that as it may-"

"I don't want anyone else, I don't care that you are my teacher, you are so much more than just a guardian… you are...everything to me." and this one statement seemed to take the man by surprise, his brow rising up sharply before he cleared his throat and looked away. That damn curtain of hair falling to hide his features and his true feelings on the matter.

Harry slowly shifted to move closer, reaching up through the man's hair and gently pulling that sharp face to look at him, "I like you professor, a lot...I know I am young...inexperienced….but...I care about you...so much….I want-"

"How can you know what you really want when all you've had is me….me and my grotesque way of life. You aren't thinking of the bigger picture, your perspective is skewed."

"My perspective is fine, I know what I want, you can't claim-"

"I can. You're not even of age, you're so very young-" Severus knew he had to make Harry understand, because if Harry couldn't see things from his point of view the boy was sure to keep pushing. Eventually, Severus knew, he would give in, be unable to resist the temptation of such intimate things. He just had to make it one more month. It would all be so much less traumatizing for everyone involved if he could just-

Harry pulled away from him suddenly and moved off the bed, he looked around the room trying to think of a way to make the man understand what he was trying to say.

"How can I make you understand...to accept what I feel for you...what do I have to say, how can I show you how I feel aside from giving myself to you completely."

Severus's face instantly sharpened, his eyes narrowing considerably and he stood slowly, an arm coming to wrap around his torso to give his side support.

"You think I need sex to comprehend how you feel for me? I am not some hormonal teenager, I do not need nor do I require from you some form of proof of your interest and commitment."

"That isn't what I am saying!" Harry snapped as he swung an arm wide and shook his head, "You're twisting my words...twisting my meaning."

"I don't believe I am. You just said as much, you want to show me how you feel about me, want to make sure I understand how serious you are for me. I can assure you… I do understand-"

"No, you don't. I think… I think I might-" but Harry stopped and looked away, his hands fisting at his side's and his heart hammering and he thought he might get sick.

"What is it Harry?" Severus asked gently, he brought a hand up and cupped Harry's chin, raising his face and asking softly, "What is it?" he repeated.

Harry shook his head and scrunched his eyes, pulling out of the man's hold and turning towards the window, he brought a hand to his eye, fingers digging in and trying to rub away his fatigue.

The professor seemed persistent though and he came up behind him and wrapped an arm around Harry's waist.

"Tell me, I will help you come to terms with your words...we can sort through it togeth-"

"I love you." Harry said softly. Instantly Harry regretted saying it because he felt the man holding him stiffen considerably. He felt panic spike through him and he turned around in the man's hold only to look up and see a face devoid of all emotion. It was completely unreadable and those black eyes stared at him with an intensity that Harry couldn't even begin to describe.

"I- I just mean, I didn't mean...I love you but I meant...I think I might be...falling in love...no I just...forget it. It's stupid and so am I...just a stupid kid and I'm not thinking clearly." Harry rushed from Severus's arms, from the room and to his own, shutting the door behind him and locking it swiftly.

"Bloody stupid idiot." Harry cursed at himself as he slid down the door, his head hung and his hands rested on his knees, his heart ached as he realized that whether or not he loved the man in the room down the hall, it didn't matter. The look he had just received was confirmation enough that even though Severus Snape wanted him, he was most definitely not in love.

PAGE BREAK

Harry did not come down for dinner, he did not emerge for their nightly ritual of quietly sitting by the fire and he did not venture into Severus's bed when it was time to turn in. Severus had waited patiently, hoping the boy would elect to come down and clarify, would brave the cavernous hole he had just created and face the reality he voiced.

Severus was disappointed though, for it seemed Harry had decided to withdrawal. The house remained dreadfully quiet, and the potions professor heard not a word or whimper, not a shuffle or step. He was worried sick, filled with a toxic anxiety that the boy had shut down and turned away from him completely the instant he had admitted to having deeper feelings.

The truth was though, Severus himself was in fact both electrified and horrified by the omission. Harry Potter, might quite possibly love him. It was true Harry was still very young, too young to be stuck with just one person, having never experienced true love for anyone else. Severus knew he was a poor substitute for a real partner, knew by his own nature he was much to greedy to ever have something so meaningful.

But the instant Harry had said the words, even if he had fumbled to explain he had only meant he might be growing to love him, Severus had wanted to grab the boy instantly and feed such thoughts with any means he had. The very idea of being loved by someone, anyone, damn near addictive.

Severus had to pace himself now, things were getting too dangerous, much too dangerous. If Harry really was developing such strong feelings for him, Severus had to be on guard. He couldn't let it happen, could not go that extra step.

Deep down, Severus knew he was on the edge of falling over as well. Though he did not want to admit it to himself, he was beginning to have deeper feelings, twisted and complex feelings, but he had them under control, Harry most likely did not.

Sitting alone in the kitchen Severus looked to Harry's empty chair and his heart jerked a little in his chest and for a split second he felt an emotion he had not felt in a long time, he felt sad.

"Absolutely not!" he barked, standing suddenly and moving towards the living room. It was breakfast time, their routine was being set out of place, their easy flow of existence was coming to an end. Severus would not, could not have it. There was still a month left, he had a month that he could still be mildly content with his existence, a month before things got more complicated, he wasn't going to let this summer be ruined by a boy who might be in love.

No, Harry was going to have to man up to his little faux paux and deal with it like everyone else, he would have to face it. Severus stood outside the boy's door seconds later and knocked just a tad bit too hard.

"Potter! Potter, get up and open the door. It's time for breakfast!" when no reply came Severus grew angry and he banged on the door a little harder.

"Potter! Stop sniveling and come out!" still there was no reply and so Severus, letting his anger, frustration and fear carry him, pulled out his wand and went to spell open the lock only to find the thing not latched.

Panic flooded the man and he cursed, kicking the door open for good measure.

As he walked into the room he looked around and found, to his utter shock, it was completely empty.

PAGEBREAK

Harry sighed as he walked along a deserted road, far outside of Spinner's End. On his person was a satchel, filled with the few things he deemed important to him. Among them was his wand, some fresh clothes and food, a journal, his cloak and pictures of his friends and family. On his shoulder sat his owl, her narrow eyes scanning the landscape around them, though it consisted of mostly bramble, trees and tall grass.

He had been walking for hours, having slipped out the front door around four in the morning. It was nearing eleven now, no doubt Severus would be trying to get him to come out of his room any minute. When he found Harry gone he had no doubt the man would be livid, but he did leave a note so perhaps the man would just forget about him.

 _Your a bloody idiot if you think Severus won't try to hunt you down. No doubt he will call in the auroras, Dumbledore, the Weasleys, waste everyone's time and make them all worried sick. If they find you you will be on the bad end of a hurricane, Severus leading the gale force winds of anger towards your infinite annihilation for such immature behavior._

He sighed again, for he knew he was being incredibly selfish but after what had happened he needed some space. He needed to walk away from it all. The emotions, the caring, even the late nights of rutting in his professor's bed. Confusion, fear and depression were weighing heavily on his mind, and once again Harry found himself doing what he often did when he didn't have anything else he could do.

Harry Potter was running away. He was heading for London, heading for something other than a bleak future of death and despair. For the young man knew, suddenly and out of the blue, that he was in love with his professor. It wasn't a burning love of deep passion and desire, it was soft and gentle, filled with fondness and warmth. It was new, just beginning, he also knew that it could so easily grow. Harry knew it would grow, fast, uncontrollably fast.

He had made this realization when he had been left at the burrow this last time, worried sick, trying to meditate and calm himself only to realize his thoughts were consumed by his professor, if he was alright, if he was hurt, if Severus missed him. The ache was near unbearable and he barely slept with all the worry.

The few times he did sleep his dreams were raw with passion, I love you's and

Not knowing he had been looking for something like this for so long made it even more quick to spread, like an infected wound pouring it's poison into the bloodstream. No doubt, if he had stayed, by the time school started he would be fully gone, his heart completely captured.

He would be at the mercy of a man who was quick to anger, jealous, dark, and greedy….possessive...Harry felt his cheeks burning already with a fever at the very idea. He liked Severus, all his damn flaws, all his weaknesses towards the more forbidden ways, if he had stayed he would give in to it all.

Since it was highly apparent that Severus did not feel so strongly, it was best Harry not tempt fate, no matter how badly he wanted to. No matter how much he didn't actually care if Severus's licentious and dark nature corrupted him. He had to let it go and move on, it was the best option.

He wiped a tear from his eyes and set his jaw, determined to be stronger and win out over this thing invading his mind, soul and body. He would not tempt Severus, would not ruin the wonderful memories he already had with the possibility of losing even more.

After a while Hedwig swooped off his shoulder to go find a meal and Harry begrudgingly realized he too was hungry. Climbing up a large pile of rubble stones from what looked to be an old road he sat down and pulled from his satchel an apple, sandwich and bottle of butterbeer.

He ate quickly, his eyes studying the surrounding landscape, not really taking anything in but keeping an eye open for anything that might be a sign of danger. After a few more minutes of quietly sitting and eating he pulled from his pack the small leather bound journal he had grabbed, a gift from Hermione ages ago.

He had a muggle pen, far more practical considering he was hiking and he began the long process of sorting his thoughts.

 _I'm finally alone for the first time in my life, truly alone. Even when I was at my relatives, no matter how hard they tried to ignore me or keep me quiet, I knew I wasn't really alone. I was always too tense with fear and worry of the possibility of punishment to ever think I was alone. Sitting here, the quiet of nature surrounding me, I feel calm._

 _Satisfaction is a strange feeling._

 _I didn't want to leave him, but I realize that loving him is not an option. He doesn't feel the same, doesn't want to risk exposure of his position or feelings. I can't blame him though, truly I can't because his history is no better than mine. We are both lost souls wandering around in the land of the living, I feel dead half the time now, thanks to Voldemort. He takes me up and eats my insides, shreds my mind...but here I feel peaceful, relaxed...untouchable because I don't sense his presence and I don't feel like everyone one is watching and waiting for me to fail…_

Harry looked up at the sound of movement to see Hedwig had successfully found dinner and had landed in a nearby tree to eat. It was a snake and Harry shivered and looked away. He packed up his remaining lunch and decided he wasn't really in the mood to write anymore. He climbed down from his perch and started his long walk towards London.

PAGEBREAK

"ALBUS! ALBUS IF YOU ARE HERE COME OUT!" Severus yelled as he burst through the man's fireplace and into the office.

Severus was relieved to see the man sitting at his desk looking over that blasted book. He had stood abruptly at the younger man's entry and looked at him in surprise, "Severus, what is-"

"He's gone, that blasted, selfish, confused little brat ran off!"

Dumbledore moved around his desk quickly and came to meet the man in the center of the room, "Gone? Was he taken?"

"No! He just...vanished in the night, foods gone, some of his clothes and his wand are missing as well. His bloody bird is missing too. He ran off! Saviour of the wizarding world indeed! The little brat just walked out the front door! When I get my hands on him-"

"Do you know where he went?" Dumbledore interrupted.

Severus hesitated, feeling the note the boy had left burning a hole in his pocket, "No, but my estimation puts him out the door around four as I went to bed at three. I would have heard him if he left sooner."

"What do you propose we do? Should I summon a search party?"

Severus thought a moment, his heart beating wildly in his chest, his fists clenching, when he got his hands on that boy Severus would make him pay dearly for walking out on him.

"No. The situation is a very delicate one. It needs to be me who finds him."

Dumbledore gave him a curious look and Severus growled as the man had yet to act, "Severus, what happened?"

His body twitched at the accusation and before Severus could stop himself he jumped and spun away in frustration, "Nothing, I just think it would be best if we didn't go on an old fashioned witch hunt. The boy is in a very delicate situation emotionally and I-"

"Severus." Dumbledore reprimanded smoothly as if to a child who had tried to steal a cookie, giving the man no room to make excuses or try and lie to him.

Letting out a growl Severus brought one hand to his hip and another to his face, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks as his emotions conti used to betray him.

"Potter...said...he said he loved me...or he thinks he might be falling in love with me." Severus finally admitted after a short pause.

The air was heavy with a tense silence for a long moment before Dumbledore asked softly, "Did you reciprocate his feelings?"

"If I did do you think he would have ran off like some injured lion cub? I told him he was too young to know for certain, having been with no one else he had no basis for comparison."

Dumbledore mused on this a moment before he came closer to the fretting man who had finally slumped down into a nearby chair, his face placed firmly into his hands to hide his shame.

Severus felt the man kneel before him, old warm hands coming to gently take hold of his wrists and pull them away from his face, "This is very important Severus, you must answer me honestly, do you have feelings for the boy?"

Those black eyes slowly slid up from looking at his lap, meeting the watery blues of Albus Dumbledore and trying to fight back the tears that would both condemn him and expose the truth, "I… I do not know Albus, Harry is not the only one confused over such matters. That is why I must find him, why it must be me and me alone who confronts him."

Dumbledore nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before standing and moving to his desk, "There is a way to find him, but only someone who has a special connection with the boy can do it. While I do hold close to his heart, if Harry does indeed care for you as he says, if there is even an inkling of love shared between you, it will pinpoint his location down to a few miles."

Severus sat up at this and watched as the older wizard moved about his office quickly, grabbing what appeared to be a large scroll, a gemstone on a metal chain and a smooth black stone about the side of a tea saucer.

"Severus, come." and Dumbledore held out an arm to invite the man over. The man stood and complied, realizing rather quickly what the man had gathered as he made room on his desk and laid it all out.

"You want me to Scry for him? That is an old wives tale, made up by muggles centuries ago. Is it not for trying to see the future? A discipline of divination?"

Dumbledore did not respond but did give a small smile. He spread the map out, placed the black stone in the top left corner and then handed the chain with the crystal to Severus, "Do you have something of Harry's, anything at all will do."

Severus reluctantly pulled from his pockets both the note and the boy's singular spectacle, the broken one they had retrieved from the pond.

Thankfully Dumbledore did not ask about either and placed them gently on top of the black stone.

"Now, grip the chain by the end and wrap it once around your hand, just like that, yes, good, gently now, in a clockwise motion, very good. Close your eyes and think of Harry, anything about him you find favourable, anything that might give you strong feelings, and when they are at their strongest simply say, 'Locatus'."

Severus did as he was told, thinking of Harry and the things that created a strong emotional feeling. He focused on their meditations together, on their most intimate moments, on his own desire to see the boy happy and satisfied and on the boys laugh when Severus said something witty.

To his surprise the map, which currently showed Hogwarts and the surrounding grounds started to glow a soft yellow, the topography of the Hogwarts grounds sliding away, the imagine of the surrounding mountains, lakes and rivers swishing by in quick succession.

"Now, slowly lower the crystal, keep your thoughts focused on Harry and when you feel a pull on your hand drop the crystal down to touch the map." Dumbledore instructed softly.

Severus complied and the closer the crystal got to the map the faster the thing moved. Finally, after a few more seconds Severus felt a quick sharp tug, almost as if there was a fish on the line of a fishing pole and he let the very tip of the crystal land on the map. Instantly, the shifting image stopped and the crystal's tip was standing as if impaled into the map, thirty-two miles outside of Spinner's end.

"My, he moves quickly." Dumbledore mused.

"He has had since four am, that's eight hours, on average a person can walk a mile in fifteen minutes...imagine if the brat had ran this whole time." Severus snapped as he dropped the chain and headed for the fireplace.

"I can send an owl ahead to help you locate him from the sky." Dumbledore offered.

"No need, I know that area well, he isn't the only person to run off from that miserable house, I will Apparate and be on him in minutes."

"Be gentle, his heart is in a very hard place, as is yours."

Severus just grunted in response, his mind completely focused on getting his hands on the nasty wretch, the youth having abandoned him like he didn't matter at all. He didn't realize he had left the note behind, nor the spectacles. He didn't think about what could happen if he came upon Harry quick and angry. All he thought of was dragging the boy back to his home, where he belonged, at Severus's side, never allowing him to venture off again.

There would be blood tonight, and Severus's heart would be avenged, his questions answered, so help him Harry would regret his actions.

PAGEBREAK

Harry had reached a very thick part of the woods, trees and thorn bushes on either side of the dirt road, the view of the sky obscured by the thick leaves of summer and shadows pervading the woods on either side. Hedwig had settled down somewhere a few miles back to nap through the brighter part of the day, and Harry had continued to walk knowing she would catch up to him when night fell.

It was going on noon and his feet were starting to ache but he refused to stop and rest as the more miles he put between himself and The End the better he felt. He tried not to think about his heavy heart, about the anxiety that was building up with every step he took.

He only hoped no one, Severus included, would be able to locate him. He had refused the idea of taking the train knowing he would have had to wait until six, and that was cutting it far too close to when Severus often woke up. His broom was out as well for he could be spotted far too easily. That left walking, anything else would leave a magical trace because he was underage and he didn't even want to try and attempt a fireplace jump.

In the distance Harry heard the rumble of thunder and the wind started to pick up, a chill running down his spine as he realized he was about to get dumped on. He was thinking of trying to find some shelter when he heard a loud crack ripple through the air. He would have assumed it was more thunder if he hadn't felt a swift flood of magic flow around him.

He spun around expecting to see Dumbledore but was utterly shocked to see Severus standing about ten yards away, his fists clenched, body stiff and his face showing such a raw rage Harry felt himself shuffle back in fear.

"Harry." He ground out from between clenched teeth, a boiling aura around him causing the air to fill with static and small popping noises.

Taking another step back Harry stopped at the sound of the man's enraged but deadly quiet voice, "Dont. You. Dare." The man hissed, his eyes narrowing dangerously small as his fists gripped tighter, his back hunching down as his rage infiltrated the air with a harsh potency.

"Professor, I can explain-" Harry started.

"Silence!" the man yelled, slashing a hand through the air and sending a small wave of that raw energy straight towards Harry. The boy felt the pulse as the energy hit him and he stumbled back, his heart exploded with fear as he realized he may have miscalculated how upset Severus would get at his silent departure.

"I do not want your pathetic excuses, your weak rambling explanations. All I want is for you to come to me. Right. NOW!"

The man stomped his foot down onto the firm earth, another wave radiating out quickly and knocking Harry back further.

"Professor, please, calm dow-"

"Do not! Do not say another word! I swear to the fates that be, if you are not by my side in the next thirty seconds, you will regret it beyond measure, now, COME!"

Harry had never been so scared in his life, so thoroughly petrified was he that he couldn't even manage to stand right away. It took him a moment to get his legs to work, his knees shaking from the aftereffects of the man's raw rage circling around them. A heavy shadow fell across them as the clouds moved in, more thunder echoing through the skies above.

"Come to me, now!" the man yelled again and Harry jumped a little as he began to shuffle forward. Severus slowly raised his arm, splaying his hand out, palm up, fingers extended as his dark eyes watched with a narrowed suspicion.

Harry glanced around them, trying to find a hole in the surrounding greenery that he could jump through.

"EYES ON ME!" the man bellowed and Harry jerked to a stop as his eyes shifted quickly back to the man who was burning holes through his chest with those black eyes.

In that second, Harry saw Severus shift forward, his fingers stiffening slightly as if to cast a spell. Logically the man could not without his wand, at least Harry assumed the man couldn't. He had seen Dumbledore do such a thing but did not know if Severus had the same skill set.

Harry's doubts aside when the man's hand twitched a second time his instincts took over and he dived to the side of the road. To his shock the ground where he had just been standing seemed to sink a little and he realized the man had transfigure the solid earth into quicksand, a sure way to trap Harry's feet and keep him from running.

Well Harry didn't plan to give the man a second chance to trap him, his body went into autopilot and he was leaping the thorn bushes and disappearing into the woods quick as a flash.

"HARRY!" The man yelled, he sounded absolutely livid, and Harry felt his panic intensify.

 _You just HAD to get emotionally involved with a rageaholic, you stupid-_

The trunk of a tree exploded next to his head and Harry ducked quickly, moving to the side and trying to be as evasive as possible. He lungs were heaving, his heart racing and for the first time in weeks he felt that well known adrenaline rush, felt truly alive. He dug his heels into the forest floor and pressed forward, swishing his arms to give him momentum and he felt like he was nothing but a blur through the trees, a phantom unable to be seen save for a short glimpse out of the corner of your eye.

He chanced a glance back only to find no one was there but seconds later he felt another wave of magic and before him Severus apparated into view. Harry tried to put on the breaks but the damp floor of the forest gave and he slid to the ground, twisting about awkwardly as his fingers dug into the moss and dead leaves around him.

Desperate to get any sort of leverage to propel himself up he dug his nails into the ground and shoved forward, his wrist giving a painful scream at the sudden bad grip and onslaught of leverage. By the time he made it to his feet, which in reality only took seconds, Severus had lunged forward and grabbed onto him around the waist, causing Harry to fall again.

"Professor, wait!" Harry tried to reason but the man had him flipped and hauled up against a tree moments later, slammed him hard against the thick trunk twice before he stilled his actions, the bark biting at Harry's skin through his thin shirt.

"You selfish, arrogant, troublesome little brat! Always thinking of yourself and what You want! Never thinking of anyone else! Stupid! Ungrateful! Wretch!" each insult grew louder and louder, Harry thinking he might have finally pushed his professor over the line.

"You think You can just walk away from all of this? That you can just run off! You have responsibilities, Potter!"

Harry felt a sharp anger break through in his chest and he couldn't stop himself from fighting back, "I didn't ask for this! I don't want It! It's a ruined horrible life and I quit!"

Severus flung him to the ground and Harry stood quickly, his legs feeling like rubber, but his mind fired by rage.

"Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all just quit when he got tired of our lot in life! News flash, Potter, you can't! To many people are depending on You and your twisted sense of morality, your skewed sense of justice. The golden boy, always so damn clever at getting himself into trouble, always so ready to jump headlong into danger! What a fool, an immature nagging little brat! Dragging everyone else along for the ride and not thinking about the affects his actions could have!"

"Why do you care! You've never liked me, never wanted to have anything to do with ME! You of all people should be glad I am going! One less child to try and mold into something presentable, one less street urchin to try and save! I'm nothing to you, just a burden and deadweight, you wouldn't have cared two months ago, wouldn't have cared last year! You never cared at all until recently, amazing what a cock suck can do!"

Severus strode up to him then, fisting the boys shirt and jerking him close, "One would think you would have learned by now about looking before you leap! After all, this is the same type of thinking that got Black killed!"

The cut of that statement sent Harry into shock, his mind going completely blank for a moment before an anger unlike anything he had ever felt tugged at the back of his mind and fed a level of aggression he had never known before.

He shoved with all his might, jerking his body away as he did and Severus's hold was released, "Take it back." Harry said in a deathly quiet voice.

Severus eyed him with a sneer and said crisply, "No. I don't think I will. What's wrong Potter? Can't handle the truth?"

"Take it back!" Harry screamed as he felt the rain start to splatter down around them, lighting struck and then thunder rumbled and the boy wiped at his lip to find a small trace of blood.

"You killed him Potter! You sent Black to his death the moment you went off on your own and neglected to ask for help! It is your fault! You killed your godfather, not Lestrange or anyone else!"

"STOP IT!" and Harry charged forward, pressing the man harshly into a tree. He whipped his hand through and smashed the man across the cheek, "You're cruel, uncaring, mean, cold and have zero understanding of human emotion!" Harry yelled out as he continued to hit the man across the face. Severus managed to catch his last one, dragging Harry's arm down and around, forcing Harry to turn awkwardly lest his shoulder break under the force of Severus's twist. His knees gave a stab of pain as they were forced down onto the ground, sticks and stones digging into his skin.

"Down!" Severus yelled as he shoved Harry further, his face colliding with the muddy leaves on the ground.

"You think I am so uncaring of the pain and suffering of others, why don't we test that theory." The man hissed into Harry's ear and Severus started to push up.

Professor!" Harry tried to yell out, thinking his shoulder was well on its way to dislocating. The man didn't respond and Harry couldn't stop the next yell.

"I'm so uncaring, so inhuman, too dark and twisted to ever love anyone, no better than the filth under a rock, or the mud under people's SHOES!" and he pushed up with a mighty jerk, Harry hearing a pop from his shoulder.

"Severus! He shrieked and he clawed desperately at the ground to try and relieve the pressure in his shoulder, the screaming pain, "STOP! PLEASE! I'M SORRY! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!"

"You left me!" Severus yelled and Harry instantly stilled. The moment he stopped fighting Severus stopped pressing and he lay there beneath the man panting and waiting for him to continue.

"Why would you leave me! You have no right to go! Walk out on me like I am some passing fling, like I don't matter! Selfish, arrogant little brat! You're mine! Just mine, you promised!" and he released Harry's arm, but grabbed at his hair, pushing his face further into the dirt. He brought his mouth next to Harry's cheek, blood from his nose rolling down over Harry's lips.

"You can't leave! You can't possibly be like everyone else! My mother, my friends! You can't be like HER!" Severus yelled angrily, his face ever so slowly morphing from an unbridled rage to a utterly devastated and pain filled expression of fear.

"You c-can't leave!" he seemed to sob out, his grip in Harry's hair loosening and sliding down to the back of his neck.

"P-please….you can't leave me, don't leave me." and Harry heard tears in the man's voice. Still too stunned to move Harry tried to look at him, "I'm so alone, so desperately wanting to have something, anything to tie me to this disgusting plain of existance. Before you, I had no reason to continue, just a promise and my sheer force of will. But I am so tired, Harry, just like you, I do not want to do this anymore, I don't want to live this life. You made it bearable...you have made it worth all the suffering I have endured, will endure… if you leave me, I'll have no reason to exist, no point in my life. I need you, I want you...like a dying man needs absolution. I am...sorry...I cannot change who I was, or what I have become but I can do better now, please give me a chance to do better."

Harry finally managed to take a breath, his back protesting from the brutal attack he had just faced, "Severus-"

He was cut off then when the man rolled him over and brought his lips down on Harry's painfully hard, his hands holding his head in place as his tongue tried to force its way into his mouth, Harry at first not wanting to give in. He needed time to process, to adjust to this man's omissions, the man who always hid his inner most feelings. The spy that always had to be aloof and hide his true motivations, his intentions and meanings.

His own shock on the matter was put on hold, however, when Severus's tongue finally slid across his lips and lapped deeply into his mouth, the man letting out a soft groan and easing his tight hold to slide his fingers through Harry's hair.

Harry couldn't stop the moan, no matter how reluctant he was to give in when this man had just accosted him. The man's rough bandaged hand slid from the back of his neck to come to the bottom of his shirt and started to pull it up, fingertips grazing his skin, Harry let out a more obvious moan and his hand moved on its own to latch into the man's hair.

Severus moved his mouth away from Harry's lips and slid down to his throat, teeth latching on gently as lips started to suck. Harry was panting by now, his fists tightening into Severus's hair and pulling harshly, the man grunting in response before he grabbed the boy's wrists and shoved his arms above his head.

Harry let out a yell as the pain in his shoulder exploded but Severus didn't seem to notice, "My arm." Harry gasped as he turned his mouth away and Severus simply licked up his throat and murmured, "Roll over."

Harry complied and the man placed a hand on his spine, the other gripping his wrist and he gave a sharp yank. Harry felt the joint reset and gave a blast of noise at the pain of it, "No more complaining." Severus said softly but Harry managed to evade the man and stood up just out of his reach.

Severus remained on his knees, hands on his thighs looking at him with a blank and unemotional face.

"Everything that just happened, everything that was said...you can't just forget it." Harry said with anger.

The older man stood slowly, his bandages filthy, his body more banged up than it was before. He slowly approached but Harry stood his ground and when Severus stood right before him Harry looked up defiantly, "I've no intention of forgetting anything, we will talk about it, but right now, the only thing I want...is you...on your back...underneath me."

Harry's lips parted, his eyes growing wide and despite the enormity of what had just happened he felt something akin to lust and excitement ignite in his groin.

"I can't-" he started but Severus took Harry up in his arms and nestled his face into the boy's hair, "But you can, that is what you were trying to do before, right? You wanted to be intimate with me, I refused, so you left. I don't want you to leave, so the only logical conclusion is to take you home, wash you down and then keep you busy in my bed for the remainder of your stay."

Harry was about to protest when the man suddenly dropped down, grabbed up Harry's bag and glasses, and then placed a hand on his shoulder and before Harry could do anything Severus apparated them.

PAGEBREAK

Severus dropped the boy's bag onto the floor as soon as their feet touched down in his room. He spun to Harry took him up, stopping the boy's protests by way of his lips. He kissed Harry with such a passion, deep and meaningful, holding nothing back. His own heart was shrieking at him to keep going while his mind was begging him to stop. Though, at this point, his mind had long since lost the battle, the coming war long forgotten.

He plied Harry with attention, touching him, kissing him and holding him close. The boy trying to resist every few seconds but inching closer and closer to giving in as Severus touched him. He scooted the boy back towards the bed, the burning in his body overruling his logic, his cold and calculated mind.

When Harry buckled under him, falling onto the bed, Severus went with him, not waiting any time in trying to get the boy's belt undone and his pants off.

As Severus worked to finish of those pesky boxers Harry breathed out his name in hot pants of want, "Severus, we need to...stop...we can't just-"

"Shush, we can, we most assuredly can, just help me get these blasted things off!" Severus hissed in frustration.

"But, I am underage, what about...ah! you are my teacher and I am your student!" the boy moaned out as Severus finally got the boxers off and set to ripping bandages from his fingers and then saturating them in his mouth, "Does not matter, really does not matter, I do not care-" the man breathed harshly and then his knees spread the boys legs and he pressed his fingers inside.

Harry arched off the bed, his prick stiff as a rod and nearly red with want, "Severus! Wait, I, aha, we need to...god...wait!" but Severus could hear the desperation in the boy's voice, knew he was young and untrained, he could come any second, the protests would stop once Severus was inside him.

He pulled out his fingers and shoved back in, Harry's hips bucking harshly and his hands fisting the bedsheets till his knuckles were white.

Harry bit his lip, his eyes scrunched tightly closed as his body tensed, but Severus did not continue his work, he removed his fingers and spit into his hand, rubbing it up and down his shaft quickly.

"Po-professor, we mustn't… not until you are ready…" Harry tried, bringing his hands to Severus's chest and trying to push the man back. Severus simply took up the boy's hands, kissed those bloodied knuckles and shifted them out of his way.

"I have been ready for a very long time, and at this point, I do not really give a damn." His knees pressed Harry's legs apart and he lay down on top of the boy, pressing him into the bed and bringing his lips to Harry's ear, "This isn't going to feel good at first, but I will try to accommodate your discomfort."

Harry simply nodded, and Severus took that as good as permission straight from the boy's mouth. He positioned himself, gripped the sheets hard and started to push.

PAGEBREAK.

Harry was about to burst, his excitement, fear, desire and lust mixed with a very strong sense of completion swirled inside of him. He was finally getting what he wanted and at the moment his brain didn't care what the consequences were.

He felt Severus position himself at his entrance and then felt the sharp pain of being breached. If he wasn't so ready to begin with it would have been a lot worse. Comparatively though, Harry mused, it had hurt worse to have his shoulder dislocated.

Severus gave a small jerk and let out the most delicious moan as he pressed in further, his hands gripping and pulling at the sheets on either side of Harry's head. Sweat started to form on his brow and his breaths were coming in heaving gasps. After several more seconds Severus gave another thrust and Harry felt the man slid in the rest of the way.

The pain was more of a throbbing ache now, Harry's body making the adjustment quickly and he couldn't help feel he had Severus's wandering fingers to thank for such an easy first time.

"Gods, so good, so warm and good and tight." Severus whispered into his ear, his mouth seeking out the boy's throat to bite, suck and kiss and Harry's body finally seemed to break and his last remaining walls fell and he let out a groan that could make a nun blush.

"Professor, please...move."

"A tad bit impatient aren't we." Severus teased as his hands slid up the bedding, pressing Harry's arms up high, their fingers lacing and gripping solidly together.

"Please, sir...I want to feel-"

"You will." and Severus kissed him softly, their tongues twisting and fighting before the man started to move his hips in at a slow, rhythmic pace. He kept their skin touch, not pulling out or thrusting so much as rocking into him and Harry felt his body tremble and writhe in a wicked bout of pleasure and euphoria.

"Deeper." Harry breathed and Severus didn't bother to reply, he simply released a hand from Harry's and ran it down to cup around a thigh, lifting it up and giving him better access. He pressed hard and slow, gaining the depth Harry was craving and Harry was beside himself with need.

"You're not getting out of this bed for the rest of the time you are here. I want you in it, naked and ready, you'll not receive any mercy from me either." Severus breathed as he continued to debauch the youth below him.

"Yes, sir." Harry managed and Severus bit his lip before he asked, "Are you ready?"

"Ready? For what?"

Severus chuckled, "You've no idea what is about to happen to you do you." He said and Harry felt his heart rate increase as he looked at the man with wide eyes and a small frown, "I don't underst- aah- and."

"You are going to." and Severus moved up then and gripped onto Harry's hips, resting on his knees and sliding out of him. Harry gasped and shivered at the strange sensation of the man removing himself. Severus then flipped him and suddenly Harry understood, "I've warmed you up, giving you all the time you're body needs to adjust, now, for the next few hours, your body is all mine."

Harry swallowed, felt his arousal spark sharp in his gut and when Severus spread his legs Harry realized this new experience was only beginning.

PAGEBREAK

Severus had been kind, had held back his most basic desires, pushing his many fantasies away to try and make it easy on Harry during his first time, but now, the boy was as ready as he was going to be and Severus honestly couldn't wait anymore.

His body was howling at him to commit to this act of passion. After everything that had happened, between his pain filled days learning that spell from Voldemort, then nearly losing Harry he had had enough emotional upheaval. He had wanted this from the first time Harry had touched him, from the moment the boy had taken Severus's member into his mouth.

The more he had fought against Harry's determination the more he had fought against himself. They were both in agreement, this needed to happen, no matter what might come after. They could not exist in the same house anymore without dealing with the sexual tensions and the desires that were rushing around them and flooding their minds.

Severus was just a man after all, and hearing Harry moan and feeling the boy squirm underneath him was just too much. His right palm came into Harry's hair, his left gripping onto the boy's hip. He settled down on top and seconds later was pushing back in.

Harry gasped and groaned and for the second time Severus held back just enough to push in without more discomfort to the boy than was necessary.

However, when he reached the end, was totally inside he laid his head down next Harry's and swallowed, "You will tell me to stop if need be, otherwise, enjoy yourself." Harry's eyes were closed, his face utterly relaxed, and his swollen lips parted. Severus took it all in, the mud and trace amounts of blood from their fight in the woods, the sweat on his brow and the look of relaxed acceptance.

When Harry opened his eyes there was a stunning shine to them, and a certain amount of adoration, of love, and Severus felt his heart speed up and his mouth go dry.

Harry nodded but said not a word and Severus took this as his sign to begin. He tighten his hold in both Harry's hair and on his hip and then withdrew before he thrust back in, Harry's body jerking and his face twisting in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

Severus repeated the motion but didn't stop, his body going into autopilot and willfully beginning the descent into madness. He groaned deeply and quickened his pace, the boy beneath him panting and grunting with each thrust.

A thick haze had settled of Severus's mind, his body no longer his to control and with each thrust he grew more unaware, more vapid in keeping his mind on his actions and in turn was focusing solely on his feelings, something unheard of in a man like him. He went away from all thoughts of war, of espionage or death and anger and curled in on the emotions of love, happiness and satisfaction. His perception of himself and the act he was performing not having any effect as his body prepared to plunder the riches of such a youthful and hungry partner.

"Faster!" Harry gasped out and Severus couldn't stop the satisfied growl that escaped his throat. He wrapped his arms up under Harry, rolling to the side and holding him close, started to move in earnest.

Fire licked at his mind, heat warped his senses and for the first time in his life Severus felt what it was like to be completely connected to someone. His lips started to move, filthy loving words spewing from his mouth and into Harry's ear, his desire to keep Harry as lost in this as he was causing all kinds of things to slip past his lips.

"Mine, all mine." He whispered out, Harry agreeing with a shuttered, "Yes, sir."

His body spurred on, his hips slapping hard against Harry's backside and Harry started to make noise, "Severus, I can't stop it, I'm going to-"

"Don't stop it, cum for me!" the man growled out, his hold tightening further as Harry's body finally spilled over and his muscles clamped down around Severus's length. Severus cursed loudly, his body nearly unable to stop itself from following the boy down.

Harry's body was a tight knot of muscles, the cry of Severus's name from the boy's mouth so satisfying he urged Harry on, his hand coming to wrap around the youthful length as Harry's body trembled and shook, hot liquid rolling over his hand and his member pulsing.

Unable to help himself Severus rolled back on top of Harry, pinning the boy's hands underneath and he hoisted himself up, his hands gripping the boy's shoulders and pressing down as he took Harry in the most brutal way. The boy yelling out beneath him, in pain or pleasure Severus couldn't tell, part of him didn't care but there was enough coherency left in his mind to stop thrusting so deep. Choosing instead to simply speed up.

"Almost there Harry, be patient, almost...almost there, raise those hips for me, that's my boy, raise them up, I'm want to watch…" but he couldn't finish, for at the sudden sight of the boy's raised arse his excitement exploded and he saw stars and a bright white light. The radiating ecstasy of his orgasm knocking him for a loop and a hand strayed down to Harry's hip, nails digging in so harshly he felt the skin give and Harry jerk at the sudden pain.

Severus pushed in as far as he could go, feeling his seed spill out into Harry's body, his own reaction that of a shuttering and yelling mess. His teeth sank into the boy's shoulder, holding Harry still as he gave shorter thrusts, wishing he had had more time to savour the moment.

After, when both lay sweaty and panting Severus did not relinquish his hold, he didn't make to pull out. He did nothing but lay soft kisses onto the tenderized flesh of Harry's shoulder, his fingers stroking that spot on the boys hip where he had dug in much to hard.

"I love you." Harry whispered and Severus pressed his nose into the boy's hair, breathing deep before he sighed, "Harry, I am sorry but-"

Harry stopped him, "Don't...I know...okay? I don't want or expect you to say it back if you don't mean it. I know how I feel, if you don't feel the same, it's okay."

Severus held the boy tighter, wishing for a moment he could just melt into the naive youth, "You know what this means right?" Harry asked in a light hearted tone.

"Mmm?" Severus managed as he went back to licking and kissing at the boys shoulder and neck.

"We went through with it, there isn't anything else holding us back." Severus ran a hand down the boy's chest, broken fingers following a trail of hair downward and he breathed in Harry's scent. When his hand reached the boy's spent member he felt the mess that had been created.

Harry let out a small hiss as no doubt he was still somewhat sensitive, and Severus felt that familiar excitement stir.

"Far be it from me to go back on my word of promising you several hours worth of lessons, we need to bath. I need a large quantity of pain potions and slave and then I need to report my capture of you to Professor Dumbledore."

Harry groaned in dread, "You told him?"

"Of course, you know I had no choice. As soon as I realized you left I informed him, you shouldn't be surprised."

"I suppose not, he will want to speak with me." Harry mused, his tone obvious in its desire to do anything but.

Severus could see the boy's reluctance to take a verbal lashing from the Albus, Lord knew Severus would feel the same. He decided he might spare the boy such a thing and offered up an alternative, "Perhaps... if I tell the headmaster I have already elected a punishment for you, he will leave it to me."

"What punishment?" and this time Harry sounded worried but Severus only smirked as he brought his lips next to the boy's ear and said softly, "Three hours tied to a bed, with only my prick for company."

Harry's face erupted in red and his mouth parted in stunned surprise, "What, no smart comment? It seems I have finally found a punishment to which you won't protest, how lucky I am today."

Severus shifted so he could move Harry onto his back and ran a hand up the boy's throat before taking hold of his jaw between bruised fingers, "Perhaps he have time for one more lesson, Mr. Potter, do be a good boy, and spread those legs."

 **A/N: So there you go, they finally did it. I tried to hold off until Harry's birthday but it just didn't feel right. So, we can now move on to some more smutty waters as well as the plot device. Hope you enjoyed and sorry about the wait. R &R and let me know what you thought. **


	14. A Time to Learn

**A/N: Sorry this update has been so long coming, a lot of stuff has been going on in my life and I got side tracked by a bunch of other stories but I have not given up on this mess of a thing I wrote. So I went back, re-read it all, checked the day-by-day timeline for book six and essentially reworked my timeline so it's going to be a bit different then I originally planned because I messed up the summer timeline so I have to improve a bit. Also, we are getting closer to figuring out what is going on and you get to see Stacy and Minnie in this chapter. I give you fair warning, the characters are going to be a little OOC in this chapter because I have to get back into it and get in the right mind set, just hold tight and we will have them back to rights shortly.**

 **WARNINGS: Scene of a sexual nature between two men, lemon, talk of abuse, totally made up stuff about magic and wand lore, artistic license strikes again! Hope you enjoy.**

 **Read and Review and I will try and get the next chapter up by next week.**

 **NOT EDITED BECAUSE I WANTED TO GET THIS POSTED AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE, SORRY!**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

 **A Time to Learn**

 _A single drip falls from the faucet and the ripples are faint, the sound soothing. Mist swirls in the air, the water is hot, steaming with the promise of pain relief. Oils and salts have been added, meant to aid in the healing of damaged bodies. The smells are heavy, sweet like flowers and herbs, the walls shine with built up moisture._

 _Two people, two lovers, rest lazily in the water of the tub, the thing having been transfigured to make room for both. The elder rests in front, his head relaxed against a shoulder as the younger gently runs a rag over the bruised but bare chest._

" _Your ribs too?" the youth asks softly, lips coming to press against the top of a head of dark hair._

" _Mm." is the only response he receives from his companion._

" _How long will it take to get you back on your feet?"_

" _I'm already on my feet. With the right potions and rest, I shall be returned to my proper state in a matter of days."_

" _We shouldn't do anything until you are, I'm sorry I hit you. Your face looks a bit bashed up."_

" _That will fade as well. How is your shoulder?" the older man muses as his eyes crack open to gaze at the tiled walls of the tub._

" _Sore, but alright. I think I broke a finger…"_

" _And...your backside?" the man asks softly._

" _Fine" he says as he runs his lips down to the man's ear._

" _Mm, good." the elder says, his voice laced with fatigue._

 _The silence continues, both exhausted, both aching and bruised, their bodies are broken, but their minds are awash in satisfaction and contentment._

" _Where shall I sleep tonight, Professor?" the younger asks, though his tone is rather telling of his jesting._

" _Where do you think?." the man says back, eyes closing again as he revels in the heat that is soothing his rather tormented body._

" _You'll need room, I don't want to bother you while you rest."_

" _Don't be foolish. I think you are simply playing some child's game. You know where I expect you to be. Don't make me order you."_

" _Yes, Sir."_

 _More silence, and another drop slips from the faucet, the mist continues to swirl around them and the smell presses into their senses, continues to create a calm and quiet environment that pulls them closer towards sleep._

" _Do we have enough bandages?" the youth asks, hands running up and down the elders bare chest and stomach._

" _Enough to last a lifetime." the man sighs out, the truth of the matter on why he is so well stocked in such things not lost on either of them._

" _I'll see to you then...if you see to me." the youth offers and he kisses the man's temple, brings the rag up to gently run down the man's face._

" _Yes." the man says softly, and then his head turns just a little, his breathing growing slower and the youth admires him for a long moment, green eyes running the length of his battered body before he places another kiss to the man's head and then comes to rest his chin there, arms tightening around shoulders as he breathes deep and lets out a trembling sigh._

 **PAGE BREAK**

Severus and Harry take the next few days easy, cleaning each others wounds, using salve and potions to help expedite their recovery. Harry's shoulder heals quickly, his ripped knuckles only taking a day or so to return to their previous state.

Severus, however, takes much longer to heal. Harry near pampers him, bringing food to the man's room, changing his bandages, messaging his aching muscles, helping him to shower and checking on the man's experimental potions which are still sitting in the dark of his wardrobe resting.

For the life of him, the Professor cannot understand how they could go from what they were in the woods to what they are now. They still had not talked about it, though Harry had been so adamant. And with his birthday only two days away it seemed to him rather strange the young man had not broached the topic.

Still, Harry was attentive to his needs, took his requests and orders in stride. Though Severus was not one to lay in bed and moan about his situation, he could hardly get out of it as Harry was quick to press him back in.

"I am not an invalid, Potter! Stop treating me like-"

"The sooner you are better the sooner things can get back to normal, stop fighting me and just lay down!"

It was bitter work to lay there day after day and not rip his hair out, but Potter spoke the truth as the longer he allowed his body to rest the quicker he would in fact recover. Given Potter's pentiant for being a self-taught nurse, Severus had no double he would be fully recovered in only a few days.

"Did you write Mr. Weasley's mother, as I asked?" Severus had inquired from his place on the bed as Harry set a tray of food next to him and Harry shook his head.

"Yes, Sir."

"And?"

Harry shifted up onto the bed and began to eat his own lunch, "I told her I wouldn't be round this year, that I planned to remain here and work on my meditation and Occlumency. She understood, said she'd send my gifts and wished me well." Severus didn't say anything in response, his fingers, now mostly healed, taking up his own sandwich as dark eyes studied the boy before him.

On Wednesday Severus was well enough to rise, shower and dress on his own. His body still protested and there was a minor limp to his walk but he felt as if the worst of his recovery was behind him. All bruises now gone from view even though he could still feel several of the worse ones hidden below the surface of his skin.

He felt physically good, felt ready to resume his role as spy, guardian and now….lover. They'd not had sex again since their impromptu tumble after their fight. Their emotions and urges seemingly burnt out after such a turbulent argument. They'd not even touched each other in anyway that could be considered remotely sexual. In fact, save for a few rather chased kisses and sharing a bed they had done better in the last three days at refraining from their rather taboo relations then they had the past month.

In the morning they had breakfast and sipped on coffee while Severus browsed the paper and Harry read a book. It was only after about a half hour into their quiet morning that Harry asked a question.

"Sir, do you enchant the papers?" He asked as his eyes continued to look at the book in his lap.

"Why do you ask?" Severus inquired slowly, not even dropping the paper as Harry finally glanced up.

"When I was at the burrow….Hermione and Ron….they showed me a paper...I saw what happened to Millennium Bridge….I realized….none of your papers...they don't seem to be magic-"

"Because they aren't. This neighborhood is predominately muggles. If I want The Daily Prophet I have to send for it special. It would not do to have such a thing lying around, even if they are enchanted against muggle eyes. Most things I would wish to know are found just as easily in a muggle paper as the Daily Prophet, one simply needs to know where and how to look."

Harry didn't say anything to that, had nothing he could say honestly. The man didn't seem to be trying to hide anything and sounded about as honest as you could get. Still, Hermione had said some odd things about the Union of Opposites, things that completely went against what Severus had told him previously. Harry was reluctant to bring it up however as such a thing could start an argument between them. The fact their last argument had left his professor bedridden and Harry with a dislocated shoulder he thought it best to wait.

There were still things he wished to talk about though, in regards to their fight in the woods….the things Severus had said, they way he had acted. It had been terrifying, the man's raw magic something akin to overwhelming. It put things in perspective, how strong Severus really was, how gifted he was and how much he held back.

"Professor, can I ask you a question?" Harry said softly into the room.

"You just did, Potter." The man said from behind his paper and Harry smirked at the man's snark.

"In the woods….right before I ran off...how did you do that? I mean, project your magic? I could actually feel it, but it wasn't like a spell...it felt like it was just….energy...raw energy. Like it wasn't even magic to begin with."

Harry's eyes studied the paper that still resisted before his professor, and the silence that followed was telling of the man's thoughts on whether or not to explain. However, after a few more seconds Severus slowly lowered the paper, folded it and set it aside before he met Harry's eyes and said indifferently, "That's because it wasn't."

"How do you mean, Sir?" Harry asked, his fingers wrapping around the top edge of his book at he stared at his professor with interest.

Severus stared at him a moment, clever eyes studying him before he joined his hands together and crossed a leg over his knee, "Potter, do you know why witches and wizards are given a wand when they come of age and start school?"

Harry stared a moment and then shook his head no before Severus nodded, "I thought not. You don't seem the type to have much interest in wandlore."

"No, Sir." Harry said softly as he waited for an explanation.

"When a witch or wizard uses magic, they do so by using the energy within their own body. They guide it from their core, out their arm and into the wand, which always contains...what?" Severus quizzed softly and Harry thought about it a moment before he said, "A magical core."

"Correct. Five points to you." Severus says with a smirk and Harry rolled his eyes, "Unicorn hair, Dragon's heart string or a Phoenix feather…. All creatures that at their core are made up from the very essence of magic. The wand chooses the wizard, and while it's never been certain as to why, some theorists think it's because they can sense which wizard or witch will be the most compatible with their own core. The energy from your core must merge with the core of your wand perfectly or….like Mr. Finnigan, things do tend to go very wrong."

Harry digested that a moment before he swallowed and then asked, "So...what I was feeling from you, the waves of raw energy-"

"It was my magical energy coming through me without the filter of my wand."

"So….really….wandless magic is just the ability to utilize the magic inside you without the need for a funnel."

Severus inclined his head in agreement before saying, "Consider your wand a lighting rod and your energy the electricity. It will funnel it, refine it, make your magic more stable and focused. It can take years to learn how to hone your magic without the use of a wand, honestly, what you saw of me was based more in my rage than actual skill in the area. You've done the same, yourself."

"What? When?" Harry asks in confusion, "The night you had that rather atrocious nightmare, when you kissed me so boldly-" and Harry blushed and looked away while Severus continued, "Before I was able to wake you, your magical energy nearly destroyed your room. I do recall a chair leg sticking out of the wall and the window being shattered. It's not uncommon for magical children to have such incidents when they are young as well, thus why getting their wand and coming to school is so important. Without the proper training young witches and wizards would no doubt hurt or kill people by accident everyday."

"So...that was….just your magic reacting to your emotions….you really were mad…"

"Livid." Severus said in a deadpan, his eyes turning hard as he stared at the boy before him, Harry daring to glance up before he looked away in regret.

"I _am_ sorry." Harry offered, gently closing the book and setting it aside before he ran a hand down his face and dropped his elbows to his knees.

"You wish to talk about it….yes?" Severus asked softly, his eyes still hard but his face remaining a neutral unresponsive mask.

Harry felt his heart clench at seeing him so, having hoped that once they had shared each other so intimately he would be more ready and willing to show the emotions that lay underneath. However, Harry had learned swiftly over the last month, you can never put the cart before the horse when it came to Professor Snape.

Harry simply nodded and rubbed his hands together slowly, nerves gently pooling in his belly though he knew he needed to get passed this.

"Very well. I suggest you start now, as later maybe too late."

"What?" Harry asked in confusion as Severus's hands tightened and he said, "Dinner?"

"Oh, right. Okay then, no pressure." Harry mused as he suddenly remembered it was in fact his birthday and they had made plans to go to London and visit Snape's favorite cafe before riding the train to get dinner.

It was still before noon but considering how their conversations had gone in the past, some bordering on four hours or more, Harry knew he should get down to it.

"Alright, well, you said somethings….when you...had me pinned down….and I want to know what you meant by them."

"Such as?" the man questioned slowly, his sharp eyes revealing nothing, "You mentioned someone….you said….you can't be like _her_ , I was just curious Sir….who is, she?"

Harry glanced at him, studied the man's face but his professor revealed nothing as he continued to stare right back, seemingly unphased by the question.

"Perhaps it would be wise for me to answer that question after we go to dinner." Severus finally said, the amount of thought he had put into that response very telling of his reluctance to explain. Harry wanted to push but something told him that waiting would serve him better. So he simply nodded and said, "Okay. Then, the only other thing I want to talk to you about….is what you did to me….and what you might do to me in the future."

Finally Harry seemed to have said something that caught his professor off guard for the man gently cocked his head to the side and said rather softly, "You will need to be more specific."

Harry's heart was beating hard, his stomach twisting anxiously but he knew, they needed to talk about it, because honestly, after the life he had led thus far, having a relationship where fear was a daily problem... He just didn't want that, he had to know this man was not going to act against him like that in the future.

"I need to know, before this goes anything further, that any fights we have in the future….that you are going to be able to control yourself. You nearly broke my shoulder, used the knowledge you had about me...about what happened with Sirius against me….I understand that the situation was….difficult...and that this….relationship we've started is dangerous. But...someday….it won't be. I need to know that you can work through normal problems without….I don't want….I can't stay if I have to fear how you might react to any given thing. I love you, Professor, but I am worried that….we are too damaged….the things I said to you….the fact that I hit you….we both did things that….wouldn't be considered _healthy_ in a normal relationship."

"Then you are merely worried about future instances of abuse." Severus said suddenly and though Harry was reluctant to do so, he nodded and met the man's eyes.

Severus stood then, slowly walking over to him and looking down as Harry gazed up before Severus raised a hand and gently cupped Harry's cheek, those green eyes locked firmly with his before he said softly, "I can promise that I'll never lay a hand on you again, consider that my word. But I will never be able to promise you that I can be anything more than what I already am."

Harry's lips parted as he asked softly, "And what are you, Professor?"

Severus swallowed, those dark brows slowly sliding up as he spoke softly, "Jealous, possessive, controlling, mean, spiteful….I am a bully….overly critical, even cruel. Those things….will never change. You'll have to either learn to accept that and help me to manage it, or let this and me go." and his thumb gently slide under Harry's eye, caressing his skin gently before he near whispered, "Could you, the chosen one, saviour of those neglected and suffering masses stand to share a bed with a man so set in hate and anger? Could you truly accept the fact that I would be more than willing to kill someone if they hurt you when I myself nearly broke your shoulder? How far, could you play along before you'd have to say 'no more?'"

As he stared into Severus's eyes, heard his soft tone and felt the man's hand caress his face al thoughts seemed to fade. It was a strange sensation, the man's words seeming to disappear as Harry's mind simply thought the word, _Yes, Yes, Yes…._ It felt odd, like it wasn't quite him, yet it was his thoughts…..but anything else faded and he couldn't stop staring into those eyes.

Harry felt like he was in a trance, felt like the room had shrunk away from them and that it was just he and Severus standing in the open space of nothingness. His eyes dilated wide, heart beating harder as heat washed over his face, "What magic is this-" Severus suddenly mused, looking down at him with confusion as Harry raised hands to cup the back of the man's head before pulling him down, Severus giving out a muttered, "Potter, wait-"

But Harry brought their lips together, gentle and tender and Severus's hands wrapped around him slowly, his mind fading from the conversation and turning towards something much more forbidden. Severus sunk down as Harry pulled, the young man laying back on the couch and Severus took the position on top.

As Harry kissed him fiercely Severus's hands came to the boy's pants, fingers yanking at the button and zip before yanking his pants and boxers down. His mind was on fire, his body already responding to the youth under him, "You want it now?" Severus suddenly asked, eyes taking in Harry's red cheeks and sparkling eyes.

"Now. Need you now." Harry said and his fingers fly down the man's tunic, unbuttoning it swiftly before yanking it open and pressing hands to the bare chest above him. The touch was electric and Severus, though focused on Harry, felt warning bells go off in the back of his mind.

 _Something's not right….focus….something….isn't…..right….._

But even as that voice sounded off in the back of his mind the most prominent thought in his head was winning out by volumes.

 _Take him now, don't wait, inside, get inside and feel….everything….feel everything, bite him, fuck him…. Do it hard….._

Severus shook his head, suddenly feeling more intoxicated than aroused though his length was stiff and burning hot.

Harry pressed up, bringing lips to his throat and Severus groaned out wickedly before he felt the boy's hand manage to slide down into his pants and grip his length. Severus jerked at the touch and felt his body seemingly release before the coffee mug on the table next to him exploded.

Both Harry and Severus jerked to look, panting heavily as they glanced around the room, "Was that you?" Harry asked and Severus suddenly pulled away and sat up, eyes continuing to glance around the room, "It was not me." Severus said softly.

"It wasn't me either." Harry said suddenly and then both were up and redressing. The clarity was suddenly stunning and Harry had to shake his head a few times and blink his eyes to try and shake away the rough transition.

Severu seemed no better, quickly rubbing his eyes with his free hand as he reached for his wand. Harry pulled his wand from his bag by the couch just as Severus pulled his from his robe and together they searched the main floor. They checked the few windows, the kitchen, out the back door and the front door before they finally decided to check upstairs. They moved slowly and silently, Harry following Severus, both with focused eyes and straining ears.

They searched Harry's room first, then the bathroom before ending the search in Severus's room, which was also empty. It wasn't until Severus finally took a breath and placed his wand back in his robe that Harry finally relaxed.

"What was it, Professor? Could you or I have done it without us realizing-"

"I doubt it. But, as there is no one else here and no signs of any…..Potter….check your trunk for your cloak." The man said suddenly, though his voice remained calm.

Harry's eyes grew wide before he moved back to his room with Severus hot on his heels, the young man dropping to his knees and flinging open the lid only to see his cloak reading inside where he left it. He touched it with his hand, even took it out and stood up with it before wrapping it around himself, "Am I invisible?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Severus said and Harry removed it, "Wasn't switched out then. Everything is where it should be. I don't understand-" and the young man looked to his professor whose brows furrowed with a slight hint of confusion before he said softly, "I need to make a call, please go to the kitchen and start lunch, I will join you shortly."

"Professor-" Harry started, the man turning back to look at him, "Do you….do you suppose it was...us….together….do you think we both could have done it?"

Severus stared at him a moment more before his eyes seemed to glance away and the thought ran through his mind readily before he glanced back, "To the kitchen. I will be down momentarily."

Harry nodded and reluctantly headed down, "Keep your wand with you, no funny business." Severus snapped as he entered his room and slammed the door behind him.

Harry just rolled his eyes and smirked before he descended the stairs.

 **PAGE BREAK**

Severus preformed a fire call, as he did not want to have to send Harry to the burrow just so he could leave the house for a few minutes. If he wasn't in such a hurry he might have simply written a letter but as it were, he had little faith in how quickly the man might respond.

As far as Severus was aware Dumbledore should be in his office, should be in Hogwarts. He had not mentioned leaving again, so in theory, "Albus! Albus are you there?" he called out and after a few seconds he heard footsteps and then Dumbledore came into view, "Severus? My dear boy, isn't today Harry's birthday, I thought you two were-"

"Something's happened, Headmaster. I need to know if you have had any luck with that book. Have you found out anymore information?"

The old man came to kneel before his fireplace, gazing upon Severus's face with curiosity, "I have been rather busy, but I did find out a few particulars. First off, tell me, what has happened?"

Severus was reluctant to say, knowing he would have to share a certain amount of information with the man that he didn't want to, yet, Albus knew what Severus was trying to do, knew to expect certain levels of intimacy to occur between himself and the boy.

He swallowed and spoke with a straight face and serious voice, "Potter and I were….engaging in an intimate act when something overtook him. His eyes...changed….his very demeanor shifted. Prior to that we had been having a rather serious conversation, one that would not normally change so abruptly to something so...inappropriate….and…..and I felt it too Albus. It happened to me as well. It was as if I had been bewitched, near pressed into going further….the only thing that stopped us was Potter's coffee mug randomly shattering."

"Shattering?" the man parroted in confusion.

"Yes, _shattering,_ as if someone had used a rather explosive spell on it. We checked the house from top to bottom, even made sure Potter's invisibility cloak was still in his trunk in his room. There was no one else there, and yet…"

Albus seemed to ruminate on this before he spoke softly as he leaned closer to the fire, "The new information I have managed to gleam in the short amount of time I have had would indicate that the Union of Opposites is not a standard spell or curse. It is, in essence, a true binding spell."

"What? In what way?" Severus questioned.

"The union of Opposites was used long ago to bind two persons of magic together, not in marriage, but in life."

"Explain." Severus ordered as his stomach shifted and his anxiety grew.

"Once they were bound, they were able to join their magical power together, and through each other become incredibly strong. Their souls were joined and one could no longer live without the other. They would become so incompessed and attached that they essentially became one person, unable to leave their counterpart for the rest of their lives."

"I don't understand, why would anyone-"

"Why does anyone do anything, Severus? For power, for control. You could just look at the effect such a Bind might have if it were to happen between someone like Voldemort and Myself….or….between two such as you and Harry. Once your magic joins together, you become more than what you were. The power of two."

Severus thinks on that a moment, wonders if that is what could be happening, only Severus can't really understand why Voldemort would perform a spell that could make Potter even more powerful, nor could he fathom how the demon would be able to enact it from so far away.

"As it were, I've little else that I have been able to uncover, such as the actual ritual needed to make such a Bind happen. Nor what type of persons would be needed."

"How do you mean?" Severus asked.

"Well, from what I could find it takes two very specific type of people. One of purity and one of sin. While that could be taken in a rather literal sense, I do not actually believe it is speaking of virtue and lust. There must be more, such a simple requirement would make the Binding spell much to easy to utilize and as I noticed during my research it was rarely performed at all, save for when two Wizards from opposing families were bound."

More for Severus to dwell on, more for him to aimlessly think about with no hope of finding a solution.

Dumbledore spoke again, "As for this feeling of being bewitched, are you certain it was not simply two lovers getting caught in the moment?"

Severus glared at the man and sneered, "Don't call him my lover. He is not...not….just….I am certain, this was not a random act of passion. Something happened to each of us, it was much too compelling to be real."

"If you are certain, then I would try and refrain from pursuing such moments of intimacy until we can find a solution, or the culprit."

Severus nodded slowly, agreeing that he and Harry should slow down, should wait until they could figure out what was the cause.

"Severus, one more thing while I have you."

"Yes, Headmaster?" Severus asked as he gazed up at him from the fireplace, "I will be going tonight, someplace rather worrisome. If I find I need assistance, I shall summon you with my Patronus charm. It would be best to deposit Harry at the Burrow, but given I am not sure when I shall return nor what you maybe doing, if you must bring young Harry with you, flu to your rooms in the dungeon and leave him there. Then come to me, understand?"

Severus grew confused, unable to think of what trouble the old man could possible get himself into that he would require such immediate actions to be taken, especially bringing a student to school over the summer. However, Severus gave up questioning Albus a long time ago and simply gave a reluctant nod and Dumbledore smiled gently, "Very good. I shall hope I have no need of you, but if I do, I look forward to seeing you in person. Have a wonderful afternoon and evening and give Harry my best."

"Most assuredly." Severus agreed and then he removed himself from the fireplace and stood. His mind was abuzz with thoughts and theories, his analytical reasoning trying to work out what could possibly be going on and how this could have anything to do with the Dark Lord. As he descended the stairs towards the kitchen he wondered if perhaps, there was a link between this Union of Opposites that Harry had inadvertently learned about, Voldemort's new plans for the boy and their seemingly sudden onslaught of feelings for each other.

That when Severus stopped, eyes wide and brow up as he stood in the doorway to the tiny kitchen and stared at Harry's back.

 _Our feelings have grown quickly, suddenly, have been aggressive and near irresistible….Potter is shy….awkward….he's not like that….he would never pursue...everything I know about the boy would indicate he would never advance first on someone like me, I'm too dominate….I am not….not his type….I am his anti-type. He would never….could never….love me. So why….how….after only a month…. Are we being pressed together….is this all….a lie?_

His heart twisted and his stomach flipped at the very idea that Potter's feelings for him could be anything but genuine and as he stared at the boy who was busily preparing a meal Severus took a silent step back.

He took another as his eyes filled with dread, his emotions suddenly surging through him at the idea that it could all be a lie….a trap….something the Dark Lord had forced upon him the instant Severus had accepted this mission….

Seconds later he was crossing to a shelf and pulling from it a long thin book, a journal that had not been used in ages. He walked into the kitchen and sat down, summoning a pen before he turned to see Harry staring at him.

"Sit, Potter. I need your help." Severus spit out suddenly and the boy seemed taken aback but the harsh tone but complied nonetheless, turning off the gas of the stove and coming to sit across from him.

"What is it, Professor?"

Severus opened to a blank page and looked at Harry with narrow eyes, "I need you to think with me….I went to retreive you from your Aunt and Uncles on the 2nd of July. Nothing happened between us until the 5th of July, correct? That is when you kissed me for the first time, while I was sleeping."

Harry stared a moment and Severus barked out, "Well?"

The youth jumped at the tone and then nodded, "Yes, Sir."

"Good-"

"I kissed you twice that day, Sir. Once while you were dreaming and then when you put me to bed that night-"

"When you were drunk."

Harry nodded, confusion beginning to crawl firmly across his features, "Sir, what are you-"

"Silence, I need to focus, you need to help me remember everything that has happened since you arrived at my home. Now, the third time you kissed me what-"

"The next day?" Harry offered.

"Right, just after your nightmare." and Harry nodded, his hands coming to clasp together on the table.

"The next day, the very next day your friend is scooped up by her father and that night-"

Harry blushed as he recalled it, "We were drunk...I-"

"We know what happened, tell me, how did you feel prior to performing that action on me?"

"I was drunk, Sir. I was mostly focused on wanting to thank you-"

"But that? So suddenly….you'd only been here _five_ days, Potter." and Severus saw the boy's face pale a little before he asked, "What are you getting at, Professor?"

"Look at it, Potter, _focus,_ you've never shown any signs of such lurid behavior before you came here. I've seen you at school, saw your dreadful attempts during the Yule ball, you are never the aggressor, you are to soft for that-"

"S'cuse me?" Harry asked in utter bewilderment, "Don't take it personal, Potter. Think about it, think about who you are...have you ever behaved like this towards anyone….male or female?"

Harry went to speak but then stopped before he said softly, "No."

"Right, so you'd just start up this Don Juan behavior with the one man whom you've bickered and fought with for the last five years….you'd be the aggressor between the two of us?" Severus said as if it was obvious and Harry seemed to finally understand what the man was getting at.

"Are you...are you suggesting, Professor...that...all of this...everything that has happened….was planned? That...it isn't real?"

Severus was about to agree and explain when he was stopped by the look on the boy's face, utterly lost and devastated at such an idea.

"It feels….real...I love you...I know it...I feel it...you're….everything to me-"

Severus stared a moment before he felt his heart give another sharp jerk and the words made a heat stir in his stomach, "There….just there...what you just said...it's-"

"I don't believe it." Harry said suddenly as he stood and Severus stared in shock, "What is this? Just some way for you to shield yourself from the truth? You're looking for answers in all the wrong places. You don't want to accept the fact that I love you, don't want the burden of it. You think I am lying so you are making up excuses-"

"A month, Potter! You wanted to have sex with _me_ within the first _month_ of coming here...you claimed to love me in less than that! Think, Potter! This is not realistic! There is something going on and I think it had to do with that damned Binding spell your little friend told you about!"

This gave Harry pause, and he stared at the man as he rolled his lips together before he asked, "Did you lie to me." and he crossed his arms over his chest and Severus cocked his head to the side as he eyed the boy carefully.

"Did you lie about the Union of Opposites? Was there more to it then just some old marriage ceremony? Because Hermione told me something else-"

"Miss. Granger told you something else-"

"A bit." Harry said as he nodded his head and Severus now felt a tug of guilt and regret as he realized that he had just been caught in a lie, the first one since Harry had come here.

Severus took a deep breath, stood up himself and closed the journal before he said softly, "I thought it best not to worry you. Given the fact such information caused you to faint from shock, it seemed the lesser of two evils to-"

"To what, Professor? Keep me in the dark? Again? Like everyone always does, after I told you how much I hate it! After I explained how I'd rather know than not know! Now that you think our relationship is based on a binding spell and not actual care for each other!?" and Severus saw that Harry's anger was mounting, that his cheeks were growing red and his hands were fisting at his side.

"I've had no one my whole life until I came to Hogwarts, I've had nothing! I was never pampered, never wanted, never loved until I came to school! So forgive me if I come off as to sudden too soon when I finally meet someone who knows exactly how I feel! My twin in every way, even though we are so different…" and Harry stopped talking, stared at him a moment as the tears in his green eyes waited but didn't fall.

"My….twin flame-" he whispered suddenly and Severus looked at him in confusion, "What?" he asked. Severus watched as the young man before him seemed to think long and hard about something and then said softly, "Professor, can we go to London? I...I need to see someone and...I might be able to get us answers. It's still my birthday, after all...and I still want to spend it with you-" and Severus couldn't stop his brow from raising as he watched Harry come to stand before him.

"I...want to be mature enough to be able to accept your concerns, to hear you out. But...I won't lie. I want to tell you to shut up, to stop trying to come up with reasons to push me away. But...I can't not take this into consideration, not when I know how manipulative Voldemort can be. Still, even after you've told me your thoughts on the matter, I still want to do this. I want to feel you touch me." and Harry's hands slid up the man's chest, one coming to the back of his head the other to his shoulder.

Gently he pulled the man's head down towards his, Harry gently rubbing his lips against Severus's as he whispered, "Can't we just...allow ourselves a little happiness? Please?"

Severus's head swam with a small swirl of arousal, his stomach growing warm and his length twitching a little, the strange intoxicated and rather forceful pull from earlier not there. This felt real, felt natural and honest and true and so Severus pressed their lips together and kissed Harry tenderly. Their tongues twisted, their breaths shared and Severus ran his hands around Harry's waist, gently pulling up his shirt and running his hands up his back, soft smooth skin warm and pliant under his fingers and palms.

"Can we-"

"Yes." Severus said and he gently pressed Harry out of the kitchen and towards the couch. Harry slowly backed up willingly, allowing the man to guide him to the couch as they kissed and moaned.

Severus guided Harry down gently, their hands still exploring and bodies responding slowly to each other.

Severus pressed Harry's shirt up, his mouth abandoning lips to find a nipple which he then clamped onto and as his teeth nibbled Harry arched off the couch and gasped, "Touch me, please!"

Unable to resist such a plea, Severus was quick to pull at Harry's button and zip, freeing the young man's length and gripping it hard. Harry groaned again, his hands fisting into the man's hair and dragging Severus's head away from his nipple and back towards his mouth, "Please, I really want to….will you please...can we-" but Harry couldn't finish and his cheeks flooded with color and Severus felt his heart near explode at the sight of it.

 _That is the real Harry Potter, shy and easily embarrassed….wanting to ask me for sex and finding it so uncomfortable….this is the Harry I know….so shy and timid, yet brave and so foolish, I want him now, like this, while it's real-_

And Severus yanks at the boy's pants, rips off his shoes, yanks at his own pants, not bothering to deal with the multitudes of buttons on his tunic as he grips the young man's arm and pulls him to turn over onto his stomach, pulling hips up as he presses Harry's head into the couch.

He's hard and ready, can see Harry's hands fist as his eyes close tightly and his blush increases, lips rolling together and Severus spits into his hand, wets the tip and first inch of his length before he presses it against the young man's entrance.

He moves slow, a hand wrapping around to grip Harry's length and slowly jerk him as Severus continued to enter. Harry moans and gasps, grits his teeth and gives a small yell as he is breached.

"Sh sh, relax, nice and slow-" Severus whispered, "Let me in, relax-" and this moment between them was incredibly tender, incredibly intimate and Severus felt his heartbeat pulsing harder, felt his mind buzz to life with chemicals and a hazy want for this young man, a true desire to keep this young man in his life, to dedicate himself to Harry and remain by his side, to keep him close and forever with him.

It was a romantic notion, near overpowering and in response his hands gripped those hips tighter and he pressed in the rest of the way, Harry letting out a rather soft cry at the desperate intrusion, "Yes." Severus groaned out and his body hummed and his eyes closed and he held himself rooted inside for several seconds before he started to move. His hand stroking Harry slowly as he pumped into him and at the sound of Harry's pants and small grunts his thought he might tumble over, but he held back, wanted to hear his partner come undone first, wanted to feel his body reach its peak while he was still inside.

"When I tell you, cum when I tell you-" Severus panted, "Yes…...Sir…." Harry managed out between thrusts and Severus picked up his pace, stroked Harry fast and the young man below him gripped the cushions of the couch, nails digging in as his face and the tips of his ears grew moe red, sweat broke out across his brow and goosebumps erupted over his flesh.

"Cum...now…" and Severus suddenly slammed into him and Harry fell over, yelling out as he did, Severus feeling that sweet ring of muscle clamp down around his length and he leaned over, pressed his chest to Harry's back and truly started to rut against him.

When he fell over he saw a white light, felt his whole body shiver and embrace the pleasure that swarmed through him as his teeth bit into the back of Harry's shoulder and he emptied his seed inside, shuttering and groaning as he sucked and bit down.

It was several minutes before Severus was able to press back up, before he could muster the strength to remove himself from Harry's body. When he did though Harry reached out a hand and pulled him back down, Severus complying and wrapping arms around his young charge.

"That was real, and you'll never convince me otherwise." Harry breathed out softly and Severus had to admit, had to embrace the reality, whatever had happened earlier, this moment between them had been different. So, despite Dumbledore's warning to abstain from such intimacies, Severus was going to embrace these small moments of perfect existance, of joined harmony.

Severus was going to disobey, was going to make the choice to do whatever he wanted, because for the first time in his life he felt the ability to experience something real and meaningful and he wasn't going to let it go to waste.

 **A/N: Sorry it took so long, and sorry this chapter is a little OOC but I have to get into the swing of this story. Have to feel it back out and get it under control. It ran away from me and I had a really hard time pressing it forward. It is a short chapter but hopefully the next one will be longer. Read and review if you would and I will try to have the next chapter up by next week.**


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